Because I watch a lot of sporting events and sports studio programming throughout the year, I am exposed to advertising that nominally is aimed at me with the intention of convincing me that the sponsor is worthy of my consideration when it comes to spending my money. Some ads are memorable – – even if they do not get me to open my wallet:
- Bob Uecker’s ads for Miller Lite were great.
- The Geico Cavemen ads were enjoyable.
- The “Jake from State Farm” ads are fun.
- The “Fanville ads” for Dr. Pepper are clever.
- The “Dr. Rick ads” for Progressive are humorous.
However, all is not peaches and cream in the ad world. Some of the ads and some of the ad campaigns are off-putting at best and downright annoying at worst. Here in Curmudgeon Central, I keep a list of the smarmy underbelly of ads shown to me during the year and use that list to prepare my final rant of the calendar year. Before I begin, let me comment on something that is not a TV ad but is prominently displayed on the packaging of a product that I buy.
- Kirkland Brand Organic Tortilla Chips (Costco) tells me on its label in large lettering that it is “An Authentic Blend Of Real Ground White And Yellow Corn”. Just parse those words … Authentic? What blend might be inauthentic?
- And …
- Thank Heaven they used “Real corn” and not “Imaginary corn”.
Here is a quiz for others who have watched sports on TV and checked out the ads.
- Who appeared in more ads this year…
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- Tom Brady
- “Gronk”
- Shaq
- Snoop?
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Drug company ads used to be focused on the weekend news conference shows like Meet the Press, but they have expanded their reach to sports programming in the last year. Before getting specific, there is a common silliness contained in all those ads. They warn me not to take the medicine if I am allergic to it. That admonition is akin to telling a Boy Scout not to use poison ivy to wipe his butt should he need to relieve himself in the woods on a camping trip. However, the medical warning here is even worse:
- The meds involved are not things encountered in daily life. So, how might I know that I am allergic to the med before I take it and find out that my right arm fell off overnight?
- I have to take it to find out if I am allergic.
- Oh swell.
One of the meds is for relief from Crohn’s Disease and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. The ad shows happy hikers out in the woods or a group of folks fishing from a boat in open waters – – which would be risky endeavors for someone with Crohn’s Disease. So obviously, taking the med involved here opens up new possibilities for sufferers of bowel problems. And then the voice over and the small print at the bottom of the screen that I might have side effects involving infections of my genital and anal organs. Shouldn’t that get equal billing? Seems like a harsh trade-off to me…
Rinvoq and Tremfya both treat Crohn’s Disease and they go on to tell me that those meds produce “visible healing of the intestine” in some fraction of the patients over some period of time. Visible? Not to the patient I would imagine …
Keytruda is a drug that can be used to treat some forms of cancer in patients. I believe I counted 22 possible side effects one might experience while taking Keytruda – – and if that is not daunting enough, the narrator says, “These may not be all the side effects.” What did he leave out? Might you take the drug and grow a third arm out of the middle of your forehead? That might be useful for doing push-ups…
Prevagen is a supplement for your brain; one of the Prevagen ads says that it has been the “leading seller of brain enhancement supplements for the past ten years in a row.” That’s impressive until you ask yourself:
- Have you been wondering how everyone got so much smarter over the past decade – – or had you not noticed?
The insurance company ads continued along traditional lines this year:
- Geico brought back characters from the past. The Caveman was fun but the squealing pig crying “Wheee!” all the way home should be labeled as a crime against humanity.
- Limu the Emu and Doug continued to probe the outer limits of stupidity.
- Jake from State Farm had good stuff.
- Progressive seems to want to have Flo and her compatriots fade into the background. Please do not do anything to disabuse the company from that stance.
- Peyton Manning’s Nationwide ads are good – – but could use a bit more variety.
The ads with “Gronk” and Sam Elliott for USAA are well over the acceptable level for idiocy. “Gronk” cannot become a member of USAA because he did not serve in the military and presumably none of his family like did either. This causes a significant void in his life, so he presents himself and moves in as a roommate with Sam Elliott because Sam is a member because he served. Two points here:
- First, how does Sam Elliott not tell “Gronk” to get out of his house?
- Second, since I am like “Gronk” and ineligible for USAA membership, why are they pitching that ad to me and viewers like me?
Here is one that short and simple. The “winged buffalo” who patrols the innards of Buffalo Wild Wings registers a Level 11 on a scale of 1 to 10 when it comes to “Annoying”!
Shaq does a series of ads for JC Penney; they are all cringe-worthy. Let me say here that there are few things that are quite as uncomfortable as being in the audience when someone is actively trying to be funny – – but he/she is not funny at all. In these ads, Shaq introduces “comedians” to try out some of their material and none of it is remotely humorous. After embarrassing themselves in the ad, the camera pans back to Shaq who is “phony laughing” and who intones, “It’s JC Penney”. No wonder the company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Recent reporting says that JC Penney has incurred a loss for each of the last 5 years and has a debt burden of about $5B. These ads are not going to provide a rocket boost to sales …
Here is the set-up for an ad for FreshPet. A guy is cooking dinner for his date presumably in his apartment; she opens the fridge and finds FreshPet in there. She asks why he keeps dog food in the fridge, and he says it’s not dog food, it’s FreshPet. She says that’s a bit weird and the guy throws her out of the apartment only to be seen sitting on the floor eating dinner with his dog and not the woman.
- First, unless he is eating FreshPet along with his dog, she was right; he was keeping dog food in the fridge.
- Second, if her questioning is sufficiently outré to cause the guy to throw his date out of the apartment, that would explain why he is still single.
I have saved “the best” for last. This campaign is so stupid that it makes me weep while pondering the future of humankind. Here are the words:
- “The Colonel lived so we could chicken.”
The New Year will arrive in 7 days. The ad mavens will be moving on from the Super Bowl ads about then and focusing on what sort of message they will bring during March Madness. So long as there are ads for sporting events on TV, I should have a reliable supply of things to fill up my final rant of the year. Let me offer a New Year’s toast to all those ad folks for their service to Curmudgeon Central.
Finally, let me leave you with this observation by John Wannamaker:
“Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is, I don’t know which half.”
But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………