The Sports Curmudgeon®

I keep a running list of things that are annoying, overblown, or perhaps simply irrelevant that keep coming up in the sports world. When that list gets to a point that it provides sufficient material to fill a rant, I run through the inventory and start a new list. As you probably have guessed, my list runneth over…

I just don’t care about the debates surrounding the NFL’s overtime rules. They have been in place for at least 30 years now - - I think the league adopted the regular season sudden death rule in the mid-70s - - and all of the arguments pro and con for this rather simplistic rule have already been made. Until someone comes up with a new argument, the debates are tired and threadbare. Enough already…

I just don’t care about any debate regarding who was the “greatest ever”. These arguments are bad enough when comparing apples to apples such as Wilt vs. Russell or Magic vs. Bird and then how any of those guys might compare to Michael Jordan. However, folks who are attracted to this kind of debate - - sports radio talkers with lots of time to kill, for example - - often take the debate from the stage of merely annoying all the way out there to mindblowingly silly. Who was better, Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods? Puhleez. Why not add Luciano Pavarotti to the mix and make it completely stupid? Enough already…

I just don’t care about any discussion of a coach or player in terms of his/her “legacy to the game”. Fans remember great players and coaches when they are no longer playing or coaching; that is what fans do. The number of players/coaches who actually handed down something to the game that was a lasting change can usually be counted on a single hand. Enough already…

I just don’t care about sideline reporters and the in-game interviews that they foist upon viewers. Asking a coach about what the team needs to do in the second half as the coach is running onto or off the field at halftime can only produce one realistic answer, “We have to score points and we have to stop them from scoring points.” Asking a player how he feels after he just scored a winning TD or after he just missed a free throw to tie a game and send into overtime cannot produce a wide spectrum of responses. In addition, I am certain that the fate of civilization as we know it does not dangle on the thread of insights we might get from an in-game interview of a parent/guardian of a game participant or from some celebrity whose opinions on a sporting event are as meaningful as a dissertation on the historical significance of cottage cheese – small curd. Enough already…

I just don’t care about polls for college or high school sports. It is clear that the poll voters are either not fully informed to cast meaningful votes and/or they have personal agendas that they are pushing with their votes. All polls should be expunged from our existence. Having said that, can you imagine just how idiotic I think any of the pre-season polls might be given that the uninformed and/or biased voters are basing their votes on exactly zero actual performance measures? Enough already…

I just don’t care about any college bowl game played before December 30. Not a single one of them has any importance at all. In a good season, two of that mélange of games will represent an interesting match-up and only one will actually be a good game to watch. Enough already… [For the sake of clarity, the paragraph above should not lead anyone to believe that I think all the college bowl games played after December 30 are important and worthy of attention. That is not the case; some of those games are truly stupid too.]

I just don’t care about the NIT and/or any of the other nonsensical college basketball post-season tournaments that have sprung up in the past couple of years. There are 65 teams in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. In truth, 50 of those teams really have no shot of winning the tournament, but they are there to fill out the brackets and make that tournament the best three-week sporting event in the world. All the other tournaments feature games between break-even teams, which would be anti-climactic and boring if held during the regular season when winning and losing might actually matter with regard to getting into the “real tournament.” Enough already…

I just don’t care about televising games from the Little League World Series except for the final three games. Now we are watching games from regional tournaments to see which teams will go to Williamsport for the World Series Tournament. If this goes any further, ESPN will have to spin off another network just to cover sports for kids under the age of 15. Enough already…

I just don’t care about competitive eating events. Gluttony is one of the Seven Deadly Sins; it is not a spectator sport. Have you noticed that the writers and broadcasters who moan about the “message we send to children” when discussing things like steroids do not moan equally loudly about the Nathan’s Fourth of July Face-Stuffing Fest? Enough already… [For the sake of clarity, I do like however, the statement of a basic rule for Philadelphia’s Wing Bowl gluttony extravaganza, “You heave; you leave.]

I just don’t care for MMA/UFC. To me, it seems like the WWE with real blood; far too much hype for the entertainment value presented by the events themselves. Enough already…

I just don’t care for calling any fans of any team a “Nation”. It may have been cute the first time the phrase was coined; now it is trite beyond description. Oh, and of course all of the putative citizens of any nation must wear team gear to any games so that they can be shown on TV as a horde of raving maniacs. I don’t call those folks a “nation”; I call them a group of posers and wannabes who cannot wear those jerseys for real but get their jollies from screaming in front of a TV camera while wearing them. Enough already…

Finally, I just don’t care about Danica Patrick - - unless of course she wins another race or two which is what she is supposed to do as an Indy car driver. As of this writing, she has won precisely one Indy car race (last year) in her five years as a professional driver. It seems to me that the only thing she does well is to maintain her celebrity status - - sort of like Paris Hilton. Enough already…

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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I am off on another traveling binge for the next 10 days. This time I will be in the US and I should have Internet access. However, I do not know how much time I will have to write and gather material. My plan is to write two rants next week and to do the first iteration of NCAA Mythical Picks for 2009. However, all of that is time dependent.

Stay well everyone.

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Let’s play a game today. Let’s play “You Are The General Manager”. Suppose you are a GM in the NBA and you have decided that your team would really benefit by adding a veteran guard. Who is your choice here?

A. Allen Iverson: After all, AI is known as “The Answer” although there is some debate as to whether or not he understands what the question might be.

