Fun With Names… | The Sports Curmudgeon

March 14^th is always celebrated as “Pi Day”; this year it is also “National Napping Day” since it is the day after the clocks were advanced forward an hour to accommodate Daylight Saving Time. For 2022, it is also the day after Selection Sunday for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament; and, here in Curmudgeon Central, that means it is a special day.

In many parts of the sports world, today is spent identifying the teams that were “snubbed” by the Selection Committee and/or the ones who were seeded higher or lower than someone not on the Selectin Committee thinks is proper. It is a day of lamentation and/or outrage when neither is really called for. No one was “snubbed”; had any team “on the bubble” who failed to get the call won a game or two more than they did, they would be “on the inside”. The Selection Committee are not the bad guys; the teams on the outside did it to themselves.

So, while others are caught up in either lamentation or outrage, I prefer to take this day to have some fun with the tournament brackets as they have been presented. For example:

In one of the play-in games, the Wyoming Cowboys will take on Indiana.
In the East bracket, we might see the Baylor Bears taking on the UCLA Bruins in an ursine showdown.
If the UConn Huskies and the Vermont Catamounts both advance to the second round, it will be a showdown between cats and dogs.
Similarly, the first-round game between the Gonzaga Bulldogs and the Georgia State Panthers is a feline/canine battle.
If the Texas Tech Red Raiders win their first-round game, they could meet the Alabama Crimson Tide in the next round – – or perhaps the Rutgers Scarlet Knights.
If the St. Peter’s Peacocks meet the Creighton Blue Jays in the tournament Finals, it will be an all-avian showdown. [Aside: The same would be true if the Peacocks faced the Delaware Fighting Blue Hens.]
In the Midwest bracket, we might see the USC Trojans meeting the San Diego State Aztecs in a showdown of ancient civilizations.
In that same bracket, we might also see the Miami Hurricanes facing the Iowa State Cyclones in a battle of the natural disasters.
In the West bracket, the regional final could pair the Michigan State Spartans with the Georgia State Spartans.
Imagine a Final Game between the Colgate Red Raiders and the Texas Tech Red Raiders. Surely, that would be a first…

I have fun with things like mascots and mascot pairings and players’ names that fall into patterns. For example, consider the possibility that these players will go on in their lives and make a career that is indicated by the names they were given at birth. People believe in astrology where the position of the stars at birth determines various aspects of one’s life; so, why not the name given at birth? Consider:

Carter Ash – – Smoke jumper – – Montana State
Joey Baker – – No mystery here – – Duke
Darius Banks – – Financier – – Chattanooga
Brent Bland – – School cafeteria cook – – St. Peter’s
Lamont Butler – – Valet – – San Diego State
Andrew Carr – – Formula One racer – – Delaware
Maliq Carr – – Andrew’s pit crew boss – – Michigan State
Preston Cook – – Gordon Ramsey trainee – – Auburn
Xavier Cork – – Vintner – – TCU
Rashool Diggins – – Farmer – – UConn
Malcom Dread – – Apocalyptic novelist – – Richmond
Parker Edwards – – Park Service ranger – – LSU
Joe Few – – Minimalist philosopher – – Gonzaga
Jalen Finch – – Ornithologist – – Jax State
Luke Fonts – – Graphic designer – – Providence
Chris Ford – – NASCAR crew chief – – Norfolk State
Simeon Fryer – – KFC franchise owner – – Texas A&M CC
Alex Fudge – – Chocolatier – – LSU
Luke Goode – – Philanthropist – – Illinois
Will Graves – – Mortician – – Gonzaga
Justice Hill – – Criminologist – – Murray State
Eric Hunter, Jr. – – Survivalist – – Purdue
Aundre Hyatt – – Hotelier – – Rutgers
Jaden Ivey – – Landscape architect – – Purdue
Chris Knight – – Crusader – – Loyola-Chicago
Miller Kopp – – Detective – – Indiana
Broden Lien – – Mortgage broker – – South Dakota State
Chandler Leopard – – Safari Guide – – Auburn
Zach Light – – Dietician – – Colgate
Mitch Lightfoot – – Dance instructor – – Kansas
Julius Marble II – – Sculptor – – Michigan State
Charlie McCarthy – – Ventriloquist – – Kansas
David McCormack – – Spice merchant – – Kansas
Shereef Mitchell – – Law enforcement officer – – Creighton
Joe Moon IV – – Astronomer – – Bryant
Chance Moore – – Blackjack dealer – – Arkansas
Storm Murphy – – Meteorologist – – VA Tech
Justyn Mutts – – Dog breeder – – VA Tech
Brandon Noel – – Mall Santa Claus – – Wright State
Jeremy Roach – – Exterminator – – Duke
Dylan Painter – – Too easy – – Delaware
Oskar Palmquist – – Movie producer – – Rutgers
Bailey Patella – – Knee surgeon – – Vermont
Omar Payne – – Anesthesiologist – – Illinois
Cam Pope – – Evangelist – – Jax State
Charles Pride – – Lion Tamer – – Bryant
Austin Sacks – – NFL defensive end – – Baylor
Jabari Sawyer – – Carpenter – – St. Mary’s
Marcus Shaver, Jr. – – Barber – – Boise State
Michael Shipp – – Riverboat captain – – Indiana
Brandon Slater – – Roofer – – Villanova
Mouhamed Sow – – Farmer – – St. Peter’s
Justice Sueing – – Attorney at law – – Ohio State
Johnny Taylor, Jr. – – Tailor to the stars – – Chattanooga
Jordan Turner – – Wheelwright – – Baylor
Kerwin Walton – – Retailer – – UNC
Blake Wesley – – Theologian – – Notre Dame
Sahvir Wheeler – – Interstate trucker – – KY
Justice Williams – – Judge – – LSU

