The Sports Curmudgeon®

I don’t know what the weather is like where you are, but March is going out like a lamb around here. Nevertheless, I want to begin with a Quick Quiz today relative to the month of March 2009. For this month that will pass soon into history, what was the real March Madness?

A. The NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament

B. The House Financial Services Committee fulminations about bonuses paid to execs in failed/failing financial institutions. The members where shocked to learn this had happened. Yet last September when they passed the original TARP Legislation, they told us that they would provide close oversight to all of these matters. How could they have been surprised?

250 words or less…

Oh, and that Quick Quiz reminds me that I want to pose a second question today. Which situation is more abhorrent to you?

A. AIG execs pocketing $5M bonuses despite running the company into the ground.

B. Stephon Marbury pocketing about $20M to refuse to play for the NY Knicks.

250 words or less…

There is one piece of very good news from the Louisville Courier-Journal this morning. ESPN has decided to cancel the telecast of the post-position draw for the Kentucky Derby. Presumably, that means ESPN will cancel that practice for every race that it covers and that is good news. If you want to demonstrate to someone the quintessence of a meaningless made-for-TV event that has no information or entertainment value, you can show them a tape of just about any episode of Dancing With the Stars or you can show them a tape of the post-position draw for a horse race.

Charles Rogers was the #2 overall pick in the NFL Draft as a WR – by the Lions of course – in 2003. Clearly, he is a draft bust; his career stats are 36 catches for 440 yards. Charles Rogers is now heading to the hoosegow for 30 days as a result of violating his probation related to a previous domestic violence incident. According to an AP report, Rogers had a chance to stay out of jail by participating in something called “sobriety court” by attending AA meetings and submitting to random drug testing. He asked to be removed from that program and put in jail because:

“The structure was cool, but I had a hard time with the perfection that they stress in the program.”

Rogers also said that his priority now is to “…get out of the court system and try to get in shape for a comeback.” In addition to his lack of on-field productivity and his obvious difficulty with doing things exactly as he is told to do them and his obvious candidacy for the NFL substance abuse program, Rogers also would have to convince a team to sign a guy who lost an arbitration hearing forcing him to refund $8.5M of his signing bonus because the arbitrator agreed with the Lions that Rogers diminished his value to the team by failing drug tests. How would you like to be his agent negotiating a deal with an NFL team for next season?

Back in 2003, the Lions were looking for a WR that might be a difference maker in the NFL. They took Rogers with the second pick in the draft. Guess who was taken as a WR with the third pick in that same draft - - Andre Johnson by the Houston Texans.

While I am in the mode of marveling at an NFL figure doing and saying something silly, I have to react to a quote attributed to Jerry Jones in the Dallas Morning News. Jones said there:

“I wouldn’t trade Tony [Romo] for anybody.”

Jerry Jones is the owner and the GM for the Dallas Cowboys. That statement might explain why the Cowboys – under his sage guidance – have not won a playoff game since 1996.

Meanwhile, the Ravens’ new TE, LJ Smith, said:

“I feel like I’m renewed, that I have a new spirit. I feel like I’m in a place where I can hopefully reach my potential.”

Eagles’ fans might suggest to LJ that he has already taken a positive step toward reaching his potential when he signed the contract with the Ravens and didn’t drop the pen in the process…

According to the St Paul Pioneer-Press, Jeff George is convinced that he would have led the Vikings to a Super Bowl Championship had they kept him around after the 1999 season. He said:

“I guarantee I’d be wearing a ring right now.”

Memo to Jeff George:

1. There is nothing stopping you from wearing a ring right now. I am wearing a ring right now - - it doesn’t happen to be a Super Bowl ring but it is a ring.

2. Are you auditioning to become the poster child for Delusional Disorder/Grandiose Type? If so, you and Charles Rogers are the leaders in the clubhouse at the moment…

Finally, I will close today with an item from Bob Molinaro in the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot:

“There’s a story floating around that Michael Vick began writing a book in prison and is seeking a co-author and publisher. Some would say he’s already written the book on how to sabotage a life and career.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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The NCAA Tournament cut the field from 16 to 4 over the weekend. While the first weekend of the tournament is great from the standpoint of the volume and the diversity of games, this is the weekend where one normally finds the greatest concentration of good, competitive games played by teams who are “on their game”. That is why Friday’s games were hugely disappointing this year.

Syracuse was so far off their game that you wondered how that team could possibly have been a serious factor in the Big East this year. They shot 0-10 on three-point shots in the first half; their first successful try from there was at 17:30 of the second half when they already trailed 48-29. The “nail-biting factor” for this game was nil.

Simultaneously, Louisville was cruising along in another blowout game. At one of the look-ins in my viewing area, the game was 60-33 early in the second half. I merely wrote on my notepad two words relative to the outcome of this contest:

“GAME OVER!”

