The Sports Curmudgeon®

After you have read all of the Super Bowl analysis on the sports pages of the nation this morning, you may still have some questions as to why the game turned out the way it did. As a public service, allow me to assist you in getting the answers you seek:

1. If you want to know why the Colts’ loss was the fault of the Bush Administration, tune in to Keith Olbermann’s show on MSNBC tonight. According to him, everything is the fault of the Bush Administration; therefore, he will surely be able to provide you with guidance there.

2. If you want to know why the Colts’ loss was the fault of the Obama Administration, tune in to Bill O’Reilly’s show on FOX News tonight. According to him, everything is the fault of the Obama Administration; therefore, he will surely be able to provide you with guidance there.

No need to thank me…

Here is your term paper assignment for this course. The length of the paper will be a minimum of 3000 words and a maximum of 5000 words. You are to take one of the adjectives from the following list and present a cogent argument why it is the best adjective to use in describing the halftime performance of The Who at the Super Bowl yesterday:

a. Irrelevant

b. Inconsequential

c. Pointless

d. Trifling

e. All of the above.

Papers should be submitted on or before noon on Friday…

In his recent State of the Union address, President Obama said that he wanted to impose a freeze on all government discretionary spending starting in 2011. I do not wish to start or participate in any debate regarding the worthiness or the efficacy of such a plan. Nevertheless, I do want to point out that the US Census Bureau demonstrated yesterday how they took about $3M of taxpayer money appropriated to it by the Congress and spent it on an ad in the Super Bowl encouraging folks to fill out their census forms. According to reports, the Census Bureau is planning an ad campaign of $133M to encourage folks to mail in their census forms. Did yesterday’s ad change your mind about whether or not you will comply with the census? I know it changed my mind about government discretionary spending…

By the way, when CBS executives get their bonuses this year based on profits made by the network, remember that some US government advertising helped them make those profits and earn those bonuses. No griping will be allowed by the Washington plutocrats…

Greg Cote had this note in yesterday’s editions of the Miami Herald regarding another Super Bowl ad that ought to raise an eyebrow:

“Chrysler will advertise during the Super Bowl to herald its emergence from bankruptcy. I don’t suppose there will be time in that ad to note that the emergence was aided by a $15.5 billion U.S. bailout and then a buyout by Italian automaker Fiat.”

Speaking of yesterday’s ads, the one featuring Tim Tebow and his mother was a disappointment. With all of the hoopla that it generated and all the angst expressed by organizations like Planned Parenthood, I was expecting something far edgier and surely some content that might border on controversial. After seeing the ad, I think that anyone who screeched about banning it from the airways should be sent to solitary confinement for six months so that we will not have to hear from them for a while. It is perfectly OK to disagree with the message in the ad; it is not OK to suggest – or demand – that it be banned from the airways before anyone knows what is in it.

It is perfectly fair to ask if the sponsors of the “Tim Tebow ad” got their money’s worth in terms of changing anyone’s mind on that subject. Frankly, I doubt that they did, but that is just my opinion. However, unlike the Census Bureau ad mentioned above, this ad represented an expenditure of funds by a private entity that is not trillions of dollars in debt. Even if you do not like the ad and its message, consider that it put into circulation about $3M; that is a small economic stimulus.

Prior to staging the Super Bowl, the city of Miami also hosted the Pro Bowl Game as part of the NFL’s new “experiment” to try to make the Pro Bowl marginally relevant. In the week leading up to the meaningless Pro Bowl game, there was another sporting event in Miami – the Olympic Classes Regatta. I do not know which of those two events had less general interest among sports fans in the US. Here is what Greg Cote had to say about the regatta in the Miami Herald:

“The weeklong Miami Olympic Classes Regatta ended Saturday off Miami Beach, affirming sailing’s status as The World’s Worst Spectator Sport.”

BET - - that is Black Entertainment Television - - is going to air an eight-part series called The Michael Vick Project. It will chronicle Vick’s return to an NFL career from the humiliation and disgrace that he had fallen into with regard to the dogfighting episodes. No offense to the producers of this series, but when The Michael Vick Project goes to DVD, it will be a colossal waste of ones and zeroes.

Finally, here is one more note from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald regarding the make-up of the people in the stands at the super Bowl yesterday:

“A record crowd is expected at It’s-Still-Dolphin Stadium-To-Me, jam-packed with league and team employees, players and their families, corporate sponsors, celebrities and others with connections. There might even be a few actual, regular fans present, as well, if they can find a way to sneak past security.

“As for the original Saints season-ticket holder since 1967 who could not get a ticket, sorry, sir, but your seat will be occupied by the nephew of Pamela Anderson’s bodyguard.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Hold your applause; maintain a modicum of decorum there. This is indeed the final edition of Mythical Picks for the 2009/2010 football season. The assault on your sensibilities is coming to an end.

Moving closer to that end, I had some hits and some misses in the Mythical Picks two weeks ago:

1. I liked the Jets/Colts game Under 40. It went Over. Miss!

2. I liked the Jets +8 points. They did not cover. Miss!

3. I said a flyer on the Jets on the money line at +300 was worth a shot. That’s what happens to some flyers; they crash. Miss!

4. I liked the Vikes/Saints game Over 52.5. It went Over. Hit!

5. I liked the Vikes +3.5 points because I said I thought they had a legitimate chance to win outright. The Vikes covered in OT. Hit!

No one looking at those results should be tempted in the least to take any information that is forthcoming here and use it as a way to decide how to make an actual cash-money wager on the Super Bowl this weekend. Anyone doing so would be so stupid that he/she would plant a dogwood tree and then anticipate a litter of puppies.

Errata:

Two weeks ago, I said that Jerry Glanville was the head football coach at Portland State University. He did indeed hold that position until 17 November 2009 when he resigned. Thanks to a reader in Houston Texas for pointing this out to me - - without calling me dumbass or worse. Mea Culpa!

Comments:

The NFL has strived to provide “wholesome” halftime entertainment at the Super Bowl ever since Janet Jackson’s nipple made an ever so brief appearance six years ago. However, there comes a time when fans will have gotten tired of aging rock stars singing old time songs. The NFL will need to have a new idea in its hip pocket. And because I am truly a magnanimous person, I will offer this suggestion to the NFL suits for just such a time:

1. How about a 15-minute segment of Gallagher doing his “Sledge-O-Matic” routine? Instead of an old singer or group of singers doing old songs, have an old comedian doing an old comedy routine.

2. With Gallagher, the only “wardrobe malfunctions” might come from the mouthbreathers you put in the first five rows in front of him who wind up with crushed watermelon rind down their pants.

