The Sports Curmudgeon®

Here is rundown of last week’s Mythical Picks highlights and lowlights. And for the week, there were more highlights than lowlights…

1. I liked the Chargers/Titans to go Over 47. They did. Highlight!

2. I liked the Bills/Falcons to go Under 41. They did. Highlight!

3. I liked the Chiefs/Bengals to go Under 41. They went under 28. Highlight!

4. A coin flip said to take the Raiders/Browns Under 38.5. They did. Highlight!

5. I liked the Packers to cover 14 points against the Seahawks. The Packers won by 38. Highlight!

6. I liked Houston/Miami to go Under 41.5. They went Over. Lowlight!

7. I liked the Giants to cover 7 points against the Panthers. Not only did the Giants lose outright; they lost by 32 points. Lowlight!

8. I liked the Giants/Panthers to go Over 42.5. They did not. Lowlight!

9. I liked the Pats to cover 7.5 against the Jags. They did comfortably. Highlight!

10. I liked the Saints to cover 14 against the Bucs. The Saints lost outright. Lowlight!

11. I liked the Saints/Bucs to go Over 49. They did not come close. Lowlight!

12. I liked the Steelers to win and cover 3 points against the Ravens. The game was a Push. Meh!

13. I liked the Ravens/Steelers Over 42. It went Over by a point. Highlight!

14. I liked the Rams/Cards to go Under 43.5. They did. Highlight!

15. A coin flip said to take the Niners/Lions Under41. The game was Under by about 2 TDs. Highlight!

16. I liked the Broncos/Eagles to go Over 41.5. It went Over by more than 2 TDs. Highlight!

17. I liked the Jets +5 against the Colts because the game meant more to the Jets than to the Colts. The Jets won outright. Highlight!

18. I liked the Skins +7 against the Cowboys. The Skins never scored at all. Lowlight!

19. I liked the Vikes to win and cover 7 points against the Bears. The Vikings lost outright. Lowlight!

If anyone looks at these results and decides that they will use information regarding this week’s games as the basis for making cash wagers on NFL games, that person is a dope. Probably a good way to describe such a dope would be that he/she is a one-cylinder engine living in a V-8 world.

Comments:

I hope you saw the Redskins/Cowboys game last Sunday night because I do not know if I can explain to you in simple declarative sentences just how badly the Redskins played. After the Redskins soiled themselves on national TV the week before losing by 33 to the Giants, you might have thought that the team would come out with some level of energy - - if not competency - - this week in another nationally televised game. They did not. The Cowboys shut the Skins out; the Cowboys held the Skins to 218 yards of offense; the Cowboys dominated the Redskins about the same way the Wehrmacht dominated the Polish cavalry. Only people who are both employed by the Redskins and are subject to grand delusions could possibly think this game was nearly as close as the 17-0 score indicated. If the NFL worked on a “pay-for-performance” system, most of the Redskins’ players and coaches would have gotten $29.95 for that game.

The Saints - - a team that some said might go 16-0 for the regular season - - just lost a second game and this time it was to the lowly Tampa Bay Bucs. The Saints led 17-0 and looked to be cruising. Then the offense stopped and the defense could not hang on and the game went to OT and the Saints lost. The Saints are 2-2 in their last 4 games and those 2 wins came over the Redskins (Feh!) and the Falcons (Meh!).

The Giants came off their domination of the Redskins to return home for what would be the final regular season game in Giants Stadium in the Meadowlands. The team brought out many of the former stars who played there for ceremonial purposes. And the present Giants’ team laid a huge egg losing to the Panthers by 32 points - - almost as many points as the Giants beat the Skins by a week ago. Jonathon Stewart carried 28 times for 206 yards against the Giants’ defense. That should embarrass the entire Giants organization.

By the way, the Charlotte Observer said that John Fox and his staff will all be offered the opportunity to come back to their jobs in 2010. Frankly, I think that is a good move. Fox’s record in Carolina is about a dozen games over .500 and you have to remember that he inherited a team that had gone 1-15 the previous season and lost its last 15 consecutive games. He did not walk into a garden spot…

The Texans ran out to a 27-0 lead over the Dolphins in Miami. Then the Texans went to sleep and the Dolphins woke up. The final score was Texans 27 and Dolphins 20 in a game that had two very distinct phases to it.

The Seahawks have not been a good road team for the past several years but last weekend they went to Green Bay and just plain stunk. Losing to Green Bay is nothing to be ashamed of; losing 48-10 should cause a smidgen of embarrassment. That sorry-assed performance added to the fact that the Seahawks lost at home to the Bucs just a couple of weeks ago makes me ask this question:

With all the talk around the NFL about coaches on hot seats, why isn’t Jim Mora Jr.’s name prominent on the rumor mill?

Yes, it is his first year at the helm of the team; yes, there have been injuries; no, the team has not been competitive for the past several weeks.

Last week, the Ravens were penalized 11 times for 113 yards. If the Ravens do make the playoffs and if they play that way in the playoffs, their tenure in the “loser leaves town” format will be brief indeed. Time for a bit of on-field discipline, gentlemen…

If you watched the MNF game where the Bears beat the Vikes 36-30, you might have come away thinking something along these lines:

Is it possible that the Bears are a much better offensive team with Devin Hester on the inactive list instead of on the field at WR?

Notwithstanding Jay Cutler’s winning performance Monday night, Dwight Perry had this observation about the Bears’ QB in a column in the Seattle Times last weekend:

“The biggest return lines of the year began forming:

“a) The morning after Christmas.

“b) Whenever Jay Cutler dropped back to pass.”

The NFC playoff picture is crystal clear with regard to who will be in the playoffs. However, only the Saints know what their seeding will be; the Saints are seeded #1. I think I have this right with regard to tiebreakers for playoff seeding:

If the Eagles win this weekend and if the Cardinals win this weekend, that will make the Vikes the 3-seed and it will make the Packers the 6-seed and will set up a first round playoff game between the Vikes and Packers. That would be fun…

The AFC playoff picture is as clear as mud. I think I have this one scenario scoped out properly; if you think I am wrong, please explain where I went wrong in the tiebreaker interpretation:

IF the Dolphins beat the Steelers this weekend AND if the Browns beat the Jags AND if the Pats beat the Texans AND if the Bengals beat the Jets AND if the Raiders beat the Ravens, then the Dolphins will be in the playoffs. If you are a Dolphins’ fan, you can take that five-team parlay on the money line. If it happens, you will have your team in the playoffs and you will have the money to go and fly wherever the game will be played and buy a scalper’s ticket and see the game. Good times…

The Games:

Indy at Buffalo – 7 (38): You have to look around to find any lines on this game at all. This line showing Buffalo as a full TD favorite signifies that the person who set that line is convinced that Peyton Manning will see precious little action this weekend. If this game mattered to the Colts – and it does not – they would be favored by a TD even on the road. For the record, this game means nothing to the Bills either; no game since Thanksgiving has meant anything to the Bills. No one should bet this game for real. For mythical purposes only, I’ll take the Colts with a full TD just because I never had the chance to do that all year long.

New Orleans at Carolina (no lines): This game might have had meaning had the Vikings won on Monday night. Now this game is totally meaningless and the fact that I cannot find a line on the game anywhere in cyberspace tells me that no one knows how the Saints are going to play this one. If Drew Brees sits and Mark Brunell plays, I think the Panthers can win the game; if Brees plays, I think it will be a close game and a high scoring contest (total in the mid-50s). If Steve Smith’s broken arm keeps him out, that will surely not help the Panthers’ chances.

Jax at Cleveland – 1 (38): This could be the worst game of the week. This is a totally meaningless game except for the fact that a Browns win would give them a 4-game winning streak to end the season and the potential illusion that the team is actually competent. A loss here would actually do the Browns organization more good than a win here would. The Jags seem to have packed it in for the season and the forecast is for anything but “Florida weather” in Cleveland this weekend. I’ll take the Browns to cover that one point spread and I’ll take the game Under.

Chicago – 3 at Detroit (45): This could be the worst game of the week. Yet another meaningless game between a bad team that showed a spark of life last week (Bears) and a really bad team that has its rookie franchise QB on IR at the moment and that gives up more than 30 points per game on defense (Lions). The Bears are the better team here so I’ll take them and lay the points - - mythically of course. Here is a prediction:

If the Bears win convincingly – giving them a 2-game win streak to end this miserable season – there will be no major changes in the Bears’ front-office or on the coaching staff. That maintenance of the status quo may not be such a good deal…

New England at Houston – 9 (46): That line says that the oddsmaker here thinks the Pats will not be playing the regulars very long. The Texans still have an outside shot at the playoffs but they have to win to keep those hopes viable. For the Pats, a win gives them the #3 seed in the playoffs; a loss might drop them to #4 if the Bengals win on Sunday night. Once again, I have never had the chance this year to take the Pats with 9 points so I’ll do that here just for Mythical Purposes. By the way, the Pats are +320 on the money line at the moment. If you believe that the Pats will go all out to win this game, that is a very interesting wager. Remember, the Pats are only 2-5 on the road for the season when the games mattered to them…

Pittsburgh – 3 at Miami (46.5): As mentioned above, I believe the Dolphins make the playoffs with a win here and losses by 4 other teams. I think the Steelers get in with a win here and losses by only 3 other teams (Ravens, Broncos and Jets). The Steelers have not been very good on the road this year (2-5) but the Dolphins have only been mediocre at home so far (4-3). There is no “venue call” to make here. The Steelers defense showed signs of life last week even though Troy Polamalu was still out of action. Purely on a hunch here, I’ll take this game Under.