B. Stephon Marbury: After watching his behavior this off-season on the Internet, can your team afford the horde of guys named Freud and Jung it might take to convince Starbury that the four guys in the game with him wearing the same color shirts are not his enemies?

C. Mateen Cleaves: Hey, he is 32 years old and he won an NCAA championship – which neither of the other two has ever done – and he has been playing in the D-League where he averaged 13 points per game and 8 assists per game last season.

Switching sports, you are the GM of a team in MLB and you are asked to offer your opinion on which of these two teams is burdened with the worst quartet of contracts for 2009. Your anonymity is a certainty; and so, you choose to answer the question:

A. NY Mets: Beltran $19M, Delgado $12M, Perez $12M, K-Rod $10M

B. Chicago Cubs: Zambrano $19M, Bradley $10M, Soriano $22M, Fukodome $12M.

You make the call…

By the way, spending loads of money on player salaries in MLB is surely not a way to assure success on the field. The Mets rank 2nd in MLB in salaries paid out this year; the Cubbies rank 3rd. Neither team is very good. Joining these teams in the Top Ten teams in player payroll this year are the Mariners, Astros and White Sox. Those are three other flawed teams too.

HOW-EVAH, the teams that spend very little - - the ones at the bottom of the spending spectrum - - do tend to be really bad. Ranking form #30 in player payroll on up are the Pirates, Marlins, Padres, A’s, Orioles, Nationals and Indians. Can we agree that among that grouping, only the Marlins are interesting?

Sticking with baseball for a moment, loads of people take it as a given that Lou Piniella is a really good manager. I am beginning to wonder about that despite the successes he had in Cincinnati and in Seattle. This is his 22nd year in charge of a major league team and in that time, Piniella has a cumulative record (through 124 games this season) of 1764-1622. That is a .520 winning percentage which in a single season would be 85-77 (roughly). I guess 85-77 every year is better than taking an ice-water enema; but pardon me, if I do not fall all over myself drooling over Sweet Lou as one of the great managers in the history of the game. And by the way, this season the Cubbies really needed some leadership and focus to get some of their high-priced talent to play up to the level that the Cubs’ AAA players showed when they had to be up on the big team and in the line-up. Said leadership and focus seems not to have been present…

Yesterday I mentioned Brad Lidge in the context of the “closer problems” that the Phillies have experienced this year. Later yesterday, I read that Brett Myers was on a rehab assignment for the Phils and that could put Charlie Manuel in an interesting position in September. He might have Lidge, Myers and Ryan Madsen in the bullpen at the same time and it is not impossible to see any of them fitting the closer role. Closer-by-committee usually does not work but in this case, it might give Charlie Manuel a chance to see who has the “hot hand” and to go with him. We shall see…

They say that patience is a virtue - - and no one has ever accused me of being virtuous. Nevertheless, once in a while a morsel of delicious irony drops into your lap. The CEO of the SPCA in Richmond VA left her deaf and blind dog in a closed car and the animal went to visit the great fire hydrant in the sky. Let me be clear; I do not rejoice in the demise of this creature in any way; I have no animus toward dogs despite the fact that I do not own one. I can say with impunity that I have never been engaged in any activity that has resulted in the death of a dog - - and the CEO of the Richmond SPCA cannot make that statement any longer. The “dog-killer” here is not an athlete or an elected official or a person with obvious deranged tendencies; the “dog-killer” here is a certified do-gooder. How unseemly…

Animal activists preach to others about how others need to behave and conduct their lives; I wonder how this woman might react the next time she is pontificating and someone asks her why she is so high and mighty when her actions led to the death of her own dog. If the Mayor of Richmond’s dog had died in similar circumstances three weeks ago, I strongly suspect we would have heard less than positive things from this woman about Hizzoner. If you read the full account of this matter from the Richmond Times-Dispatch, you will note that she has no plans to resign her position. How convenient for her…

Let me go out on a limb here for a moment and make this prediction:

If you go to an Eagles’ game at Lincoln Financial Field this year, you are not going to hear the DJ play Who Let The Dogs Out?

However, if you go to see the Eagles play when they come to visit your town and your team, you will most certainly hear the DJ play, Who Let The Dogs Out? and How Much Is That Doggie In The Window? and You Ain’t Nothin’ But A Hound Dog.

Finally, I got this in an e-mail from a long-term reader yesterday:

“People need to buy the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue so as to keep their sports intake Title IX compliant.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Thanks to a report from the Associated Press yesterday, we can sleep well tonight in the full knowledge that binge beer drinking – at least on one college campus – is now under control:

“Wisconsin football fans listening to games on the radio this fall will hear few, if any, beer ads for the first time in years.

”The university has ended long-standing sponsorship agreements with MillerCoors and Anheuser-Busch InBev for advertising during Badgers sports broadcasts. The deals, which brought the university about $425,000 per year, were not renewed after a campus committee recommended doing away with them as part of its fight against binge drinking.”

With this kind of thinking, the university officials probably also believe that fornication on campus – especially in the “binge mode” – is also under control because there are no radio ads for condoms on the football broadcasts. Same goes for smoking among the student body and the absence of tobacco ads on the games… There is a word for people who think this way:

Asshats!