There is some good news and there is some bad news for the Super Bowl telecast based on the fact that the Saints beat the Vikings two weeks ago:

Good News: There will not be 250 shots of Deanna Favre in the stands with an anguished look on her face. I think Deanna Favre gets more facetime on TV than Katie Couric.

Bad News: We will assuredly get multiple, gratuitous and meaningless shots of Kim Kardishian during the telecast.

I want to go on record before all of the pre-game shows and the telecast of the game to beg with the producers of all those hours of TV time not to succumb to the temptation of the “Katrina Cliché”. Despite how warm and fuzzy it may make you feel, deep down, the “Katrina Cliché” is silly and insulting to the viewers and to the people in New Orleans who are still working to recover from Katrina.

The Saints are not in the game because they have been thinking all year about what a Super Bowl might mean to people who are still living in ramshackle housing in New Orleans. They are in the game because they are a good team and they played to their potential this season. The Saints are not there for the people of New Orleans nor are they there because of the people of New Orleans.

The residents of New Orleans who are still suffering will feel “happy” for about six hours should the Saints win the game but any such joy will erode quickly once the reality of their lives returns to center stage.

By the way, how come none of the TV folks said that Nick Saban and Alabama won the BCS Championship “for” the people of Mobile who were also devastated by Katrina? Are the folks at the University of Alabama heartless because they ignored all that suffering? Just asking…

Because the Jets lost two weeks ago, Mark Sanchez will not be playing in the Super Bowl this weekend. Because he is not playing, he will certainly not complete a pass in the Super Bowl and that preserves a tidbit of Super Bowl Trivia. The answer is a few paragraphs below so you need not fire up the Google contraption:

Who is the last QB from USC to complete a pass in the Super Bowl?

How long do you think it will take into the pre-game extravaganza for the producers to take their viewers to a sports bar in Indy and/or a sports bar in New Orleans so we can all see a bunch of fans mugging for the cameras in addition to getting themselves lubricated so they can watch the game with impaired senses? This is yet another television cliché that has become annoying at the very least.

As I am typing these sentences, there is a monster snowstorm bearing down on the Washington DC area. Tonight, I will get to see another of the horribly stupid television clichés as one of the reporters from the local TV news staff gets sent out to the Beltway around 11:00 PM so that he/she can give everyone a report that there is a ton of snow out there, it is still falling, the plows are working to try to clear the roads and no one should be out on the roads unless it is a life and death emergency. I know it will be there just as assuredly as I know there will be no new or useful information in the report. The only thing those reports are good for is to find out who is the “low man on the totem pole” on the various news staffs in the local market. The “top dog” is not going out to do that kind of on the spot reporting…

Trivia Answer:

Pete Bethard relieved Len Dawson in Super Bowl I and was the last QB from USC to complete a pass in the Super Bowl.

Predictions:

1. Within 12 hours of completing the game, there will be a report that some parent somewhere tried to watch the game with their kid(s) and they found one of the ads in the Super Bowl horribly offensive. Said parent will righteously assert that the Super Bowl is supposed to be wholesome family entertainment and that the game was ruined for them and their kid(s).

Memo to Offended Parents:

Get over it. And meanwhile, get over yourselves.

Anyone who thinks there will be no “edgy” ads on the Super Bowl will probably also be shocked to learn next April 15th that there are lots of people who don’t mail in their taxes until 10:00 PM on the day they are due.

If you ever need to get a brain transplant, the odds are that the brain will reject you.

2. The “Tim Tebow Ad” – the one that has generated an almost cosmic level of rhetorical gas for the last couple of weeks – will probably be memorable only because of the rhetorical gas that it generated and not because of its content or its production qualities.

The Game:

Saints vs. Colts – 4.5 (56.5): The Saints defense gave up 400+ yards to the Vikings two weeks ago, so I just do not see them “shutting down” the Colts’ offense. Raving Rex Ryan’s defense did not get it done; Garrulous Gregg Williams’ defense will not get it done. In addition, the Saints are going to score too. I like the game Over.

In the last three Super Bowl games, there have been two “Mannings” playing QB for one of the teams; both times, the team with the “Manning” has won. Let that be my segue to the next issue…

Recall the old Johnny Carson routine where he morphed into Carnac the Magnificent. He would take the answer to a question and divine the question that it answered. Now, allow me to channel Carnac the Magnificent for a moment here:

Answer: Peyton Manning

Question: Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints? Who dat?

I’ll take the Colts and lay the points.

With regard to the prop bets on the game, let me just say that some of them are such sucker bets that the people writing the book on them should be put in the stocks. For a totally random outcome, they make you lay -110 (or if some place is really generous -105) odds. Want some examples:

Will Peyton Manning (or Drew Brees) total yards passing be an even number or an odd number?

Will the coin flip come up heads or tails?

Finally, Scott Ostler had this item in the SF Chronicle recently. Here is an alternative way to enjoy the Super Bowl:

“According to my personal spam invitation from Hugh Hefner, for my $1,000 general admission ticket to the ‘Game Day at Playboy Mansion’ Super Bowl party, ‘You can expect beautiful playmates gourmet buffet.’ Let’s hope I can also expect better punctuation and grammar.

“Not that I plan to hang with the riff-raff at the Playboy Mansion. For $15,000 I can have a VIP cabana for 10 people. Honey, you don’t have to worry about me and my buddies spilling guacamole all over the den carpet again this Super Bowl!”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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They are already teasing the fact that CBS will run an interview with Plaxico Burress during the Super Bowl Pre-Game extravaganza on Sunday. Evidently, Bill Cowher went to visit Burress in prison and came away with the impression that Burress is a changed and contrite individual who has vowed to make a comeback in the NFL when his prison time is behind him. Unquestionably, some team will give him an invite to camp; if he can make a team when that happens, Mazel Tov to him. Notwithstanding that feelgood aura of a story that will be upcoming this weekend, here is a recent comment from Bob Molinaro in the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot that has the ring of reality in it:

“Idle thought: If anybody wondered whether athletes would “go to school” on Plaxico Burress’ hand-gun violation in New York, we got our answer with the events that led to this week’s suspensions of gun-toting Wizards Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton.”

According to reports, the Ravens’ safety, Ed Reed, is contemplating retirement. He missed a few games late in the 09 season and reports said that he had injuries to his neck, groin and hip. Reed is one of the top safeties to play the game; and at his prime, I think he was a better all-around defensive player than teammate Ray Lewis who gets lots more publicity because Lewis is more vocal and extroverted. Selfishly, I would like to see Reed continue to play because I really enjoy watching top-shelf players play the game. Having said that, I also would like to see him exit the game on his own terms and with his body in sufficient condition that he might enjoy a long and pain free life of mobility. Here is a stat I ran across that shows that some stats folks really do have too much time on their hands:

Ed Reed is the only player in NFL history to have scored TDs on an interception, a fumble, a punt return and a blocked punt.