Giants at Minnesota – 9 (48): The Giants stunk on Sunday; the Vikings have underachieved in each of the last two games. If you saw both of these teams in the past two weeks, you will understand why no one should bet on this game for real. If you saw both of these teams in the past two weeks, you might wonder why they were in contention for playoff slots. I think this will be a scoring fest; only the Rams in the NFC have given up more points than the Giants; the Vikes give up 20 points a game and have had the Bears and Lions twice already this season. I’ll take this game Over.

SF – 7 at St. Louis (41.5): Notwithstanding other games, this is the worst game of the week. The Niners are the better team to be sure but this is like a college bowl game - - the outcome depends on which team shows up willing to play at anything near their full capability. The Niners are 1-6 as a road team; the Rams are 0-7 as a home team. If you can find a “venue call” there, let me know. Purely on a hunch, I’ll take the Niners to win and cover and I’ll take the game Under.

Atlanta – 1 at Tampa Bay (41.5): The Bucs opened the week as a 1-point favorite and the line has moved quickly to the Falcons as the favorite by a point. The game means nothing but the Bucs have young players who need to make a good showing to assure that they get into the teams’ plans for 2010. I think this game will go Over.

Philly at Dallas – 3.5 (47): This is the best game of the weekend. If the Eagles win, they get a bye week in the playoffs. If the Cowboys win, they are the NFC East champs and will probably get the #3 seed. It is possible that if the Cowboys win, they will play the Eagles again next week in Dallas in round one of the NFC playoffs. If the Eagles win, they might have to face the Cowboys again two weeks from this weekend but that game would be in Philly after the Eagles have a bye week. I like the Eagles with the points here.

Green Bay at Arizona – 3 (43.5): Here is another game that could be replayed next week in the first round of the NFC playoffs. I think the wrong team is favored here; I like the Packers to win the game so I’ll take them with the points here. Also, I like the game Over.

KC at Denver – 13 (38): Denver needs help to make the playoffs after starting the season with a 6-0 record. The Chiefs have been out of it since training camp opened. Even though there is the potential for this game to wind up with a 41-37 score as the two defenses imitate swinging gates trying to stop runners and pass catchers, I’ll take the game Under.

Baltimore – 11 at Oakland (38): I think the Ravens are in the playoffs with a win here. Charlie Frye threw for over 300 yards last week; he isn’t going to do that this week against the Ravens’ defense. Since I think this will be a low scoring affair, that spread is very fat. I’ll take the Raiders with that many points.

Washington at San Diego – 3.5 (39): If this game meant anything to the Chargers, the game would be FUGLY. Since the game means nothing to either team - - other than Norv Turner giving a figurative flipping off to Danny Boy Snyder for firing him in the middle of a season when the Skins had a winning record - - and since my guess is that Jim Zorn will be fired within 15 minutes of the plane from San Diego touching down at Dulles International Airport, I suspect that the Redskins’ players will simply go through the motions here. The Redskins have shown no spirit all season long when there was the possibility that the coaching staff might have the ability to sanction them; I don’t see anything changing with lame-duck coaches. I like the Chargers to win and cover here.

Tennessee – 4 at Seattle (44): The Titans almost overcame their disastrous 0-6 start to sneak into the playoffs but they missed out. The Seahawks have been awful most of the year and particularly awful recently. In their last 3 games, the Seahawks have been outscored 106 – 24; that is not just losing; that is capitulation. I cannot take the Seahawks here even though the game means no more to the Titans than it does to the Seahawks. I’ll take the Titans and lay the points.

(Sun Nite) Cincy at Jets – 10 (35): Here is another line that says oddsmaker believes that the Bengals will rest their key players for at least a portion of the game. In addition, this is another game that could be relayed next week in the first round of the AFC playoffs. Nevertheless, that line is awfully fat for a Jets’ team that has the ability to turn the ball over multiple times in a game. I’ll take the Bengals with the points - - mythically of course.

Happy New Year.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

Comments(0)

We have turned the calendar page twelve times and 2009 is about to disappear into the rearview mirror. Sadly, some folks will not be joining us on the journey into the next year/decade. Here are a few we might want to remember.

January:

Senator Claiborn Pell issued his last grant.

Joe Hirsch, Daily Racing Form columnist, cashed his final exacta.

Ricardo Montalban drove his Chrysler Cordoba – with its “fine Corinthian leather” seats – into the sunset.

Andrew Wyeth dipped his final brush.

February:

Millard Fuller, founder of Habitat for Humanity, drove his final nail.

James Whitmore took his final direction.

Dewey Martin will be visiting neither Buffalo nor Springfield again.

Brad Van Pelt made his final tackle.

Paul Harvey told the final chapter of “The Rest Of The Story”.

March:

George McAfee toted the ball for the final time.

Natasha Richardson started taking skiing lessons in the sky.

George Kell played his final game of pepper.

Irving R. Levine signed off for the last time.

Lou Saban held his final practice session.

April:

Marvin “The Human Eraser” Webster had his life erased.

Harry Kalas’ microphone went silent.

Marilyn Chambers went “behind the green door” one last time.

“Doc” Blanchard took his final handoff.

May:

Jack Kemp called his last audible and ran his final political campaign.

Dom DeLuise had one last bowl of pasta.

Dom DiMaggio took a called strike three. [Bad month for people named “Dom”.]

Danny Ozark uttered his final malapropism.

Bea Arthur deadpanned her last line.

June:

David Carradine began his celestial Kung-fu practice.

Roy Boe had to explain to St. Peter why he sold Dr. J to the Sixers.

Michael Jackson took his search for the lost glove into the cosmos.

Billy Mays made God a special offer on two tubs of Oxi-Clean.

July:

Alexis Arguello took a ten count.

Karl Malden watched the credits roll one last time.

Steve McNair strapped on his helmet for the last time.

Walter Cronkite signed off. “And that’s the way it is…”

August:

Eunice Kennedy Shriver started awarding Special Olympics medals in Heaven.

Robert Novak filed his final column. [His mantra was “Always love your country but never trust your government.” Not bad advice over the years…]

Les Paul joined a Heavenly jam session.

Dan Hewitt left the planet - - perhaps to create a Celestial version of 60 Minutes with Walter Cronkite.

Senator Edward Kennedy reunited with Mary Jo Kopechne.

September:

Dr. Myles Brand tried explaining the BCS to God - - with no success.

Mary Travers joined Puff the Magic Dragon and slipped into a cave.

Jody Powell began conducting news conferences in the sky.

Jack Kramer lost match point to The Grim Reaper.

William Safire showed God how to diagram sentences.

October:

Larry Jansen was taken out of the game for the last time.

“Captain” Lou Albano went through the Pearly Gates - - and had a foreign object concealed in his tights.

Cullen Bryant took his final handoff.

Jack Nelson filed his last exclusive story.

Soupy Sales took a pie in the face one last time.

November:

Claude Levi-Strauss buttoned up his jeans for the last time. [Not really…]

Bobby Frankel saddled his last winner.

Abe Pollin started watching NBA games from a real “Sky Box”.

December:

Tommy Heinrich struck out – but still made it to celestial first base.

Foge Fazio held his final football practice.

Gene Barry had his Rolls Royce driver deliver him to the Pearly Gates.

Paul Samuelson began his professorship at Cosmos University.

Oral Roberts started preaching to the choir in Heaven.

Chris Henry caught his final fade pattern.

Arnold Stang joined Uncle Miltie in a vaudeville skit in Heaven.
George Michael turned off The Sports Machine one last time.

May all of these folks, rest in peace…

One person who remains with us as we go forward into the next decade is the guy who plays “The Most Interesting Man In The World” on the advertisements for Dos Equis beer. He started me thinking about something that might come to fruition in 2010:

Who is The Most Uninteresting Person In the World?

Would the guy in that beer commercial make the list?

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

Comments(0)

Today, I feel like Luke Skywalker. I feel as if I have achieved a level of understanding regarding a cosmological concept through study at the foot of The Master. I can now contemplate further growth in my mystical insights in the hope that someday I might become like The Master. Let me explain…

As I have reported in previous years, Gene Collier of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette does a year-end column wherein he awards the Trite Trophy for the year. The Trite Trophy is given to that word or phrase that it horribly overused and horribly under informative in the language during the previous year. The criteria are that it has to be over-used, generally meaningless and most annoying.

The column awarding the Trite Trophy for 2009 appeared in the Post-Gazette yesterday. It was the 26th annual presentation of the award and the column was excellent as usual. I commend it to your reading.

So, why do I feel like Luke Skywalker? Well, I have been keeping my own small list of overused and annoying phrases from broadcasts and telecasts for the past several months; and just after Thanksgiving, I sent an e-mail to Gene Collier timidly nominating three such phrases for inclusion in the awards column this year. I acknowledge that The Trite Trophy presentation is based on a vote of a committee of one person - - Professor Collier - - but I hoped that he might look upon my suggestions and agree that they would be worthy of a mention in the column. As it turns out, two of my suggestions got an honorable mention for the Trite Trophy 2009 and one of my suggestions was The Winner Of The Trite Trophy for 2009. I feel I have begun to learn from The Master…

I will not contain my enthusiasm any longer; my suggestion for a phrase that is overused to the point of annoyance, which won the Trite Trophy 2009, is dialing up a blitz. Given the number of coaches who do this, I have to hope that they are all part of that national cell phone program that allows for unlimited free calls or the costs to the teams might sink the NFL. Oh, and by the way, just whom do they call to create that blitz; are they all pocket-dialing Flava Flav?

One of my other nominees - - an honorable mention recipient from Professor Collier - - was upon further review. When the NFL referee returns to the field after spending a seeming eternity evaluating a challenged call on the field, he often begins his pronouncement of the final edict with upon further review… Excuse me, but that was the first time the play was reviewed so how can it be “further” review?