In the later games, it looked for a while as if UNC/Gonzaga might be a close game. That was a mirage; UNC won handily. Interestingly, it seemed for a while as if UNC had caught the “Memphis Disease” and could not make a foul shot. At one point, they were 4-12 from the free throw line. Nevertheless, they cruised in their game.

Finally, Michigan State/Kansas was a close and competitive game. I do not have this game on tape or DVR so I can’t go back and watch the second half again but Kansas led by about 6 or 8 points with about 12 minutes to play. Then it seemed as if they stopped even looking to get the ball inside to Cole Aldrich. I’d be shocked if he got the ball inside from his teammates more than 3 times in the final 12 minutes of the game. Or perhaps was it some adjustment by Michigan State that did not allow him to get the ball? In any event, Kansas lost and a big part of the reason they lost is that one of their two best scoring options didn’t touch the ball very often in the latter stages of the game.

Let me set the stage for my next comment. I never attended the University of Connecticut; no family members have ever attended the University of Connecticut; I have no particular affection for – or any particular animus toward – the University of Connecticut. They won on Saturday despite being on the short end of EVERY close call by the officials and despite a couple of “phantom foul calls” on their starting players. That UConn won under those conditions shows they are clearly the better team - - and better by a bigger margin than the final game score showed.

If you have read these rants for any time now, you know well that I am not a conspiracy theorist. However, if UConn had lost on Saturday and the conspiracy theorists out there had concocted a cabal in which the NCAA “suggested” to the refs that it would be better if the UConn program now under the microscope for recruiting violations (maybe, maybe not?) didn’t show up in the Final Four and upstage some of the positive vibes there with “scandal vibes”, I might have gone along with that for a few seconds before dismissing it. That was one of the worst officiated games at this level of the tournament I can ever recall seeing. [For the record, the first game I saw was LaSalle/Bradley in 1954.]

Since I have been watching tournament games for a while now, there are individual games that stand out as milestone games. Kansas and UNC went to triple OT in the final game in 1957. Loyola-Chicago in 1963 overcame a double-digit halftime deficit to beat two-time defending champion Cincinnati. There was the “Bird/Magic” game in 1979. NC State upset “Phi Slamma Jamma” in 1983 and Villanova upset Georgetown in 1985. There was the “Grant Hill to Christian Laettner Game” in 1991. Now, add to that list Villanova/Pitt in the Regional Finals in 2009. That was simply a great game from start to finish between two very good teams both of whom were “on their games”.

I think Sam Young is an outstanding college basketball player. I don’t know how or if his skills project to the NBA, but he would be on my draft board if I were running an NBA franchise. The player on the Pitt team that is really enigmatic for me is DeJuan Blair. As a college player, he is also outstanding. But looking at him as an NBA prospect the dilemma is this:

A. Is he the reincarnation of Wayne Embry and/or Wes Unseld? If so, that’s great; take him near the top of the draft.

B. Is he the second coming of Oliver Miller and/or Erick Dampier? If so, he’s not worth a high pick in the draft and maybe not a pick at any point.

Regarding the Michigan State/Louisville game, was there a pod under Goran Suton’s bed on Sunday morning? And by the way when you throw up a three-point shot with someone in your face as the shot clock is running down and it goes in off a bank, you can be confident that :

It is YOUR day.

The UNC/Oklahoma game showed for the umpteenth time that five guys will beat one guy in a game that takes 40 minutes to play. Blake Griffin is a singular talent on a collegiate basketball court but without some help - - particularly from guys who might once in a while sink an outside jump shot - - he cannot beat five or maybe even eight competent players from the other squad.

Finally, here is a comment about the NCAA Tournament on TV and its impact in South Florida from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

“So far, local TV ratings for March Madness have been somewhat disappointing, in that South Florida ranks dead last among 56 U.S. markets. On the local CBS affiliate, the only show with a lower rating than NCAA basketball is an infomercial in which a man speaking Arabic is selling used dental tools for home self-surgery.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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The fact that UConn beat Purdue last night was not shocking. The fact that Missouri – or anyone else for that matter – could score in triple digits against Memphis in a tournament game was shocking. The fact that Pitt and Xavier played a defensive game “in the fifties” was not shocking. The ease with which Villanova dispatched Duke was shocking; the second half of that game was an old-fashioned butt-stomping. These comments represent another thing that is great about the NCAA basketball tournament; lots of games play true to form and unfold about the way you would expect them to so you can watch them analytically. Other games simply go against the grain and provide you with great entertainment purely on the basis of their surprise value if nothing else.

Over in the women’s tournament, Tennessee found itself “out and about” after a first round loss to Ball State – a 12-seed in the women’s brackets. Tennessee under Pat Summitt had never lost an opening round game nor a second round game in any women’s tournament. Until this year, The Lady Vols were 42-0 during the first four days of any tournament in which they participated; and until this year, the Lady Vols had never lost to a team seeded below fourth in the brackets. The women’s tournament usually provides far fewer shocking events than does the men’s tournament but this game surely qualified as a “big deal”.