There is a saying on Wall Street that the trend is your friend. Well, if you are a fan of the St. Louis Rams, you might want to take exception with those folks on Wall Street:

In 2007, the Rams record was 3-13.

In 2008, the Rams record was 2-14.

In 2009, the Rams record was 1-15.

If all of the Rams’ high draft picks turn into “impact players” at the same time, that will be one hell of a turnaround story. Until then, this team stinks and shows no real signs of getting any better…

The Bears finally signed a new offensive coordinator - - Mike Martz. On the surface, that looks like a good idea for the Chicago team since Martz is a pass first, pass second, pass third and run the ball only to give the WRs a breather kind of offensive coordinator. Remember, the Bears gave away lots of draft picks - - including the first two rounds of this year’s draft - - to get Jay Cutler to throw the football in Chicago. The bad news is that Martz’ system worked really well when he had two “other elements” in addition to a big-armed QB in St. Louis. At the time, the Rams had one of the best OTs in the NFL (Orlando Pace in his prime) and two top-shelf WRs. The Bears also have Orlando Pace on the OL but Pace is but a shadow of what he once was. Moreover, the Bears WRs are bargain-basement players not top-shelf players. We shall see…

As the Bears were going through the interview processes to hire their new offensive coordinator, one of the candidates was Hue Jackson. Simultaneously, Jackson was being courted by the Oakland Raiders for a similar position. Jackson turned down the job in Chicago and took the Oakland job without going back to the Bears and seeing if they would “sweeten the pot”. So let me get this straight:

Jackson chose to work for/with Tom Cable knowing that he had JaMarcus Russell and Bruce Gradkowski as the guys who would implement his offensive concepts and knowing that Al Davis would be in the owner’s box every game scrutinizing his every move.

Jackson chose not to work for/with Lovie Smith (who has been to two Super Bowls) and Jay Cutler as his QB.

Cue Dick Enberg here, “Oh my!!”

David Whitley of AOL Fanhouse had this comment regarding the apparent retention of Tom Cable as the Raiders’ head coach:

“Oakland reportedly decides to retain Tom Cable for next season but will no longer pay him a bonus for punching assistant coaches.”

A couple of days ago, I commented on the cost escalation related to the Winter Games in Vancouver. I got an e-mail from Gregg Drinnan who is the sports editor of the Kamloops Daily News. Kamloops is a city of about 100,000 folks in central British Columbia about 200 miles from Vancouver. Here is the salient part of that e-mail demonstrating that Mother Nature can also create ways for host cities to pour money down the Olympic Rat-Hole:

“The Lower Mainland right now is enjoying the warmest January/February on record. A lot of the snowboard and freestyle skiing is to be held on Cypress Mountain. One problem? The snow all melted. They now are trucking in snow from Manning Provincial Park, which is a three-hour drive east of Vancouver. . . . No, I am not joking. They are putting snow in trucks and hauling it to Vancouver.”

Finally, here is another observation from David Whitley of AOL Fanhouse:

“At the Golden Globe Awards, Wade Phillips and Norv Turner shared the award for Most Likely to Have Incriminating Photos of Their Bosses.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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The sports radio folks seem to have gotten the vapors over the idea that March Madness might expand to 96 teams. The NCAA sees dollar signs hanging all over that idea so they are prone to make it happen. However, someone might tell them that this means more gambling opportunities on college sports and that might just spook them. I am on record saying that if the tournament goes to 96 teams, they should seed the top 32 and play the bottom 64 teams against on another. The winners of those 32 games go on in the NCAA tournament and the losers would make up the field for whatever they want to call the NIT under those circumstances. Perhaps the National Second Chance Tournament?

On balance, I do not like the idea of an expansion to 96 teams for one very simple reason. Every March right after “Selection Sunday” we have a 24-hour period where people scream and yell about which teams “got jobbed” by “The Committee” and should be in the tournament. However, that spasm of righteous indignation never - - as in not ever - - includes 32 teams that “got jobbed”. Usually, most of the agita centers on two to four teams. Getting another 32 teams in the tournament means that there will room for the tenth place finisher in the ACC or the Big East and the fourth or fifth place finisher in the Missouri Valley Conference. Pardon me if I do not fall all over myself in rapture over that prospect…

Here is an expansion I have proposed before that would work:

Expand the field to 68 teams. Have “play-in games” in all four brackets and not just one bracket.

Play two of the “play-ins” in Dayton as a double header.

Play the other two “play ins” as a double header at the Palestra in Philadelphia where the first game in NCAA tournament history happened.

If the NCAA did that, they would accommodate most of the teams that people might think “got jobbed” on Selection Sunday without putting some teams in the field who have lost 14 or 15 games already.

Another story that has drawn an awful lot of attention is the “Rex Ryan flipping the bird at Dolphins’ fans” saga. Yes, it was a low class act; no, the NYC tabs should not have printed the picture of it on their back page; yes, he should have been fined because the league has a precedent of fining players (Michael Vick) and owners (Bud Adams) who have done the same thing. [To be accurate, Adams did a double-barreled salute when he got his fine.] Nevertheless, in terms of assaults on the stability of Western Civilization, can we take a collective deep breath and say that Rex Ryan did not put the world in danger of another 1000 years of “Dark Ages”.

Rex Ryan is bombastic and he is a boor and he is a braggart and he acts very much like a bully. So what? He is a football coach not a statesman or the leader of a religious group. In the grand scheme of things, he does not mean enough to the culture of the US to worry about. So, let him pay his fine. Next time he does something this “outrageous” they will fine him even more. Wake me when that happens…

By the way, I do not think anyone should suggest that Rex Ryan needs to eat crow for all of his predictions that the Jets were the best team in the playoffs and should be favored in all their playoff games. If he were to do that, crows might wind up on the endangered species list…

As we move closer to Super Bowl Sunday, there are a few bases that need to be touched just because they are part of the rites of the week leading to the game. Matt Youmans writes a column in the Las Vegas Review-Journal on sports gambling. He interviewed Jay Kornegay who runs the sportsbook at the Las Vegas Hilton where they have more proposition wagers on the game than anywhere else. Kornegay said that they just keep putting up prop bets until they “get tired”; as of the time Youmans wrote the column, he counted 335 such wagers. In addition, Kornegay said that in all of his time involved in Super Bowl props, there has never been a time when even one prop bet failed to draw any action.

Interestingly, Kornegay said that amateur bettors tend to play “Yes” and “Over” in the prop bets. But the public may not wager much on these bets so the books have to be careful not to set lines too far in one direction because professional gamblers might seize on that opportunity to hit the books with big action on the “No” or the “Under” side of the ledger. Kornegay said that the early betting said that the book would do very well if the Colts won the game 3-0.