My third nominee - - another honorable mention - - was dribble drive. In a basketball game, is there really any other kind? Not counting the NBA allowance for star players to do anything they want on the court without ever needing to dribble a basketball…

Those three phrases were my top picks for the year but I had lesser ones on my list; and since this is the time of year for the Trite Trophy, let me put them out there for your perusal with the full understanding that the official list is the one published in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and these are a poor imitation of that list.

Too often, we hear that a quarterback makes good decisions. What the Hell does that mean? Am I supposed to believe that he thought about it and decided on a given day that it would be a bad thing to throw 7 INTs in a game and that insight let to a “good decision”? Or maybe that it would be a good idea to complete 5 TD passes that day? How stupid are those QBs that they think this is a matter for decision making?

At this time of the season in the NFL, far too many announcers will tell us that for some teams there is no tomorrow. Really? Is the team going to disband at midnight? I can’t recall the last time that happened in the NFL…

Coming up very soon, there will be selections for the annual Pro Bowl followed by intense - - albeit meaningless - - debate on which players received a Pro Bowl snub. Allow me to shine a bit of light onto the concept of a “Pro Bowl snub”; most players have exactly no interest in playing in the game in the first place. Many players develop a nagging injury as soon as they are selected for the teams necessitating someone who received fewer votes for the “honor” to take their place. That even happened when the game was in Hawaii where the players in the game got themselves a freebie trip to Hawaii in February - - not all that bad a deal. The players want to play in this game even less than people want to watch this game. Therefore, it is not possible for a player to be “snubbed” here. In fact, the players are snubbing the Pro Bowl game…

A hugely overused phrase in baseball is that a player got good wood on the ball. Whenever a player hits a ball, that is a fact because bats are not made from worm-infested wood. Players never put bad wood on the ball. [Aside: One might say that Tiger Woods has gotten himself into some family difficulties because of his own bad wood, but that is a different concept entirely…]

Coaches, GMs and players also contribute mightily to the list of trite phrases that assault our earpans every day. Consider these few:

We decided to go in a different direction. The translation for that is, “We told that doofus not to let the door hit him in the ass on his way out.”

This team will not accept losing. So, that means that they are going to challenge the league standings that say they have lost some games, right?

I have to look at the film before I can comment on that play. Why? Weren’t you paying attention when it happened on the field right there in front of you?

We will let the legal process play out before we decide what to do with a player involved in miscreant behaviors. Translation: Maybe someone else will make this decision for us…

You can’t measure heart. My cardiologist would beg to differ with you, Coach.

Joe Flabeetz needs to stay within himself. Does he actually have a choice in this matter? Would he make a bad decision if he tried to play in the midst of an out of body experience?

Two phrases that usually do not come out together demonstrate even more clearly how meaningless they are when juxtaposed. We had good success today followed by ya know what I’m saying? Of course I know what you are saying, Dumbass; there is no other kind of success. By analogy the team you beat on the day you had good success must have had a sequence of bad failures - - are there other kinds?

Joe Flabeetz just made a great basketball play. Slow down there hoss; let me catch up with you. I am sitting here watching a basketball game on TV and you just told me that this guy made a great basketball play. What else might it have been? I just can’t imagine that anyone involved in a basketball game would take a moment to make a good decision on materials from which to make a quilt.

Joe Flabeetz can score the basketball. That is most surprising. I did not realize that the referees would allow him to bring an Exacto knife onto the court while play was in progress…

As 2009 draws to a close, I feel as if have achieved a new level of enlightenment with regard to meaningless phraseology with regard to sports broadcasting. I shall continue to focus on the matter and seek more intense union with the trite and the banal in that part of the cosmos in the future. Nevertheless, I bow in the direction of The Master when it comes to the selection of the Annual Trite Trophy.

Ommm…..

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

Comments(3)

Let me start by going over the peaks and valleys in last week’s Mythical Picks - - and there were about as many peaks as there were valleys:

1. I liked the Saints/Cowboys game to go Over 54. It did not even come close. Valley!

2. I liked the Ravens to win and cover 10.5 points and I said this game had “a whiff of ‘blowout’ attached to it.” Ravens won by 24. Peak!

3. I liked the Pats to win and cover 7 against the Bills. The game was a push. Meh!

4. I liked the Cards to win and cover 12.5 points against the Lions and I detected another “whiff of ‘blowout’ “ here. Cards only won by 7. Valley!

5. I liked the Browns + 2 against the Chiefs. The Browns won outright. Peak!

6. I liked the Niners +9 against the Eagles. The Eagles won by 14. Valley!

7. I liked the Texans to win and cover 11 points against the Rams. The Texans won by a measly 3 points. Valley!

8. I liked the Dolphins +4 against the Titans and I liked the game to go Under 43.5. The Dolphins lost by only 3 but the total was 53. Peak! and Valley!

9. I took the Raiders with 14 points against the Broncos. The Raiders won the game outright. Peak!

10. I liked the Chargers to win and cover 6.5 points. They won but did not cover. Valley!

11. I liked the Packers to win the game against the Steelers so I took them with 2 points. The Packers lost on the final play of the game but still covered. Peak!

12. I liked Seattle to win and cover 6 points against the Bucs. They lost outright. Valley!

13. I liked the Bucs/Seahawks game to go Over 39. It did not. Valley!

14. I took the Panthers +9 points against the Vikes even though I did not think the Panthers would win the game. They did indeed win and therefore covered easily. Peak!

15. I liked the Giants/Redskins game to go Over 44. The Giants had 45 all by themselves. Peak!

Given those results, no one of more than meager intellect would be tempted to use anything here as the basis for making a wager on an NFL game this weekend if that wager involved anything of monetary value. If you were dumb enough to do that, you would also be dumb enough to push the “Tab” key on your computer and expect a diet soda to roll out from under the monitor.

Comments:

The “debate” continues on the subject of whether or not the Colts should play to win out the season or to rest their starters and “avoid injury”. Lost in that “debate” is the question of what the Jets ought to do this weekend to get Peyton Manning to the sidelines thereby giving the Jets a better chance to win a critical game for the Jets’ playoff hopes. Should the Jets blitz every play to convince the Colts’ braintrust that it is not worth keeping Manning & Co on the field - - or is Manning’s effectiveness against the blitz a way to put the Colts up 3 TDs before the coaches take Manning to the sidelines?

Speaking of the Jets, they have the #1 overall defense in the NFL and simultaneously, they have the #1 rushing offense in the NFL. Conventional wisdom says such a team should be Super Bowl bound; the Jets will need to win out and to get help from other teams just to make a wildcard slot in the playoffs. How did that happen?

Was it bad coaching? There have been a few speed bumps on Rex Ryan’s road to glory this season but probably not enough to hang the majority of the blame around his neck.

Was it bad quarterbacking? Despite all of the hype and the anointing of Mark Sanchez as “The Sanchize” early in the season, his play of late has been far less than stellar and not even acceptable. He has thrown 20 INTs in 2009; in four games, the Jets have amassed less than 200 yards passing; he has completed less than 54% of his passes for the season. Maybe he will become a “franchise QB” one of these days; in 2009, he has been not much more than an average rookie QB who got much more attention than he earned because he played in NYC.

Here is a name from the past… Joey Galloway signed on this week with the Pittsburgh Steelers. Galloway turned 38 last month; this is his 15th NFL season; he played 3 games earlier this season with the Patriots. There was a time when he was feared as a deep threat; since 2007, he has caught exactly 2 passes for more than 20 yards - - and none of his catches since 2007 have resulted in a TD.

This week, the Cleveland Browns announced that QB, Brady Quinn, would be out for the rest of the season. At that point, the Browns - - in the person of Coach Eric Mangini - - pulled the cloak of secrecy around that event for no apparent reason. Mangini announced that the injury was a “foot injury” (no further specifics there), and that it might “take a little while” to heal. Mangini said he did not know if surgery was necessary nor did he know how Quinn hurt his foot. Films showed that Quinn was scrambling on a play and tripped and then left the game so the genesis of the injury is not exactly as difficult to understand as Fermat’s Last Theorem.

I can understand that teams want to keep the opposition guessing when it comes to some injuries on a football team. But the team put Quinn on IR this week so he cannot play again this season even if he takes a trip to Lourdes and recovers fully tomorrow at high noon. So, what is the purpose of the secrecy and the coach-speak?

The Eagles’ players give an award every year to the player on the team who demonstrates courage the way the players think one of their own should demonstrate courage. I have no problem with that. This year they voted the award to Michael Vick. I do have a problem with that.

Michael Vick demonstrated little if any “courage” in coming back to pro football to earn a six or seven-figure salary for the year. There are no other walks of life where he can do that legally. Michael Vick is an athlete who had his career interrupted for 3 years because he heinously involved himself with dogfighting and dog killing. Once freed from jail, he turned to his only known mode of support - - football. How is that “courageous”?

And that leads me to the point that I have had it up to my eyeballs with the “Michael Vick Apologia Tour”. Enough already; we do not need to have you take reporters/camerafolks with you to yet another animal shelter or middle-school pet day to tell your tale of sorrow and repentance. I heard you; I sort of believe you; now, you need to shut up. Sadly, I fear this will continue to go on until it reaches a level of absurdity that cannot be countenanced any longer. What might that level of absurdity be?

Maybe we need to hear Vick tell everyone that were he ever to open a legal bordello in Nevada, he would never allow any of his employees to turn any tricks “doggy-style”…

Speaking of Michael Vick and his Eagles’ teammates, I mentioned earlier this week that Andy Reid joined an elite coaching fraternity by winning 100 games in a decade. It is important to note that in that run of winning seasons, Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb have been together; they are the only coach/QB tandem to make it from one end of this decade to the other. The Eagles’ record with these two guys occupying two important roles on the team has been:

Eight times in the playoffs,
Five times champions of the NFC East
Five times in the NFC Championship Game
One time in the Super Bowl.

