Let The Drama Begin …

The Cowboys’ dominant win over the Bucs last night did something potentially far more ominous than merely to set the stage for the matchups in the next round of the NFC playoffs.  By eliminating the Bucs from the playoffs – – and by extension Tom Brady from the playoffs – – the Cowboys started the clock on another significant NFL-related competition that officially began around midnight EST last evening.  I am referring to the competition to determine:

  • Who will be the bigger drama queen in this off season, Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers?

Let the stories begin …

  • Will either/both retire this year?  Brady can go to FOX as their lead game analyst for a cool $37M per year; Rodgers can continue his spiritual journey on astral plane #6 with or without his current lady friend.  Both can be expected to milk those just-below-the-surface storylines.
  • If either/both decide to play again next season, will either/both be back with their current employers?   Brady’s contract with the Bucs technically runs through the 2026 season but the years from 2023-2026 can void simply by either side saying the contractual equivalent of “3-6-9, I resign!”  Rodgers’ contract situation is far more complex and the most advantageous way for the Packers to move on without him would be for them to trade Rodgers before June 1st.

Let the speculations begin…

Already on the table are rumors that Brady is coveted by the Raiders and that he likes Raiders’ owner, Mark Davis.  Already on the table are rumors that Rodgers is coveted by the Jets but I have not yet seen any “insider stories” about any sort of attraction between Rodgers and Jets’ owner, Woody Johnson.

Look, folks …  Both Brady and Rodgers love the spotlight – – for their on-field successes and for their off-field activities.  Every time there is a new speculative report about what is next for either man, that will generate an environment where some reporter somewhere will try to shove a microphone in front of them while shouting a question about the most recent speculation.  And unless Brady or Rodgers is on his way to the lavatory for an urgent personal need, both men will enjoy the encounter even if they give away no new information and feign minor annoyance at the question.

I have no idea what Aaron Rodgers will choose to do next year and/or for the rest of his life.  Based on previous decisions that he made and based on statements reported to be his, I can say with total confidence that he and I will only think alike about life situations by accident.  However, there is one factual item I can put out here that ought to – in my mind not necessarily his – have significant influence on his decision about playing NFL football in 2023:

  • His contract contains bonuses and incentives that would allow him to make as much as $59,515,000 for one more season of football.
  • That is a lot of cheese to leave on the table…

I also have no idea what Tom Brady will chose to do next year and/or for the rest of his life.  He has lived and seemingly enjoyed a “celebrity’s life”; I have no experience in anything remotely related to that.  However, it should come to no one’s surprise here that I have a contrarian view of Brady’s 10-year deal with FOX as an analyst.

  • I do not think Tom Brady will enjoy being a color analyst where the travel requirements will have him on the road twice as much as would be the case if he were a player AND I do not think Tom Brady will be very good as a color analyst.

For the first caution above, I take Brady at his word that he wants to be present for his kids and their upbringing.  Players get half their games at home; color analysts are on the road every week – – save for the accidental scheduling where the #1 broadcast team does a game in Brady’s hometown.  [Aside:  If Brady leaves the Bucs, the #1 broadcast team for FOX will not be in Tampa often.]

For the second caution above, I do not see Tom Brady as being relaxed and comfortable behind a microphone.  Sure, he is ebullient when interviewed after a Super Bowl victory as would anyone with emotions above the level of “Automaton”; but in his press appearances under other circumstances, the vibe I detect is that he would certainly prefer to be somewhere else so long as that “somewhere else” is not some sort of chamber of horrors.  Maybe I am interpreting his press conference demeanor completely wrong; I am hardly a paragon of human sensitivity.  But if I am only partially correct, Brady will grow to dislike his job in the booth and when people do not like what they are doing, they rarely do it well.

If I were smart, I would leave it here; present a final observation and go collect information for tomorrow’s rant.  But because I have no problem with embarrassing myself in public, let me offer my prediction as to the final outcome for both QBs after all the Sturm und Drang that will happen in the next several months:

  • I believe that Aaron Rodgers will play again in 2023 and that the Packers will trade him to either the Raiders (reunion with Davante Adams), or the Jets or the Commanders.
  • I believe Tom Brady will also play again in 2023 and that he will sign a two-year deal with either the Bucs (stays close to his kids), the Dolphins (Tua’s health is a big question mark), Titans (reunion with former teammate Mike Vrabel) or “wherever Sean Payton decides to go”.

Finally, since I have offered some predictions today let me close with this reminder:

“It is easier to predict the pasture than the future.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………

 

 

Super Wildcard Weekend In Review – Sort Of …

After the FIFA World Cup final game between Argentina and France, I said that if you watched that game and did not enjoy it, you were simply never going to be a soccer fan and that was okay.  Similarly, if you watched the five NFL playoff games from last weekend and did not enjoy any of them, you are simply never going to be a fan on “American football” and that too is okay.  All but one of the five games last weekend went down to the wire and were decided by a single possession.  Three favorites won; two underdogs advanced.  Established stars made their presence felt; less recognized players introduced themselves to the viewing audience.  It was a fun weekend for NFL fans.

Naturally, here in Curmudgeon Central there is some focus on lessons that should be learned based on the games and their outcomes.  Let me present three here.

The LA Chargers lost after leading 27-0.  That is not the largest blown lead in NFL history; it is not even the largest blown lead in NFL playoff history.  Nevertheless, it is a situation that needs to be addressed.  Let me start with the Chargers’ offense.  The Chargers ran 31 offensive plays in the second half which began with the Chargers leading 27-7; the average time consumed was 27 seconds per play meaning there was time to be drained from the clock if in fact the Chargers could have found a way to mount even a half-decent running game.  However, the Chargers’ run game on Saturday produced only 67 yards on 23 carries and that convinced the Chargers’ offensive play caller to call 8 running plays and 20 passing plays in the second half.  Yes, the offense needs to “stay aggressive”, but when leading by 20 points, there is also a “need” to drain the clock.

There is also some introspection needed by the Chargers’ defense – – players and coaches.  Head coach, Brandon Staley, came to the Chargers based on his defensive credentials which at the NFL level were these:

  • 2017-2018:  Chicago Bears’ outside linebackers coach
  • 2019:  Denver Broncos’ outside linebackers coach
  • 2020:  LA Rams’ defensive coordinator
  • 2021-2022:  LA Chargers’ head coach.

For a “defense guy”, let me say that 2022 was not a season that looked as if the team had any sort of focus on defense.  In the regular season here is how the Chargers’ defense fared:

  • Yards allowed per game = 346.1 (20th in the NFL)
  • Points allowed per game = 22.6 (22nd in the NFL)

But the defense showed up in the first half over the weekend with 4 INTs in the first half against the Jags; they were aggressive in the pass rush, and they played tight coverages.  In the second half, the aggressiveness disappeared.  Since I doubt that someone spiked the halftime defensive Gatorade with Quaaludes, the most logical conclusion is that the defensive play caller adopted a more passive approach to the game.  And that defensive play caller is Brandon Staley.