At the end of the column, Youmans offers this suggestion for a prop bet that is not available yet:

“Here’s an idea: Who will score more on Feb. 7? Manning (total touchdown passes) in the Super Bowl or [Tiger] Woods at the sex rehab clinic? Manning might be the underdog in that bet.”

Greg Cote had this item relative to prop bets in the Miami Herald last weekend:

“The Super Bowl-ing Saints and Colts arrive Monday — New Orleans at 11:45 a.m. in Miami and Indianapolis at 5 p.m. in Fort Lauderdale. Saints had been a 5 1/4-hour favorite, so it looks like the first Super Bowl prop bet is a push.”

Given the connection between one of the members of The Who - - the halftime act for this year’s extravaganza - - and a child porn website, I think the odds against the band doing Pants On The Ground are astronomical…

Along that line, I assume that Prince did not give them the nod to perform Purple and Gold at halftime on Sunday. For that, all of us should be eternally grateful…

Finally, here is another observation from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald regarding the depths to which the television media might go this weekend to fill airtime with NFL “stuff”:

“Rivals ESPN and NFL Network will combine to air more than 130 hours of programming this week in the buildup to the Super Bowl. ESPN has exclusive footage of Colts coach Jim Caldwell taking a nap, with expert analysis of his snoring patterns. NFL Network counters with a special in which former Saints kicker Tom Dempsey recounts his missing toes.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Today is Groundhog Day and I am in south central Pennsylvania - - albeit not in Punxsutawney, PA. All I can say is that damned rodent had better not see his shadow today and head back into his hole because it has been colder than a well-digger’s “private parts” this weekend and this part of the world is in need of some hints of spring.

A recent announcement from the folks who run the Iditarod - - where it is even colder than it is here - - told of the fact that they were going to “test mushers for drugs and alcohol” in March proximal to the race. At about the same time, the organizers of the Iditarod announced that they had lost significant funding over the last year and would have to cut purses for this year’s race by $100 – 200K. Here is a suggestion:

Do not spend money on drug and alcohol testing and put those savings into purse money.

No one cares if the mushers are “on something”. In fact, if you gave truth serum to most sports fans and asked them if they thought you would have to be “on something” to subject yourself to the conditions of the Iditarod, 90% would say something like, “Of course they are…”

I read over the weekend that the Obama Administration is considering changing the venue of the trial of Khalid Shiek Mohammed from New York City. I do not want to get into any discussion as to whether or not he should be tried in a US court under US legal rules; I want to address the potential change of venue. According to reports in the NY Daily News, the city fathers in NYC want the trial to be elsewhere because it will cots the city a ton of money in terms of added security as the trial proceeds. I agree; that will be a huge burden on the city. HOW-EVAH:

The same city fathers in NYC spent more than a bit of money and expended a lot of effort and rhetorical gas just a few years ago trying to bring the Olympic Games to NYC. Excuse me, but what might the security costs be for that goat rope? I do not care where this trial takes place but is there even a shred of shame left in NYC politicos? If you do not want to spend money stupidly on security measures, so be it; but please stop trying to woo the IOC to come to your town…

And speaking of the Olympics, let’s look for a moment at the latest projections as to what this will mean to the lovely city of Vancouver in the next month or so. The original concept for the Winter Games 2010 called for an expenditure of $660M of taxpayer funds. The latest estimates have the expenditure level closing in on $6B and the meter is still running. Oh, by the way, the security costs for the Winter Games were estimated to be $175M, which is hardly chump change. Notwithstanding that fact, the final security costs alone should exceed $1B. Vancouver will not come close to recouping those costs; NBC will lose its shirt on the telecast rights. So, will anyone tell me why any city in any moderately developed country would want the Olympic Games held there - - unless the IOC footed the bill for the costs in their entirety?

Greg Oden has had injuries to both knees in his brief NBA career; Tony Kornheiser says that Oden is as fragile as a China doll. Now we have the reports that nude images of Greg Oden are on the Internet exposing to the world Oden’s third leg - - so to speak. Question:

Can he possibly find a way to blow out the knee in that third leg too?

With all of the angst that spilled out regarding which cap Andre Dawson would have on his bust in the Hall of Fame, Cubs’ fans have taken the news that it will be an Expos’ cap and not a Cubs’ cap as a reason to continue to lament the fact that their beloved Ron Santo has not yet been voted into the Hall of Fame. Longtime readers here know that I believe that there should be a Hall of Fame in addition to a Hall of Very Good Players. And the major criterion for getting into my version of the Hall of Fame is pretty simple:

You just know that the player in question belongs in the Hall of Fame.

Willie Mays belongs in the Hall of Fame. Mike Schmidt belongs in the Hall of Fame. Ernie Banks belongs in the Hall of Fame. Stan Musial belongs in the Hall of Fame. Ted Williams belongs in the Hall of Fame. Sandy Koufax belongs in the Hall of Fame. Tom Seaver belongs in the Hall of Fame. You get the idea…

Now, for all sports fans who do not sleep in Chicago Cubs pajamas, are you certain that Ron Santo belongs in that same Hall of Fame with those other players? Here is a good rule of thumb:

If you have to resort to lengthy statistical arguments to draw your inference, then the player in question belongs in the Hall of Very Good Players…

The Los Angeles Sol of the Women’s Pro Soccer League folded last week after one year of existence. The Sol were the property of AEG Worldwide, which is hardly a fly-by-night shoestring operation; take a look at their website to see all of the things they own wholly or in part. The Sol had the consensus best women’s soccer player on the planet – Marta from Brazil – on the roster; nevertheless, in a strong soccer market in Los Angeles, the team could not draw decent crowds to the Home Depot Center.

The last time folks tried to create a women’s pro soccer league in the US was right after the US women’s team won the World Cup and Brandi Chastain made sports bras famous. That league lost a ton of money in its first year and then tried to get by for enough time to become viable; it failed. History seems to be repeating itself now with the Women’s Pro Soccer League…

Did you notice that 42-year-old Matt Stairs signed a deal with the San Diego Padres last week? If there were a proposition bet as to how many games in the 2010 season Matt Stairs would use a fielder’s glove in anger and the over/under line was 2.5 games, I would take the Under.

Did you watch the Pro Bowl? I caught a few brief moments and felt badly for wasting those moments of my life. Even if you believe the hype that this is a “fans’ game” and the fans should get to see whomever they want to see, the game had to be a disappointment. Fans wanted to see Peyton Manning or Tom Brady or Philip Rivers be the QB of the AFC team. None was there; neither was Carson Palmer nor Ben Roethlisberger. Instead the QB depth chart for the AFC was (in alphabetical order):

David Garrard
Matt Schaub
Vince Young.