Compare the Eagles’ situation with Reid/McNabb in place to that of the Oakland Raiders:

Six different coaches since 2000,
Six different first string QBs since 2000.
Since Super Bowl appearance in 2002, finished last in the AFC West 4 times.

Or compare the Eagles’ situation with Reid/McNabb in place to that of the Washington Redskins under the ownership of Danny Boy Snyder since 1999. Remember, when Snyder bought the team in 1999, he bought the NFC East Division Champion for that year. In case you are wondering, the Redskins have not done that since 1999 and here are some of their milestones:

Six coaches (one an interim) since 2000,
Eight different first string QBs since 2000,
Two times in the playoffs since 2000,
One playoff victory since 2000,
Overall record of 70-87 since 2000.

Speaking of the Redskins and their lack of glory in the past decade, their loss to the Giants last week was humiliating. The team played with all the fire and energy of a sodden newspaper. If the Washington fans really cared about the shoddy product that the Skins’ front office has put on the field for the past several years, they would start to refer to the Skins home stadium as “Fed Up Field”. But the fans don’t really care and so Danny Boy will continue to haul in the millions of dollars from FedEx to put their name on that mausoleum of a stadium whilst his players just mail in their performances…

And speaking of coaching stability/continuity, the word is that John Fox might be on the hot seat in Carolina. Excuse me, but his cumulative record there is 69-57. Moreover, he inherited a 1-15 team when he showed up for work. How is that guy considered a stumblebum?

Pay attention to the number of meaningless games on the card this week and next week. In many of those games, there will be players that have mentally packed up their gear and shipped it home; for some, the season is no more. That makes wagering at this time of the year a very dicey proposition and you must exert money management discipline on yourself with regard to bets on meaningless games.

The Games:

(Christmas Night) San Diego at Tennessee – 3 (47): The Chargers have clinched the AFC West already; they can assure themselves a playoff bye week with a win here. The Norv Turner/Philip Rivers tandem is undefeated in the month of December. The Titans find themselves in a 6-way tie behind the Ravens and Broncos as wildcard aspirants. I would not even try to map out what it would take for the Titans to make the playoffs at this point; suffice it to say, a loss here would put a nail in their coffin. Chris Johnson has rushed for over 100 yards in nine consecutive games; only Barry Sanders and Marcus Allen did that in 10 consecutive games. Johnson needs 170 yards in his last two games to reach the 2000-yard plateau. Here is a meaningless stat: Jeff Fisher has never beaten the Chargers in his time as the head coach at Tennessee. Expect a very physical game - - one where the players take it out on the opponents that the league made them play on Christmas night. I like this game to Over.

Buffalo at Atlanta – 9 (41): The Bills average time of possession this year is under 26 minutes; the Falcons average time of possession this year is under 25 minutes. So, who will have the ball for the missing nine minutes in this game? The officials? The Bills’ QB situation is uncertain for this week; Trent Edwards and Ryan Fitzpatrick are hurt and Fitzpatrick did not practice on Wednesday. That leaves Brian Brohm as the potential starter with recently signed Gibran Hamden as the backup. The Bills are last in the NFL in converting 3rd down situations. Michael Turner is probably out for the Falcons. Whatever. Neither offense is fearsome so this looks to be a low scoring game and that makes a 9-point spread very attractive. But if Brohm has to play more than a few snaps that would have to take a miserable Bills’ offense to begin with and turn it sour. I’ll just take this game Under.

KC at Cincy – 13.5 (41): This is a simple and straightforward game for the Bengals. If they win, they are in the playoffs. Last week, the Chiefs gave up 351 yards rushing for the game and 287 of them were to Jerome Harrison who was virtually unknown outside of the Harrison nuclear family up until that game. Cedric Benson and Larry Johnson have to be licking their chops… Philip Rivers torched the Bengals last week for 3 TDs and 308 yards passing; the Chiefs passing attack is not nearly that proficient or fearsome. The Bengals’ defense is good so I don’t see the Chiefs scoring more than 10 points. Therefore, I will take the game Under.

Oakland at Cleveland – 3 (38.5): This has to get consideration as the Worst Game of the Week - - even though both teams won last week and the Browns come in sporting a 2-game winning streak. By the way, the last time the Browns had a 3-game win streak was in 2001. The combined record of these two teams is 8-20 making it a meaningless game at the bottom of the NFL food chain. Both teams have had QB issues this year. Granted, the QB Rating system is flawed but a “good QB” has a rating of 80 or higher and a marginal QB has a rating of 70-80. Using those rules of thumb, come up with our own adjectives for the Raiders’ QBs whose cumulative rating is 57.6 and the Browns’ QBs whose cumulative rating is 52.8. The Raiders’ defense has shown signs of life recently but their special teams may have their hands full with Josh Cribbs. I have no idea what to pick here so I am flipping a coin and the coin says to take the game Under. Have you picked up a trend from the last three Mythical Picks?

Seattle at Green Bay – 14 (41): The Packers defense had been playing very well for about a month until last week when they gave up a ton of points to the Steelers. That defense ought to get back in the groove against a mediocre Seahawks’ team here. Here is a stat comparison that jumps out at me. The Seahawks convert 33.3% of their 3rd down situations; the Packers convert 46.7%. The Packers can clinch a playoff spot if they win here and either the Giants or the Cowboys lose. Seattle is not involved in any playoff discussions this season; in fact, the Seahawks have lost their last two games by a combined score of 58-14. I think the Packers are the better team; the Packers are at home; the Packers have a shot at the playoffs this year. I’ll take the Packers to win and cover a very fat line.

Houston at Miami – 3 (41.5): The Dolphins and the Texans are part of that 6-team scrum just a game behind in the AFC wildcard scrum. Neither team faces a “win-and-you’re-in” situation here but a loss would be devastating. So, for all practical purposes, this is a playoff game of sorts for both teams. The Texans have never lost to the Dolphins in franchise history - - dating all the way back to 1999. Texans’ QB, Matt Schaub has thrown for 300+ yards in 8 games this year; only one QB in the NFL has more than 8 such games; you may have heard of Peyton Manning, no? I like this game to go Under.

Carolina at Giants – 7 (42.5): Which Giants’ defense will show up here? The one that got pushed around by the Cowboys or the one that battered the Redskins? For the Giants to make the playoffs - - after a 5-0 start to the season - - they have to win out and the Cowboys or the Packers need to lose one game. Clearly, the motivational edge belongs to the Giants here; they cannot look ahead to their final game against the Vikings next week or that game may turn out to be meaningless. The Panthers’ WR, Steve Smith, needs only 78 receiving yards to go over the 1000-yard mark for the fifth consecutive season. I like the Giants to win and cover and I like the game to go Over.

Jax at New England – 7.5 (43.5): The Pats are in the playoffs with a win no matter what else happens and I think they are going to get that win on Sunday against a Jaguars’ team that played hard against the Colts last week but came up short. Yes, the Jags had a bit of extra time to prepare for this game but I think that was just more time for them to reflect on their loss and to let it deflate them even more. The Jags are in that knot of AFC teams aspiring to the wildcard slots; I think they will see those aspirations shot in the fanny this week. The Pats are 7-0 in Foxboro this season. I like the Pats to win and cover here.

Tampa Bay at New Orleans – 14 (49): The Saints look to secure home-field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs by winning here; the Saints have never held such a lofty perch in franchise history. The Bucs won last week against the Seahawks but step up in class against the Saints this week. Even with that win against the Seahawks on his card, Josh Freeman’s last three games have not been sterling; in that span, he has thrown 2 TDs (both last week) and thrown 9 INTs. I cannot see the Bucs winning this game; even though that is a fat line indeed, I will take the Saints to win and cover and I will take the game to go Over.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh – 3 (42): This is one of the best games of the weekend. This is the game that those teams in the 6-way tie just outside the wildcard slot in the AFC have to be looking for. The Ravens are in the wild card slot now but with a loss here, they would have the same record as any of those 6 teams who happen to win on Sunday - - such as the Steelers… I believe that Keith Jackson would call this game a “slobberknocker”. Look carefully at the Ravens’ last two wins by a combined score of 79-10; those came at the expense of the Bears and the Lions – two less-than-good football teams. The venue favors the Steelers here; they are 5-2 at home while the Ravens are only 2-4 on the road. I think the Steelers’ offense came back to life last week meaning that this game could be a shoot-out. I like the Steelers to win and cover - - and to make the AFC wild card race very interesting going into the final week of the regular season. And I like the game Over.

St. Louis at Arizona – 14 (43.5): Neither team has a defense to write home about. The Cards yield 355 yards per game; the Rams give up 374 yards per game. The Rams have the worst scoring team in the league; they average only 11.4 points per game. In a completely meaningless game, I like the game Under.

Detroit at SF – 12 (41): The Niners were eliminated from the playoffs with their loss last weekend. The Lions were eliminated from the playoffs on Labor Day. It will be interesting to see if Mike Singletary can transmit his intensity to the players in this meaningless game. Both teams average about 100 yards per game on the ground and both teams average around 190 yards per game passing. However, the Lions rank last in the league in:

Total defense
Pass defense
Scoring defense
TDs allowed
TD passes allowed
Opponents’ pass completion percentage (68.9% !!)

The Lions are going to give Drew Stanton his first NFL start here with Matthew Stafford hurt and Duante Culpepper playing like Duante Culpepper. I have flipped a coin and it says to take the game Under. Whatever.