What happened next was really unusual. Soon after that loss, Pat Summitt had her team in the gym for a two-hour practice on basketball fundamentals. The season was over; the next “scheduled practice” would be for Midnite Madness in October. Nonetheless, Pat Summitt had them out on the court for a two-hour practice session. Questions:

1. Had Bob Knight done this at Indiana after a tournament loss, how might he have been characterized?

2. In her heart of hearts, did Ms. Summitt do this to hone player skills or to punish them for such a bad loss?

3. Is it really OK for an NCAA team to continue to practice after its season is over and before “Midnite Madness”? Don’t these women have classes to attend?

Here is an observation relative to the recently concluded WBC from Steve Simmons in the Toronto Sun:

“It may be just me, but I got a kick out of seeing Cal Ripken coaching first base and Mike Schmidt coaching third for the USA in the WBC. If you’ve got those retired stars, why not flaunt them?”

Here is the downside to having two MLB teams in the same market. The Chicago Sun-Times is repeating a feature from previous years; fans are asked to upload photos to the Sun-Times website to see whether the Cubs or the Sox have “hotter fans”. This is so journalistically juvenile that the sports and managing editors there should be sent to their rooms without dinner tonight…

Mentioning that silly photo contest reminded me of the Cubs’ and their pitching problems for the upcoming year. If you were the pitching coach of the Cubs and you knew that having a healthy Rich Harden in your rotation was an extremely important ingredient in the recipe for “team success” in 2009, how would you be handling pitch count management for Harden this spring?

A. Pitch him as little as possible in Spring Training and in the cold early days of the season to preserve as many throws as that arm/shoulder has in it for the year.

B. Send him out to the mound every fifth day in the Spring for at least 65 pitches to build strength in his arm/shoulder and hope you can get 20+ starts out of him in 2009.

MLS was considering an expansion move into Miami but decided against that option. The Miami FC of the United Soccer League was on the brink of folding; the league gave it a one-year extension to get its ticket sales up to a level where the club can be considered a “sound enterprise”. Greg Cote had this observation in the Miami Herald:

“Minor-league pro soccer team Miami FC, in jeopardy of folding, has been given a one-year reprieve. A survey of the team’s fans indicated one of them is extremely happy. The other one could not be reached.”

Good decision by MLS here…

A former colleague of mine is retired and lives just outside NYC. He sent me a note telling me about an interview done by Michael Kay of YES – the Yankees Entertainment and Sports Network – with Alex Rodriguez. He pointed out to me that A-Rod said in that interview that he recognizes that “not too many people like me”. Then he said that he had to take exception with A-Rod’s assessment:

“There probably are ten people on the planet who do like A-Fraud; and if that is true, then that is too damned many.”

As you might think, this comment comes from a staunch Yankees’ fan who thought the team had rid itself of A-Rod when he opted out of his contract a couple of years ago.

Finally, a word from Conan O’Brien on taking his late night TV show from New York to Los Angeles:

“I’ll miss New York, but both New York and California have their downsides. California has earthquakes, mudslides, and brush fires; New York has the Knicks, the Mets and the Jets.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Spring Training is ending – mercifully. The WBC is finished – mercifully. I have ignored baseball commentary for too long now, so here are some observations about our national pastime.

The Pittsburgh Pirates are on the cusp of baseball history. If the Pirates have a losing season in 2009 - - and by any projection that is squarely in the category of “gonna happen” - - the Pirates franchise will own an ignominious baseball record. This year would become the 17th consecutive losing season for that franchise and would eclipse the MLB record for extended futility held by the Philadelphia Phillies. But do not let that potentially record shattering performance by the Pirates mask the fact that the current and recent Pirates teams have not been nearly as putrid as the Phillies’ teams from the 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. Allow me to review the bidding here…

From 1918 through 1931 (14 seasons) the Phillies posted a losing record. Those were 154-game seasons then; so a break-even record would have been 77-77. In that span of time, the Phillies lost 100 or more games 5 times AND they lost 90 or more games another 5 times. Translation: In 10 of those 14 seasons, the Phillies were abjectly awful and never in danger of posting a winning record.

In 1932, the Phillies entry in the National League finished with a record of 78-76. You can look to praise that team for its accomplishments and say they were “two games over .500” if you will. Mathematically, they were ONE game over .500; translate one of those victories into a loss and that team is no longer over .500. Whatever…

Then, starting in 1933, the Phillies’ teams went back to the roots of the franchise and stunk like a rotting rhino corpse in the hot sun of the Serengeti Plains. From 1933 through 1948, the Phillies had losing seasons in each of those 16 seasons. However, it is important to note that absent that “one win over a .500 record” in 1932, the Phillies would not have had a winning season from 1918 to 1948. That is a record of futility that puts to shame the failures of the LA Clippers and/or the Detroit Lions.

Moreover, for the period between 1938 and 1942, the Phillies lost an average of 107 times a year - - and recall those were 154 game seasons. Not only did that franchise lose consistently, they found ways to lose epically within its consistency.