Secondly, the Miami Dolphins have not won a playoff game since 2000; they went on the road to play the Bills and were double-digit underdogs having to start their 3rd string QB due to injuries to the other two guys.  Nevertheless, the Dolphins led 24-20 early in the second half and much of the Dolphins’ ability to stay in the game was due to mistakes by Josh Allen.  He lost fumble that turned into a scoop-and-score, and he threw 2 INTs.  Those three turnovers produced 17 points for the Dolphins and kept them in the game despite the fact that the Dolphins amassed the grand total of 231 yards on offense for the game.  Bills’ fans have to hope that Allen has gotten all his playoff turnovers out of his system in that game because 3 turnovers is not a winning ingredient.

Third, can someone – anyone – in the Ravens’ organization find and then utilize a competent WR?  Mark Andrews is a fine tight end, but he is the only pass-catcher on the team that is worth the cost of the helmet necessary for a player to take the field.  Let me be clear, none of the three QBs on the Ravens’ depth chart is a great passer; in fact, I will go so far as to say that all three are sub-standard throwers.  Having said that, there is no one out there wearing Ravens’ colors to throw at other than Andrews.

The Ravens’ defense sacked Joe Burrow 4 times, yielded only 234 yards of offense to the Bengals, and held the Bengals to 17 points.  [Aside: The miraculous 98-yard fumble recovery for a TD to win the game for Cincy cannot be hung on the Ravens’ defense.]  But that defensive performance was not enough because the Ravens’ offense was anemic.  The Ravens ran 74 plays in the game; the Bengals were limited to 50 and absent the miracle play that won the game, the score was tied.

Finally, I understand that the NFL playoffs are a celebration of achievement(s) by the participating teams and – as I said at the outset – the games this weekend provided top-notch entertainment.  At the same time there is a need to look at the ugly underbelly of some happenings as is expressed in an old Scottish adage:

“A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of puddles in the road.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………

 

 

Football Friday 1/13/23

I am writing this on Thursday evening because tomorrow is a travel day for me.  However, I am unlikely to be finished by midnight; so, I will declare this a Football Friday and move on.  As always, I will begin with the updated results of the last Six-Pack and the cumulative results to date:

  • College = 0-0-0                                              Season Total = 20-12-0
  • NFL = 2-2-0                                                    Season Total = 22-22-3
  • Money Line Parlays = 2-1                             Season Total = 9-23
  • Profit/Loss = +$391                                       Season Total = +$133

 

College Football Commentary:

 

Earlier this week, I wrote about the CFP Championship Game and about the financial impact of expanding the CFP tournament field.  I want to repeat my concern here about overexpanding the field all the way to 12 teams.  The financial numbers add up – – for now.  My worry is that there could be way too many uninteresting games in the early rounds of the playoff bracket that may sour some of the audience.

As a model, think back to the days where there were about 8 or 10 college football bowl games.  Those games were all a big deal because they were rare, and they pitted two very good teams against each other.  Now there are more than 40 bowl games and far too many of them involve mediocre teams.  The upshot is that many of the bowl games are as attractive as a porta-potty.

And spare me the argument that more slots in the playoffs will make the product more “inclusive”.  Last year, we saw what happened when spunky Cincy came from outside the “Power 5” and showed what it could do against Alabama.  What it did was demonstrate that going 13-0 against an AAC schedule is not nearly as impressive as surviving a season atop the SEC; the game was a rout.

I understand that finances rule the college football world and finances say expanding to 12 teams is a good idea.  I also think that 12 teams will represent over-expansion and that there will going to be too many playoff games where we see a team like Georgia or Alabama or Ohio State drop 50 or more points on the likes of good ol’ Upstart U.

 

NFL Commentary:

 

The NFL has a new overtime rule just for the playoffs.  There are wrinkles in the fabric but those are details; the important thing is that both teams will get a possession in overtime unless there is a defensive score on that first possession.  Don’t worry about other minor changes; if/when there is an OT game, the networks will have detailed screen graphics ready for you to peruse.  Focus instead on this:

  • It is now advantageous for the team winning the overtime coin toss to kick off instead of opting to receive.

Think about it.  By playing defense first, the team that wins the coin toss will know exactly what it has to do in order to win the game on that guaranteed second possession.

  • If the opponent scores a TD on that first possession – – the worst possible situation – – then every place on the field becomes ‘four-down territory”.
  • If the defense held and the second possession begins with the score still tied, then the offense is really just trying to get into field goal range meaning the defense has a much bigger scoring zone to defend.

I will be interested to see what coaches choose to do in playoff OT games this year – – and there is usually about one a year over the last decade.

Earlier this week, I said that we would be hearing about some tried and true topics for this time of the year.  In Thursday’s Washington Post, the lead column for the day had this headline:

“NFL hiring is under scrutiny.  Do the owners really care?”

My guess is that they really do not care – – so long as their hiring practices remain at the level of “scrutiny” and do not progress to the point where those hiring practices spur some sort of action that is economically deleterious.  Just saying…

The NY Jets missed the playoffs – again – this year despite having a better than average defense.  It sounds like a broken record, but the Jets still do not have a quality QB.  In fact, I would argue that their last quality QB was Joe Namath and Broadway Joe’s career peak was about 50 years ago.  Without going into the history of Jets’ QBs since the 1970s, let me provide a shortened chronology:

  • 2008:  Jets take a flier on a late-career version of Bret Favre
  • 2009:  The Jets draft Mark Sanchez
  • 2013:  The Jets turn to Geno Smith
  • 2015:  Ryan Fitzpatrick is at the helm
  • 2016:  The Jets draft Christian Hackenberg in Round 2; he never takes a snap.
  • 2017:  Josh McCown is under center
  • 2018:  The Jets draft Sam Darnold – – who may have found a home in Carolina.

Over the past two seasons the Jets have used Zach Wilson, Mike White, Joe Flacco and Josh Johnson in the QB position.  The word for that chronology is – – FUTILE.

That level of futility brings to mind an observation by author Stanley Crouch:

“When people conclude that all is futile, then the absurd becomes the norm.”

NFL teams go from worst in their division in one season to first in that same division in the following season.  It happens at least once every other season.  The Jags really overdid it this year winning the AFC South after posting a horrible 3-14 record in 2021.  The improvement of Trevor Lawrence in his second season has been outstanding and the most obvious explanation is that there is a different set of coaches in Jax and that the team ambience is very different this year.  I won’t pretend to know how or why that quantum leap in Lawrence’s performance came about, but the result on the field is obvious.