Denver at Philly – 7 (41.5): This is the best game of the weekend. The Eagles are in the playoffs; they could lock up an NFC East division title with a win here and a loss by the Cowboys against the Redskins. The Broncos would be a wild card team in the AFC if the season ended now, but they are only one game above that 6-team pile up in the AFC. The Broncos started off 6-0 but they have not played well since that and their record now stands at 8-6. This is a homecoming for Brian Dawkins; normally Philly fans are not kind to former Philly players who return to play the local heroes but Dawkins was extremely popular in his 12 years in Philly and should be warmly received - - unless he intercepts a pass and returns it for a TD. I like the game to go Over.

Jets at Indy -5 (40.5): This is one of the best games of the weekend. The Jets need to win to stay in the wildcard race; the Colts are merely 14-0 for the season. The Jets convert 34.5% of their 3rd down situations; the Colts convert an amazing 52.6% of their 3rd down situations (best in the NFL). The Colts’ punter must feel like the Maytag Repairman. Peyton Manning can join Brett Favre, Dan Marino and John Elway as the QBs who have thrown for 50,000 yards in a career if he can find a way to get 160 yards in the air on Sunday. I like his chances. I’ll take the Jets with the points here because the game means a lot more to them than it does to the Colts.

(Sun Nite) Dallas – 7 at Washington (42): Both of these teams have shown the tendency to play up or down to the competition. So, will the Cowboys play down this week or will the Skins play up? The Skins were pathetic last week against the Giants - - and that was on their good plays. The Cowboys beat the Saints ending the Saints’ hopes for a perfect season. While I do not expect the Skins to make a miraculous turnaround here, I do expect the Cowboys’ balloon to deflate just a bit. If the Cowboys win, it will be the first time they have swept the Skins since 2004. I’ll take the Skins with the full TD here.

(Mon Nite) Minnesota – 7 at Chicago (41): Remember the old TV show, Petticoat Junction? This game looks to be an episode of Dysfunction Junction what with the Bears and Vikings “issues” on display. The Bears have gone into hibernation; the players show no fire and the coaching staff has all the urgency of a bunch of folks on Quaaludes. The Vikings have not yet wrapped up a bye week in the playoffs; Adrian Peterson has not had a 100-yard game in a while; the OL was steamrollered last week. Despite any real or imagined animus between Brett Favre and Brad Childress, this game sets up as a butt stomping despite the rivalry history between these teams. I like the Vikings to win and cover.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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At this time of the year, we are supposed to think of “tidings of comfort and joy” and “good will towards men” and “joy to the world”. The problem is that nonsensical stuff keeps getting in the way of all those good feelings. So let me try to expunge a few such things from my plate so that I might have a chance to be a man “of good cheer”.

Some folks got together and voted for the “Female Athlete of the Year”. The winner was Serena Williams; the second place finisher was Zenyatta. Folks, if those are the top two finishers, maybe the best thing to do was to forget to make such an “award” or grant such an “honor” in 2009. Consider:

1. Quick, name me three events that Serena Williams won in 2009.

2. OK, now that you are back from Googling that information, allow me to assert that the thing that Serena Williams is most noted for in 2009 is her threatening a line judge with jamming a tennis ball into a bodily orifice that does not normally accept objects the size of tennis balls. That was not an “outside the lines” indiscretion; that happened in one of tennis’ major tournaments; that is her signature moment of 2009. Hail to the Female Athlete of the Year.

3. Quick, tell me how many times Zenyatta raced in 2009.

4. OK, now that you are back from Googling that information, add that lack of “on the track” dominance to the unalterable fact that Zenyatta is a horse.

When the situation presents itself such that the top two choices in a poll are flawed choices such as these, there ought to be a default option where no one gets the award. Too bad that default option was not in place in 2009.

Since I mentioned Zenyatta above, there is another bit of news from horseracing that is disturbing even if not completely serious. The New York Racing Association (NYRA) runs racing at several tracks in the State of NY including Aqueduct, Belmont and Saratoga. To say that the NYRA is not a well-managed entity would be the same as saying that Jeffrey Dahmer might not have been the best choice as a dinner invitee. Nonetheless, the NYRA now says that it might not have the money to put on the Belmont Stakes next year. I do not believe that for even a nanosecond, but the background for their assertion points to the farcical nature of NY State politics.

The NYRA says it will run out of money in May or June next year and the reason for that is that the State has not yet figured out how to award a license to a corporate entity to put slot machines in at Aqueduct Race Track. If you think that the State pols will get around to this in some kind of special session this winter, you might want to check out the fact that those same Sate pols passed the law authorizing slots at racetracks in NY State in 2001. The privately owned tracks in the state have slots; the NYRA tracks do not. It has been 8 years and the folks who are supposed to make the State of NY run efficiently and effectively have not been able to determine who will get the license to put the slots into the tracks that the State owns and the NYRA operates.

Is it possible - - I mean even remotely possible - - that the pols in NY are too busy enjoying the “entreaties” from a group of potential franchisees to turn off the money spigot from all but one of them?

You know what the biggest insult of all here is? If the Belmont Stakes has to be moved somewhere else to a minor league track - - like Canterbury Downs for example - - while the Preakness remains at a decrepit facility like Pimlico, every citizen of the State of NY ought to march on the capital and pelt the legislature with rocks until the edifice is reduced to rubble.

The Chicago Bulls led the Sacramento Kings by 35 points in an NBA game this week. In the final 21 minutes of that game, the Kings “rallied” and outscored the Bulls 58-19 and won the game. Oh, did I mention that this was a home game for the Bulls…? Maybe the Bulls’ home court “advantage” is not in effect this season. A couple of weeks ago, the Bulls lost a home game to the NJ Nets when the Nets’ season record was something on the order of 1-19.

Speaking of the NBA, Brandon Jennings began his NBA rookie season in a way that makes some folks think he may be the next Isiah Thomas - - on the court - - and that he will be the Rookie of the Year. To be sure, he has played very well so far. Here are a pair of interesting stats that give you an idea just how young Brandon Jennings is:

Brandon Jennings was born on 23 September 1989. He is now just over 20 years and 3 months old.

Jerry Sloan became coach of the Utah Jazz on 9 December 1988. He has been in that position for 21 years.

I became aware of that juxtaposition in an e-mail exchange with a long-time friend who is an NBA fan of the highest order. At the end of that exchange, he asked me if I knew who had played in the greatest number of NBA games. Naturally, my guess was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and that is incorrect. In fact, Robert Parish who played in 1611 NBA games holds the record. Feel free to use that as a trivia question at your New Years Eve party this year…

Finally, Dwight Perry had to take a week’s hiatus from his Sideline Chatter column in the Seattle Times as part of a furlough program that all the folks at the paper needed to take. For those who do not understand, “furlough” is human resources talk for “unpaid vacation”. That, unfortunately, is a bit of reality in the newspaper industry in 2009. However, upon Messr. Perry’s return, he demonstrated that he had not lost anything off his fastball while he was “resting up”. Consider these two observations:

“NBA Digital is a multi-platform conglomerate consisting of NBA.com, NBA TV and NBA Mobile.

“NFL Digital, in case you’re wondering, consists of Titans owner Bud Adams’ two middle fingers.”

“The first man to make headlines with a successful Hudson landing this year was:

“a) Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger.

“b) Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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I hope you saw the bed-wetting performance that the Washington Redskins put on for a national TV audience last night. Even Jon Gruden who has not had a harsh word about anyone in the NFL all season long could not hide his revulsion at the performance on the field. Let me be sure you understand fully what happened last night in front of a MNF audience:

The Redskins’ defense - - a unit with stats that say it is in the top ten in the league - - had played well the last few weeks while two of their “stars” were injured. Albert Haynesworth [$100M contract] and DeAngelo Hall [$23M guaranteed on his contract] returned to the lineup last night. And, the Skins’ defense could not stop a run in a pair of panty hose.

The Giants’ defense had been pushed around the last couple of weeks while giving up buckets of points. Last night, the Giants defense put so much of a rush on the Skins’ QB that he did not have time to blink an eye before a defender laid hands on him. In the first half, every Redskin that had the ball attracted Giants’ defenders; the Giants were all over the Skins like a bum on a bologna sandwich.

Trailing 24-0 with less than a minute to play in the first half, Skins WR, Santana Moss caught a 40-yard pass for a first down. He got up and proceeded to spin the ball on the ground and do a little dance near the ball. The man has “class”; sadly, it all seems to be “second class”.

As if that were not bad enough, there was “The Play”. After Moss’ catch in the final seconds of the first half, the Skins lined up for a field goal attempt with 2 seconds on the clock. Just before the snap, seven players shifted to the left sideline in a strange formation leaving a snapper, holder, kicker and WR, Malcom Kelly near the ball. The Giants simply called time out to stop that nonsense.

So, the Skins came out and tried exactly the same thing after the time out. Hunter Smith is normally the punter but he was the designated thrower in this situation but he had about a nanosecond to get the ball off and he threw a lame duck into quintuple coverage and had it intercepted.

At that point, every fan in attendance should have stood at attention, faced the owner’s box and raised a middle finger to Danny Boy to show him what the fans really think of this group of heroes that he has assembled. But the fans - - in Washington they are sheep more than wolves - - merely booed the players half-heartedly. Like the players, the fans could not get emotionally involved last night. And the players could not have beaten a dirty rug last night…

By the way, how is the new play calling system working with the guy the hired out of retirement who had been calling Bingo games for the last couple of years? I believe the Skins were 2-4 when he arrived. The Skins are now 4-10. Do the math; the addition of this “other set of eyes” and his insightful playcalling has produced a 2-6 record.

Based on several e-mail inquiries from folks who must be new to these parts of the Internet, let me explain why I do not try to make Mythical Picks - - or real ones either - - for college bowl games. Most of the bowl games are not actually a football contest between two designated teams; instead, this is a winter vacation for the teams as a reward for not abjectly stinking out the joint during the regular season. Some teams take the vacation as something that they earned and “party hearty” going into the game; other teams party a bit less robustly and take the game semi-seriously. Since I do not read minds, I have no chance whatsoever in determining which team gives a rat’s patootie about the game and which team will show up half-hungover.