The Phillies had 16 consecutive losing seasons from 1933 to 1948; in that span of time, the franchise’s cumulative winning percentage was .363. That is an average seasonal record (based on 154 games) of 56-98.

In the past 16 seasons that the Pirates have posted an equally lengthy losing streak, the Pirates have a cumulative winning percentage of .439 during that streak. That is an average seasonal record (based on 162 games) of 71-91.

Pirates’ fans have more than sufficient reason to be “upset” with the ownership and the GMs of recent Pirates’ teams. The Pirates have been bad for a long time now. Nevertheless, in a historical perspective, the Pirates’ franchise is still miles ahead of the accomplishments of the Phillies’ franchise during the period between 1918 and 1948. Those teams had losing records in 30 out of 31 seasons and missed a 31-year losing streak by a single victory in the 1932 season. Now that is just plain fetid…

The Phillies are the defending World Series Champions in 2009. Nevertheless, Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun expressed his cognitive dissonance with the following issues surrounding the Phillies’ team:

”I don’t understand baseball. J.C. Romero, who tested positive before the World Series, got to pitch for the Phillies and wound up the winner in two games of the Series. Then he got to pitch for Puerto Rico in the WBC. His 50-game Major League suspension begins on opening day … “

You know something, I don’t understand this either…

The Florida Marlins look like they are going to get a new “baseball-only stadium” in Miami; according reports, that stadium has cleared the last of its political hurdles. The budget figure for building this edifice – which will feature a retractable roof akin to the one in Seattle – is $515M. The parking lots/parking facilities for this stadium will cost – hold onto your hats here – an additional $94M. Think about that; it will cost, after overruns, about $100M to find a way to park the cars for the people who will come to this stadium to watch baseball games. The pols in Miami have no difficulty dealing with that kind of “stuff”. All in favor of these expenditures at these levels, stand up and shout “Stimulus…”

The Marlins will cough up – reportedly – $155-160M for this project and they will be responsible for any overruns. Additionally, in what was a major bone of contention in the decade-long negotiations leading up to this deal, the Marlins have finally agreed to change the name of the franchise from the “Florida Marlins” to the “Miami Marlins”. Wow! Talk about caving in to pressure…

Since this business negotiation has taken something near to forever, you would have to assume – never a good idea – that everything else associated with the deal would be optimized by now. Well, maybe it is and maybe it isn’t… The new stadium will be constructed at the site of what was the Orange Bowl; that is geographically proximal to “Little Havana” in Miami. In one sense that is a brilliant site selection; baseball is an attractive sport for the Miami Latino community and for its Cuban ex-pats. On the other hand, the few season ticket holders that the Marlins have now reside predominantly in Broward County Florida and Palm Beach County Florida. Those folks would need to drive through rush hour traffic to get to games at the new stadium and those folks have said repeatedly that they are not going to do that.

So, the Marlins will have a new stadium; at the same time, they will alienate their current base of season ticket holders – not a humongous throng to be sure but it is the base of the franchise’s meager attendance. How will this turn out? Given the propensity for Miami fans to ignore sports teams in Miami, it may not end well for the taxpayers in South Florida. Stay tuned…

Finally, to conclude today’s focus on baseball, let me present to you three commentaries from sports columnists around the country on the “Roger Clemens situation” since that has been out of the news for a while now:

“A grand jury is weighing whether to indict Roger Clemens on charges of lying to Congress. Not a good sign: I just saw a least-believable poll and Roger slightly trailed Rod Blagojevich.” [Greg Cote, Miami Herald]

“Lab tests confirmed Roger Clemens’ DNA and performance-enhancing substances on syringes supplied by ex-trainer Brian McNamee, The New York Times reported.

“What’s next, Clemens’ fingerprints on Mindy McCready’s Clearasil?” [Dwight Perry, Seattle Times]

“Brian McNamee claims he played Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Roger in the Yankees’ hot-tub area. Memo to McNamee and Clemens: Get a room!” [Scott Ostler, SF Chronicle]

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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For those of you who still believe that the world of sports is somehow above all of the economic turmoil, please consider:

A. The man who owns the Montreal Canadians of the NHL and who also owns a 50% stake in the Liverpool FC of the Barclay English Premier League has just hired an investment bank to help him “restructure his assets”. He is looking to get out. Both of these teams are iconic within their sport with significant numbers of loyal fans.

B. The name of an athlete on a automobile dealership is insufficient to keep a dealership afloat these days. Deuce McAllister owns a Nissan dealership in Alabama and it had to file for bankruptcy protection because Nissan says that McAllister’s dealership owes the carmaker almost $7M for inventory that it was never paid for. The fact that McAllister is an “out of work running back” at the moment does make this situation any the better.

C. According to reports, Rutgers’ appearance in last year’s bowl game - - the classic PapaJohn’s.com Bowl - - resulted in a net loss to the university athletic department. Supposedly, the school is out $180K on the deal. Secondarily, one might want to ask just what the school spent money on such that it could lose $180K for playing a football game.