The half-season audition by Jeff Saturday for the Colts’ head coaching job came to a merciful end.  The Colts were a hot mess in 2022; Saturday is not to blame for any of the roster inadequacies and he did seem to put some verve into the style of play by the team.  However, it seems to me that Jeff Saturday falls into the category of:

  • Very Good player/Not-So-Good coach

He is not alone in that category – – one which spans several sports.  To give an NFL example of another person in that category, consider Norm Van Brocklin.

The Texans fired Lovie Smith; that makes two years in a row the Texans have fired a Black head coach after only one season; talk about bad optics.  Smith was 3-13-1 with the Texans this year – – but if you saw them play, the team did not just mail it in; the Texans won two of their last 3 games.  Like the Jets, imagine if they had a REAL NFL QB on the team, what they might be able to do…

The Cards fired Kliff Kingsbury after the team gave him a contract extension just last year.  Cards’ GM Steve Keim also got an extension last year through the 2027 NFL season and he too is stepping down – – presumably for health reasons since he has been on a leave of absence for health reasons for about the last month.  In his four years on the job, Kingsbury was 28-37-1 and the Cards were 4-13 this year. I ran across a statement that was sufficiently strange that I went and checked it out:

  • No coach in the history of the Cards’ franchise has lasted more than 6 seasons with the team.
  • Jim Hanifan was the Cards’ coach from 1980 through 1985.
  • Ken Whisenhunt was the Cards’ coach from 2007 through 2012.
  • That’s it; that’s the list – – and remember the Cards have been in the NFL since it began in 1920.

Now that the regular season is over, I think we can draw the following tentative conclusion:

  • Aaron Rodgers proved to the NFL that it need not worry about ayahuasca as a PED that needs to be in the NFL testing regimen any more than it needs to test for the ingestion of spinach based on Popeye the Sailor’s performance.

The NFL and the Cleveland Browns took a step toward enshrinement in the Hypocrisy Hall of Fame last week.  Bernie Kosar was fired from his job as a team radio announcer; here is the deal:

  • Sports betting became legal in Ohio.
  • Kosar bet $13K on the Browns against the Steelers and said any winnings would go to charity.  (The Browns lost so that never came into play.)
  • The NFL says that none of its players or employees can bet on NFL games.
  • So Kosar was fired…
  • And yet, the NFL is perfectly happy to have gambling ads on its programming and allows TV announcers to make clear and obvious references to things like the spread and the Total Line in their telecasts.

Bernie Kosar was a player, but those days are well in the past.  I have no idea if Kosar is any good as a “radio guy” but that is not the point.  There is no way that a “radio guy” could possibly damage the “integrity of the game”.  What Bernie Kosar did was legal, and it is something that the NFL exploits economically.  And for that he was fired…

The philosopher William Hazlitt had a great observation about hypocrisy and hypocrites:

“The only vice that cannot be forgiven is hypocrisy.  The repentance of a hypocrite is itself hypocrisy.”

Here are some comments about a few games from last week:

Texans 32  Colts 31:  The Texans won at the end by converting a 4th and 20 situation scoring a TD and then converting a 2-point conversion.  That gave the Texans 2 wins in their last 3 games and a final season record of 3-13-1; ironically, that cost the Texans the overall #1 pick in the Draft next April.  The Bears are now “on the clock” …

Commanders 26  Cowboys 6:  This was the NFL debut of Sam Howell as the QB for the Commanders.  Here is his stat line for the day:

  • 11 of 19 for 169 yards with 1 TD and 1 INT
  • 5 rushes for 35 yards and 1 TD

What does that do to the Commanders’ thinking as they look to upgrade their QB position?  It tells me that the team will not keep Carson Wentz and pay Wentz $26.2M next year, but that they are still in the market for a QB.

Panthers 10  Saints 7:  It is not often that you see an NFL team win a game with only 32 net yards passing; the Panthers did that last week.  Sam Darnold was 5 of 15 for 43 yards and he threw 2 INTs – – but the Panthers won the game.  The Saints scored on their first possession in the game and missed two field goal attempts for the rest of the game.  This game was butt-ugly.

Last week was not a good week for teams to score 16 points.  The Ravens, Rams, Giants, Packers and Titans all scored 16 points last week.  And all of them lost those games…

Before moving on to this week’s games, let me present a comment from Bob Molinaro in the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot about NFL playoff officiating:

New rules: It’s curious how during NFL postseason games almost nobody on the offensive line holds, pass defenders get away with grabbing receivers, and rarely is anybody detected for illegal blocks on kick returns. It appears that the refs are following orders to let ‘em play. But if a laissez-faire approach is good for the playoffs, why not just let ‘em play all season?”

 

Super Wild-Card Weekend Games:

 

I have a friend who is an avid NFL fan, but the “team of his youth” has been unkind to him.  He was born in Ann Arbor, MI and grew up with the Lions.  Over the years, he has become a fan of the game in addition to rooting for the Lions to become a factor in the league.  Over the years he has developed heroes on other teams, and he has found anti-heroes.

This weekend, he faces a dilemma in rooting interest in the Bucs/Cowboys game.  He “hates” the Cowboys and he “hates” Tom Brady.  When I asked him who he wanted to win the game, the noise he made sounded like the proverbial primal scream.

(Sat 4:30 PM EST) Seahawks at Niners – 9.5 (42.5):  The Niners have won 10 games in a row and 5 of those games have been with Brock Purdy as the QB.  The Niners’ defense is top-shelf but it is not the defense that has carried the team in Purdy’s 5 victories; the Niners offense has averaged 34 points per game with Purdy at the helm.  The matchup here that strongly favors the Niners is the run game.  The Niners average 139 yards per game on the ground; the Seahawks defense allows 150 yards per game (30th in the NFL).  I think this is a mismatch and that the game could become a rout.  I’ll take the Niners and lay the points; put it in the Six-Pack.

(Sat 8:15 PM EST) Chargers – 2.5 at Jags (47.5):  This game opened as a pick ’em game, but the line has moved steadily toward the Chargers all week long.  The Jags beat the Chargers in the regular season but that was ages ago.  I think this game will come down to the two QBs and their passing attack and that is where the Chargers have an edge because the Chargers’ pass defense gives up about 40 yards per game fewer than the Jags’ pass defense.  I smell a shootout here, so I’ll take the game to go OVER; put it in the Six-Pack.

(Sun 1:00 PM EST) Dolphins at Bills – 13 (43.5):  The weather is supposed to be cold – – in the high 20s – – but with sunshine and no outrageous wind conditions.  That is an advantage for the Dolphins – – sort of.  The problem here for the Dolphins is that Tua is out, and Teddy Bridgewater is questionable.  Meaning no disrespect to Skylar Thompson or any graduates of K-State, I will be shocked if he can play on an even par with Josh Allen.  These division rivals split two games in the regular season; each team won at home; the Bills are at home here.