Last bowl season provided a textbook example of this kind of situation. Alabama lost to Florida in the SEC Championship and had to go to the Sugar Bowl instead of the Championship Game. They did not take the game super-seriously, but their opponents, Utah, took it seriously because it was their time to show what they could do against the “big boys”. [By the way, might this happen this year to Florida against Cincy?] If you are going to bet on a game like that, why not just go to a casino and put your money down at a roulette table on red or black. You have the same analytical chance and the vig is less in roulette…

Here are three bowl games this year that might have an angle/story line that is marginally interesting - - but not interesting enough to make me want to watch or wager:

1. Hawaii Bowl: June Jones coached at Hawaii for years. Then he left to go to SMU. Now he leads SMU back to the islands to play Nevada…

2. Holiday Bowl: Will Nebraska be out to show that they should have beaten Texas in the Big 12 Championship Game and come out smoking or will they sleepwalk through this game as they have done in a couple of others this year?

3. Insight Bowl: Iowa State plays Minnesota. Both teams are 6-6. Is one team more focused on not having a losing record for the season - - because one of them will indeed have a losing record for the season?

Finally, a comment from David Whitley at AOL Fanhouse:

“A Chinese hotel executive pays $350,000 for Michael Jackson’s sequined glove. He says it was a bargain compared to what the Cubs paid for Milton Bradley’s bat.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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This is a time of year when people of different religious preferences and different cultures celebrate Holidays that are important to them. While the focus of the celebrations may differ, the underlying sentiment at this time of the year seems to be one of inclusive friendship and camaraderie.

I hope that everyone has the opportunity to celebrate the Holiday of their preference this year with family and with people who are important to them. Here in Curmudgeon Central, the preferred celebration is Christmas. However, our celebration of Christmas has no intention of interfering with anyone else’s celebration of Chanukah or the Winter Solstice or Kwanza or anything else that happens around now.

And, after everyone gets to celebrate their Holiday with family and friends, allow me to wish everyone a very happy, healthy, safe and prosperous year in 2010.

Stay well…

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These days the news cycles are fast and often short-lived. Stories hit the papers and the Internet, blaze for a day or three and then become consigned to the dustbin of irrelevance. In the past year, we have seen stories about plenty of meatheads but until you sit down and think about them, you can forget just how many there were.

Here I will try to categorize some of this year’s meatheads into aggregates of annoyance and outrageousness - - culminating with a single citation for The Meathead Of The Year for 2009. My criteria are simple - - actually, there is only one criterion:

I have to find the individuals here to be lacking in some essential element of humanity.

Just so there will be no misplaced anticipation, I have not included Tiger Woods in this list. Woods is not a meathead; he is merely a horndog…

Let me begin with the category of sports/celebrity figures who think their “celebrity status” justifies outrageous social behaviors:

1. Miami Dolphins’ defensive end, Randy Starks, went cruising in Miami in a tricked out Freightliner truck cab. He managed to hit a traffic cop; that got him a citation for assault on a police officer. According to the arrest report, the cab – with room for 4 people – carried 13 folks to include a woman sitting in Starks’ lap as he cruised.

That is relatively outrageous but Starks’ lawyer took it up a notch when he proclaimed that the police report had it all wrong. There were not 13 people in that 4-person truck cab; there actually were only 9 and that the “woman on his lap” report was wrong because she was “perched on the center console of the truck”. Randy Starks, Meathead.

2. Phoenix Suns’ shooting guard, Jason Richardson, took his 3-year old son out for a ride in the car. Police stopped Richardson doing 90 mph in a 35 mph zone. Not good. Oh, did I mention that the 3-year old boy was unrestrained in the back seat while the car was going 90 mph. It is hard to find words to describe that level of nonchalance when it comes to the safety of one’s child.

But wait, there’s more… Richardson was driving like this with DUI charges pending against him from only 2 months prior.

Oh, and it doesn’t stop yet… After this arrest for speeding and failure to use a car seat, Richardson said that he always strives to “be the best father he can be”. Wouldn’t you think that the best father you can be might be on the lookout for ways to keep the kid out of harm’s way as much as possible? Jason Richardson, Meathead.

3. Disgraced NBA referee, Tim Donaghy, served a portion of his sentence related to illegal gambling activities on NBA games. At that point, Donaghy was eligible for release to a halfway house. Soon after that supervised release, Donaghy was arrested again and sent back to prison for violation his parole. What did he do? He did not show up for the work portion of his work release. How hard is that concept to understand? Tim Donaghy, Meathead.

4. Octomom … Enough said. Octomom, Meathead.

5. José Canseco claimed in his book, Juiced, that he wrote that book back in 2005 because he had been blackballed by MLB. This year, Canseco claimed that because he wrote the book he is now blackballed by MLB. Here we go ‘round the mulberry bush… José Canseco, Meathead.

6. Manny Ramirez missed 50 games for a banned substance suspension this year - - and then came back to the Dodgers as a less-than-fearsome hitter. His claims regarding how that stuff got in his bloodstream seemed less than fully forthright, but that is not why he is on this list. When Manny was in Albuquerque on his “rehab” assignment and getting ready to rejoin the Dodgers, this guy who made $25M last year stiffed his minor league mates.

Traditionally, when a big league star has to go to the minors to prepare for a return to the majors, the big time guy funds a big spread in the clubhouse for the small time guys hoping to make it to the bigs. Manny never did that. In fact, if reports from there are correct, Manny did not even hang around for the end of those games and was not even in the clubhouse when his “teammates” got there after the game. Manny Ramirez, Meathead.

The next category involves folks who are not worth the time of day - - but imposed themselves on the consciousness of others:

1. The White House Party Crashers are platinum level attention-whores. For that reason, I will not type out their names here lest they get another Google hit when they go searching on their own names sometime later today. They do what they do only to draw attention to themselves with the hope of developing a TV reality show that will focus on them - - of course. Here is my idea for a TV reality show for them:

Take these two jamokes, pair them up with “Balloon Boy’s father”, stick them all in a makeshift balloon, and set it loose over the Antarctic continent. If those fools want reality, that would give them a dose of reality.

White House Party Crashers and Balloon Boy’s Father, Meatheads.

2. Two Arizona Cardinals’ fans took the opportunity on the eve of the Cardinals game against the Eagles in last year’s NFC playoffs to burn some messages into the lawn with diesel fuel at the Arizona home of Eagles’ QB, Donovan McNabb. Left behind at the scene of the mischief was a shipping carton with a label that had at least one of the two goofs’ names on it. Police had little difficulty tracking down these masterminds.

Genius Arizona Cards’ fans, Meatheads.

3. Seemingly, a bazillion sportswriters/sports-talkers just had to tell the world what they had constructed as a mock draft for the NFL. Some of those folks published so many mock drafts that they had everyone taken in the first round of the draft in exactly the right position at least once. Any “mock draft” published more than 48 hours before the actual NFL Draft is lame; anyone who publishes more than one “mock draft” has more deadlines than ideas.

Mock Draft Producers, Meatheads.

I have one special category this year for two people who probably have never met; but perhaps, they should have.

1. Michael Barrett is the miscreant who stalked Erin Andrews and shot a video of her in her birthday suit in her hotel room. Then he tried to peddle that video and finally put it out on the Internet. He has entered a guilty plea in the matter and will face sentencing soon. Michael Barrett, Meathead.

2. Carrie Prejean was a former Miss USA contestant who was kicked out of the pageant for whatever reason the organizers came up with. She filed a lawsuit but then withdrew that suit when it became known that she had made at least one sex tape - - described as a “solo act”. Carrie Prejean, Meathead.

Now it seems to me that if Mr. Barrett and Ms. Prejean had known one another, he could have made his video with a more willing “star” and avoided jail. At the same time, Ms. Prejean might have gotten her film career going more quickly. Too bad…

Now for The Meathead Of The Year. His name is Micah Grimes; many of you will not recall that name easily. Micah Grimes was the girls’ basketball coach of The Covenant School in the Dallas Texas area and his team beat Dallas Academy by a score of 100-0. Hey, I understand that at that level of play, there are going to be huge mismatches every once in a while. However, consider some circumstances that surround the final score of 100-0:

1. Dallas Academy is a school that focuses on students with learning disabilities. It had not won a girls’ basketball game in almost 4 years.

2. When the headmaster of Covenant Academy apologized for his team running up the score, Micah Grimes took public umbrage at such an allegation and challenged the headmaster.

3. That got Micah Grimes fired. Subsequently he said:

“I respectfully disagree with the apology, especially the notion that the Covenant School girls’ basketball team should feel ‘embarrassed’ or ‘ashamed’. … We played the game as it was meant to be played and would not intentionally run up the score on any opponent. Although a wide-margin victory is never evidence of compassion, my girls played with honor and integrity and showed respect to Dallas Academy.”

4. Covenant Academy forfeited the victory.

There was no way Micah Grimes could have kept that game close given the obvious disparity in talent. Nevertheless, there are plenty of ways that he could have kept the score below 100 points and there are plenty of other ways that he could have taken to assure that his team did not “pitch a shutout”. Employing any of those techniques would have better “shown respect to Dallas Academy.”

Memo to Micah Grimes: When the headmaster of the school you represent feels required to apologize publicly and to declare that this outcome “clearly does not reflect a Christ-like and honorable approach to competition”, the best thing to do at that point is to make your own apologies and keep any other thoughts you might have to yourself.

