Dumb Team Names

The name change is official and you can now purchase Christmas presents with the new and official logo of the Cleveland Guardians as Christmas presents – – for someone you don’t really like but are socially pressured into purchasing a gift for.  The Cleveland Indians are no more; hail to the Guardians – – I guess.  The new team name may not be offensive to anyone yet, but it surely is silly given that the name derives from some large statues at the end of a bridge in Cleveland said to be guardians of the city.

The nonsensical basis for that name got me to thinking that there might be something in the air in Ohio because there are several silly team names in that state.  And then I realized that California also must be afflicted by whatever is in the air in Ohio because there are plenty of dumb names there too.  And then my mind just started to wander, and I came up with this manic ramble on silly team names.

University of Arkansas – Monticello Boll Weevils.  Someone thought it would be a good idea to name a team after a pest that people expend time, money and energy to eradicate.  I guess it is a better name than “Smallpox”, but not a lot better.

Stanford Cardinal.  No, it is not named after the bird; it is simply a color, a hue.  The team used to be the Indians, but that name was far too horrible for sensitivities in Palo Alto and they came up with this new name; it probably just managed to beat out “Mauve”.  Oh, and Stanford is in California…

Williams College Purple Cows.  There must be a rare breed of cattle in the western Massachusetts area…

Cal – Santa Cruz Banana Slugs.  Another team named after a pest that people try to eradicate.  And it is in California…

Cal – Irvine Anteaters.  The best I can say is that it is not a pest nor is it a prey animal.  It is another entry from California.

Delta State Fighting Okra.  What might okra be fighting about and against what other sort of opponent?  I am trying to picture in my head a battle between okra and ashwagandha, but nothing happens.

Toledo Mud Hens:  The only appealing feature of this name is that it was the favorite team of Corporal Max Klinger on M*A*S*H.  Please note that Toledo is in Ohio…

Akron Zips.  The name derives as a shortened form of “zippers”.  As if that were not dumb enough, the school mascot is a kangaroo which has exactly nothing to do with zippers.  Akron is close to Toledo in Ohio…

Akron Rubber Ducks.  The city of Akron has plenty of ties to the rubber industry but why it was a good idea to name a minor league baseball team after a child’s bath toy is not immediately obvious.  Maybe you have to live in Ohio for a while to get it…

Savannah Sand Gnats.  More fascination with naming a team after a pest…

Montgomery Biscuits.  The name is silly to be sure – – but at least the possibility exists that the biscuits will be tasty and enjoyable.  Moreover, there is no stupidity included here as would be the case if they were the “Fighting Biscuits”.

Binghamton Rumble Ponies.  The city of Binghamton considers itself the focal point of carousels; carousels have horses on them; somehow, those horses became known as rumble ponies.  Aren’t you glad you came here today to learn Useless Fact # 36775?

Hartford Yard Goats.  It is certainly important to keep goats in a yard lest they get out and roam about thereby creating a giant “Goat Rodeo” in the neighborhood…

Lehigh Valley IronPigs.  Yes, IronPigs is one word and not two – – if that makes any difference to you…

Long Beach State Dirtbags.  Only the baseball team bears this nickname; the other teams are called the 49ers – – which might make sense if the school mascot was something other than a shark.  Of course, all of that takes place in California…

Campbell Fighting Camels.  Camels spit but are not necessarily fighters.  I guess I should be thankful that Campbell University chose not to be called “Soup”…

Syracuse Orange.  The mascot is a large, orange-colored sphere indicating that the team is named after a fruit – – which grows exactly nowhere near Syracuse, NY.

Wake Forest Demon Deacons.  I find a more than sufficient level of cognitive dissonance here with “demon” and “deacon” in juxtaposition.

Fort Wayne Mad Ants.  Yet another team named after a pest – – and without any explanation as to why they are angry…

Scottsdale Community College.  They are the Fighting Artichokes.  How an artichoke might engage in a fight is an exercise left to the reader…

Southern Illinois Salukis.  According to Wikipedia, a saluki is an Egyptian hunting dog – – which is not native to the southern part of Illinois or any other part of Illinois.

Utah Jazz.  The name made sense when the team was in New Orleans, but Jazz and Salt Lake City are associated about as closely as mustard and vanilla ice cream.

Enough tomfoolery for today…  yesterday I mentioned that Antonio Brown was suspended for 3 games by the NFL for presenting a forged vaccination status record to the league.  Here is how Dwight Perry saw that situation in the Seattle Times:

“Topps, Donruss and Score are scrambling to produce the first fake Antonio Brown trading card.

“Or is it Moderna, Pfizer and Johnson & Johnson?”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………