(Sun 4:30 PM EST) Giants at Vikes – 3 (48):  I have no idea how this game will unfold; these two teams are highly unpredictable.  These guys played each other on Christmas Eve and the Vikes won on a 61-yard field goal as time expired.  Who knows what these folks have in store for the audience this time around?  For that reason alone, this is a game you want to be sure to watch.

(Sun 8:15 PM EST) Ravens at Bengals – 8 (40.5):  These teams played last week.  The issue here is the QB situation for the Ravens.  Lamar Jackson has not played for weeks with a “sprained knee”; Tyler Huntley did not play last week.  If neither Huntley nor Jackson is available and the Ravens have to go with Anthony Brown, it will be a short playoff stint for the Ravens.  These division rivals split their two games in the regular season.  The Bengals enter this game with 8 consecutive wins to their credit.

(Mon 8:15 PM EST) Cowboys -2.5 at Bucs (45.5):  This is the “Chamber of Horrors Game” for my friend from Ann Arbor.  He should stop reading here because I am sure he does not want to see that I like Tom Brady and the Bucs plus the points here; put it in the Six-Pack.

So let me review the abbreviated Six-Pack for this weekend:

  • Niners – 9.5 over Seahawks
  • Chargers/Jags OVER 47.5 points
  • Bucs +2.5 against Cowboys

            Just for fun, here is some Money Line parlay action:

  • Giants @ +140
  • Niners @ -500                                    To win $188

And …

  • Jags @ +130
  • Bengals @ – 400                                To win $187

Finally, for no particular reason, let me close today with these words from H. L. Mencken:

“Immorality:  the morality of those who are having a better time.”

But don’t get me wrong I love sports………

 

 

“Amateur” Intercollegiate Athletics …

According to reports, the average number of viewers for the CFP Championship Game (Georgia/TCU) was a “disappointing” 17.2M people.  There needs to be some perspective on the amount of “disappointment” to be assigned here:

  • The game was a blow-out.  Even college football fans like I am left that game as some point along the way.  I cashed it in when Georgia led 59-7 with about 10 minutes left in the game.  Those “defections” dragged down the average viewership to be sure.
  • Some good news is that over the 3-game CFP tournament, the average viewership was up to 20.6 million fans per game which was a 9% gain in audience year-over-year.
  • Despite the blow-out, the CFP game averaged more viewers than the average NFL regular season game from last year (16.5 million viewers).  Notwithstanding the “disappointing numbers here” the CFP Championship Game will likely be in the Top 50 in terms of TV audience for calendar year 2023.

ESPN pays $500M per year (round numbers) for the TV rights to the CFP – – and that number will increase significantly when the CFP expands in the near future.  It may be that other “broadcast partners” join in the merry making after the expansion but whoever is putting the games on TV will put more money in the coffers of the folks who run and organize the CFP.  What I would like for you to do this morning is to look at that amount of money and simply acknowledge that the idealistic model of intercollegiate athletics where spunky students – – who are really aspiring scholars – – use athletics as an extra-curricular activity to help them get the most out of their four years in college.  That model is not much more than a fairy tale.

Moreover, the fairy-tale nature of that model has been in place and obvious since the dawn of intercollegiate athletics.  The earliest competitions were in track and field and/or rowing; it did not take long before teams at various schools began to use “ringers” on their teams; the “ringers” may or may not have been professionals in the sense that they were paid for their “services”, but the “ringers” were also not spunky students who aspired to become scholars.

The bottom line is that college sports was never as pure as the driven snow and now that more than half a billion dollars is about to become attached to one aspect of college sports, it is lunacy to expect that purity will spring forth and thrive.  Look, more than 60 years ago when it would have been frowned upon if a college openly paid for ringers to come and play in that school’s uniform, those same colleges found it acceptable to invent the athletic scholarship.  To this day, I believe that an athletic scholarship is nothing more than a payment (by the school) for services rendered (by the athlete).  And athletic scholarships have been around since the late 1940s.

So, maybe it is time for everyone to look at college athletics for what they are instead of what someone somewhere once fantasized what they ought to be:

  • Athletic scholarships are awarded to students for reasons that align with the major purpose of the university only by happenstance.
  • Athletic scholarships require the continued efforts at an acceptable level of performance by the student.
  • Athletic scholarships afford an educational opportunity to athletes many of whom would never be part of a college environment absent their athletic skills.
  • Athletic scholarships are – in fact – some compensation for the athlete’s time and effort.
  • Name, image and likeness deals belong to the athletes and not the school.
  • Without rules or oversight, name, image and likeness deals have already devolved into corrupt practices and will maintain that trajectory.

And yet, I enjoy college football and basketball – – at least until the score is 59-7 with only 10 minutes left in the game…

Moving on …  Here is a Tweet from humorist Brad Dickson:

News item: ‘Iowa officials are considering making it legal to hunt raccoons year-round.’ Who says there’s nothing to do in Iowa?

Let me book a flight to Des Moines as soon as I can …

I ran across a “listicle” – – that is an article based on a listing of something or other – – and it sought to rank the QBs for fourteen teams in the NFL playoffs.  Not surprisingly, Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen and Joe Burrow are at the top of the list while Brock Purdy and Daniel Jones are at the bottom of the list.  But as I looked at the list, I was taken by the fact that only 4 of the 14 teams in the playoffs had to deal with the absence of their main signal-caller for part of the season:

  1. Jalen Hurts missed 2 games
  2. Dak Prescott missed 5 games
  3. Tua Tagovailoa missed 4 games
  4. Trey Lance and Jimmy G missed a combined 12 games

[Yes, I know Daniel Jones did not play last weekend but that was a meaningless game where the Giants had their seeding in the playoffs chiseled in stone before kickoff.]

The other ten teams basically had their starting QB “on the job” all the time.  In addition, if you look at the eight division winners from this season – – those are the teams that will host at least one playoff game – – six of those eight teams had their starting QB on the field every week:

  1. Josh Allen – – Bills
  2. Tom Brady – – Bucs
  3. Joe Burrow – – Bengals
  4. Kirk Cousins – – Vikes
  5. Trevor Lawrence – – Jags
  6. Patrick Mahomes – – Chiefs

It would appear that there is truth to the adage that quarterback is the most consequential position in American sports.

Finally, let me close today with two contrasting views of Oakland, CA:

“The trouble with Oakland is that when you get there, there isn’t any there there.”  [Gertrude Stein]

And …

“The trouble with Oakland is that when you get there, it’s there.”  [Herb Caen]

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………

 

 

It’s That Time Of Year …

The NFL regular season just ended and like the regularity of the swallows returning to Capistrano [Hat Tip to The Ink Spots] we can expect a lot of commentators to focus on three tried and true story lines for this time of the year:

  1. Head coaching candidates for position openings (currently there are 5 open slots)
  2. The paucity of Black head coaches in the NFL
  3. Which players may/should receive a franchise tag from their current team.