D. Why else would John McEnroe want to “challenge” men to discuss their prostate health when the sponsor’s website clearly states, “John McEnroe does not suffer from, nor take medication for, Enlarging Prostate”?

It has been more than a while since my kids were young enough to watch Sesame Street; so I have not tuned in for a while either. However, I wonder if the folks at Children’s Television Workshop have adapted to the current economic climate. If so, then maybe I should tune in to see how they are demonstrating the meaning and the reality of negative numbers to youngsters. I feel sorry for The Count; he probably has had to learn an entirely new skill - - counting down instead of always counting up.

At the NFL owners’ meeting, Cowboys’ owner, Jerry Jones, lifted the gag order he had placed on Coach Wade Phillips. Folks, our long national nightmare is over. Once again, we will have the opportunity to listen to Wade Phillips share his thoughts and wisdom with us. Are you taking notes…?

During the NFL off-season, quarterback controversies have filled many a void for NFL beat writers and columnists over the years. The Jay Cutler/Josh McDaniel soap opera is clearly at center stage this year but here are two comments from sports columnists that will keep you abreast of QB happenings elsewhere:

“Luke McCown, telling the St. Petersburg Times that the Bucs don’t need to pursue the Jay of Sunshine: ‘I have an opportunity to prove that I’m the franchise guy they’re looking for.’ Let me guess. The reality check got lost in the mail. . . . [Jim Armstrong, Denver Post]

“The 49ers’ looming quarterback duel reminds me of my lunch dilemma as I peer glumly into the fridge: Chopped liver or leftover meat loaf?.” [Scott Ostler, SF Chronicle]

The NCAA wants to strip the Florida State football team of 14 wins based on the fact that they used ineligible players. That act would reduce Bobby Bowden’s total number of wins by more than a full season’s worth and that has generated a huge kerfuffle at the university and among its followers who think that such an act would be hugely unfair to Bobby Bowden. In all of their protestations about the injustice of it all, no one ever seems to mention that this has been the fate of every other coach and school that has been caught using ineligible players.

Interestingly - - at least to me - - is that the players were declared ineligible because they cheated on exams taken in an online music course rendering those course grades invalid and thereby creating the ineligibility peril. Obviously, Bobby Bowden did not do the cheating or tell the kids to cheat or demonstrate to them how they might cheat in that course. Nevertheless, in taking up for the goodness of Bobby Bowden here, the university president, T.K. Weatherall, seems not to be academically offended in any way that his bastion of higher learning has admitted scholar-athletes who found it necessary to cheat in an online music course.

When I was in college, a few courses were widely known to be the courses one should take when one needed to kick one’s GPA up a notch. These cupcakes were courses where you had to work hard to get a grade below a B. One such course was Music 5 - - or as it was known around campus, “Tunes for Goons”. If your IQ was above the freezing point, there was no need to cheat in that course…

Lost in the rhetorical flourishes about what is just and proper here is an interesting irony. If my calculations are correct, in the year that these scholar-athletes were cheating in a music course in order to stay eligible to play football, the Florida State team only managed to finagle an invitation to - - wait for it - - the Music City Bowl. [insert rim-shot here…]

Finally, here is a comment from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

“The University of Florida is seeking permission from the state to allow certain alumni to be buried on campus. Cannot confirm that the first alumni to be buried will be those who fail to meet donation pledges.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Over the weekend, I received an e-mail from a former colleague who has read these rants for a long time now. He told me to stop obsessing with the NCAA Tournament and to focus on some tennis tournament in California; he said that would set these rants apart from everyone else and would “double my readership”. Please note that I did not take that advice. However, now that the weekend is over, I want to acknowledge his constructive suggestion by starting here with an item directly relevant to tennis from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

“Former No. 1 Kim Clijsters will come out of retirement this summer to play for the St. Louis Aces in World Team Tennis. Analysts were shocked, having no idea World Team Tennis still existed.”

You have to have read about the allegations that Donte Stallworth was driving under the influence when his car hit and killed a pedestrian. Obviously, the legal system will have to sort out what happened and what if any culpability exists here. That is going to take time. However, I do have a question for you. Were you shocked - - SHOCKED, I say - - to learn that Donte Stallworth is represented by Drew Rosenhaus? Consider the list of wide receivers represented by Rosenhaus:

Stallworth
T.O.
Ocho Cinco
Plaxico Burress

The four of them plus Rosenhaus represent the five points on the Pentagon of Pinheads…

Enough diversion here; back to the NCAA basketball tournament… Here is a fact not worth remembering:

Al Skinner (coach at BC) and Rick Pitino (coach at Louisville) were teammates on the UMass basketball team. They were freshmen while Dr. J was a junior at UMass. Freshmen were not eligible for varsity sports at the time so neither of them played in a college game with Dr. J.

Here is another fact - - this one worth remembering:

Neither Skinner nor Pitino has a player on his current team who is “the next Dr. J”.

