If I were one of the folks who thinks they need to wear a tinfoil hat to protect against the mind-reading and mind-control waves emanated by the government, I would start to worry about now. I write about valuations of franchises and the next day Forbes comes out with a whole new list; I write about a monstrosity of a culinary option at the Texas Motor Speedway and the next day the Green Bay Packers trump that. After all, the bacon beer milkshake in Texas does not come close to 6000 calories.
You have jumped to the correct conclusion; the Packers will offer their fans the chance to consume 6000 calories in a single order at the concession stand. That would be the 22-inch Kielbasa that comes in a semi-circular bun with “beer cheese” and “fried sauerkraut”. Anyone reading this who is related in any way to a cardiac surgeon is sending this info along with the idea that the whole family is going to relocate to northeastern Wisconsin and make enough money to buy Warren Buffett out of BNSF. AYFKM… [Are You F***ing Kidding Me]?
Oh, but the good folks who provide the victuals at Lambeau Field are not done yet. In addition to the “Kielbasa From Hell”, they will also allow you to order – and presumably consume – an order of “Bratchos”. Folks who are facile with English will conclude that this is a dish that marries bratwurst and nachos; they would be correct. This bad boy will come to the consumer in a tub that is about half the size of a football and contains all the ingredients you might imagine would be in bastardized nachos that had bratwurst in them.
EMTs are standing by at Lambeau Field in case anyone is foolhardy enough to order and consume both of these items on the same day. The human circulatory system did not evolve to survive that level of stress and strain…
Dean Blandino is the head of officiating for the NFL. Earlier this week, he said that there are going to be changes in the “extra point play” and those changes will be coming soon. He said that proposals will be presented to the NFL Competition Committee after the 2014 season ends. During the Exhibition Season, the NFL has “experimented” with moving the spot of the ball for the point after TD from the 2-yardline to the 15-yardline. Based on a small sample of exhibition games where some of the attempts came from guys who will not be on the field for any NFL team once the games count for real, the conversion rate for PATs from the 15-yardline was 94.3%. That does not sound like much until you consider that last season NFL kickers converted 99.6% of their point after TD tries. Not only do I “not have a problem” with this kind of a rule change, I think there are myriad options to make the game better by making the play that follows a TD into something where the outcome is questionable.
Moving the ball back to the 15-yardline (making the try for a point a 33-yard attempt instead of a 20-yard attempt) is insufficient as far as I am concerned. Here are the kinds of rule changes I would like to see considered seriously enough to have them as part of an “experiment”. [Aside: I put “experiment” inside quotation marks because I simply do not believe that Roger Goodell and his minions on mahogany row in the NFL suites go around every day wearing white lab coats and plastic pocket protectors.]:
Bill Belichick suggested that the kick should come from the 42-yardline. I could live with that.
I would love to see the NFL squeeze the uprights more than just a foot or two. Currently, the width of the goalposts in the NFL is 18-feet 6-inches. In the Arena League, the goalposts are only 9 feet wide. I would love to “split the difference” and make the NFL goalposts 14-feet wide. By the way, if they did that, it would also make long field goals more “dicey” and might add more actual football plays to the game instead of placekicking plays.
I have also advocated – for at least the last 25 years – putting a bar across the top of the uprights and declaring that a field goal or point after TD is only good if it goes into the rectangle inscribed by adding that top piece.
I read about one idea where a TD would be worth 7 points. Then, the scoring team would have the option to add 2 points to the TD with one play from scrimmage at the 5-yardline. The scoring team can opt to take that chance or just go back and kick off with 7 points on the board. However, if they opt to “go for it” and miss, then their TD is only worth 6 points. That rule might be fun for fans but so long as there are coaches on the Competition Committee, that proposal is Dead On Arrival.
Scott Ostler of the SF Chronicle was wondering if fans had reached a tipping point with regard to staying home to watch NFL games as opposed to heading out to the stadium to root for the local heroes. You can read his full “analysis” here – and I recommend that you do so – but to get to the bottom line, staying home is the clear winner. Here is the opening paragraph of that “analysis” to whet your appetite:
‘The 49ers have a museum in Levi’s Stadium stocked with precious relics of the team’s past. I haven’t seen the museum yet, but I hope they have a special display for the $5 beer.”
Finally, there has been a lot attention to the Notre Dame football players who have been suspended while an investigation goes on regarding academic fraud and cheating. No matter what the findings of the investigators and the school’s tribunal, that situation will not end well. When one juxtaposes that story with the monumental hypocrisy of the NCAA with regard to exploiting athletes in the revenue sports, it is pretty easy to get to a point where one’s gag reflex is initiated. Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel looked at that situation and came to this conclusion:
“Notre Dame supposedly has sidelined four football players because of academic fraud. My question: Is there a bigger oxymoron in college football than “academic fraud”? Don’t kid yourself, all of the big-time programs — by hiding their dozens of scholastically challenged players in gut courses and pointless majors — are academic frauds down to their very core.”
But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………