As I peruse the reports on top coaching prospects for this NFL offseason, I see a lot of familiar names (Eric Bieniemy, Sean Payton, Dan Quinn and loads of coordinators on successful/playoff teams in 2022).  I cannot even pretend to have any “inside info” here from either a coach’s perspective or a team perspective; but looking at the process from afar, there seems to be almost a Catch-22 in it.

Imagine that a team needs a new coach, and the GM starts a search and then the GM and the owner sit down with several candidates for “intense interviews”.  Who makes the hiring decision?  The GM?  The owner?  My point here is that if the owner walks away from that “interview” viscerally opposed to Joe Flabeetz as his next head coach, it makes no difference if Joe is actually a reincarnation of Vince Lombardi.  If the owner and the coaching applicant get it on like oil and water, the applicant will not get the job.

And there is a rub…  Successful NFL head coaches have a way of establishing a close working relationship with the players on the team; the common image is that the coach and the player are so tight that the player would “run through a brick wall for the coach”.  That being the case, how come I never read about a core bunch of the players on the team joining the GM and the owner for the interviews of the new applicants?

I am not advocating for the inmates to run the asylum here; my point is that the billionaire team owner is one category of society and a locker room full of NFL-caliber players is a very different segment of society.  It seems to me that a coaching applicant must relate to an owner in at least a neutral way but that same applicant – if he is to be successful – must relate to the players in a totally positive way.  And I simply do not believe that any billionaire owner has his finger on the pulse of the team to be able to divine that sort of potential player/coach interaction in an isolated interview process.  But that is how it has always been done and that is how it is going to be done in the early months of 2023…

Regarding the racial makeup of the cadre of NFL head coaches, I understand the narrative behind the reporting.  Having said that, the reporters who constantly bombard us around this time of the year with “The Count” of Black head coaches ought to consider the audience.  With the firing earlier this week of Lovie Smith by the Texans – – yes, the Texans have fired two Black head coaches in two successive seasons with both coaches having been on the job for only one season – – there are 2 Black head coaches among the 32 NFL teams.  There is also 1 Black head coach on the job on an interim basis and there is 1 Hispanic head coach on the job.

As an NFL fan and a consumer of news about the NFL and its teams, I already know that information; in fact, it took me less than a minute to take a mental tour around the NFL and count on my fingers the data presented above.  So, I do not need this information; it adds no value.

Now imagine Sam Glotz our there who does not follow the NFL and considers the game itself to be barbaric and whose sporting preferences lean toward race-walking and billiards.  Sam does not know the demographic information that will be included in the reporting; but simultaneously, he does not care about that information.  My point here is that those types of reports do not find wide swaths of readership who both care about the data and did not know the data prior to reading the report in front of them.

The best I can hope for in terms of speculation on new head coaches and how the demographics of the cadre of NFL head coaches might change this year is for the number of such expositions to be small.  However, looking at which players might get a franchise tag attached to their career is far more interesting because it can spur debate/discussion that has a finite lifespan.  So, here are seven suggestions I have relative to franchise tag decisions – – in alphabetical order so no one thinks this is a prioritization:

  1. Saquon Barkley – Giants:  Finally, a season where he was healthy and available …
  2. Lamar Jackson – Ravens:  Reports say the player – negotiating without an agent – and the team are still at odds over a totally guaranteed contract.  However, the Ravens’ offense in 2022 after Jackson suffered a knee injury simply imploded.  I think he gets “the tag” if there is no agreement on a long-term deal.
  3. Josh Jacobs – Raiders:  The team did not pick up Jacobs’ fifth-year option so he will be a free agent this year.  There will be a market for his services so the Raiders might want to avoid an “open market” and simply lock him up for one more season.
  4. Daniel Jones – Giants:  The team did not pick up Jones’ fifth-year option so he will be a free agent this year.  The Giants’ situation is complicated by the Saquon Barkley situation noted above; the Giants have two productive offensive players on expiring contracts and only one franchise tag…
  5. Darron Payne – Commanders:  He had a great year in 2022 but the team has some decision-making to do here.  The team has already paid Jonathan Allen big bucks; Montez Sweat’s contract is up at the end of next season; Chase Young’s payday is looming.  So, how much cap space does the team want/need to devote to the defensive line?
  6. Tony Pollard – Cowboys:  Yes, the Cowboys also have Ezekiel Elliott at RB, but my “eyeball test” says that Pollard is the main-man in Dallas these days.
  7. Geno Smith – Seahawks:  Smith had the best year of his career by a wide margin in 2022 and led the team to the NFC Playoffs.  If any sort of “bidding war” starts over his future services, the Seahawks might pre-empt that with a franchise tag.  Or not…

Finally, Dwight Perry may have retired from his post at the Seattle Times, but I still have some of his commentary on my clipboard; so, let me close with this observation today:

“The Packers’ Sean Rhyan has been suspended for six games for a PED violation.

“But were they really performance-enhancing? Ryan is Green Bay’s third-string right guard.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………

 

 

Georgia Repeats As National Champion

Two numbers stand out – – 65 and 589 – – as in 65 points scored by Georgia and 589 yards of offense rolled up by Georgia in last night’s CFP Championship game.  The game was a beatdown of epic proportion.  TCU fought their way into the CFP tournament and let me be clear:

  • TCU belonged in the CFP bracket.
  • Their presence there was no fluke.
  • They proved their mettle beating a very good Michigan team a week ago.

Having said all of that, TCU was outmanned at virtually every position by Georgia and many of the Georgia second-stringers were better than the TCU defensive opponents.  Some folks will take the result of a Georgia victory by 8 TDs as a signal that TCU’s conference – the Big 12 – is a JV conference as compared to the SEC.  While I tend to agree with the premise that the top and the middle of the SEC is significantly superior to every other conference in the country, I think there is a more important focal point for last night’s debacle.

As I said, TCU belonged in the CFP; their résumé said they were one of the 4 best teams in the nation as of early December.  Now, imagine for a moment if the 12-team playoff bracket that seems to be locked into existence as of 2024 were in effect this year.  Remember, there will be lots of pressure on the Selection Committee to be “inclusive” with their invitations such that teams from outside the so-called Power 5 conferences get shots at the CFP tournament.  Put all that together and ask yourself how inviting a game might have been this year between Georgia and the twelfth-best team in the country given that Georgia was primed for a win-or-go-home contest.

I understand the desire for expansion of the CFP.  I also understand the money that will accrue to the college football consortium when there are more playoff tournament games to offer up for bids to the “broadcast partners”.  What I fear is that there are going to be more routs akin to what took place last night.  I like college football as much an anyone, but I tuned out in the 4th quarter of the game because it was no longer interesting.