Micah Grimes, Meathead of the Year.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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There were some highs and some lows in last week’s Mythical Picks. Here is a summary:

1. I liked the Saints/Falcons to go Over 50. The total score was 49. Low!

2. I sort of liked the Saints to cover 10 points. They didn’t. Low!

3. I liked Lions/Ravens to go Over 39. The Ravens scored 48 by themselves. High!

4. I liked the Packers to cover 3 points. They did. High!

5. I liked the Packers/Bears to go Over 41. They did not. Low!

6. I liked the Texans to cover 6 against the Seahawks. The Texans won by 27. High!

7. I liked the Broncos/Colts to go Under 44.5. It did - - by half a point. High!

8. I liked the Broncos getting 7 points. They lost by 12. Low!

9. I liked the Dolphins to win outright so I took them +3 points. They won outright. High!

10. A coin flip picked the Bills to win a pick ‘em game. They did. High!

11. I liked the Vikings to cover 6 points against the Bengals. They did. High!

12. I liked the Patriots to cover 13 against the Panthers. They won by 10. Low!

13. I liked the Jets/Bucs game Under 37.5. It went Under 30. High!

14. I timidly took the Titans to cover 13 against the Rams. The Titans won by 40. High!

15. I took the Redskins to cover 1 point. They won by 21. High!

16. I took the Chargers +3.5 against the Cowboys. The Chargers won outright. High!

17. I liked the Chargers/Cowboys to go Over 48.5. It did not. Low!

18. I liked the Eagles/Giants to go Over 44. The game was Over at halftime; the final total was 83. High!

19. I liked the Cardinals to win and cover 3 points against the Niners. The Cards lost outright. Low!

A stupid person might look at the relatively positive results above and draw the monumentally stupid conclusion that I really know what I am doing with these picks. I do not. No one should even contemplate the possibility of using any information here as the basis for picking a side to back in an actual monetary wager on an NFL game this weekend. Anyone who does so would be a person of rare intelligence - - in the sense that he/she would rarely evidence any intelligence.

Comments:

It was good to see that the Jags/Colts game last night was a sellout and the home game was televised in Jax for the first time this season. I did notice more than a few Colts jerseys in the stands so fans in Indianapolis who thought a trip to Florida in December was a good idea possibly helped the attendance. Those folks figured out what migratory birds have been doing for about 40 million years…

There is a whole lot of hyperventilating on sports radio these days - - and plenty of ink and newsprint consumed in papers around the country - - concerning the Saints’ and Colts’ potential pursuit of perfect seasons. Should they go for it or should they rest their starters? That debate has already plumbed the depths that reason, logic and philosophy will permit. Here’s the deal:

No matter what Sean Payton or Jim Caldwell decides to do, it will be the wrong thing unless their teams make it to the Super Bowl.

The only way they can escape scrutiny and criticism is for each of their teams to win 18 straight games and then meet in the Super Bowl. Absent that situation, one or both of them will suffer in the court of public opinion as folks conjure up what would have certainly happened had the coaches done the opposite of whatever they did.

Here is my view of that situation in a nutshell:

Both coaches know their teams, their injuries, their locker room and their team chemistry far better than I do. They have been competent enough to get this far without losing so they must be doing something right. Therefore, I will stipulate that they know what they are doing and will make what they think is the best decision for their team. Let the chips fall…

As is often the case here in Curmudgeon Central, I like to look at the “other end of the spectrum” - - where there is far less scrutiny and interest. With 13 games in the books, the Rams and the Bucs are both 1-12. They lead the league in the race to the bottom. So, why do we not hear about whether or not these teams should pull their starters and tank the season to assure themselves the #1 overall pick in next April’s Draft? Should that question ever find its way onto a sports radio station in your area, you should call the host - - who is obviously trying to fill time with a mindless discussion here - - and tell him the following:

If one of these teams decided to tank the season and pull their starters, how do they know that the back-ups aren’t actually better than the starters who got them to 1-12 in the first place?

Is there some kind of antisocial virus in the practice facility of the Atlanta Falcons that scientists have not yet isolated? Recall that Michael Vick was there and we know what he did. Now the Falcons have had Jonathon Babineaux arrested and charged with felony marijuana possession and Eric Weems arrested for DUI. By the way, Babineaux claims that all he did was to smoke a joint while driving and professes innocence of the felony possession charge - - but he did just admit to DUI. The Center for Disease Control is in Atlanta; those folks ought to go “virus hunting” in the Falcons’ facilities right away.

A couple of years ago, the Philadelphia Eagles were having a difficult season and would miss the playoffs. Eagles’ fans were incensed and many were calling for Andy Reid’s head on a plate. Not only did the Eagles keep Reid then, the team just gave him an extension on his contract through 2012. We have not heard all that much from those fans recently as the Eagles have made the playoffs the last two years and now Andy Reid has joined a rather exclusive coaching club. Reid and the Eagles have won 100 games in this decade. Only 4 other coaches have ever won 100 games in a decade; here is the list:

Tom Landry
Don Shula
Bill Belichick
Tony Dungy (sum of wins with Bucs and Colts)

Two of those coaches are in the Hall of Fame; it would not surprise me to learn that the other two are enshrined there one of these days. The only other member of that club is Andrew Walter Reid. I have a question now for those formerly disgruntled Eagles’ fans:

I am not asking you to anoint Andy Reid as the greatest coach of all time, but is it possible that he knows what he is doing in his job?

People have paid a lot of attention to the fact that the Steelers have lost 5 straight games and that they will need a lot of things to go right between now and 3 January 2010 for them to squeak into the playoffs. What has not received sufficient attention is the quality of the teams that have beaten the Steelers in this run:

Cincy - - no shame in losing that one.
KC - - a bottom feeder with a 3-10 record at the moment.
Baltimore - - a good if not great team and it was a road game…
Oakland - - a bad team no matter how you slice it.
Cleveland - - there is just no excuse for losing to the Browns.

The three teams left on the Steelers’ dance card all have records above .500 as of now. It does not look to get much easier for the Steelers…

The Games:

Indy and Jax played a shoot-out game last night. For a while, it looked as if both teams’ punters could have slept in and missed the game. Peyton Manning was outstanding as usual. Here is what caught my eye:

The Jags start two rookie offensive tackles. Both of them are really good. If having two solid OTs is the foundation of a very good OL, the Jags have a solid foundation for the future.

(Sat Nite) Dallas at New Orleans – 7 (54): The weekend starts off with the best game on the card. The Cowboys are hanging onto the last wildcard slot in the NFC; believe it or not, the Saints have not yet wrapped up home field advantage throughout the playoffs. This game features two good teams and both have a reason to play to win. The Saints have the top offense in the NFL; the Cowboys rank third. Both defenses are in the middle of the pack statistically but the Saints defense has a significant edge in turnovers here. The Saints continue to chase “the perfect season” the Cowboys hope to get rid of their perfectly awful record this December. This game should be entertaining to watch; the ball will be in the air a whole lot. This game could have a final score that looks like the final in a high school basketball game. I’ll take the game to go Over.

Chicago at Baltimore – 10.5 (40.5): The Ravens are now “seventh” in the AFC and only six teams make the playoffs. Winning this game means a lot to them. The Bears are not mathematically eliminated from the playoffs but it would take a magician to conjure up the scenario where they get in. The Ravens offense came together last week - - albeit against the Lions’ defense. The Ravens offense has been maligned recently; that unit averages 355 yards per game or 50 yards per game more than the Bears. The Ravens defense allows about 25 yards per game less than the Bears too. This game has a whiff of “blowout” attached to it. I’ll take the Ravens to win and cover.

New England – 7 at Buffalo (40.5): A massive snowstorm is headed up the Appalachian Mountain chain this weekend. This could turn into a smashmouth game where throwing the ball is a tricky proposition. If that happens, the Bills could be in real trouble because they give up an average of 170.5 yards per game rushing; that is the worst in the NFL by a full 10 yards per game. TV commentators say you can run on the Pats this year but the Pats only yield 109.3 yards per game. This game will not lend itself to adjectives like “artistic” or “sublime”. I like the Pats to win and cover.

Arizona – 12.5 at Detroit (47): If the Cards play the way they did last Monday night against the Niners, they can lose to any other team that draws paychecks. The perfect remedy for the Cards to get that bad taste from their mouths is to draw a bad team like the Lions this week. If the Lions play the way they did last week against the Ravens, they would be lucky to beat a middle school flag football team. The Lions two wins have come at home this year but Arizona has a better road record (5-2) this year than a home record (3-3). The Lions’ defense has given up 406 points this season; that is 45 points more than the next worst defense in the league. This is another game that has a whiff of “blowout” to it because I do not see how the Lions can defend against the myriad pass receivers that the Cards will put on the field. It is a lot of points, but I’ll take the Cards to win and cover.

Cleveland at KC – 2 (37): This game has all the allure of a toxic waste dump. The combined records here are 5-21. Statistically, the Browns are last in the AFC in offense and in defense. The Chiefs rank 14th in the AFC on offense and 15th on defense. Instead of a coin flip, the referee should start the game with an Incantation to Ineptitude. The Browns have played better the last couple of weeks - - I know that would not be hard to do - - and I cannot really say the same about the Chiefs. So holding my nose to avoid the fetid aroma of this game, I’ll take the Browns with the points. By the way, if the Browns actually win the game outright, that would give them a 2-game winning streak - - a feat not usually achieved by a team that would then have a record of 3-11.

Atlanta at Jets (no lines): The Falcons are a dome team and this game could be in the aftermath of a significant snowstorm. That does not help the Falcons a lot but if Michael Turner can play, he will give them some strong inside running that will keep the Jets’ defense honest and not let it tee off on Falcons’ backup QB, Chris Redman. The Jets will run the ball no matter what the weather because they do not own a QB on whom they can depend to win a game against a decent opponent and the Jets need to win to stay in the wildcard hunt. I think the game will be close (less than a TD separating the winner and loser) and I think the game will have a total in the low 40s - - assuming that the snowstorm does not carry over into game time.