Speaking of asshats, it is time to revisit the NHL’s handling of the demise of the Phoenix Coyotes. When last we checked, the league had blocked Jim Balsillie from paying $212M for the team - - about $35M of which would have gone to the NHL to repay money that the league lent to the team to keep it afloat in previous times. The best offer on the table after that was from a group fronted by Jerry Reinsdorf and that offer was reportedly in the range of $175 - 180M. That is not a great business decision to be sure, but at least that offer paid off creditors in the Phoenix area to some extent and put a bit of the league’s money back in the league’s pocket.

Now, Jerry Reisndorf has pulled his offer off the table saying that the NHL is an “unwilling seller”. That leaves the NHL itself as the sole bidder for the team. At the moment, the NHL will be the entity to pay off the creditors in Phoenix and then own the franchise itself – which lost money over the years putting it in its bankruptcy state – all because they want to keep the franchise there in money-losing Phoenix. If this makes sense to you – as it seems to make sense to the NHL mavens – perhaps you can explain the logic here in three simple declarative sentences. I cannot.

Asshats!

A recent news report said that Mexico has legalized the possession of small amounts of drugs to include marijuana and cocaine. I have no interest in a debate over the issue of legalizing drugs; you will not change my mind on the matter and I will not try to change yours. I do believe that this change in the law in Mexico will have a ripple effect on sports in the US however. Here is something to look for:

In the next round of negotiations between the NBA and the NBA Players Association, look for the players to demand that NBA All-Star games happen in Acapulco and/or Cancun.

Here is an item from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. He should be ashamed of himself for this one but I think he may be beyond shame by now…

“Q: What do you call it when so-called institutions of higher learning — the ones who don’t even graduate half their players — pay their football coaches millions of dollars?

“A: The ‘Cash for Flunkers’ program.”

Obviously, I have only seen this on television so far, but the new Cowboys’ Stadium in Dallas seems to have another “less than perfect” thing going for it beyond the hovering spacecraft above the field that should interfere with punting this season unless it is raised about 20 feet. In addition to that impediment, it looks to me as if some of the “cheap seats” in the place are about a quarter of a mile from the opposite end zone. In addition, those “cheap seats” are not part of the 20,000 “extra seats” that can be added to the stadium to host huge events such as the Super Bowl. No wonder they put in such a large TV over the center of the field; that is how more than a few fans are going to have to watch the games.

Dr. Jekyll, please allow me to introduce you to Mr. Hyde. In the sports world, Brad Lidge seems to fit this fictional representation of “good cop/bad cop”. Last year, Brad Lidge was “perfect” for the Phillies as they won the World Series. He entered into 41 save situations; he saved all 41 games; his record was 2-0 and his ERA was 1.95. There is not a whole lot more a baseball team can ask of its closer.

This season, Brad Lidge has been “less than perfect” – being as polite as I can for the moment. After blowing a save and losing a game against the Pirates on Tuesday night, he has already blown 9 save opportunities this season; his record is 0-6 and his ERA is 7.33. Last year, you could have used Lights Out as his entry music; this year you could use Light Me Up as his entry music.

Finally, here is another offering from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times:

“Checking this summer’s birthday calendar, baseball ironman Cal Ripken Jr. will celebrate his 49th on Aug. 24.

“Or as Ripken fans prefer to frame it, extending his living streak to 2,556 weeks.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Eric Prisbell and Steve Yanda of the Washington Post often team up on big reporting efforts that generate insights into collegiate and amateur sports in the US. In yesterday’s edition, they wrote about fans of various colleges who acquire media credentials and then interact with potential recruits for their favorite colleges. The NCAA rules say fans cannot be involved in recruiting; the NCAA is not likely to try to forbid credentialed media members from talking to high school/AAU players who, at the time of the conversations, have nothing to do with any NCAA member school. Nonetheless, here is an avenue ripe for abuse and this excellent article by Prisbell and Yanda deserves to be read in full. Take a moment, it is lengthy…

While I am in the mode of sending you to the Washington Post website for something in yesterday’s paper, allow me also to recommend Sally Jenkins’ column on the ESPN coverage of the Little League World Series. Let us just say that she does not think the coverage here is helpful with regard to the noble mission of the Little League to develop qualities of “citizenship, discipline, teamwork and physical well-being”. She is not criticizing Little League; she is criticizing the coverage that encourages players to emulate some less than positive traits/mannerisms of adult players such that:

“Watching them [the players in the LLWS], you get the same creepy feeling you do watching little girls in beauty pageants, wearing hair spray and wiggling their hips as they belt out Broadway tunes.”

The situation with regard to a possible fight between Raiders head coach, Tom Cable, and assistant coach, Randy Hanson, has taken on a new dimension. Recall that Hanson went to a hospital and was treated for a broken jaw. Rumors circulated that Cable had punched him out and/or choked him. Cable denied anything happened and the wagons were drawn into a tight circle. Then there were reports that Hanson had to go back to the hospital and that he had hired an attorney. Now it appears as if he will be pressing charges because the latest reports say that the police in Napa, CA have “reopened” their investigation into this alleged assault and battery.