Pardon me if I am underwhelmed here…

David Garrard can now lay claim to the fact that he is a “Pro Bowler” despite the fact that no one outside the Garrard nuclear family would even pretend that he had a 2009 season comparable with a half-dozen other AFC quarterbacks. I do not mean to pick on David Garrard because there are other examples to be had here, but the label “Pro Bowl Player” has become significantly diluted in recent seasons…

Finally, let me yield the floor to David Whitley of AOL Fanhouse regarding the Pro Bowl:

“What if they threw a Pro Bowl and a Missouri Valley Conference All-Star Game broke out? Hold on to your tickets, football fans. It just might happen. The Pro Bowl is scheduled for Sunday in Miami, meaning there is still time for the remaining starters to be replaced by David Garrard’s pool boy. It seems everybody who’s anybody won’t be showing up at the supposedly new and improved game. In short, this is the worst NFL facelift since Jerry Jones.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Today, I want to clean up a few odds and ends on my clipboard starting with the reputation St. Louis enjoys as a “great baseball town” where the fans are knowledgeable and appreciate the innovative ways of their St. Louis Cardinals. A couple of weeks ago, the new Cards’ hitting coach, Mark McGwire appeared at a team promotional event. He received a standing ovation just days after finally admitting that he had been a lying weasel for years regarding his steroid usage and continuing to deny that his steroid use played any part in his record-setting seasons. Proximal to those accolades, another former Cardinal, Jack Clark, was booed by Cards’ fans when Clark said that he had “zero regard” for steroid users whom he considers cheaters.

The Cardinals’ fans here seem to have chosen to eschew their “knowledgeable” label in favor of homerism. And booing Jack Clark for these comments means that their appreciation of Cardinals’ “innovation” is not all that laudatory. Sadly, this will not likely prevent baseball poets from continuing to refer to Cards’ fans in glowing terms. What they did here was to soil their own sheets.

Speaking of sheets, Ben Sheets was a free agent pitcher this winter until he signed with the Oakland A’s a few days ago. Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune thought Sheets might be a fit with the Cubs on the following basis:

“Oft-injured All-Star pitcher Ben Sheets would be a perfect Cub: He could win 15 games or tear his rotator cuff signing the contract.”

The LA Times reported that the Dodgers have eliminated their VIP Section for Spring Training games this year. Last year, seats for Spring Training games in the VIP section cost $90 each. For that price, you got to see a meaningless game with free parking, “food coupons”, sunscreen and “cool towels to wipe your brow. One of the Dodgers’ spokesthings told the LA Times:

“Based on fan feedback, we determined that premium seating in spring training wasn’t necessary.”

Even so, tickets for Dodgers’ games this spring will be pricey. Seats will go for between $26 and $47 for a game and it will cost $10-12 for a “spot on the outfield grass” - - where you will surely need to bring your own sunscreen and cool towels.

Rich Gosselin writes for the Dallas Morning News; he covers the NFL as a beat. After last weekend’s loss by the Vikings in the NFC Championship game, he had these two stats in an offering earlier this week:

“Counting playoffs, Favre has started 309 NFL games. He has avoided interceptions in 111 of them, and his teams won 99 of those games. His winning clip when he doesn’t throw an interception is 89.1 percent.

“But Favre threw at least one interception in his other 198 starts. His record in those games is 94-104, a 47.4 percent clip.”

Bob Molinaro of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot had an interesting item regarding an early mock draft from Mel Kiper Jr.

“Tribal Matters: Mel Kiper Jr.’s first mock draft for ESPN has the Redskins using the fourth pick to take Oklahoma quarterback Sam Bradford. This could be a reach because Bradford is considered by many to be anything but a slam-dunk as a pro. It would also create an interesting situation wherein a player who is 1/16th Cherokee, but has acknowledged his inclusion in the second largest tribe in the U.S., would be playing for a team that, in the opinion of some people, features a Native American epithet for a nickname. Maybe it would be better for everybody if the Skins took Jimmy Clausen.”

Leaving aside the ethnicity of Sam Bradford and its possible clash with the team nickname, the selection of college QBs for the NFL is a dicey proposition at best. The draft class from 2006 has had some “time in the barrel” so to speak. If this were a wine vintage, Robert Parker might call it an undistinguished vintage that does not look as if it will turn into anything more than mediocre. I don’t pretend to recall every QB taken in 2006 but here are the ones I do recall:

Vince Young: First QB taken with #3 overall pick. Started out promisingly, then disappeared for a year and a half, and then played very well at the end of 2009. Probably the best of this lot.

Matt Leinart: Second QB taken with #10 overall pick. So far, he has yet to reach the level of “mediocre”.

Jay Cutler: Third QB taken with #11 overall pick. Still waiting for him to lead a team to a winning season. Has not happened since he was in high school…

Kellen Clemens: Taken in 2nd round. Last year the Jets signed Brett Favre to avoid playing him; this year they drafted Mark Sanchez to avoid playing him.

Brad Smith: Taken in a late round. Jets use him as a running back and kick returner and not a QB.

Tarvaris Jackson: Taken in 2nd round (I think). Someone said that suspense is worse than disappointment. In Jackson’s case, the suspense is over; he is in fact a disappointment.

Bruce Gradkowski: Taken in a late round. Started for a woeful Bucs’ team and started for a woeful Raiders’ team. He pulled neither team from the “woeful” level.

The 2007 QB crop wasn’t all that much better:

JaMarcus Russell: Taken first overall. If he entered the 2010 draft, I’m not sure he would be drafted by anyone.

Brady Quinn: Taken in the late first round. Has not yet wowed anyone with any of his performances.

Drew Stanton: Taken in 2nd round. He was so impressive that the Lions drafted another QB in 2009 - - that time in the first round.

Kevin Kolb: Taken in 3rd round. He is the darling of Eagles’ fans at the moment proving that the most popular person in just about any NFL city is the backup QB.

Trent Edwards: Taken in 3rd round. Decent player but hardly a star.

Troy Smith: Taken in a late round. Has not yet found his way to the field on a regular basis.

The watchword for the Redskins - - should they behave the way Mel Kiper Jr. projects they will - - or any other team that spends an early draft pick on a QB should be caveat emptor.

Finally, a note from Dwight Perry in the Seattle Times:

“Hear about a bunch of 1985 Chicago Bears getting together to film a remake of their ‘Super Bowl Shuffle’?

