Lime-Green Dildos – – Really

It was about 60 years ago when Bob Dylan sang:

“The times, they are a-changin’ …”

That is clearly the case here in Curmudgeon Central.  For the first two decades of these rants, comments on any aspect of the WNBA were few and far between and usually dealt with the lack of live audiences or TV audiences for the league’s contests.  Just two weeks ago, the WNBA was the topic of an entire rant and today it will be the lead topic.  The times are indeed “a-changin’ ”.

Twice in recent days, WNBA games have been interrupted by someone in the crowd throwing a lime-green dildo onto the court as the ball was in play.  In at least one of the instances, the perpetrator was arrested.  I did not see a report of the charges against that individual but I can only hope that it was some sort of littering ordinance that he/she had violated because it would be frightening to learn that lawmakers there had gotten to the level of specificity in the law that dildo throwing was specifically banned.

This situation leads to several speculations if you have a slightly twisted view of “what might come next” …

• Imagine if a couple of fans had thrown sesame bagels on the court in the midst of WNBA games.  The teams would institute screening procedures to make sure than fans are not “smuggling in” sesame bagels.  Thwarting dildo smugglers with a search procedure might be a bit more difficult.
• Dildo manufacturers might seek to flood the market with lime-green items.  Obviously, the WNBA is not going to grant them licensing rights naming one of the manufacturers as the “Official Dildo of the WNBA”, but the marketing thrust could be:
  • • “We can’t say we are the Official Dildo of the WNBA, but our green monsters have been in play at WNBA games more than any other dildo.”

I have now proven conclusively that I never passed Marketing 101 in school …

Both incidents have involved road games for the Golden State Valkyries – – one in Chicago and the other in Atlanta.  I am not trying to justify the incidents; throwing stuff on the court of an ongoing basketball game is dangerous and might cause a serious injury to players or officials; the WNBA has a “Fan Code of Conduct” in place that specifically forbids throwing anything onto the court and says that “guests who throw objects will be immediately ejected from the arena.”  In another part of the Code of Conduct it says that guests who violate the Code of Conduct:

“… “will be subject to penalty including but not limited to, ejection, without refund, revocation of their season tickets, and/or prevention from attending future games.”

Believe it or not, these two incidents are not ground-breaking.  Buffalo Bills’ fans have thrown dildos onto the field on several occasions when the Bills have been hosting the New England Patriots.  In 2018, after the Pats had scored a TD during a Monday Night Game, Bills fans threw “at least three” dildos into the end zone.  What the Golden State Valkyries and the Buffalo Bills have in common remains a mystery to me.

Switching gears …  MLB Commissioner, Rob Manfred, said recently that he was confident that a sale of the Minnesota Twins was imminent.  Perhaps that explains why the Twins traded away 10 players from their 40-man roster at the Trade Deadline last week?  The Twins acquired “prospects” galore meaning their minor league system is full to the brim with hope for the future.  Meanwhile the beneficiaries of the Twins largesse were:

• Blue Jays – – two players
• Phillies – – two players
• Astros, Cubs, Dodgers, Rangers, Rays and Tigers – – one player each

The Twins tossed in the towel on the 2025 season; the team was below .500 at the Trade Deadline despite having a higher than usual payroll for 2025 (Opening Day payroll was $144M).  Perhaps the housecleaning was done to clear the books for whoever the new owner might be.

And before I leave baseball today, the Boston Red Sox are on a tear, they have won 6 in a row and are 8-2 in their last 10 games.  The Sox have moved into second place in the AL East and are within 3 games of the Blue Jays.  Meanwhile, the Yankees are in a funk having lost 4 in a row and going 4-6 in their last 10 games.  The AL East race might be interesting after all.

Finally, here is an observation by George Carlin:

“A crazy person will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo, but he’ll be wearing a Bugs Bunny suit at the time.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………