At the moment, all we really have here is a “he said this/he said that” situation but a police investigation should change all of that. Allegedly, other Raiders’ coaches were present when Hanson was injured meaning they will probably need to “lawyer-up” and become part of the investigation. Football coaches always bitch and moan about “distractions” and how those dreaded “distractions” can become almost insurmountable obstacles for a team. I would have to think that a police investigation into the behaviors of the coaching staff itself would be the Mother Of All Distractions…

According to the NY Post, the Mets have known for at least a month that Johan Santana’s arm/elbow was not right. According to the Post, Santana has not been throwing in the bullpen between starts since before the All-Star Game (five weeks ago). Now there are reports that Santana will need surgery on his elbow to relieve the soreness and that his season is done. CBSportsline.com says the surgery is to “fix a lingering elbow issue.” Question:

At what point in the operation of a major league franchise that spends in the neighborhood of $150M a year on player salaries would you think that “adult supervision” becomes an important element.

Johan Santana is the best pitcher the Mets have by a wide margin. He still has years to go - - and guaranteed money left - - on his contract with the Mets. If he has had a sore arm since “before the All-Star Game”, why didn’t he see a doctor before this? Why did they risk losing a critical building block for that team? Recall that Santana pitched on a partially torn meniscus in his knee last year that required surgery after the season; this is not the first time the Mets’ braintrust has rolled the dice with regard to the long-term health of their best pitcher. If the owners of the Mets do not inject some “adult supervision” into the team now, then maybe they really are dumb enough to deserve having been screwed over by Bernie Madoff.

Here is an interesting observation from Elliot Harris in the Chicago Sun-Times:

“Not sure if this is one of the SAT questions Derrick Rose took (or didn’t take): If the people running the NCAA are on a train that leaves a Memphis station at 9 a.m. and travels at 50 mph, how long does it take them to realize they are doing so with their eyes intentionally closed and John Calipari is the locomotive’s conductor?”

Last weekend, the Florida Tuskers - - the Orlando entry in the new United Football League - - held open tryouts for players. They expected a couple hundred aspirants to show up; they got 1200 people to the tryouts hoping for a chance to make the team. I have not read anything to suggest that the other 3 teams in the UFL are planning to do anything similar, but assume they are for a moment and assume they get a similar turnout. With only four teams in the league and this level of interest in playing there, the teams might actually have respectable talent levels. I am not saying UFL teams will be equivalent to NFL teams; they will not. However, the UFL looks as if it could be a big step up from semi-pro football.

From the 1200 hopefuls, the Tuskers signed 12 players to their preseason roster. I recognized three of the names on the list - - albeit the depth of my recognition is that none was welcome on an NFL roster. The Tuskers open their season on 10 October at home against the NY Sentinels. A ticket in the lower level at the 50-yardline will set you back $55…

I could not make this next item up on a bet. Tim Donaghy had served sufficient time in the hoosegow for his conviction regarding links to gambling on NBA games that he qualified for parole to a halfway house. Donaghy has now been arrested again and is being held without bail for violating his parole. What did he do to go back to the slammer? He did not show up for work. Sorry, but that is mind-numbingly stupid!

Finally, Greg Cote had an observation in the Miami Herald related to Mets’ outfielder, Gary Sheffield:

“And in baseball news, Gary Sheffield marked the 10th anniversary of his being perpetually disgruntled.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Call it “Reality Sinks In Day”. Today marks the point in the season whereby the first MLB team achieves sufficient stinkitude that it cannot have a winning season. The Washington Nationals lost yesterday and that was their 81st loss of the season assuring that they will not be over .500 for the season. Oh, by the way, in order to hit that .500 mark, all they need do is to win their remaining 37 games over the next 6 weeks. Two words for you here:

Not. Happening.

A ray of hope for Nationals’ fans emanates from Kansas City where the Royals are imploding. The Royals have lost 8 of their last 10 games and are a mere 3.5 games “ahead” of the Nats in the race to the bottom of the MLB standings. The Royals started out well back in April and I said it would be fun to have them competitive all season long as a way to reprise the Tampa Bay Rays excitement from last season. So much for fun…

While things are not nearly so dire for the Chicago Cubs, there is a trend line on the north side of Chicago that should be severely troubling to Cubs’ fans if they choose to acknowledge it. On 6 August of this year – less than 3 weeks ago – the Cubs and the Cardinals were tied for first place in the NL Central Division. This morning, the Cubs are still in second place in the division but they are a full 8 games behind the Cards and the Cubs trail four teams in the wild card race.

Recently, SI.com did a list of things they missed from old-time baseball. It was a good list including things like the eephus pitch (Google is your friend), day games in the World Series and relief pitchers being delivered to the mound in golf carts. Here are some of the things I miss:

Bill Veeck’s antics as an owner.
Charlie Finley’s antics as an owner.
Joe Garagiola and Tony Kubek doing the Game of the Week on TV.
Seeing kids keeping score at the games.
An outside chance that a game will be finished in two-and-a-half hours.
Doubleheaders.

Syndicated columnist, Norman Chad’s column this week consisted of a list of 23 things he knows are true about sports on TV. A couple of his items were on-point:

“How is it that Usain Bolt can run 200 meters in less time than it takes Tiger Woods to line up a putt?”

“I love Outside the Lines: First Report, but when exactly are their second and third reports?”

“With my luck, when I die and I’m buried with my remote, they’ll forget to change the batteries.”

“With The Best Damn Sports Show Period now history, I am terrified that Fox Sports Net is developing The Second-Best Damn Sports Show Period.”

