The Sports Curmudgeon®

Here in Curmudgeon Central, I am looking out on a snowstorm and The Weather Channel says we could get as much as 8 inches of the stuff. For those of you who have never been in the DC area in the winter, let me say most graciously that this area does not handle snowstorms very well. What makes the current situation even more annoying is that we are in March not January; the snow season should be over; it is time to transition into Spring. I have had enough of snow for the season – and that leads me to consider a whole bunch of other things that I have had enough of.

I have had enough of fans going to games with thundersticks or cowbells in their possession. Those things are only marginally less annoying than vuvuzelas.

I have had enough of “The Wave”. Fans who participate in “The Wave’ are dolts; fans who agitate to start “The Wave” are evil-doers. Sit down and pay attention to the game happening in front of you…

I have had enough of National Signing Day. By focusing attention on a bunch of 18-year old kids – only half of whom will amount to much of anything as football players at the collegiate level – their sense of self-importance and entitlement is magnified. The entire process is only marginally important; the kids involved are not even that important. Stop the TV coverage of this nonsense…

I have had enough of “The Heisman Watch”. Let me be clear; I barely give a damn about who wins the Heisman Trophy. I do not want to hear about or read about anyone’s projection about the winner of the trophy in September and even at the eleventh hour I could not possibly care less which players will be invited to sit in the room at the time they make the announcement.

I have had enough of NFL exhibition games. If anyone is truly concerned about “player safety” – both the league and the union are in my crosshairs here – how can it make even a little sense for each team to play 4 games that mean NOTHING?

I have had enough of three-hour TV specials – ESPN and NFLN are guilty parties here – on the release of the NFL schedule for the upcoming season. Perhaps – and this is by no means certain – there could be 10 minutes of interesting news regarding the upcoming schedule that will not happen for another 4 or 5 months; in no way might anyone with a three-digit IQ consider three hours of babble on this subject worthy of attention.

I have had enough of football players breaking out into gyrations of celebration for making a tackle on a routine play.

Memo to Celebrants: That is what defensive players are supposed to do on every play. Save the celebrations for when you do something truly worthy of celebration – perhaps 3 plays per game.

I have had enough of what has become the “free agent mystery tour” phenomenon. It is not “breaking news” when a free agent in any sport decides to pay a visit to one of the teams for whom he might play next year. That is called a “good business decision” on the part of the player and on the part of the prospective team. Another “good business decision” is when a restaurant owner hires a new chef and upgrades his menu. We do not have any “breaking news” interruptions for those business events.

I have had enough of all reporting on which players were snubbed in All-Star voting. All Star rosters are popularity contests/beauty contests; the fans pick their favorites. Some players “win” and are on the roster; other players “lose” and are not on the roster. No one is snubbed. The also-rans in the Miss Universe Contest are not “snubbed”.

I have had enough of the Ryder Cup and the President’s Cup. Golf is not a team sport.

I have had enough of the Davis Cup. Tennis is not a team sport. Moreover, by extension, I have had enough of Team Tennis.

I have had enough of “fan remote shots” during big sporting events. If someone puts a camera in a sports bar in the hometown of one of the Super Bowl participants, there should be no surprise that the well-lubricated fans there will jump up and down and rhapsodize when something good happens for their team. Since there is no surprise, there is no reason to show those folks on the telecast. The folks in the bar may be a bunch of buzzed mouth-breathers but you should expect that the person in charge of selecting what to put on the air during a telecast might be smarter than a rutabaga.

I have had enough of “Gatorade Showers” for coaches. It was fun the first time it happened; it may have had some derivative value the next half-dozen times; now it is below the level of a “tedious cliché”. Actually, I think the players on the losing team should be the ones to douse the losing coach with Gatorade in freezing cold weather because he obviously did not do a good enough job in team preparation and play-calling. Now that would be a novel twist…

I have had enough of batters adjusting their batting gloves. Look, half the time what happens is that a batter takes a pitch – ball or strike does not matter – and then steps out of the batter’s box to adjust his glove(s). Excuse me; all he did was stand there like a statue and make sure the pitch did not hit him in a delicate part of his anatomy. Tell me why that requires an adjustment of the glove(s).

I have had enough of military fly-overs at sporting events. It is fine and appropriate for sports fans to appreciate our armed services; it is also fine for folks in the military to be sports fans. Those things need not mix. Oh, and when they do a fly-over for an event in a domed stadium, that goes far beyond “stupid” and “a waste of resources”…

[Aside: Despite the abject stupidity of the Federal Budget Sequestration that is underway at the moment, the fact that military fly-overs will be a casualty of those budget reductions demonstrates that for every cloud there is a silver lining.]

I feel much better now [/Gomez Addams] – - except for the fact that it is still snowing here. So, let me close with a comment from Greg Cote of the Miami Herald who obviously has had enough of this particular sporting event:

“More than 8,000 masochists participated in last week’s Miami Super Spartan Race, a grueling eight-mile obstacle course that involved crawling through a mud bog. I stood along the course not so much supporting the athletes as holding a sign that read, ‘What is WRONG With You People!?’ “

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………