Had I been a Roman citizen in the first century, I probably would have found other things to do instead of going to the Coliseum to witness:

  • Lions 54          Christians 0

Next up …  Reports say that Mat Ishbia has agreed to buy the Phoenix Suns (NBA) and the Phoenix Mercury (WNBA).  When that deal closes, it will be the end of the Robert Sarver saga in Phoenix where Sarver stood accused of running an organization that had the atmosphere of Delta House in the movie, Animal House.  You may expect to read and hear loads of opinionating about how “the good guys have won” in that circumstance and how there is a sea change in society about how bosses and owners can be “held accountable” for societally inappropriate behavior.  Be sure to check your blood sugar levels after you read lots of that sort of stuff in the near future.

Here in Curmudgeon Central, the view is often just a tad off in a different direction.  In this case there are two different directions.

  1. Sarver and his minority owner-partners paid $401M to buy the Suns’ franchise in 2004.  The reported sale price for the franchise(s) in 2023 is $4B.  If Sarver only owns 50% of the Suns, he will walk away from the settlement table with a cool $2B.  Somehow, I doubt that he has been “punished” sufficiently severely that he might never engage in such improper behaviors ever again.
  2. Just last year, the NFL’s Denver Broncos franchise sold for a reported $4.6B.  In case you need a hand, that is 15% more than what Ishbia is paying to buy the NBA Suns.  That leads me to wonder:

Is Ishbia paying way too much for the Suns?

Did Greg Penner and his wife get the bargain of the century buying an NFL team for only 15% more than a middling NBA team?

            Those amounts of money are like Monopoly money to me; I have no sense of what it means to be able to contemplate deals of that magnitude.  But I do know this:

  • The owners in the NFL basically have a license to print money; unless I cannot do addition and subtraction, I do not see how it might be possible for an NFL owner to make less than tens of millions of dollars in profits every year – – at least until the tax accountants get hold of the numbers and depreciate everything down to the paper clips to conjure up a paper loss.

Speaking obliquely of the NBA, I have been pleased and surprised to see that referees have been retrained to call traveling violations in NBA games in 2022/23.  Someone went to the rule book and noticed that it should be a violation – penalized by loss of possession of the ball – for a player to take 4 or even 5 steps toward the basket without dribbling the ball.  Such happenings  had gotten to be almost commonplace in the NBA as of last season.

The league says that they have made traveling violations a “point of emphasis” for this season.  I for one find that emphasis as a positive for the pro basketball game and I hope that the league continues to tell the officials to emphasize those sorts of calls.

One more NBA-related item today …  Kevin Durant thinks that “entitled NBA fans” need to be quiet about things like players taking time off for “maintenance” and just enjoy the games.

  • Memo to Kevin Durant:  Some NBA fans may indeed be entitled trust-fund brats.  However, no NBA player is in a position to rag on any other human on Earth for being “entitled”.  That is the height of hypocrisy – – and NBA players like you know lots about “height”.

The other head-shaking part of Durant’s harangue is that he seems not to understand the concept of self-incrimination.  Here is part of what he told ESPN in an interview:

“Fans have become more entitled than anything. So, they’re starting to question our motives for the game, or how we approach the game. The ones that do question — like who are you? Just shut up and watch the game tonight. We go as hard as we want to go. We go as hard as our bodies allow us to go at this point.”

“We go as hard as we want to go.”  And if you don’t want to “go hard” and I paid $250 to see you play on that night, you take my criticism as my “entitlement”?

Finally, let me close today with an observation by George Best – the man who Pele said was the best footballer that Pele ever saw:

“In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol, and it was the worst twenty minutes of my life.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………

 

 

Some Of This And Some Of That …

I need to start with a bit of history this morning.  Harold Stassen unsuccessfully sought the Republican nomination for President nine times between 1948 and 1992.  He ran unsuccessfully for Governor of Pennsylvania in the early 1950s and then for Mayor of Philadelphia in the late 50s.  That is an unusual career arc; most folks do not run for President before running for Mayor; it is almost the equivalent of a batter hitting a home run and running clockwise around the bases.

Recently, I came across a report of a college football player whose career seems to be modeled after Harold Stassen’s political career.  From 2018 through the end of the 2022 season, JT Daniels has played QB at the following schools:

  1. USC
  2. Georgia
  3. West Virginia

Back around Christmas, JT Daniels used the NCAA Transfer Portal to jump to Rice University.  Meaning exactly no disrespect to Rice as an academic institution or as an athletic program, that is an unusual career arc for a player who was considered to be the overall #1 recruit coming out of high school about 6 years ago. Daniels has played in the PAC-12, the SEC and the Big-12 to date; next season he will lead the Rice Owls in the American Athletic Conference.  He brings these career stats with him to Rice:

  • 6946 yards passing with 45 TDs and 25 INTs

Next up …  After an arbitrator reduced the two-year suspension given to Trevor Bauer, the LA Dodgers chose to release him and move on.  Bauer is a former Cy Young Award winner who signed a 3-year deal with the Dodgers worth $105M just before the start of Spring Training in 2021; he started 17 games with the Dodgers in that season before being placed on leave under the cloud of allegations of sexual assault.  Bauer is only 31 years old; under no reasonable circumstances would he be “on the market” this winter, and yet, there he is.

In sports, skill and talent dominate the thinking of coaches and GMs; Trevor Bauer is skilled and talented; the “optics” of a team signing him will be awful and simultaneously his addition to a team’s starting rotation should be a significant improvement.  It seems to me that the key question here is:

  • Which team wants to bear up under the firestorm of criticism it will receive proximal to the announcement that the team just signed Trevor Bauer to a new contract thinking that it will dissipate once he begins to win games for the team?

Moving on …  The University of Texas had placed head basketball coach, Chris Beard on suspension due to an accusation by his fiancée that he assaulted her, choked her and bit her.  That seems quite reasonable given the circumstances.  Then, the University of Texas fired Chris Beard several weeks later – – after the fiancée recanted her accusation(s).  Here is part of her follow up statement:

“Chris has stated that he was acting in self-defense, and I do not refute that. I do not believe Chris was trying to intentionally harm me in any way.  It was never my intent to have him arrested or prosecuted.”

What I really need now to square this circle is for Paul Harvey to return to the world of the living so that he can give me The Rest of the Story

Switching gears …  You may recall that the owner/operator of a furniture store in Houston known as Mattress Mac won over $70M betting on the Astros to win the World Series and used the winnings to pay off customers who bought furniture from him in a specific time frame as a sales promotion.  You may also recall that the “reader in Houston” who provides historical and statistical context to many issues here knows Mattress Mac and I received an email from the “reader in Houston” saying that Mac is up to his old tricks.  Here is the pertinent part of that email:

“This past week after TCU beat Michigan, Mattress Mack made another offer to customers.

“If TCU beats Georgia in the championship game and they purchase a mattress for $3,000 or more and receive delivery before game time, he will double their purchase price.

“To hedge this offer, Mack bet $1.5M with DraftKings at +370, one half million with Caesar’s at +400, and $130,000 with WynnBet at +380.

“He also bet TCU (+13) for $1M.

