Lamentations

Being a fan of an NFL team ensures that the person adopting that status will experience stratospherically high emotions and abysmally low times as well.  Some of the low points are so dramatically deflating that they exist in the collective memory of a team’s fandom so fundamentally that they can be recalled with a simple phrase.  Consider:

1. Bears’ Fans can go decades on end without hearing anyone refer to a “Double
   Doink”.
2. Browns’ Fans all remember “The Drive”.  John Elway engineered a 98-yard drive with only a few minutes left in an AFC Championship Game with the Browns leading by a TD.  “The Drive” sent the game to OT and the Browns lost there.
3. Chiefs’ Fans are still embarrassed to be reminded of Abner Haynes winning the coin toss in an overtime playoff game and botching the choice by telling the referee “we’ll kick to the clock”.
4. Colts’ Fans remember well the “Second half onside kick” in the Super Bowl game against the Saints.
5. Cowboys’ Fans need only to hear the name “Leon Lett” before they bow their heads and shake their heads.
6. Dolphins’ Fans old enough to have witnessed the “Snowplow Game” are still frustrated by the result of the game and how it came to be known by that moniker.
7. Falcons’ Fans prefer never to recall leading in the third quarter of a Super Bowl game by the score of “28 to 3”.
8. Giants’ Fans vividly recall the botched handoff from Joe Pisarcik to Larry Czonka that led to the infamous “Miracle in the Meadowlands”.
9. Jets’ Fans all remember the “Butt Fumble”.  It may not have happened in a playoff context, but it was on national TV in prime time on Thanksgiving for all the world to see.
10. Pats’ Fans can be triggered by one of two phrases to recall their utter despair.  The two phrases refer to the same low-point; the phrases are “David Tyree” and/or “Helmet Catch”.  Those memories are all the more painful because they recall a Super bowl defeat.
11. Raiders’ Fans can debate which of two phrases is more galling.  Would it be “Immaculate Reception” or “Tuck Rule”?
12. Seahawks’ Fans feel a sharp pain every time the name “Malcom Butler” enters the conversation.

The above is not an exhaustive list; it is simply a compendium of the embarrassing and frustrating instances in the history of a dozen of the NFL franchises.  So, some of you are probably wondering why this is of any particular interest today.  After all, that Chiefs’ fans trigger point happened all the way back in 1962 when the team was still known as the Dallas Texans.

I bring it up today because one NFL fan base now has two disastrous moments etched in its collective memory and the same phrase will bring to the fore each and/or both of the two disasters.  As far as I can recall, this situation is not duplicated elsewhere; there was only one “Snowplow Game”; the “Tuck Rule” was only invoked once; there has only been one “Miracle in the Meadowlands”.  But as of this morning the following situation obtains:

• Bills’ Fans can be doubly haunted by two words – – “Wide right…”

In a Super Bowl game against the Giants in 1991, the Giants led the Bills 20-19 with about 10 seconds to go in the game.  The Bills set up to try a 47-yard field goal by Scott Norwood; the game was on the line.  Al Michaels was doing play-by-play for that game and when Norwood missed the field goal, Michaels’ call was “Wide right…”  It became a horrible memory for Bills’ fans all over western NY State.

• [Aside:  By missing that field goal, Norwood and the Bills created a record that cannot ever be broken – – although it may be equaled.  The eventual one-point margin of victory by the Giants in the game is the smallest possible margin of victory in a Super Bowl game because the final result cannot be that the game ends in a tie.]

And then there was the Bills/Chiefs playoff game last night.  With the Chiefs leading 27-24, the Bills set up to try a 44-yard field goal by Tyler Bass with less than two minutes left on the clock.  And the instant the ball left Bass’ foot, it started veering to the right and it too missed with plenty of distance, but it too was “Wide right…”  The only thing missing – – other than the field goal try itself of course – – was Al Michaels on the call.

Finally, since today has been all about despair, I’ll close with the definition of that word from the Official Dictionary of Sarcasm:

“Despair:  An utter loss of hope; a feeling of uselessness.  Often brought about through contact with a greeter at Walmart.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………