Since the NCAA focuses so intently on “branding” and “sponsorship partners”, let me suggest that they brand the #1 versus #16 match up games in future tournaments with Marvel Comics. They could call them “The Ben Grimm Games”. It’s clobberin’ time…!

John Calipari said of his senior class – a class that has won 136 games going into the tournament this year – that they will be remembered for a long time:

“I think 40 years from now they’ll still be the winningest players in the history of college basketball.”

Perhaps true - - but unless they actually win it all this year, I doubt they will be remembered nearly as widely as the UCLA teams of the 60s and early 70s that won fewer games but more than two handfuls of championships.

After Cleveland State defeated Wake Forest in their first round game, Cleveland State forward J’Nathan Bullock said:

“We’re not here to be no laughingstock.”

At that moment, every faculty member of the English Department at Cleveland State University broke down in tears…

I promised to have some comments on the advertisements that assaulted everyone during the first four days of the tournament; so, here they are:

1. Those KFC Bowls that are “on sale” represent a level of carbohydrate loading fit for a marathoner. Mashed potatoes, corn, breaded chicken and gravy. Then toss some cheese on top of that to make the caloric level stratospheric. Eat too many of these and see whether you come down with Type 2 Diabetes or coronary artery disease first.

2. Would you actually have a credit card with a picture of “Spaghetti Jimmy” on it that you would hand to someone to pay for any purchase? Not me…

3. How disturbing was the Boston Market ad where the little guy had to try to ride the big guy for 8 seconds just to get a taste of a fried chicken dish? Tell me just how that was so different from “dwarf bowling” - - which Boston Market would not dare show.

4. The kids doing slide shows and other computer manipulations for Microsoft software are most annoying. In fact, I believe that Microsoft has now eclipsed Apple in terms of annoying commercials.

5. The premise of the Charles Schwab ads is that with the plunge in the stock market you need to take control/get better advice/preserve your capital now and you should “talk to Chuck”. Excuse me, but unless “Chuck” can show me that his clients did not lose all that much wealth in the last 6 months, why would I want to talk to him?

6. In the Silverado ad where Howie Long talks to the nerd who is posing as a “real trucker”, the first question Howie asks is about the other truck’s mileage. Since when do “real truckers” care more about mileage than anything else?

One more thing I saw a jillion times last week that has never made a lot of sense to me is the “team fist bump” for a guy at the free throw line who has just missed the first of his free throws. Excuse me, he missed! Why is that something that deserves a congratulatory gesture?

Finally, Bernie Lincicome had this item on his new blog recently related to Gonzaga’s tendency in recent years to exit the tournament early:

“Gonzaga has done this so often that, were you curious enough to inquire, you would not be surprised to find that Gonzaga is the Esperanto word for Third Round Loser.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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The first weekend of the NCAA basketball tournament is over; 48 games in 4 days make for quite a smorgasbord. With the help of our DVR and streaming coverage on the computer, I was able to see some of every game even though my long-suffering wife accepted a social invitation on Saturday evening. Thirty years ago - - before the technology of videotaping and/or the DVR was routinely available - - that would have been unacceptable. Here are capsule comments from the games I saw…

On Saturday, UCLA and Villanova began the action. I have been on record for at least the last 10 years saying that no team should be allowed to play an NCAA first or second round game within 150 miles of their campus; were I in charge, Villanova would not have played in Philly. Notwithstanding my objection here, there was a column in the LA Times by Bill Plaschke complaining - - what’s new for Plaschke there? - - that UCLA was screwed by having to play on this non-neutral court.

Memo to Bill Plaschke:

1. You were not writing in LA 45 years ago when UCLA got all kinds of advantages from things like short-fields in the NCAA Tournament and actually playing Final Four games in Pauley Pavilion.

2. But you do have Google, so you should know that happened.

3. Those years of scheduling favoritism forbid anyone associated with UCLA or the LA media from complaining for the next 200 years. Stuff a sock in it.

The “home court” disadvantage for UCLA sure did not show up early in the game. The Bruins had already made 6 foul shots in the first 5 minutes of the game - - when they managed to sink their first field goal of the game. The UCLA teams of the past three years that made the Final Four all featured really tough defense; this team is no better than average on defense and I am being very kind here.

Here is the most impressive thing I garnered from this game:

Jay Bilas is THE best color analyst doing basketball on TV - - bar none!

In the Maryland/Memphis game, it was obvious after about the first three minutes that Memphis was bigger, stronger, faster and better on defense than Maryland. The announcers said Maryland “needs a big day from Hayes” to be in the game and Maryland “needs Vasquez to have a big game.” Actually, what Maryland really needed was a fairy godmother with a magic wand. Play this game 100 times and Maryland might win once.

UConn smothered Texas A&M making all of the Saturday afternoon games pretty boring. It was 10-0 at the start and 70-48 with 12:45 to play in the second half. UConn could have named the score… At this point, I almost didn’t mind having to go to our social event…

In the Gonzaga/Western Kentucky game, here is a note I made early in the first half:

“W Ky has decided to live by the jump shot. If they lose, they will die by the jump shot.”