“If TCU wins outright, he’ll make almost $9M on wagers to pay off customers.

“If TCU loses, but covers, he’ll lose about $1.2M and if they lose and don’t cover, he’ll lose $3.13M.”

Mattress Mac seems to be channeling the king of sports promotions, Bill Veeck …

And before I finish today, let me remind you that this is the time of the year when you MUST take a moment and follow this link so that you can read Gene Collier’s annual column in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette awarding the Trite Trophy for 2022.  This is the 39th year the award has been presented and all I can say is that 2022 was a vintage year…

Finally, let me close today with an observation by comedian, George Burns:

“Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………

 

 

Getting Started In 2023 …

I am back from 10 days in Ireland visiting #1 son, his wife and The FOG.  That part of our family has lived in Dublin for the last 10 years and we have visited them about 25 times; however, this visit was the first time we were there proximal to the Winter Solstice.  Dublin is at the same latitude as the southern end of Hudson Bay in North America or about the middle of Labrador; at this time of year, the sun is above the horizon about 7.5 hours per day which might lead one to alter the lyrics of a wonderful song by Simon and Garfunkel:

“Hello darkness, my old friend.

Here you are at 5 PM …”

Notwithstanding the potential for suffering from Seasonal Affect Disorder there, Dublin is a wonderful city; my long-suffering wife and I had a wonderful visit there once again.  So, let me do a bit of “catch-up” here on things that happened since I left on Christmas Day.

Obviously, the situation involving the collapse on the field of Damar Hamlin is in the forefront of my mind.  I did not see it happen because that game went on the air at 1:15 AM in Ireland but I have seen the aftermath reported in detail.  It goes without saying that I hope for a full recovery for Damar Hamlin.

At the same time, I have more than a bit of contempt for people who have used that event as a way to try to draw attention to themselves or to causes they represent which are not germane to Damar Hamiln and his situation.

  • If you are an anti-vaxxer that is your opinion.  I think you are wrong but do not care if you hold that view.  However, if you try to assert that Damar Hamlin’s condition today is a direct result of his being forced to be vaccinated by the NFL, I think you need to present a whole lot of medical data – – not Internet references to other anti-vaxxers – – or you need to stop being an opportunist.
  • If you want to be critical of the NFL and say they took to long to decide to call the game on the field, you have an argument to make.  From reading about the events and constructing a timeline, I too think the NFL reacted slowly to a situation where continuing the game on the field was never going to happen.
  • However, if you are going to criticize the NFL for tardiness there, you ALSO must give the NFL a larger measure of credit for having available the EMT resources to manage a situation that “never happens” in NFL games.  The rapid response of the EMTs – – made possible by their proximity to the event – – saved the life of Damar Hamlin.  And they were there because that is what NFL teams do “just in case” … and on Monday night, that availability saved a life.

I was able to watch the two CFP semi-final games.  Here is my assessment of the most NFL-ready player on the four teams I saw:

  • TCU:  Tre’Vius Hodges-Tomlinson  CB
  • Michigan:  Jake Moody  K
  • Ohio State:  Marvin Harrison, Jr.  WR
  • Georgia:  Kenny McIntosh  RB

I have no internal rooting interest in either TCU or Georgia, but I will be pulling for TCU in the Championship game simply because it would be an improbable run for them to win the national championship.  I have now seen TCU in two full games this year – – and parts of a couple other games – – and I think they have a couple dozen very good players on that team.  The difference that I see is that Georgia has about 40 very good players on their team.  The NFL likes to say that “on any given Sunday …”; well, I will be hoping for “… on a specific Monday” this year at the CFP level.

Because I live in the DC suburbs, the events that happen surrounding the Washington Commanders wash over me on a daily basis.  This is a team/organization that simply cannot get out of its own way.  Last week the Commanders needed a win to remain playoff eligible and they were playing a miserable Browns’ team that had been mired in malaise and dysfunction itself for most if not all of the season.  The Commanders lost that game and were eliminated from the playoffs but that was not bad enough.  They chose that day – – at home – – to introduce to whatever fans they have left who come to the stadium to see the team play with a new mascot.

  • It is a guy dressed up in a “pig suit” with an infantry helmet that bears the Washington Commanders logo.
  • It is supposed to pay homage to “The Hogs” from the glory days of the Washington franchise in the 1980s.
  • It is supposed to link to the military aura of the new team name “Commanders”.
  • The new mascot has a name; the name is – – Major Tuddy.

“Major” is part of that military tie-in; “Tuddy” is – according to the team PR mavens – – common slang for a touchdown.  [Aside:  I am almost 80 years old and have been interested in and following football for more than 70 of those years.  Never once had I heard the word “tuddy” used as an argot for “touchdown” nor have I ever used that word.  Just saying…]

When the team rebranded itself and took 2 years to come up with the name “Commanders”, more than a few folks wondered why they focused on a military theme when the ultimate rank for a military person would be a General but that team name in Washington is precluded by the fact that the Washington Generals are the perennial losers to the Harlem Globetrotters.  So, by sticking with that “military theme” the Commanders consigned themselves to a team name that is a mid-grade officer in the US Navy; commanders rank below captains there.  So, now the ascot is also a mid-grade officer; a major which is not even a colonel let alone a general.  To say I am uninspired and unimpressed would be a huge compliment aimed at the PR/marketing geniuses who came up with this.

And in light of the team performance on the day that Major Tuddy burst onto the scene, it is much too easy to say that the Commanders dropped a Major Turdy right there in FedEx Field.  But I’ll say it anyway.

This week the Commanders will play a meaningless game – to them – against the Cowboys.  The team has decided to honor Sonny Jurgensen who was the QB for the team in the 1960ds and 70s and who was the radio color commentator during the years when the Commanders – – under an earlier name – – were a top-shelf NFL team.  Jurgensen is 88 years old; he was inducted into the Hall of Fame 50 years ago and the team is just now getting around to having a special day for him.  I wonder if Major Tuddy will be a big part of the ceremonial happenings…

Finally, since Sonny Jurgensen was originally drafted in the NFL by the Philadelphia Eagles, let me close with this description of Philadelphia by humorist S. J. Perelman:

“Philadelphia:  a metropolis sometimes known as the City of Brotherly Love, but more accurately as the City of Bleak November Afternoons.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………

 

 

Bad Ads 2022 …

Normally, I save this compilation until New Year’s Eve as the last rant of the year.  However, this year my long-suffering wife and I will be spending the time between Christmas and Twelfth Night in Ireland visiting our grandson – – and his parents too of course.  I will not be taking a computer with me and there is no way on the planet that I would try to compose something like this on a phone; ergo, it has been pushed forward a week on the calendar.

