Thanks to the fact that April 15 was a Sunday this year and that April 16 is an official holiday in the District of Columbia, today is the day by which your taxes need to be filed for 2011. That means that tonite you will be able to see which reporter on your local TV station is last in the pecking order. That reporter will be the one who will go out with a camera crew to one of the local post offices to interview the mouth-breathers who are standing in line at 11:00 PM to be sure their returns get a postmark on this last day to file the returns. It happens every year; the same folks are in the same lines every year; there is no news value here – - but every locality has at least one TV station that cannot resist torturing one of the staff by sending him/her out to try to get something interesting on the air. Trust me; what they put on the air will not be interesting…
Here is a quote from that prolific source of quotations, Mr./Ms. Anonymous, regarding US income tax filing:
“Making out your own income tax return is something like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
Yesterday was the running of the Boston Marathon. The results should surprise no one. A Kenyan man won the men’s division; a Kenyan woman won the women’s division. 22,426 runners started the race; I have not seen a report on the number who finished the race.
I understand that the Boston Marathon has become a larger than life event in US sports; but, for the life of me, I cannot figure out why. Other than a couple of events in the Olympics every 4 years, the average American sports fans truly does not care about running events – - or running itself. Running is a component of other sporting endeavors like football when a kickoff is returned for a TD or baseball when someone slides home trying for an inside-the-park home run. Nevertheless, for one day every Spring in Boston, a large fraction of the city stops what it is doing to check out a bunch of guys running in the streets with no hint at all that the cops or some hooligans are chasing them and with no other sporting event surrounding all that running.
Maybe the reason the Kenyans have dominated this race – - and marathons in general – - for the last 25 years or so is that Kenyans run for substantial reasons. They run to get from one place to another place; the roads and transit systems in suburban/rural Kenya are miserable when they exist at all. Kenyans also run to survive; there are animals out there that can and will cause significant damage to humans should they catch said humans. Neither of those sorts of conditions prevails here in the US or in other parts of the developed world. Heck, there are a half dozen people in my neighborhood who will jump in their cars and drive two miles to go to a gym so they can lace up their sneakers and run on a treadmill. I suspect that is not commonplace behavior in Mombassa or Kikuyu.
It was only a couple of weeks ago that I wrote about how José Canseco was a favorite of mine because he provides so much material for these rants. Well, my good friend, Señor Canseco, is back again with more Tweets about global warming. It seems that on the anniversary of the encounter between the Titanic and that iceberg, Canseco thought it was a good time to tell the world how this related to global warming.
“Titanic 100 years wOw. Global warming couldve saved titanic. Sad to say. Because we don’t recycle and consume like crazy icicles are non existent. Titanic wouldve still existed today”
My suggestion is to just read that for what it says on the surface and do not try to get involved in trying to figure out the physical and metaphysical underpinnings there. Such involvement is a dangerous journey into the Land of the Random Synapse Firing. Nonetheless, some folks tried to make sense of what Canseco Tweeted – - or just made fun of it – - so Canseco felt compelled to offer further explanation:
“You clowns it’s very simple. With global warning [sic] the weather is hotter so the icebergs would be melted and titanic saved. 100 years ago people actually cared about planet and respected nature. Now we can care less and consume energy like it’s free”
Well, that certainly cleared everything up…
Look, there is credible medical evidence to link the use of steroids to the shrinking of the testicles in males. Perhaps José Canseco’s Tweets provide the basis to write a grant proposal to the National Science Foundation to investigate a possible linkage between steroid use and brain shrinkage.
Last week, Freddy Garcia started a game for the Yankees against the Baltimore Orioles. Garcia lasted 4 2/3 innings; and in that time, he managed to throw 5 wild pitches. This year is Garcia’s 14th year in the major leagues. As of the start of this season, he had appeared in 329 games as a pitcher. Not to put too fine a point on this, but home plate did not move in that game against the Orioles; it was in the same place it has been in each and every one of those 329 games Garcia participated in over the past 13 seasons. Why he could not find the plate with sufficient accuracy that his catcher could find a way to stop the ball from rolling to the backstop is simply mysterious. Too bad the rules did not allow him to bring a radar device with him to the mound; it might have located home plate for Freddy Garcia.
Yesterday, I mentioned that two NBA players had suggested that basketball players should be paid for their participation in the Olympics. That is an idea that is out of the mainstream thinking, but it could come to pass one of these days. There is another story related to the Olympics that needs to be filed under:
Just Not Ever Gonna Happen.
According to Rolling Stone, someone on the London Olympic organizing committee who is involved in organizing/producing the opening ceremony put in a call to the agent for The Who. That organizer asked the agent if it would be possible for Keith Moon to join back up with the band for the opening ceremony. The only minor obstacle is that Keith Moon has been dead since 1978.
Memo to Olympic organizer/producer: Maybe you should try to see if you might use the opening ceremony as a way to have a Beatles’ reunion. That would be a huge hit…
I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that Mike Tyson would star in a one-man show at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. The show opened last Friday; and according to Mike Weatherford in the Las Vegas Review-Journal, Tyson was “triumphant” on opening night. Weatherford called the show a “tongue-twisted TKO” and said of the first performance:
“It might not have been pretty, but a win is a win.”
Finally, here is a comment from Ron Judd in the Seattle Times regarding Tiger Woods’ now infamous “kicking of the golf club” incident at The Masters:
“At least that third grade hissy fit thrown by Tiger Woods at The Masters was in keeping with the grand event’s theme: A Conniption Unlike Any Other.”
But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………