The Zags were bigger and stronger; Western Ky was faster. Usually that makes for a close game and this one did not disappoint; the game was decided with less than 2 seconds left to play. Finally, a good game for the day.

In the Duke/Texas game here is a note I made early in the first half:

“Looks like we get 2 good games today…”

Texas guard AJ Abrams showed up on Saturday night; he did not always show up for Texas during the season and he was the best player on the floor for this one game. I have a rhetorical question for you to ponder:

Putting aside whether or not you like Duke basketball, can you name for me 5 players in college basketball who get more positive results from their level of God-given talent than does John Scheyer?

I cannot.

Sunday’s games started off with Syracuse/Arizona State. I liked that Ian Eagle and Jim Spanarkel had the national game in that time slot; as I have said frequently, I think they are grossly undervalued assets at CBS. They did a very good job in this game. I feared a slow and tepid game because both teams play a sound zone defense but the score was 41-32 at the half so I was glad to be wrong in that fear. Syracuse had lost a lead to Louisville in the Big East Tournament and had played very poorly in the second half against Steven F. Austin on Friday so when they started the second half with 2 turnovers; I thought this game might be close. Forget that; when Pendergraph went to the bench for ASU and had to be replaced, ASU was playing 4-on-5 on offense.

Xavier and Wisconsin was a boring game; it was 2-2 after 4 minutes of play and there were lots – and I do mean lots – of bad shots in the game. It was not until 10:04 remained in the first half that either team managed to crack double digits on the scoreboard. Here is the equation that describes this game:

Good Defense + BAD shooting + Slow Pace = BORING!

Early on in the Kansas/Dayton game, both teams were running frenetically up and down the court with little to show on the scoreboard for all the energy expended. Dayton started out the game shooting 1-13 from the field; nevertheless, Kansas was not up by a huge score at that point. Finally, Kansas put them away because Kansas had too many good players for Dayton’s frenzy to overcome.

Cleveland State/Arizona was a “vindication game”. If Cleveland State had won, people would have said it showed that mid-majors can play with the big boys and more should be in next year’s field. Now that Arizona won, people can say that Arizona – the putative last team selected for the field – really deserved to be there and all those snubbed mid-majors can stuff a sock in it. Whatever…

Pitt/Oklahoma State was an excellent game. Both teams played tough defense and ran solid disciplined offenses that produced points. It was 49-49 at the half. One very telling statistical difference was the rebounding; Pitt grabbed 41; Oklahoma State had 21.

The Selection Committee sure seeded the East properly. Surviving to the regional semis are the teams seeded #1, #2, #3 and #4…

Dominic James returned for Marquette today - - at least in spirit. He scored no points but perhaps his presence provided some leadership and inspiration. Missouri led by 16 in the first half but Marquette closed the gap and actually led by a point with 4 minutes to play. Nevertheless, in the end Missouri won by 4 points.

USC and Michigan State stayed close to each other for 40 minutes. I do not recall either team leading by more than 5 points - - but I did not keep a running score of the game.

Sienna made a game of it in the second half against Louisville but they just did not have enough to win the game. I made a note that this should be called a “Dry Cleaner’s Game” - - there is a whole lot of pressing going on…

At 7:05 EDT I made a note that all three of the late games had scores with 2-point spread’s or less at that point. The weekend games on Saturday afternoon may have started out badly, but the late Sunday games were ending interestingly.

Next week sometime, I will go over some of my notes about a few of the annoying ads that ran over and over again all weekend long.

Finally, after Kansas beat North Dakota State on Friday, that allowed the Jayhawks to continue on to defend their national title from last year. Meanwhile, the Bison of North Dakota State went home to Fargo. Isn’t that a bit harsh on those kids just for losing a basketball game?

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Well, the lower seeded teams surely did better on Friday than they did on Thursday in the first round of NCAA Tournament play this year. Friday’s games were much more exciting than Thursday’s were - - despite the fact that the day started off with a desperately awful game between Syracuse and Steven F. Austin. Syracuse outclassed the opposition from the very beginning; there was no mystery about which team would advance in the tournament after about 3 minutes of play. Steven F. Austin made its first field goal with 12:45 to play in the first half; at that point, they were 1-9 from the field; the game had been over for about 5 minutes at that point. Two observations from this game:

1. SF Austin guard, Eric Bell, is listed at 5’3”; I suspect that is with shoes on. Channeling Ed McMahon and Johnny Carson here, did I hear someone ask me, “How short was he?” Well, I suspect that you can see his feet in his passport picture.

2. Those great Miami sports fans ignored these games about the way they ignore Florida Marlins games. Being generous, the afternoon games played to 50% capacity.