By the way, the passing of Best Damn Sports Show creates the situation where it is becomes necessary to crown a new champion for the title of “TV show whose name is in the greatest violation of the truth-in-labeling laws”. My nominee would have to be Jim Rome Is Burning. I do not watch every day to be sure, but when I tune in, he is never en fuego…

There were reports earlier this month that Lou Holtz was contemplating a run for Congress. Subsequent reports said that he chose not to do that. Forgetting completely whether or not his political views - - whatever they may be - - would be a plus or a minus for the Nation as a Congressthing, I do believe that he was serious about running. How do I draw that conclusion? Because he seems to have gotten himself into the realm of fanciful thinking and rosy projection that always afflict politicians of every stripe once they go into “campaign mode”.

The lingering effects of that political campaign mindset seem to have surfaced recently when Holtz predicted that Florida would play Notre Dame in the BCS Championship Game this year. He said that when he looked at Notre Dame’s schedule - - and it is hardly a daunting one this year - - he thought that the Fighting Irish could go 11-1 or 12-0 and climb their way up the polls to make the BCS Championship Game.

Notre Dame plays only 4 road games all season traveling to Michigan, Purdue, Pitt and Stanford; everyone else plays at South Bend. Three of the visitors to South Bend this year will be Washington (zero wins last year), Washington State (one win against Division 1-A teams and that win was over Washington) and UConn (picked 6th in the Big East in the pre-season conference poll).

So maybe Holtz’ rosy projections have a chance of becoming reality… Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while.

Finally, on this date in 1913, Walt Kelly was born. Kelly was the creator of the comic strip Pogo and other great cartoonists have cited him as a major influence on their work. Some of those later cartoonists include Bill Watterson [Calvin and Hobbes], Gary Trudeau [Doonesbury], and Jeff MacNelly [Shoe]. Pogo Possum’s most famous line is probably, “We have met the enemy and he is us.” My favorite bit of wisdom from Pogo Possum came from his response to the question about why people did not “throw the rascals out” - - referring to politicians in office. Pogo’s response was a classic:

“Why doesn’t anyone think of that before they throw the rascals in?”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Back in the days when CNN actually telecast news and not interview/opinion programming on a 24/7 basis, Nick Charles and Fred Hickman teamed up as the anchors on CNN’s nightly sports roundup. I recall Nick Charles from a previous stint that he did with a Baltimore TV station as the sports director there. He has been with Showtime for a while now as the host of their boxing programming. Last week, it was reported that Nick Charles is taking a leave of absence for treatment of Stage IV bladder cancer at the University of Texas Hospital Cancer Center. In return for all of the information and entertainment that he provided to me over the years, I am sending all the good thoughts I can muster in his direction…

Speaking of sports reporting, I ran across news that the US has a commanding lead over Europe in the Solheim Cup. How many people do you think could write a 50-word description of the Solheim Cup and the competition associated with it in two minutes time? How many could do it without “Googling”? For the record, I guessed the sport involved but had precisely nothing else correct in my guesses related to this event.

On a similar note, the Sky Blue won the Women’s Professional Soccer Championship over the Sol. Stop 100 people randomly on the street and ask them to identify the city and/or state represented by the “Sky Blue” and by the “Sol”. I am setting the Over/Under at 10.5 for the number of folks who can answer both correctly. What is your wager here?

Here is a hint: If you have never heard of the “Sky Blue” but you guess its city/state correctly, you might also guess that a team named the “Gila Monsters” came from Fairbanks, Alaska.

Surely, you have read or heard about the “gender controversy” surrounding Caster Semanya – the South African track star who won the women’s 800 meters at the World Track and Field Championships in Germany last week. The track and field authorities say it will take weeks to do some gender identity tests; some folks believe that all that would be needed is a physical examination of Semanya’s “nether regions”. Somehow, I think both views are off base. If Semanya were born a male, a Y-chromosome would be present in virtually every cell of the body. Since the locus of that chromosome is well known and since its shape can distinguish that chromosome readily, why will this determination need to take several weeks?

Lest everyone think that there will be no more impact of last year’s economic turmoil on the sports world, consider these two items related to the NFL - - unquestionably one of the sporting world’s behemoths.

The Miami Herald reported that the NFL will not be reserving nearly as many hotel rooms in Miami for the Super Bowl this year as had been expected. Supposedly, the league will block 10,000 rooms next January/February compared to a planning estimate of 17,000 set back when the game was awarded to Miami. For those keeping score at home, that is more than a 40% decrease…

The Florida Times-Union reports that the Jacksonville Jaguars will not sell out any home games this year and the team will have the option to black out every home game. The Jags put a tarp over about 10,000 seats in their stadium a few years ago to shrink the stadium capacity so that home games might be telecast locally. This phenomenon is not limited to Jax; several teams offer single game tickets for sale on their websites, which can only mean their games, are not sold out either. See Raiders, Oakland and Chargers, San Diego and Lions, Detroit and …

I wonder if any of the folks in the NFL Front Office have thought about negating the blackout rules for the 2009 season sending the message that they want to bring the games to all of their fans – including the ones in cities where the recession led to some empty seats in the stands. If done with the right kind of presentation, this could generate some goodwill for the league as it enters CBA negotiations with the players - - just in case those negotiations get contentious.

Meanwhile, DirecTV and the Versus Network are in “stare-down mode” with DirecTV threatening to drop Versus at the end of this month. The issue of course is money; any and all other issues that may or may not exist here are trivial compared to the issue of money. Versus is the network that carries a lot of NHL games; so if DirecTV drops the network, that will reduce the footprint of NHL coverage on TV. Somehow, I do not think that is a condition that Gary Bettman has been wishing for.