SF at Philly – 9 (42.5): Here is another East Coast game on a snowy weekend in December. Both teams played to national audiences last week against division opponents and both teams won. The Eagles’ defense is vulnerable to power running and Frank Gore is a power runner for the Niners. The problem is that the Niners’ offense of late has relied on a spread offense and a lot of pass plays. If that is how they approach this game, the Eagles should control the game. I think the Eagles will win here but that line is fat. I’ll take the Niners with the points.

Houston – 11 at St. Louis (43.5): The Rams stink. The Texans are underachievers and heartbreakers and all that; but the Texans do not stink. At this point, we do not know if Kyle Boller or Keith Null will be under center for the Rams. I do not think that will make any significant difference as to the game winner; but with Boller in there, I would have to look twice at that spread. OK, I just looked at it again; I’ll take the Texans to win and cover.

Miami at Tennessee – 4 (43.5): If the Titans lose, their slim playoff chances drop to ZERO. If Miami loses, they will have to pray for Jets, Ravens and Texans to lose too. For some reason, there is a buzz around this game related to “charges” by Titans’ RB, Chris Johnson, that he was supposed to race Dolphins’ WR, Ted Ginn Jr., but Ginn was a no-show for the race. Who cares if these guys race each other? Both will be facing the defensive units of the other team and the real question is whether or not those defenses can contain the opposition’s speed. This contretemps is a tempest in a spittoon. I see a game featuring the run against two good defenses here. I think the Dolphins have a legitimate shot to win outright here so I’ll take the Dolphins with the points. And, I like the game to go Under.

Oakland at Denver – 14 (37): Oakland starts Charlie Frye at QB here against the AFC’s second-ranked defense. While that is not good, it is better than having to start JaMarcus Russell against that same defense. The Raiders usually play the Broncos tough in Denver but the odds seem stacked against them here. Purely on a hunch, I will take the Raiders with two TDs and hope that they figure out a way to prevent Brandon Marshall from catching another 21 passes this week.

Cincy at San Diego – 6.5 (43.5): The Bengals #1 ranked scoring defense got lit up by the Vikings last week. The Chargers are on fire; they have won 8 games in a row and they are 6-1 on the road this year. I do not think the Bengals’ offense against the Chargers’ defense is going to be able to keep up here. I like the Chargers at home to win and cover.

Green Bay at Pittsburgh – 2 (41): Not only did the Steelers lose to the Browns - - the Bleepin’ Browns! - - last week; their OL allowed the Browns to sack Ben Roethlisberger 8 times. The Packers have won 5 in a row; the Steelers have lost 5 in a row. As a reference point, the only other two teams in the league that have lost 5 games in a row right now are the Rams and the Bucs. ‘Nuff said… I realize that the Steelers’ fans lend great support to the team, but why are the Steelers favored here? Aaron Rodgers ought to have a field day against the injured and porous Steelers’ secondary. I like the Packers to win this game so I’ll take them plus the points here.

Tampa Bay at Seattle – 6 (39): The only reason this is not the worst game of the week is because of the Cleveland/KC game. The Bucs are terrible; the Seahawks are merely miserable. Neither defensive unit has shown any great proclivity to take over games and shut down opponents. Make this a venue call; I’ll take Seattle to win and cover and I’ll take the game to go Over.

(Sun Nite) Minnesota – 9 at Carolina (43): Here is another dome team going outdoors to play in the aftermath of a snowstorm. Put this game in the Metrodome and the line is probably 15 points. I think the weather will be the factor here and even though I do not think the Panthers will win, I’ll take them with the points.

(Mon Nite) Giants – 3 at Washington (44): The Redskins appear to be playing much better now that some of their “high priced talent” is on the shelf and “those other guys” are getting to play without looking over their shoulder at the “entitled players” on the sidelines ready to take them out of the game. The Giants are reeling and one thing that has been clear in their last two losses is that their defense can be pushed around. This Giants’ defense is not very good all of a sudden and the offense has not reliably been able to bail it out for the last couple of months. I like this game to go Over.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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There is something about the fanboys of bad NFL teams. When their bad team draws criticism or a mild rebuke in the media, they hit their message boards with frothing mouths screaming about the conspiracy that exists in the media to heap scorn and abuse on their heroes. One of the standard arguments regarding these imagined conspiracies is that the media never takes a dump on other teams - - such as the one that won the Super Bowl last year or a team that has been in the playoffs nine of the last ten years. And, the fanboys really do not see the absence of logic in those ravings…

This phenomenon happens to almost all of the bad teams and it seems to be happening in spades to Oakland Raiders’ fans. A favorite cry amongst them is that Al Davis’ demonstrated abilities to find diamonds in the rough within the NFL Draft process back in the 60s, 70’s and 80’s should make him and the team immune to any scornful remarks by some media hack regarding Raider draft picks in the 90s and the 00s. I don’t expect that too many of them will be sending notes of apology today to all of the media critics who opined that JaMarcus Russell was not a good first pick in the draft - - and there were more than a few such writers at the time of that selection.

A few weeks ago, Russell lost his job to Bruce Gradkowski - - a fourth year player with a career QB rating of 65.9. Meaning no disrespect to Messr. Gradkowski, that is below mediocre. This week - - with Gradkowski injured - - the Raiders will put Charlie Frye in charge of the offense. Frye is in his fifth year; he has a career QB rating of 70.5, which is approaching mediocrity; however, he has thrown 16 TD passes and 25 INTs for his career and that is not good. JaMarcus Russell is taking a backseat to Charlie Frye who is the guy that the Cleveland Browns cut two years ago and entrusted that team to the tandem of Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn. And just for good measure, the Raiders just signed JP Losman this week who is coming off winning the UFL Championship with the Las Vegas Locomotives.

I want to make it clear to Raiders fanboys; I am not part of any conspiracy and have shared none of these remarks with anyone else. JaMarcus Russell was a BAD selection as the overall #1 selection - - in the same league with Todd Marinovich as a first round pick by the same Oakland Raiders in the early 90s. Several weeks ago, I suggested a new name for JaMarcus Russell and now that his fate in Oakland seems cast in stone, I believe it is time to refer to him as:

JaCarcass Russell.

Before I write off Russell’s career in the NFL entirely, please note that another team will probably pick him up if he is a free agent in the off-season. If you doubt that, consider that Richie Incognito signed with Buffalo the day after the Rams - - the RAMS - - decided they could do without his contributions going forward.

In 2008, Tiger Woods suffered a knee injury that forced him to miss half of the PGA Tour. Most of the PGA events saw their TV ratings and their live attendance plummet - - and it was not just the “secondary events”. In the 2008 PGA Championship, viewership dropped more than 50% from the year before when Tiger Woods won the event. I read somewhere that a comparison of about half a dozen tournaments with Tiger Woods in 2007 drew almost double the audiences of the same tournaments without Tiger Woods in 2008. No one can ignore those data and pass them off as a coincidence.

With the recent announcement that Tiger Woods will take an “indefinite hiatus” from golf, there has to be more than a small measure of angst among TV execs, PGA Tour sponsors and PGA execs. Of course you will never hear that from Tim Fincham - - clearly a graduate of the David Stern School of Spinmeistering. Secretly, Fincham has to be lighting candles in church and sending entreaties to St. Jude asking that Tiger Woods resolve whatever he needs to resolve in his life and get back on the golf course in PGA events immediatment.

More than that even, Tim Fincham is praying that the recent stories linking Tiger Woods to a Canadian physician who is under investigation by the FBI for illegally supplying HGH to patients are nothing more than sensationalist nonsense. The PGA just suspended some guy from the Nationwide Tour for a year because he used PEDs. If this kind of charge is hung around Tiger Woods’ neck, how will the PGA finesse it to prevent suspending him for a year?

A significant problem that Tiger Woods faces now goes beyond the whole business of “repairing his image” and his link to this “Canadian doctor”. Tiger Woods is now in the crosshairs of the tabloid/paparazzi media. Meaning no great disrespect here, sportswriters and golf writers more specifically are not exactly the Woodwards and Bernsteins of journalism in 2009. Far too many of them - - not all but more than enough - - would not want to be the one to break a story that would be damaging to Tiger Woods for the simple reason that Tiger Woods’ representatives would be able to isolate such a journalist and keep him from knowing any more about Tiger Woods than his score in a given round of a tournament. Golf writers need even the meager access that Tiger Woods’ representatives allow; they will not put that access at risk. Tiger Woods’ handlers can manipulate that segment of the media to get out the messages they want out.

If anyone thinks that is the case with the tabloid media or the paparazzi, just ask folks like Senator John Edwards or Brittney Spears or any of a dozen other “celebs” who are regular fodder for those publications. If Tiger Woods thinks his yacht named “Privacy” is a safe haven, he also better have hired an air force to keep the helicopters carrying paparazzi out of the sky around the yacht. If Tiger Woods thinks he might have been accosted by fans in an airport before, he has to know that if he takes off in his NetJet tomorrow, there will be paparazzi waiting for him when it lands. Moreover, if he thinks that he can surreptitiously go “Trolling for Trollops” in Las Vegas over the Holidays…

I have a piece of advice for Tiger Woods. I know he will not read this nor would he give a fig if someone put it in front of him and he did read it. Nevertheless, I offer it free of charge:

During your golf hiatus, make absolutely certain that no one can place you in a foursome off the golf course.

Finally, Dan Jenkins wrote a prescient statement about Tiger Woods all the way back in 2001 - - Woods’ fourth or fifth year on the PGA Tour:

“Only two things can stop Tiger, injury or a bad marriage.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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