Mythical Picks – NFL – Weekend of 2/2/14

Well, the Mythical Picks for the Conference Championship games stunk in spades:

    I liked Pats/Broncos Over 55. Total was all of 42. Sucked!

    I liked Pats +6 against Broncos. Pats lost by 10. Sucked!

    I liked Niners +3.5 against Seahawks. Niners lost by 6. Sucked!

    I liked Niners/Seahawks Under 40. The game was a Push.

So the record from two weeks ago was a fetid 0-3-1. That was in keeping with the putrescence of the Mythical Picks for this season; the cumulative record now stands at 112-159-8. Even a mother cannot love those results…

Clearly, no one should take any information here as the basis for making a decision as to how to bet on the Super Bowl game this weekend if that bet involves real money. Anyone who is dumb enough even to consider such an action risks this fate:

    Any idea that flashes into your head is doomed to a solitary and fruitless existence.

General Comments:

In the event that you had not heard:

    The #1 offense in the NFL and the #1 defense in the NFL will oppose one another in the Super Bowl this year.

    Peyton Manning will participate in the game.

    The game will happen in northern New Jersey and all of the parties/receptions leading up to the game will happen in NYC.

    Someone named Bruno Mars will headline the halftime show. He is not the guy who owns the company that makes candy bars.

The NFL has been devoted to the concept of “parity” and “on any given Sunday…” for at least the last 45 years. It is a great story when a team that finishes last in its division in one year wins that division championship the next year. Despite that orthodoxy, the NFL ought to celebrate the fact that both conferences will have their best teams playing this weekend. Parity be damned; these are the top quality teams I want to see in a Super Bowl game.

Two weeks ago, the Niners went to Seattle to play their fourth consecutive road game. The last team to do that and sweep those 4 games was the KC Chiefs in 1966. Obviously, that 48-year old record remains intact.

Dwight Perry had this Super Bowl prediction regarding the critical play of the game in the Seattle Times about a week ago:

“Super Bowl turning point: Peyton Manning switches from ‘Omaha’ to ‘Truth or Consequences, New Mexico’ in his signal-calling, draws delay-of-game penalty.”

It could happen…

In terms of non-football events this weekend, I am hoping that a few folks on Governor Christie’s staff decide to “go rogue” and screw up traffic getting from Manhattan to New Jersey. The idea of having a bunch of corporate CEOs and Marketing Directors sitting in their limos going nowhere to the point that they arrive at the stadium too late for all of the pre-game cocktail parties strikes a chord in the part of my soul that champions egalitarianism.

Oh, and for those corporate sponsors and their guests/clients, I hope it rains – not snows – in a downpour the minute the game ends such that they are all drenched and cold when they get back to their transportation for the evening.

I hope the fact that the NFL dodges the ”weather bullet” this weekend does not tempt them to put a future Super Bowl game in a venue such as Chicago or Green Bay or Foxboro or Philly or Washington in some future February. After one survives a round or Russian Roulette, the best thing to do is to pass on any and all future rounds. The NFL should take note here…

Viewers need to be ready for an advertising onslaught. In the 10 playoff game leading up to this week’s Super Bowl game, there have been a total of 1,120 ads and promos. Do the math; that is 112 of those annoyances per game. And it will only get worse on Sunday…

During the playoffs this year, the company with the greatest number of ads was Verizon. They ran 52 ads or 5.2 ads per game. The second most frequent product with ads was Bud Light with 47 ads. I am not sure what is worse:

    A. Watching an inane Bud Light ad – or –
    B. Drinking a Bud Light

    You make the call…

Bruno Mars will be the halftime guy this year. For the record, I had never heard of Bruno Mars – let alone heard one of his songs – until I read the announcement that he would be the halftime guy. For all I knew, Bruno Mars was the younger brother of ET – The Extraterrestrial

I have since been informed that Messr. Mars has a large repertoire of well-known songs from which to choose on Sunday. One of my “rock music advisors” provided me with a list of about 10 numbers he might do. I thought these four would be most appropriate:

    It Will Rain (The NFL hopes not; I hope it will at the end of the game.)