“Not that these guys have gotten old or anything, but music aficionadoes are calling it the birth of Artificial-Hip Hop.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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As you can tell from the headline here, I have done a few of these before. In the past, I could always count on one reader sending me a long and thoughtful response to my suggestions as to how the NFL can improve itself and its game. That reader was someone that I met in the third grade and with whom I graduated from high school. For some reason, this genre of Topical Rants resonated with him. He suggested several times that I take all of them and boil them down and offer them to a newspaper somewhere as a major piece around which that newspaper could build its football issue just before the season started. He even offered to be my editor and to help me find an outlet for the condensed tome. I will not get a response this time; my friend died just before Thanksgiving last year. Since he will not be here to read this one and comment on it, I will just dedicate it to him. RIP, Gerry…

The premise here is that the NFL is the 800-pound gorilla of professional sports enterprises in the US. It is the league that generates more revenue per contest than any other; it is the league that commands more television viewers than any other; it is the league that is run – generally – with an enlightened view regarding its position in the society and how it can maintain that position in society. In other words, it is pretty damned good just the way it is.

Having said that, there are things that the NFL could choose to do that would make it even better. Aperiodically, I offer up my list of things it could do to make itself better knowing fully that no one at NFL Hqs will break any world land speed records to make any of them happen. That realization has not stopped me in the past and will not stop me now.

I think that the NFL could make a significant improvement by changing the way that teams draw their bye weeks during the season. Teams that do not get their bye week until Week 10 will have been playing weekly football since the start of the exhibition season about three months ago. If they face a team in Week 8 or Week 9 that is coming off a bye week or is only one week removed from its bye week, the team that is still waiting for a week off is at a competitive disadvantage. There is no order to the assignment of bye weeks. In some weeks, only two teams are off; in other weeks, as many as six teams are off. I would make the following changes to the way bye weeks are assigned:

1. All of the teams would have their bye weeks in a consecutive four-week span during the season – preferably in weeks 5 through 8. On each of those weekends, 8 teams would be off.

2. The way the eight teams would be given a week off would be by division. On each of these four bye weekends, two full divisions would take a break.

3. Upon returning from the bye week, all of the eight teams who had last weekend off would face another team who also had last weekend off. No “rested” team would ever face a team “needing a rest”.

Despite the overall economic condition of the NFL – some have characterized the 32 franchises as a license to print money – there is a gulf forming in the league between “haves” and “have nots”. Such a divide is not beneficial in the long run; the league needs to find a way to assure that the now forming gulf does not become so large that teams on one side cannot ever get to the other side. The current economic climate is hardly robust; nevertheless, the Jacksonville Jaguars only sold out one game this year and the Jags were in the playoff race until Christmas; the Oakland Raiders played a home game to a crowd of 39,000 people this year and sold out only one game; the Buffalo Bills have been trying to expand their footprint – and their market demographics – for several years with exhibition games in Toronto and last year with a real game in Toronto; the St. Louis Rams played to less than 75% of capacity for the season. These are not good signs; this is not healthy for the NFL if it continues into the long term.

To an outside observer, it surely seems as if the gurus in NFL Hqs are focused on trying to establish an NFL “presence” in Great Britain given the annual game there and statements that maybe there will be more than one game per year in London in the future. I have no quarrel with a game or two played over there but there are more serious market building and promotional activities that need to be done here at home for the franchises I mentioned above and perhaps a couple of others too. Shoring up existing franchises is more important than a “UK footprint”. The NHL - - seeking a national footprint - - put teams in places where hockey just does not flourish and now faces the failure of a Phoenix franchise and serious problems with the franchise in Miami. The NHL did not stick to its knitting; the NFL should go to school on those events.

I thought this next item was something that only bothered me until I was watching a game with friends earlier this year, someone else complained about this happening, and everyone agreed with him. It has become hugely annoying when a player entreats for a penalty to be called by going through the pantomime of throwing his own imaginary flag. Tolerating such on-field behavior imports to the NFL one of the single most annoying behavioral aspects of the NBA. The league should move to marginalize such behavior by convincing coaches to get it out of the game. Here is how:

1. As soon as a player begs for a penalty or mimes throwing a flag, the referees should throw a flag for unsportsmanlike conduct.

2. All such penalty enforcements will come with the loss of a down in addition to the 15-yard penalty if on the offensive team.

3. All such penalty enforcements will be an automatic first down in addition to the 15-yard penalty if on the defensive team.

I suspect that such a new rule by the league would motivate coaches to focus on taking that kind of behavior out of players on game day. The penalties would not be easy to accommodate…

I understand the need for the NFL to protect QBs from being ravaged by defensive players. There are not enough quality QBs in the league to begin with so the NFL’s product is diminished when too many starting QBs go on the shelf for long spans of time. Having said that, the interpretation of the rules seems now to reward teams with marginal offensive lines; they leave the “protection” of their QB in the hands of the referee and his yellow flag. Take a look at teams with bad offensive lines and ask yourself why they set up in formations that have an empty backfield. Unless that QB gets rid of the ball in under 1.5 seconds, he is likely to become a turf pizza; part of his continued ability to get up from such hits relies on the referee throwing a few flags to cut down on the vigor with which the defensive players go after the QB. That seems to me to be a kind of abdication of responsibility on the part of coaches and offensive coordinators and referees should not aid and abet such abdication.

If parity is so important to the NFL, I wonder why the rules governing the injured reserve list are the way they are. Once a player goes on IR, he is out for the season. Why?

In the past, some teams “stashed” players on injured reserve - - some with only minor injuries - - as an insurance policy against a future severe injury to another player on the roster. That did not make the “stashed” players available league-wide and generally favored “haves” over “have nots”. Therefore, the rule changed such that as soon as a team put Joe Flabeetz on IR, he was ineligible to play in the league again that season. However, the season is a long one and some injuries do heal in 6 or 8 or even 10 weeks. A team would be at a disadvantage if they had to “carry” a player on the active roster for that long with no hope of production from him.

So why not allow a team a maximum of 3 players per season on a “Returnable Injured Reserve List”. These players would count against the salary cap and would have to be on this new list for a minimum of 8 games - - to include playoff games, but once they passed that point and were deemed physically fit to return to football, they could do so. Obviously, that rule would be ripe for abuse without a strict limit on the number of players who could go on that list in any given season; that is why I would limit it to no more than 3 players per team - - and I could be talked into reducing that number to 2 players per team as a way to see how the rule worked out.

I suggest that the rules governing pass coverage have tilted too far in favor of the receivers. I believe that defenders should be able to jam receivers and try to knock them off their routes within 10 yards of the line of scrimmage instead of the current 5-yard rule - - so long as the contact ends when the ball is in the air. In addition, the league needs to make it a point of emphasis for officials to call offensive pass interference in those cases where contact or “hand checking” is initiated by the receiver and not the defender.

