As the NCAA Tournament proceeds, CBS continues to “remind” us that The Masters will happen the week after the Tournament ends. By “remind” I really mean that they are driving that point home with all the subtlety and innuendo of driving a ten-penny nail through our collective parietal bones into our brains. I have noticed lots of clips of golfers playing at Augusta but not Tiger Woods. I keep on watching for that since he is going to be the ratings draw that CBS needs and wants, but so far, all I have seen is Tiger Woods and a green jacket and not Tiger Woods hitting a golf ball.
I had planned to save up a bunch of comments about Woods’ return to golf at The Masters for next week. However, some recent media attention on remarks made by that Olympic-class harpy, Martha Burk, caught my attention and convinced me to move up the date on these remarks. Not surprisingly, Martha Burk does not appreciate the fact that Tiger Woods will return to the golf world at Augusta in The Masters. Let me assure you that I find no news value in any of the following items:
Ralph Nader does not like big corporations.
Howard Stern and the FCC do not agree on “quality radio programming”.
Kirstie Alley does not like salad bars.
Martha Burk does not like the Augusta National Golf Club.
Ms. Burk told someone in the news business that she is not surprised that Tiger Woods chose The Masters as his venue for returning to golf because all the folks there are chauvinists and they would welcome him because “these people have a fundamental disregard for women”. That is fine and that is what anyone ought to expect from Martha Burk. [Please note she has not decided to organize another protest/boycott nor has she called for the “Million Woman March” to descend on The Masters to protest her disgust here. I think you can draw your own conclusion as to why she is not doing that…] She even grasped the brass ring of rhetoric with this statement:
“Broadcasting the Masters now and showcasing a club that discriminates against women is an insult to the nearly quarter million women in the U.S. armed forces.”
However, she went even further – - and over the line in my opinion. The AP said that Martha Burk hoped that Elin Nordegren Woods did not show up with Tiger Woods to validate his appearance at the den of chauvinism. I just got off her Johnnie-one-note rhetorically repetitive train…
Elin Nordegren Woods is not the ne’er-do-well in this soap opera. I have no idea what is going on in her mind now – - and frankly neither do any of the gossip-mongers that write about what she is thinking on any given issue. She is an adult and a parent who deserves the opportunity to deal with a clearly unpleasant time in her life as – - she – - damned – - well – - pleases. Martha Burk feels that it is right for her to tell Elin what to do here; if a man tried to do that, Martha Burk would call that man a chauvinist and rail on about strong and independent women. Martha Burk is a harpy…
And so, I’ll proceed to go through some of my thoughts/comments on Tiger Woods’ return to golf in about a week and a half – - leaving Elin Nordegren Woods to do whatever she thinks she needs to do to put her life and the lives of her children in the places that she thinks they need to be:
1. If there were ever going to a year where a woman played in The Masters, this is the year it should happen. MOREOVER, she should be paired with Tiger Woods in the opening round…
2. All the talk about Tiger Woods trying to eclipse Jack Nicklaus’ records ignores the fact that Tiger Woods has already done something Jack Nicklaus never did – - take a wholesome, pristine public image and shatter it.
3. When Tiger Woods faces the press next week, wouldn’t it be great if one of the questioners told him that everyone agreed that what he did was horrible and that everyone agreed he had a lot of fence-mending to do with his family but maybe the story is perpetuated by his own behavior in these interview settings?
4. How great would it be if one of the mouthbreathers who normally yells, “Get in the hole!” as soon as Tiger Woods hits a ball would change his shout to “Stay out of the hole!” Talk about double entendre…
5. No way this would ever happen, but imagine if the gallery on any hole that Woods played would just turn its back when he was hitting the ball. Just a guess, but I think his “focus and concentration” would be insufficient to tune that out. I think he would be freaked by the third or fourth hole.
Here is a comment from comedian, Bill Maher, on the revelation of “colorful” texts between Tiger Woods’ and porn star, Joslyn James:
“I hope he gets his golf game back because he’s never going to make a dime writing greeting cards.”
Finally, Greg Cote of the Miami Herald is also looking ahead to Tiger Woods return to golf and to his news conference next week prior to teeing it up at The Masters:
“Tiger Woods comeback countdown: It is eight days until the big news conference that begins Masters week in Augusta. The news conference supposedly will have no limits. What that means is, Tiger will say, ‘That will remain private between myself and Elin,’ even more than usual.”
But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…