The Sports Curmudgeon®

I hope you saw the bed-wetting performance that the Washington Redskins put on for a national TV audience last night. Even Jon Gruden who has not had a harsh word about anyone in the NFL all season long could not hide his revulsion at the performance on the field. Let me be sure you understand fully what happened last night in front of a MNF audience:

The Redskins’ defense - - a unit with stats that say it is in the top ten in the league - - had played well the last few weeks while two of their “stars” were injured. Albert Haynesworth [$100M contract] and DeAngelo Hall [$23M guaranteed on his contract] returned to the lineup last night. And, the Skins’ defense could not stop a run in a pair of panty hose.

The Giants’ defense had been pushed around the last couple of weeks while giving up buckets of points. Last night, the Giants defense put so much of a rush on the Skins’ QB that he did not have time to blink an eye before a defender laid hands on him. In the first half, every Redskin that had the ball attracted Giants’ defenders; the Giants were all over the Skins like a bum on a bologna sandwich.

Trailing 24-0 with less than a minute to play in the first half, Skins WR, Santana Moss caught a 40-yard pass for a first down. He got up and proceeded to spin the ball on the ground and do a little dance near the ball. The man has “class”; sadly, it all seems to be “second class”.

As if that were not bad enough, there was “The Play”. After Moss’ catch in the final seconds of the first half, the Skins lined up for a field goal attempt with 2 seconds on the clock. Just before the snap, seven players shifted to the left sideline in a strange formation leaving a snapper, holder, kicker and WR, Malcom Kelly near the ball. The Giants simply called time out to stop that nonsense.

So, the Skins came out and tried exactly the same thing after the time out. Hunter Smith is normally the punter but he was the designated thrower in this situation but he had about a nanosecond to get the ball off and he threw a lame duck into quintuple coverage and had it intercepted.

At that point, every fan in attendance should have stood at attention, faced the owner’s box and raised a middle finger to Danny Boy to show him what the fans really think of this group of heroes that he has assembled. But the fans - - in Washington they are sheep more than wolves - - merely booed the players half-heartedly. Like the players, the fans could not get emotionally involved last night. And the players could not have beaten a dirty rug last night…

By the way, how is the new play calling system working with the guy the hired out of retirement who had been calling Bingo games for the last couple of years? I believe the Skins were 2-4 when he arrived. The Skins are now 4-10. Do the math; the addition of this “other set of eyes” and his insightful playcalling has produced a 2-6 record.

Based on several e-mail inquiries from folks who must be new to these parts of the Internet, let me explain why I do not try to make Mythical Picks - - or real ones either - - for college bowl games. Most of the bowl games are not actually a football contest between two designated teams; instead, this is a winter vacation for the teams as a reward for not abjectly stinking out the joint during the regular season. Some teams take the vacation as something that they earned and “party hearty” going into the game; other teams party a bit less robustly and take the game semi-seriously. Since I do not read minds, I have no chance whatsoever in determining which team gives a rat’s patootie about the game and which team will show up half-hungover.

Last bowl season provided a textbook example of this kind of situation. Alabama lost to Florida in the SEC Championship and had to go to the Sugar Bowl instead of the Championship Game. They did not take the game super-seriously, but their opponents, Utah, took it seriously because it was their time to show what they could do against the “big boys”. [By the way, might this happen this year to Florida against Cincy?] If you are going to bet on a game like that, why not just go to a casino and put your money down at a roulette table on red or black. You have the same analytical chance and the vig is less in roulette…

Here are three bowl games this year that might have an angle/story line that is marginally interesting - - but not interesting enough to make me want to watch or wager:

1. Hawaii Bowl: June Jones coached at Hawaii for years. Then he left to go to SMU. Now he leads SMU back to the islands to play Nevada…

2. Holiday Bowl: Will Nebraska be out to show that they should have beaten Texas in the Big 12 Championship Game and come out smoking or will they sleepwalk through this game as they have done in a couple of others this year?

3. Insight Bowl: Iowa State plays Minnesota. Both teams are 6-6. Is one team more focused on not having a losing record for the season - - because one of them will indeed have a losing record for the season?

Finally, a comment from David Whitley at AOL Fanhouse:

“A Chinese hotel executive pays $350,000 for Michael Jackson’s sequined glove. He says it was a bargain compared to what the Cubs paid for Milton Bradley’s bat.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…