The final area I want to discuss here is one that seemingly has drawn the attention of Commissioner Roger Goodell. As this last season drew to a close and teams pretty much knew where they would be in the playoff seedings a couple of weeks before the season ended, playoff teams ceased to try hard. Top ranked teams pulled their starting players and other playoff bound teams gave less than full effort in late season games. Pull a tape of the Cincinnati Bengals effort in their last game against the NY Jets. In the second half, I thought someone had slipped some Quaaludes into the Bengals’ Gatorade on the sidelines. They were somnambulating…

The Commish has a task force looking into ways that the league might incentivize top teams from resting their starters in late season games. One idea that floated around for a moment was that top teams would get extra draft picks if they kept their stars on the field. Say what? You are going to take top teams and give them extra draft picks? I thought the purpose of the draft was to help the bad teams get better so that parity would prevail. That is one bad idea.

I think that the NFL should view that “problem” as an assault on the NFL brand. Teams are charging top dollar for a watered down product even though the games do count; these are not exhibition season games; these are for real - - even if the outcome of the season has already been decided mathematically. The league should look at that kind of team behavior as an infringement on the value of the NFL as a brand and beat up on the teams that behave that way with the same vigor that the NFL might go after an enterprise that sought to sell “counterfeit” hats or shirts with NFL logos on them. I think this is an economic issue and not an “integrity of the game” issue as many has tried to portray it.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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I think it was clear that the Indianapolis Colts were the better team on the field last Sunday against the Jets. Obviously, I do not have the coaches’ tape for the game, but I cannot recall a single time in the second half when Peyton Manning was hit - - even slightly - - by the Jets’ pass rush. And, in the absence of a huge pass rush, Peyton Manning and the Colts’ receivers took turns abusing Dwight Lowery, a second year cornerback from San José State.

Oh, while I was typing that last paragraph, the Vikings fumbled again…

Back about Thanksgiving, the Colts and the Saints were still undefeated and people were already beginning to “debate” the merits of the teams resting starters at the end of the season or trying for an undefeated season. In the midst of that debate, I suggested that Jim Caldwell and Sean Peyton probably knew their teams well enough that they would make a decision that would not hurt the team. However, I said that either or both coaches would be second-guessed to death unless their teams made it to the Super Bowl. Voila! The Saints and the Colts are in the Super Bowl so whatever calculus each coach used to arrive at his decision, the one thing that is for certain is that it worked.

Meanwhile, we do have to endure the Pro Bowl this weekend. As I have been watching the ESPN promo for the game where they say that “86 NFL Stars” will be on the same field at the same time this Sunday in this classic match up, I have to say that I resonate with that promo. It does not make me want to see the game - - you would need to have me at gunpoint and in shackles to get me to do that - - but it does resonate.

There are 86 players in the game and more than anything, I would like to “eighty-six” the game. It resonates…

The Pro Bowl is in Miami this year. That might lead you to believe that the Pro Bowl game would cut some slack by Greg Cote in the Miami Herald. I do not think that is the case, but you make the call:

“Miami’s only Pro Bowl selection, tackle Jake Long, dropped out because of an unspecified injury, continuing the long-standing NFL tradition of players bowing out with fake injuries because being selected is great on account of incentive bonuses, but actually playing in the Pro Bowl is worse than an anterior cruicate ligament tear.”

“I don’t wanna say a lot of players drop out, but because of the attrition, your neighbor, Fat Eddie, is now the first alternate to start at left guard for the AFC.”

Last week, I said that the story that Tiger Woods had checked into a rehab program for sex addiction had the whiff of a PR move all over it. I got this e-mail from a sometimes reader whom I will identify only as a “pressbox wag”:

“Tiger? Makes sense. He already had a swing coach; now he has one for his putts.”

I doubt that would make it into any edition of any fine family newspaper around the country so I include it here because it is meritorious. However, that leads me to pose another question for your consideration regarding the sex rehab therapy angle to this matter:

When/If Tiger Woods emerges from that clinic and ultimately proclaims he is in recovery from his affliction, will that be sufficient to rehab his public image?

On the other hand, will he need to invoke a newly focused religious commitment in addition to the secular therapeutic cure and apply that salve to his image?

People talk about the coaching carousel in college football every year for good reason. There is a lot of movement within those ranks. In fact, there are 120 Division 1-A head coaching jobs out there and of those 120 head coaches only two have been in the same job for 20 or more years now that Bobby Bowden has ceded his job to his successor. Obviously, Joe Paterno is one of them. Paterno started as an assistant coach at Penn State in the Truman administration and became the head coach in the early days of Lyndon Johnson’s “War on Poverty”. It took me a while - - and a hint that the other college head coach with 20 years in the same position was in a BCS Conference - - to get the second member of this club. Frank Beamer at Va Tech has been the head coach there since 1987. As Tony Kornheiser would say:

“That’s it. That’s the list!”

Ooops, the Vikings just fumbled again…

In the world of college basketball, might the folks who run the Big East suggest to DePaul that the Blue Demons should consider competing in a slightly less strenuous conference? DePaul is 1-7 in conference this year having won their only Big East game a week ago today over Marquette. The last time they won a Big East game, the Dow Jones Industrial Average may have been around 14,500…

Finally, Florida International University’s record in men’s basketball stands at 7-16 in Isiah Thomas’ first year as the head coach there. A couple of weeks ago, Greg Cote had this comment in the Miami Herald:

“FIU basketball was 5-13 entering Saturday’s game. I looked to the Bible for comfort, turned to the Book of Isiah (Thomas), and read my favorite psalm: ‘Thou shalt develop an exit strategy that, lo, saves face while getting thou the hell out of here.’ “

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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I will be off the air until the middle of next week - - probably Thursday. I will be attending to some family business involving a visit to Ann Arbor to move some furniture and to see my grandson.

Check back next week, please…

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From last week’s mythical picks, I got a few gold stars and a few embarrassing moments. Here is how they stacked up:

1. I liked the Cardinals plus 7 points against the Saints. They did not even come close to covering. Embarrassing Moment!

2. I liked the Saints/Cards game to go Over 56. It did. Gold Star!

3. I was tempted by the Cards on the money line at +270. You have to learn to resist temptation…

4. I liked the Ravens/Colts game to Under 44.5. It did so comfortably. Gold Star!

5. I liked the Vikes/Cowboys game to go Over 45. The Vikes did their part but the Cowboys’ offense took the day off. Embarrassing Moment!

6. On a hunch, I liked the Cowboys plus 3 points. The Cowboys would not have covered at plus 23 points. Embarrassing Moment!

7. I liked the Jets + 7 points against the Chargers. The Jets won outright. Gold Star!

8. I was tempted by the Jets on the money line at +270. Sometimes you just have to give in to temptation to see how good it feels…

Obviously, the picks above are no better than coin flipping or asking your Magic 8-Ball what you should do. So, clearly no one should think that any further information here would be even marginally useful in selecting which side to take in an NFL wager this weekend involving real money. If you think anything here springs from a font of wisdom, I would have to say that all men sprang from apes - - but you didn’t spring quite far enough.