The NHL has a problem here to be sure but I feel even sorrier for those other Versus dedicated viewers who will not be able to turn to local telecasts of bull riding, Indy car races and cycling events. NHL fans may have to cut back on their consumption of ice hockey games but those other fans will be on a starvation diet.

Memo to the Washington Nationals: If you fire your manager – again – and hire John Calipari immediately, you may be able to convince MLB to vacate the 2009 season. It has never been done before, but think about it; do you really want this season to remain in the history of baseball for the rest of time?

Just a thought…

There is no truth at all to the rumor that the Minnesota Vikings will decide on their #2 QB by using a best of three “rock/scissors/paper” competition between Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels. That would make no sense. They have to keep John David Booty in the mix here somehow…

Finally, here is a comment from Dwight Perry in the Seattle Times:

“George Steinbrenner High School opens its doors to 2,000 students for the first time Tuesday in Lutz, Fla.

“School officials plan to kick off the school year in style, signing a free-agent chemistry teacher to a $10 million deal and firing the baseball coach.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Are any of you surprised even a little bit that the NCAA investigation of Memphis turned up enough “irregularities” that the university will be stripped of its Final Four appearance two years ago? There is a double exacta at work here, folks. Twice now, Memphis has vacated a Final Four appearance due to “violations”; once when Dana Kirk was coach backing the mid-80s and now when John Calipari was coach. In addition, this is “Coach Cal’s” second Final Four team and the second time he has had to vacate that appearance; it happened at UMass and now at Memphis.

On Around the Horn yesterday, the panelists debated whether or not vacating the wins and the Final Four appearance was sufficient. Some of them said there had to be a way to punish the athletic department more severely. I tend to agree if the purpose of the NCAA sanctions is to deter future “irregularities”. So, how about this one:

If a school is caught doing improper things with regard to recruiting or with regard to academic eligibility for players, that school will be banned from the NCAA tournament for five consecutive years from the date the sanctions are announced. In football, no bowl games for five consecutive years.

John Calipari is now at Kentucky - - a school where skirting the NCAA rulebook is hardly an unknown circumstance. He should fit in there just fine…

Another maelstrom of outrage spawned yesterday when Plaxico Burress took a plea bargain on his charges in NYC and will serve a 24-month jail sentence. The outrage came from people who compared the length of the sentence to that served by Donte Stallworth for DUI manslaughter this summer – 24 days in jail. What folks need to do here is take a deep breath, put themselves in their happy place, and realize that these were different jurisdictions with different laws and different sentencing options.

The law in NYC is that carrying an unregistered handgun – forget about discharging it, just carrying it will do – gets you a mandatory minimum of 42 months in jail upon conviction. Read all the accounts of what happened last November and you will realize why Burress’ lawyer said the case was all but indefensible. If convicted of carrying that gun on that night, he goes to the Crossbars Hilton for a minimum of 42 months. Therefore, his plea bargain is a good deal for him. Oh, do not ask about those reports that Burress was offered a plea deal back in the late Spring where he would have only served 6 months in jail but he turned the deal down. If those reports are true, then his status as a certified meathead is assured for all time.

The other wild protestation of outrage coming from that case is that the NYC law “clearly” violates the Second Amendment of the Constitution. Here is all I have to say about that argument: If that is true, then there are hundreds of idiots practicing law in NY these days because the law has been on the books for a while now and not a single one of those idiotic lawyers has found a way to get their arguments heard in a Federal Court where “clearly” the NYC law would be struck down. I would tend to believe that not all the criminal defense lawyers in NY are dolts…

Speaking of NYC, it seems as if the NY Mets have taken pity on their fans this year. In previous seasons, the Mets have waited until about the week after Labor Day to fold up like a card table and lose out in the pennant race by a game or so. This year, they have spared the fans such agony and have quit on the 2009 season a month or so before Labor Day. In doing so, they seem to have sent their fans this message:

Keep coming out to see us in our brand new stadium and put lots more money in our team coffers so that we can go out this winter and pay far too much to sign even more players who care only about their stats and not about winning baseball games. Thank you for your support…

The only reason the Mets cannot finish last in the NL East this year is that they have the Washington Nationals sitting below them in the standings…

I asked above if any of you were truly surprised about the “Memphis University Matter”. Now I ask if any of you are truly surprised that there is turmoil within the Oakland Raiders’ organization as reports swirl that head coach Tom Cable may have punched/choked assistant coach Randy Hanson to the point where Hanson had to go to the hospital with a broken jaw. Yahoo Sports now reports that Hanson is back in the hospital with swelling in his jaw; and supposedly, he now has retained a lawyer. Originally, the story was that he fell against a cabinet or something like that in the training facility; so I guess he retained the lawyer to sue the cabinet for something like being in the wrong place at the wrong time…

Folks, you cannot be surprised here; these are the Oakland Raiders; this has been a dysfunctional organization for a decade now. Saying there is turmoil within the Raiders’ organization is like saying the Cincy Bengals will do things on the cheap. There is no shock value in either statement. Remember, this is the team that hired a guy to be their offensive coordinator who had been running a bed-and-breakfast for several years; remember this is the organization where the head coach in mid-season said his team was the “dumbest team in America”. For the last decade or so, the Raiders’ motto has been “Commitment to Goofiness”.