    Liquor Store Blues (The starting point for NFL players’ DUIs.)

    Money Makes Her Smile (It makes Roger Goodell smile too.)

    Move On (Clearly, my most fervent wish for the halftime show.)

So, how long will the halftime show be? It will be too long for my taste; that is for sure. My great hope is that it is not so long that it equates to the time it might take to send Bruno Mars home to the planet Mars…

In the near future, there may be a need for the NFL to call upon a world-class leader in negotiation and mediation to resolve a problem that has boiled over.

    Once US Secretary of State, John Kerry has resolved all the tensions between Israel and the Palestinians and he has assured an end to the civil strife in Syria and he has lured Iran away from the “Axis of Evil” to rejoin the “Fraternity of Nations”, the NFL needs his services and his competence.

    If not for Secretary Kerry, who can resolve the contretemps between Michael Strahan and Warren Sapp?

    If John Kerry cannot bring these two men to a point of peaceful co-existence, maybe what they need to do is to have a Texas Chain-saw Death Match inside a Steel Cage with a stipulation that “Loser Leaves the Planet” (with Bruno Mars?) match at Wrestlemania. They could bring in Keith Jackson to announce the match and to say:

    “These two guys just plain don’t like each other.”

The Game:

In two playoff games, the Broncos have punted the ball exactly once. Forget the Maytag repairman, the Broncos’ punter, Britton Colquitt, may be the loneliest and most underemployed guy in the country.

If you were looking for contradictory and meaningless trends related to this game, here is a pair that should float your boat:

    Broncos are 0-3 in Super Bowl games wearing orange jerseys.

    Broncos are 14-2 in orange jerseys with Peyton Manning at QB.

Yes, the Broncos are wearing orange on Sunday…

Bob Molinaro of the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot had this analysis/prediction for the big game:

“Futurewatch: Before you decide who to pick in the Super Bowl, consider that after 10 NFL playoff games this season, there have been only seven defensive pass interference penalties called. It’s not that surprising since officials are instructed to let ‘em play in the postseason. Remember how nothing was called when that Ravens cornerback and 49ers receiver Michael Crabtree were engaged in mortal combat at the end of last year’s Super Bowl? I can’t see how a greater reluctance on the part of officials to throw flags could be anything but bad news for Peyton Manning and Denver’s receivers against Seattle’s talented, physical and “handsy” pass defenders.”

Seattle vs. Denver – 2.5 (48): I think this will be a low scoring game. I believe that the Seahawks can prevent the Broncos from running wild on offense; I believe that the Broncos’ defense can hold its own against the Seahawks’ attack. I like the game to stay Under. I like the Seahawks plus the points. In addition, I like one of the prop bets available in Las Vegas:

Neither team scores in the first 6.5 minutes of the first quarter. Odds: minus-105.

I think each team will need to feel out the other on the first possession. If the Seahawks receive, I think they will run the ball and then punt the ball to the Broncos after consuming the majority of the first 6.5 minutes.

So there you have it. The single most disastrous and inept season of Mythical Picking comes to a close with something even less than a whimper.

Finally, Greg Cote had this item in the Miami Herald regarding the importance of protecting the QB in the NFL:

“Ryan Tannehill’s wife, Lauren, made headlines when she left a rifle in a rental car. Why does she have a rifle? Hey, somebody has to protect the quarterback around here.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………

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  • joe walker  On January 31, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    This Seahawk will have the entire family screaming for our hawks on sunday. We’ve got the food, the drinks and the skittles ready. Even the wife says she is actually interested and watching the game and not just the commercials this year. Go Hawks !
    PS – leave your pittsburg refs at home sports curmudge!

    • The Sports Curmudgeon  On January 31, 2014 at 8:16 pm


      Wow! The wife is actually interested in the game and not in just the commercials. Now that is SUPER BOWL NEWS!

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