The Sports Curmudgeon®

There are two WNBA stories that have made the “headline lists” on various sports news sites today. And those two stories demonstrate rather clearly the irrelevance of the WNBA. The first story is about ten suspensions handed out by the league following a brawl between the LA and Detroit teams. Detroit assistant coach Rick Mahorn even got involved although he claims he was only trying to be a peacemaker and keep combatants apart. Sadly, the WNBA garners headlines here because it makes the WNBA game look like a men’s basketball game. This fight coincidentally happened in the same place as the legendary Pistons/Pacers “basketbrawl” except fans did not get involved this time. If you think I’m being harsh on the WNBA here, consider that the last time the WNBA grabbed some headline space was when one of the players dunked a basketball in an actual game. Then too, it made the WNBA seem like the men’s game…

But the second story today is even worse. The Detroit Shock signed and played Nancy Lieberman in an actual league game. Lieberman is in the Hall of Fame – with good reason – but she is 50 years old and has not actually played professionally for more than a decade. It’s a feelgood story to be sure - - but it makes the WNBA out to be a carnival act. The NBA won’t be bringing Charles Barkley back for a cameo role in an actual league game next year and Sir Charles is only 45; the NBA won’t be bring back Dennis Rodman (age 48), Magic Johnson (age 50) or Dr. J (age 58) either. They won’t because they don’t need to do that to make the headlines and because to do that would make a mockery of their games.

In the world of baseball, I saw a report about an amazing outing by a pitcher that you may have missed. Last week, Jeremy Sowers started a game for the Cleveland Indians against the Tampa Bay Rays. In four innings, Sowers walked seven hitters and struck out eight; that four-inning effort took 93 pitches. The second inning was the most bizarre. Sowers faced seven batters; none of them hit a fair ball; he walked four and struck out three and it took him 41 pitches to get out of the inning. I’ve seen a lot of baseball games in my lifetime; I don’t recall ever seeing anything like that beyond a Little League game.

The Minnesota Twins have a new stadium going up in Minnesota; and of course, they will be looking for a company to buy the naming rights. Minnesota is the land of 10,000 Lakes so why not have Land-o-Lakes butter make the buy? Land-o-Lakes Field in the Land of 10,000 Lakes… Once again, I am proving to you that I would never have made it in the field of marketing/advertising…

Here is a baseball proposition bet for all the seamheads out there:

Mariners’ wins for the year +5 vs.

Francisco Rodriguez’ saves

With regard to the Alex Rodriguez/Madonna dithering, let me say that these are two adults – at least chronologically – and whatever they choose to do with their lives in the privacy of their homes/boudoirs is really none of anyone’s business. With all the coverage of this “liaison” to date, there has not yet been any hint of any kind of illegal activity that might be ongoing amongst the two of them. Even if all the reports only tell half the story, these are not two people engaged in some kind of nefarious plot to bring an end to Western Civilization as we have come to know it. It is no big deal; please, give this story a rest…

I did read one rumor/assertion/flight-of-fancy with regard to the A-Rod/Madonna dithering that resonated with me. One report had it that this blissful union might – I said might – convince Madonna to give up her music career once and for all. Now, wouldn’t that be a boon to all humankind? This year is the Chinese Year of the Rat, which is not a glorious portent for things to come, but Madonna’s future musical silence would surely be a wonderful gift to all of us from the Year of the Rat.

In fact, maybe we can extend the story and get an even bigger benefit. Any chance that Carly Simon might be joining these folks for a threesome and that she will decide to go silent too? I know; don’t be greedy…

In NFL news, Devin Hester did not report to the Bears’ training camp and says he might hold out for the year absent a new fat contract. Hester says he will not play for his $450K salary this year because he feels underpaid after the two explosive seasons he has had; he’s probably right about that. However, his leverage is limited here. He can be fined up to $15K per day that he misses team activities; that means that after 30 days of “absence” he would have to play the season out for nada/squadoosh/nil/zilch. And if he does not report to the team by Game 10 – well after he has run out of salary to pay his fines – then he gets to play next year under this year’s contract provisions. Somehow, I do not see how this one will end with everyone happy…

The US Army has decided that Caleb Campbell must report for active duty in the army and cannot play NFL football for the Lions this year. I am of two minds on this one.

Campbell went to West Point and got a taxpayer-funded education knowing that military service was part of the deal. At the same time, the US Army told Campbell and the NFL that Campbell could indeed play in the NFL starting this year and serve out his commitment to the services under an “alternative service option”. So Campbell was eligible to be drafted and the Lions took him in the seventh round.

Now comes the “double back” by the Army. Certainly, Caleb Campbell consumed public resources, as he was educated/trained to be an officer in the US Army. The public should expect to get that service from him as “recompense”. At the same time, the Army made it clear that he had a way to pay back his education costs in terms of a cash reimbursement and “alternative services” and Campbell and the NFL acted based on that good faith representation by the Army. Somehow, I don’t see how this one will end with everyone happy…

Finally, here are two things which when placed in juxtaposition give you an idea of how ironic life can be:

1. Michael Vick filed for bankruptcy claiming debts of up to $50M. It all went down the drain due to that dogfighting mess.

2. Leona Helmsley’s dogs have a net worth of about $10M

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…