The basis for this annual happening is that the folks who pay for commercial time on TV are the ones who make it possible for me to see all the sporting events/programs that I enjoy throughout the year.  I certainly do appreciate sponsors making all that programing available but that does not mean that I must think that the ads they put in front of me are meaningful and/or effective.  In fact, lots of them are not very good and some are downright stupid.  So, this gives me a chance to point out the ones that are the worst of the lot.  It’s what curmudgeons do …

Let me begin with one ad that has been around for several years and is stupid on so many levels that I am shocked when they “bring it back”.  I’m sure you will recognize this one.

  • A young man and a young woman are out walking in the deep snow when the young man tells her that he has something for her; he whistles and a young puppy – looks like a Saint Bernard? – comes bounding through the snow from an unseen location to the young woman who picks up the puppy and hugs it.  She tells her soulmate that she has something for him; she also whistles, and a driverless GMC pickup truck comes driving up to them in the snow – – stopping short of running them over to be sure.  The young man ignores the attractive young woman and goes to hug the truck.

You know, it must be nice to live in an economic situation where one can buy a $60-70K present for one’s partner without him/her knowing the money was missing from the exchequer.  Moreover, if in real life the guy ran and hugged the truck and not the woman, that puppy would be replacing him in the bed, and he would be sleeping in the truck bed.  And they keep bringing that ad back year after year…

In the world of truly stupid ads, there is a new entry this year from a source of truly stupid ads in years past.  Liberty Mutual seems to be “moving on” from a tight focus on LIMU the Emu – – and Doug – – which is a good thing.  However, the company now has an ad showing “young people having a good time” at a pool party where they “have fun” looking at laptop computers and cell phones with the Liberty Mutual app on the screen.  They have those devices in and around the swimming pool.  Just what I need, an insurance company that thinks portable electronics and swimming pools go together.  The person who came up with that needs to be in the deep end of a swimming pool just as someone throws him/her a plugged-in toaster…

Occasionally, you see an ad on TV, and you wonder what thought process led to someone paying for the airtime to show that to me.  A prime example this year was GE Aerospace advertising on NFL games.  Why?  Can someone there possibly think that the next time I need a jet engine, I’ll remember this ad and go buy a GE Aerospace jet engine.  Which exec in GE approved that advertising expenditure?

Old Navy continued their tradition of ads around Holiday Season featuring ugly clothing and annoying characters.  This year it is a woman “playing the piano” and “singing” until she tries to feed a bunch of asparagus to a stuffed reindeer.  This obviously makes me ready to rush out to Old Navy.  How about you?

During March Madness in 2022, there were repeated live-reads by the play-by-play guys about Coca Cola where they urged you to “Debate the Goatness”.  Those intercessions hit an exacta one should never seek; they were annoying AND they were stupid.

But wait; there’s more…  The good folks at Coke also used ad time in March Madness to introduce me to a new product – – Coke with Coffee.  And wouldn’t you know it, they added vanilla to that concoction.  That gets a strict “I’ll pass” from me…

Also during March Madness, the folks at Dell chose to take some time to inform us of their product line.  To highlight the fact that Dell technology allows people to work from home or the office or just about anywhere, the ad shows hundreds of people in an “office setting” moving their desks out to the middle of the streets in an urban area.  That blocks traffic completely since the desks are proximal to one another.  So, the message here is that Dell technology creates the potential for urban gridlock and creates problems for anyone who might be trying to get somewhere for some reason.  Not a good message…

In the world of beer advertising, we can always count on these two competitors to come up with something dumb:

  • Miller Lite tells us that it has more taste and only one more calorie than Michelob Ultra.    The “calorie part” can be objectively measured; I assume it is true; and simultaneously, I know that one calorie is irrelevant.  Regarding Miller Lite, the “taste part” is like choosing if you would rather be hung or shot.
  • Bud Light has an ad with the music and song lyrics, “I believe in miracles, you sexy thing…”  Who greenlighted that juxtaposition?  A glass of Bud Light – – the visual in the ad – – is neither sexy nor miraculous.  It is merely swill…

In 2022, the Russian invasion of Ukraine caused food commodity prices to spike to the highest levels ever since global stats began to be kept.  The food price index jumped 10.6% year over year.  There was also a spike in the number of bad ads perpetrated on US TV watchers in 2022 by restaurants and other food purveyors.  Are those two things conjoined?  It doesn’t matter; here are some of the bad ads from that group.

  • Taco Bell ran a series of ads where two people are engaged in some sort of social interaction when a “gong” rings and one or both march off like zombies to a Taco Bell.  The screen graphic says, ”When you need a taco …”  And then the visual shows the yutzes proceeding to eat a burrito.
  • Sonic had a mind-bending ad saying that when something is half-price, it is twice as good.  Really?  Think back to the fourth grade when you were memorizing your “times tables”; now, remember from those days that twice times zero is still – – zero.  Want an example?  Would “half price” get you to try a burger adorned with mule snot?  Hey, it would be twice as good since it’s half price…
  • I’ll just throw this out there because I assume that you are – – as I am – – fed up to the earbrows with “The Antonellis” and Antonelli’s Cheese Shop.  I hope they both eat so much cheese that they are not regular until next year on the 4th of July.

In this cursed food category, there are two sponsors that contributed two separate ad campaign entries that were bad/stupid in the year.  The deserve the scorn provided by a category of their own this year:

  • Chipotle advertised that its new chorizo was its “best ever” and that it is “plant-based”.  If you ever wondered how good Chipotle’s original chorizo was, you now know.
  • Later in the year, Chipotle also told us that “real food tastes better”.  OK, I agree that “real food” must taste better than “imaginary food”, but Chipotle are the same folks who just got through telling me that plant-based chorizo was the best chorizo they ever made.  Now hear this!  Plant-based chorizo is not real food!

And …

  • Applebee’s began the year with an ad featuring a guy in a restaurant setting saying that he had been making memories here since he was little.  He has been making memories at Applebee’s – – where the motto ought to be something like, where you go when you are too lazy to microwave your food at home.  My reaction was:  You poor thing.  I am so sorry!
  • Then, Applebee’s appropriated the theme song from the TV sitcom, Cheers, in an ad campaign.  Let me set the record straight here: Cheers was one of the best sitcoms in TV history; Applebee’s is an eatery that has never been one of the best of anything.  This appropriation of the theme song is an abomination in the sight of God.   [Luke 16:15]

So, there is my compilation of bad ads in the waning days of 2022.  You may wonder how I convince myself that I have sufficient insight and/or stature to label these ads as bad ones and that would be a fair question to ask.  Rather than pat myself on the back, let me close with this observation about advertising by David Ogilvy, known as the “Father of Advertising” and a founder of the giant international ad agency, Ogilvy and Mather:

“It takes a big idea to attract the attention of consumers and get them to buy your product.  Unless your advertising contains a big idea, it will pass like a ship in the night.  I doubt that more than one campaign in a hundred contains a big idea.”

Do you see any “big ideas” in the ads cited above?

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………