Other players have what I call “Mirror Image Names”; if you reverse the first name with the last name, you still have a name that could easily be a tournament player – – such as:

Galen Alexander – – Texas Southern
Corey Allen – – Georgia State
Dontaie Allen – – Kentucky
Teddy Allen – – New Mexico State
Raheem Anthony – – St. Mary’s
Bryan Antoine – – Villanova
Jules Bernard – – UCLA
Lawson Blake – – Arkansas
Trey Calvin – – Wright State
Jaylen Clark – – UCLA
Henry Clayton – – New Mexico State
Ben Craig – – Davidson
Robin Duncan – – Vermont
Ja’Vier Francis – – Houston
Juwan Gary – – Alabama
Kent Gilbert – – Tennessee
Ben Gregg – – Gonzaga
Blake Henry – – Colgate
Kayne Henry – – Jax State
Jace Howard – – Michigan
Graham Ike – – Wyoming
Bensley Joseph – – Miami
Theo John – – Duke
Bates Jones – – Duke
Vincent Lee – – Cal St. – Fullerton
Tramon Mark – – Houston
Cam Martin – – Kansas
Chase Martin – – Purdue
Mitchell Paul – – Baylor
Kayden Perry – – Gonzaga
Cedric Russell – – Ohio State
Daylen Terry – – Arizona
Dischon Thomas – – Colorado State
Jaylen Thomas – – Georgia State

Here are players whose names might show up on an Artist’s Palette:

Leaky Black – – UNC
Cahiem Brown – – Norfolk State
Gabe Brown – – Michigan State
Kendall Brown – – Baylor
Justin Brown – – UAB
Tevin Brown – – Murray State
Wendell Green, Jr. – – Auburn
Ethan White – – Texas A&M CC
Fabian White, Jr. – – Houston
Isaiah White – – USC
Joey White – – St. Mary’s

Some players have Geographical Names:

Jordan Bohannon – – Iowa
Dane Brazil – – St. Mary’s
Brennan Canada – – KY
Rafael Castro – – Providence
Jordan Gilliam – – Texas Southern
Jordan Hawkins – – UConn
Jordan Miller – – Miami
Reggie Parris – – USC
Jordan Rawls – – Georgia State
Jordan Roberts – – Texas A&M CC
Jordan Walker – – UAB

[Aside: Jordan Geronimo can easily be on this list, but I find it doubly interesting that someone named “Geronimo” plays for Indiana – – so I give him special billing here.]

Copy editors at newspapers and websites everywhere will have nightmares with these players’ names:

Chibuzo Agbo – – Texas Tech
Babatunde Akingbola – – Auburn
Rati Andronikashvili – – Creighton
Aziz Bandaofo – – Akron
Emir Buyukhanli – – Yale
Tahirou Diabate – – San Diego State
Ibrahim Famouke Doumbia – – Cal St. Fullerton
Fousseyni Drame – – St. Peter’s
Filippos Gkogkos – – Miami
Oso Ighodaro – – Marquette
Souleymane Koureissi – – Richmond
Pavle Kuzmanovic – – Boise State
Ga’Khari Lacount – – Longwood
Volodymyr Markovetskyy – – Univ. of San Francisco
Bez Mbeng – – Yale
Michel Ndayishimiye – – Vermont
Jahcobi Neath – – Wisconsin
Amanze Ngumezi – – Jax State
Nnanna Njoku – – Villanova
Olivier Nkamhoua – – Tennessee
Leslie Nkereuwem – – Longwood
Eliel Nsoseme – – Georgia State
Shakiru Odunewu – – New Mexico State
Brandin Podziemski – – Illinois
Jonathan Tchamwa Tchatchoua – – Baylor
Azoulas Tubelis – – Arizona
Tautvilas Tubelis – – Arizona

These players’ names recall historical US Presidents:

Grant Basile – – Wright State
Grayson Carter – – Texas Southern
Kennedy Chandler – – Tennessee
Carter Gilmore – – Wisconsin
Carter Higgenbottom – – Wisconsin
Harrison Hoofkin – – Ohio State
Andre Jackson – – UConn
Tray Jackson – – Seton Hall
Quan Jackson – – UAB
Zeb Jackson – – Michigan
Ty Johnson – – Loyola-Chicago
Marquise Kennedy – – Loyola-Chicago
Michael Kennedy – – Marquette
Carter Sobera – – Auburn
Elijah Taylor – – Notre Dame
Tyler Polley – – UConn
Douglas Wilson – – South Dakota State
Tyler Wahl – – Wisconsin
Ty Ty Washington Jr. Kentucky