Comments:

Here is Meaningless Factoid #1 for the week: Brad Childress and Sean Payton are both alums of Eastern Illinois University. So is Mike Shanahan. So is Tony Romo. That is a whole passel of Panthers…

Given the way Tony Romo played last weekend, I started to wonder how long it would be until the cameras located Jessica Simpson in the stands. That must have happened when I was visiting the “facilities”.

Have you ever wondered why Jerry Glanville never made it back to the NFL as a coach after he took some time off from coaching when the Falcons let him go in the mid-90s. [He is now the head coach at Portland State.] Maybe NFL owners and GMs have taken note of the fact that he was the head coach in Atlanta when the Falcons drafted Brett Favre. Glanville was less than enamored with the selection and said something to the effect that it would take a plane crash for him to put Favre into an actual game. The Falcons traded Favre to Green Bay a year later and since then …

Speaking of “aged” quarterbacks, the story is that Kurt Warner is taking time to ponder whether or not he should retire or come back to play with the Cardinals again next season. Here is a piece of advice for Messr. Warner:

Get a real commitment from the team that they will shore up that defensive unit. If the defense continues to give up 40+ points every time it goes up against a top-shelf offense… You get the idea here.

Here is Meaningless Factoid #2 for the week: The last time the Minnesota Vikings played in the NFC Championship Game, it was 2001 and they lost to the NY Giants by a score of 41-0.

The reason the Cowboys have a “designated kicker-offer” and a regular place kicker on the squad is that the “designated kicker-offer” is not considered sufficiently accurate to be trusted with the placekicking duties. Excuse me, but Nick Folk was sufficiently inaccurate that he got his ass cut in mid-season and Shaun Suisham was less than accurate in the game against the Vikes last weekend. So, here is the question for the geniuses who run the Cowboys and the Cowboys’ special teams:

Are you sure you can’t teach David Buehler to be accurate?

If the answer to that question is in the negative then how about this follow-up question:

What do special teams coaches in Dallas do for a living?

I believe that the jury is back from its deliberations now regarding the trade that the Cowboys made with the Lions last season to acquire Roy Williams. The Cowboys gave up three draft picks - - including a first round pick - - and then lavished a large contract on Williams. Last week, Roy Williams did a very good imitation of Claude Rains with regard to pass-catching and run blocking.

Mr. Foreman, will you please read the verdict …

Reggie Bush had his best game of the year against the Cardinals last weekend. Was it due to the Cards mediocrity on defense or was it - - as a friend suggested to me last Monday - - that Bush was warming up to get out of the Superdome quickly after the game because there was someone there from the NCAA with a summons…

The Chargers’ fans cannot be thrilled by the outcome of last weekend’s game. However, those that want to see how the AFC season plays out can tune into the Jets/Colts game this weekend and those Chargers’ fans will notice that there is one aspect of this weekend’s game that is identical to last weekend’s Chargers/Jets game. Nate Kaeding will not make any field goals this week either.

However, next weekend Kaeding will be kicking in the Pro Bowl so he will probably get to try at least one field goal with nothing important riding on the outcome.

Here is Meaningless Factoid #3 for the week: Norv Turner is the only coach ever in the NFL to have won 90 or more games and still have a losing record overall.

As the NFL season draws to a conclusion, I want to bring something to the attention of the honchos at ESPN. Have you noticed how FOX, CBS and NBC manage to have their top announcing crews limited to a two-man booth? Have you noticed that ESPN’s three-man booth is significantly worse than any of the lead teams on the other networks with two men in the booth?

Memo to the “World Wide Leader”: Any chance you might find a way to fix that?

By the way, just thinking about the superiority of all those two-man booths made me realize that NBC created a three-man booth to do its doubleheader duty on wildcard weekend. Tom Hammond, Joe Theismann and Joe Gibbs represented a Marconi Migraine; they gave listeners a giant headache. The only thing that kept that crew from hitting Level 10 on the Suck – O – Meter was that it lacked Eric Dickerson reporting from the sidelines.

Jim Armstrong has this assessment of the Denver Broncos season in 2009:

“Not that the Broncos were, like, totally average this season, but their final record read like this: 8-8 overall, 3-3 in the AFC West, 6-6 vs. the AFC and 2-2 vs. the NFC. Before you go thinking they scored the exact same number of points as their opponents, they didn’t. They outscored them 326-324.”

The Games:

(Sun 3:00 PM EST) Jets at Colts – 8 (40): Shop this line. You can find it as low as 7.5 and as high as 9 at one Internet sportsbook. The most prevalent spread in 8 points at the moment. I think it is a mistake to say that because the Colts’ defense throttled the Ravens’ running game last week it will similarly throttle the Jets’ running game this week. The fact is that the Jets are a better running team than the Ravens are and so the Jets will likely be able to run more effectively than did the Ravens. I think the real question for the Jets is which QB will take the field on Sunday - - “The Sanchise” or “Broadway Schmoe”? I think the Colts feel a bit more certainty as to which QB will take the field for them on Sunday. The Over/Under line opened at 40.5 and has dropped to 40 in many places and to 39.5 in some places. Unless there is a special teams TD and a Pick-6 in this game, I do not see it hitting 40 points. If one team scores a winning TD in the final minutes to win 16-13, that will not shock and amaze me. I like the game Under 40. I like the Jets with the points. I also think a flyer on the Jets on the money line at +300 is worth a shot.

(Sun 6:40 PM EST) Vikings at Saints – 3.5 (52.5): Right at the outset, let me say that I like this game Over; I think it has the potential to go into the 70s. I also want to say that Sidney Rice may be the most underrated WR in the NFL at the present time. Having disposed of that, let me say that I have a lot more confidence in the Vikings’ defense to play with solid resistance than I do the Saints’ defense, which gives up yardage in bundles and hopes to create a big turnover. I say that knowing full well that the Vikings pass defense was in the bottom half of the NFL rankings this season; but if the Vikes can generate pressure rushing only 4 or 5 men - - as they did routinely last week - -, they should prevent the Saints from getting their signature big plays on Sunday. If the Saints can get a couple of gifts from Favre in the passing game or from Adrian Peterson fumbles, they will win here; if not … I’m going with “not”. I’ll take the Vikings with the points here because I think they have a legit shot to win outright.

Finally, Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle has given us something to look for in terms of assessing the chances that the Raiders will return to a position of prominence in the NFL shortly:

“Prediction: If JaMarcus Russell is the Raiders’ quarterback for Game 1 of 2010, Al Davis has officially kissed the Super Bowl goodbye for his lifetime.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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