Having said all of that, I do not understand why the NFL Front Office is looking into this matter. This is an internal team situation not a league situation. When Steve Smith punched out teammate Ken Lucas and broke Lucas’ nose, the Carolina Panthers suspended Smith for two games not the league. The only argument I can make for the NFL taking a hand in this game is that leaving this kind of decision up to Al Davis in 2009 is sort of like asking a guy in a coma to solve a Sudoku.

According to the NY Daily News, you can buy from the NFL a licensed replica of an Eagles’ team jersey for your dog that has the name VICK on the back with the number “7”. I do not own a dog but I am tempted to buy one of these things because I do not think they will be available for long and that might make them collectors’ items…

Here is a Quick Quiz. You are out at the stadium enjoying a baseball game. What is more annoying to you in that setting:

A. A bunch of fans with “Thundersticks” - - or

B. The wave?

For the record, the inventor of “Thundersticks” and anyone who tries to instigate “The wave” at any sporting event on Earth need to be consigned to Dante’s Seventh Ring of Hell - - the one reserved for people who do violence to God and to Nature.

Finally, there is an Internet report out there that I hope is true. Supposedly, a Tunisian woman is heavy with child and tests indicate that she may be carrying as many as twelve fetuses. Hopefully, she will successfully deliver all twelve - - just so we won’t ever have to hear from or about Octomom ever again…

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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By now, you must have heard the litany about how young pitchers taken first in the MLB draft have underperformed relative to expectations. The Nationals’ signing of Stephen Strasburg to a record $15.1M deal - - far short of the $50M that Scott Boras threw out as a target number - - has brought all those details to light. What I find interesting here is how Tom Boswell of the Washington Post reacted to Strasburg’s signing.

Let me be clear; Tom Boswell is one of the best baseball writers and columnists around. He is also one of the “baseball poets” who kept telling the world about Washington’s lust for baseball during the three-decade hiatus of that sport in DC. He knows the game and loves the game. So, his column the day after the signing focused on his projected starting lineup for the Nationals on Opening Day of 2011. That’s right; he wrote about 2011 and not 2010.

In order for his lineup to work, a new shortstop currently in AAA Syracuse and a new first baseman currently at AA Harrisburg have to make the Nationals. They have to keep – and hope that they develop – the other six position players currently on the roster. His five-man rotation consists of Strasburg, of course, along with a pitcher currently at AAA Syracuse and another recovering from elbow surgery. Oh, and the closer on that 2011 squad is currently at AA Harrisburg…

Given the myriad uncertainties with that projected squad, it is easy to forget that Boswell is essentially writing off the 2010 season for a team that currently has the worst record in MLB and who will win 65 games for the season only if they play .500 baseball from here on out in 2009.

Thank you, Mr. Boswell. I no longer need to think about the idea of buying a ticket package to Nats’ games for the 2010 season…

Quentin Richardson is being passed around like a swine flu virus at a free love convention. Since 25 June – that is all of 56 days ago – Richardson has been traded four times. He is the leader in the clubhouse for “Man-of-the-Year” as awarded by the National Association of Home Moving Companies. Here is Greg Cote’s summary of Richardson’s summer of 09 odyssey in the Miami Herald:

“The Heat traded for 6-6 swingman Quentin Richardson. Then again, who hasn’t? Miami is his fifth team just in 2009, after he ended last season with New York and has since been dealt to Memphis, the Los Angeles Clippers, Minnesota and now Miami. Clearly, this guy should be called for traveling.”

In NFL news, the Giants extended Eli Manning’s contract making him the highest paid player in the NFL at the moment. I know that he and his brother have won an equal number of Super Bowls, but which one do you think is chosen first in the Manning Family Picnic when it is time for the touch-football game?

Let me line up a couple of situations for you in order to pose a question. Michael Vick served more than two years in jail/in house arrest for dogfighting/gambling/etc. Plaxico Burress is still staring down the barrel – note use of metaphor here – of a 42-month sentence for carrying and discharging an unregistered firearm into his own leg. Donte Stallworth served 24 days in jail – and is on probation for 10 years – for DUI manslaughter where alcohol and marijuana were “present”. Now the question:

How did Stallworth’s lawyers channel Johnny Cochran from the great beyond to plead that case?

People remember OJ’s “Dream Team” representation. If I faced criminal charges in Florida, I would definitely want to contact the folks who represented Donte Stallworth.

Most news from NFL training camps is pure pabulum but every once in a while you can find an interesting nugget. Here is one from Steve Rosenbloom’s blog on the Chicago Tribune website:

“The Bears are talking up Kevin Payne’s versatility, and I’m thinking, yeah, he can miss tackles at both safety positions. “

I got this info from a friend via e-mail and I just do not have the energy to go and verify it. However, the source is a good one based on previous stuff he has sent along:

“Over the last 3 seasons, the Denver Broncos were 24-24. They were 6-6 against out of conference teams, 18-18 against in conference teams and 9-9 against teams in their division.”