There are enough players whose names have Biblical ties that we can break them up into Old Testament and New Testament teams. For the Old Testament:

Aaron Fiegen – – South Dakota State
Adam Cottrell – – Alabama
Noah Frechette – – St. Mary’s
Jacob Grandison – – Illinois
Noah Horchler – – Providence
Isaiah Kelly – – Yale
Samson Johnson – – UConn
Isaac Lindsey – – Wisconsin
Isaiah Mobley – – USC
Joshua Morgan – – USC
Elijah Morgan – – Notre Dame
Jeremiah Oden – – Wyoming
Micah Peavy – – TCU
Jacob Radaker – – Chattanooga
Noah Reynolds – – Wyoming
Jeremaine Samuels – – Villanova
Elijah Tate – – UAB
Adam Thistlewood – – Colorado State
Isaiah Thompson – – Purdue
Tadarius Jacobs – – Memphis

And here are the New Testament players…:

Luke Appel – – South Dakota State
Christian Bishop – – Texas
Xavier Bishop – – Montana State
San Antonio Brinson – – Texas A&M CC
Max Christie – – Michigan State
Michael Christmas – – Longwood
Rod Grace – – Richmond
Christian Ings – – Norfolk State
De’Lazerus Keys – – Texas A&M CC
Saint Thomas – – Loyola-Chicago

And of course, there are players whose names are Alliterative:

Amin Adamu – – Montana State
Alex Arians – – South Dakota State
Adonis Arms – – Texas Tech
Akok Akok – – UConn
Aguek Arop – – San Diego State
Austin Ash – – Iowa
Ben Bowen – – Wyoming
Connor Crabtree – – Richmond
Cameron Crawford – – Mew Mexico State
Davonte Davis – – Arkansas
Darius Days – – LSU
Devin Davis – – Creighton
Dylan Disu – – Texas
Duncan Demuth – – Vermont
D’Marco Dunn – – UNC
Deng Dut – – Wyoming
Emarion Ellis – – Marquette
Francisco Farabello – – TCU
Grant Golden – – Richmond
Jacob Jennissen – – Colorado State
Jamal Johnson – – UAB
Jaden Jones – – Rutgers
Joe Jones III – – Georgia State
John Jones – – Texas Southern
Johnny Juzang – – UCLA
Kur Kuath – – Marquette
Luke Laketa – – Iowa
Lado Laku – – Cal St. – Fullerton
Langston Love – – Baylor
Mawot Mag – – Rutgers
Mike Marshall, Jr. – – Bryant
Matthew Mayer – – Baylor
Mike Miles, Jr. – – TCU
Mason Miller – – Creighton
Matt Mims – – South Dakota State
Matthew Mors – – Wisconsin
Ndewedo Newbury – – Univ. of San Francisco
Pearson Parker – – Colgate
Shaedan Sharpe – – KY
Sasha Stefanovic – – Purdue
Trevian Tennyson – – Texas A&M CC
Tony Toney – – UAB
Zakai Ziegler – – Tennessee

This year, I found six players who hit the “Alliterative Trifecta”:

Ali Ali – – Akron
Addison Arnold – – Arizona
Cameron Carter – – Cal St. Fullerton
Drew Dibble – – Davidson
Jaime Jaquez, Jr. – – UCLA
Josiah Jordan-James – – Tennessee

I keep looking but have yet to find a player name – – with his school – – that completes an “Alliterative Superfecta”. I keep looking for someone named Tommy Tunes from Texas Tech or Billy Bob Banks from Brown. No luck yet…

I want to give special mention to six players in this year’s tournament because their names form a complete sentence:

Nick Falls – – St Mary’s
Erickson Bans – – Bryant
Isaac Spears – – Montana State
Delaney Heard – – Alabama
Race Thompson – – Indiana (in the imperative mood no less)
Ian Burns – – Michigan

I was hoping that DePaul would make the tournament because Courvoisier McCauley is on the DePaul team. It would have been great to have him here today to present the possibility of a Cognac Showdown between McCauley and Remy Martin – – Kansas. Unfortunately, DePaul posted a 15-16 record this year and did not make the tournament…

One final player name that needs mentioning:

Nickolas Louis-Jacques (Colgate) leads the tournament in first names.

Enough frivolity for the day. All the folks who are in high dudgeon today will shed those feelings overnight because tomorrow’s focus will be identifying potential “bracket busters” for this year. Let the games begin…

Finally, I’ll close today with an observation by Bob Knight whose Indiana teams won this basketball tournament three times:

“The greatest motivator in the world is your ass on the bench. Ass meets bench, bench retains ass, ass transmits signals to the brain, brain transmits signals to the body, body gets ass off bench and plays better. It’s a hell of a sequence.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………

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