I would say they have been a well-balanced team…

Starting this Fall, the NFL Network will offer something called the Red Zone Channel on game days. This channel will go back and forth among games showing scoring plays and major highlights “as they happen”. Ignoring the fact that this channel will encourage even shorter attention spans in the fans who tune in, I wonder why the NFL is providing a way for fans to tune away from the network telecasts of their games. The rights to those games bring in roughly $3B a year to the NFL and the network bids for those rights depends in some measure on their estimates of ad revenues the networks can glean from advertisers. And, advertisers want eyeballs looking at the screen…

I am not sure I understand why the Red Zone Channel is a good idea…

Finally, here is one more comment from Greg Cote of the Miami Herald regarding another potential personnel move by the Miami Heat:

“Free agent point guard Jamaal Tinsley remains an option for the Heat. Tinsley is 31, didn’t play last year and has had off-court incidents, including a couple involving guns, but otherwise there are no real concerns.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Well, I go away for a weekend and two of the big unknowns in the sporting world resolve themselves - - will Brett Favre play again and where will Michael Vick wind up in the NFL. I will be taking another trip at the end of the month and so I can probably assume that by Wednesday of the ensuing week we will learn:

The solution to the Palestinian homeland question.

The exact value of π.

Who actually put the “dip” in the “dip-da-dip-da-dip”. [/Barry Mann]

Am I surprised that Brett Favre is back in the NFL? Hardly. Am I surprised that the Vikings signed him to a deal that could pay him $25M over the next two years? Yes. Let me be coldly analytical here. The Vikings’ QB situation with Tarvaris Jackson, Sage Rosenfels and John David Booty on the depth chart - - in whatever order you may prefer - - was a weak link on a team with an outstanding running back and a better than average defense. After the PR fiasco of the Lake Minnetonka Love Boat a few years ago, there was no way the Vikes would have made a serious play for Michael Vick. Therefore, the only way for them to upgrade the QB slot was to convince Brett Favre to come out of retirement on whatever terms he would take.

Let me continue to be coldly analytical. Brett Favre will go into the Pro Football Hall of Fame five years after he actually stops playing pro football. Absent the dissemination of an Internet video showing him having his way with underage corpses, Brett Favre is guaranteed to be in the HoF. Having said that, it is also very true that the Minnesota Vikings are spending 2009 dollars on a QB that is the same in name only to the QB who won the league MVP award three years in a row. In case you do not recall, that happened in 1995, 96 and 97; in case your math skills have eroded, that was more than a decade ago.

Recall that the Arizona Cardinals once signed ultimate HoF running back Emmitt Smith after Emmitt’s high productivity days were in the rear view mirror in Dallas. The Cards got a running back but it was not the running back that every NFL fan had come to associate with the name, “Emmitt Smith”. Brett Favre is not the player he was in the mid-90s in terms of productivity on the field nor is he the gung-ho presence he was then - - or else he would have been involved with the Vikings’ OTAs and training camp from Day One. Essentially, he is behaving like Roger Clemens in Roger’s final seasons where he parachutes in to play for his selected team when the spirit moves him and the calendar suits him.

Are the Vikings better with Favre? Of course they are. Are the Vikings now the best team in the AFC North? Probably. Are the Vikings serious Super Bowl contenders? Probably not.

In the protests that surrounded the Eagles’ signing of Michael Vick, two great posters appeared:

“Lock up your beagle Vick is an Eagle”

[Hat Tip to a long-term reader for that first one.]

“From the Clink to the Linc”

Michael Vick is probably in a good situation in Philly. Unless Donovan McNabb’s season ends early, Vick will get to play only in special situations where his athletic skills will be maximized and unless Donovan McNabb’s season flames out horribly – with or without injury – Michael Vick will not be under a microscope 24/7. Such a situation should give him a chance to regain his athletic capabilities and to begin to understand how he needs to conduct his life with regard to the fans and the community. Nonetheless, I need to be coldly analytical here:

In his bankruptcy filing, Michael Vick suggested to the judge that he would be earning about $10M per year once back in the NFL. He will be making $1.6M this year. Michael Vick, let me administer this dose of reality to you about now.

Notice how you have heard nothing from Reverend Jesse Jackson about the signing. Rev. Jackson ran his mouth hinting at some grand cabal to keep Michael Vick out of the NFL. Notice how you have not heard him even say, “Oops, my bad,” let alone apologize for being so far off base.

The Eagles are only a better team now than they were last week if one of two situations obtain:

1. Donovan McNabb is out for the year and they can insert Vick at QB instead of AJ Feely or Kevin Kolb.

2. The Eagles’ offensive braintrust comes up with a package of plays that uses Vick/McNabb/Westbrook/Jackson in a “wildcat formation” more than once a month.

I know this is a snap judgment made after only one telecast, but I suspect that Jon Gruden is going to stink out the joint on ESPN’s MNF. Sure, he needs to be allowed some time to adjust to a new way of dealing with football, but his delivery and his “insights” during last weekend’s Steelers/Cardinals game were painfully bad. He might be bad enough to use the mute button by October. As of this moment, I would rather listen to Dennis Miller and his Sylvia Plath references…

Never fear, however, there is always good news somewhere in sports and the good news of the moment is that the International Olympics Committee has approved women’s boxing in at least three weight classes for the Olympics. I can see the drug testers now gearing up to assure that those competitors do not bear any Y-chromosomes…

Finally, here is a comment from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald regarding protests by animal rights activists:

“[President] Obama killed a housefly during a CNBC interview and was immediately suspended without pay by [Roger] Goodell. PETA picketed the White House over the killing of the fly, although in doing so marching protesters inadvertently stepped on 45 ants.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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