Kansas/North Dakota State was an interesting game for two reasons; it was close for much of the game and NDSU guard, Ben Woodside, is a fun player to watch. As for the rest of his Bison teammates, Meh! North Dakota State plays in the Summit League. I was able to guess one other member of that league (South Dakota State) but I do not live in that part of the country so it is not a league that gets a lot attention in the press where I live. There are ten teams in the Summit League; without resorting to Google, how many can you name?

Tennessee and Oklahoma State played a game that was close pretty much from start to finish. In that game, the referees used the replay to review a technical foul that had been called for what looked at first to be an intentionally hard foul; after further review, they got it right and merely called it a personal foul. That was a good use of technology. Oklahoma State will advance and one reason is that Tennessee’s defense – individually and as a team – is just awful.

Utah State and Marquette played a close game that provided a fabulous finish with Marquette advancing. I thought Utah State had a great shot to win this game outright and was really surprised to see that the opening line on the game was Utah State plus 5.5. That line dropped all the way to 3.5 by game time; nonetheless, Utah State covered.

The second tranche of games for the afternoon had two stinkers. Temple never seemed to have any rhythm to its game all day; Arizona State handled them relatively easily. Both teams are well coached; they did not make many boneheaded plays, but Temple seemed out of sorts from the opening tip off. During one span from the end of the first half and into the second half, Temple missed 13 consecutive shots from the field.

Cornell/Missouri was close for much of the first half and then Missouri blew the game open. The leading scorer for the Missouri Tigers was Leo Lyons. When I have to reach that far to find something to mention about a game, that should give you an idea how unexciting it was.

Pitt struggled with East Tennessee State yesterday. In the first 15 minutes, Pitt turned the ball over 10 times. Pitt was a 20-point favorite in this game; Pitt led 26-23 at the half, 46-42 with 10:00 minutes left in the game and 61-57 with 3:30 left to play. The Panthers won by 10 but that was the only double digit lead in the entire game.

Dayton upset West Virginia. At first, I could not figure out if Dayton was playing a fast tempo game or if they were just playing a frenzied game. I think it was both. Dayton won the game because Dayton played really good pressure defense for the entire game. According to my watch, it was 5:20 EDT when Bob Huggins departed the tournament this year in the first round. Here in Curmudgeon Central, that is always a moment of calm knowing that justice in the universe has been served yet one more time.

The Portland State/Xavier match-up was a game destined to be a self-fulfilling prophecy for those who think mid-major teams are the best thing to happen to the tournament since the jump shot. Here were two mid-majors playing each other; one of them had to advance. In this case, it was Xavier and it was pretty obvious that was how it would turn out for most of the second half.

Arizona upset Utah. The Utes stood around on defense like a bunch of trees in a forest. Three teams from Utah were in the tournament this year and all are out in the first round. Normally, I would say that would have people there crying in their beer, but that metaphor just does not seem to fit with the State of Utah.

Morehead State trailed #1 seed Louisville at the half by 2 points. After eight minutes had gone by in the second half, Morehead State trailed by 18. Louisville won by 20.

USC beat Boston College handily and I guess this was an upset in the sense that you could get USC plus points in Las Vegas. However, this BC team lost to Harvard earlier this year; so any loss they might have encountered in the NCAA Tournament cannot be that huge a surprise.

Wisconsin upset Florida State in OT in a really ugly game. The teams combined to miss 85 shots from the field and turn the ball over 23 times. Fortunately, the game was close for most of the time or it would have been unwatchable.

The final three games of the day should have been played on St. Patrick’s Day because the teams wearing green in those three late games all won. Michigan State was supposed to win over Robert Morris and they obliged; the score was 30-30 at one point; it wound up with Michigan State winning by 15 but it could have been worse.

Siena beat Ohio State in double OT. The reason Siena won is really pretty simple; they are faster than Ohio State; they do not have the size or the bulk that Ohio State has, but they were quicker at just about every position. A game between Siena and Dayton would leave the spectators breathless.

Cleveland State qualifies as this year’s Cinderella. The 13th seed in their bracket, Cleveland State hammered Wake Forest by 15 points. As was the case in the Siena game, Cleveland State was simply quicker at every position last night. Cleveland State’s nickname is the Vikings. Really? Leif Ericson made it all the way inland to Lake Erie? I didn’t know that…

Finally, I had an e-mail exchange with Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times earlier today. I mentioned to him that he might want to keep track of the story that the NCAA trademark watchdogs are upset with NASA because NASA is doing something on its website called “Mission Madness” where NASA missions are put in brackets and people vote for their favorites and eventually it boils down to “The Most Favorite Mission”. I said to Dwight Perry that I hoped the NASA Legal Counsel had the onions to tell the NCAA they would meet them in court.

Dwight Perry’s response to that was simple, direct and brilliant:

“Maybe the NASA lawyers should tell the NCAA’s: ‘You don’t know Canisius from Uranus.’ “

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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After a major day of watching NCAA Tournament games, let me say something heretical about mid-majors. They make wonderful stories when they win a few games in the tournament and for those instances – about one a year – you need to have mid-majors in the tournament field. Notwithstanding the feelgood story lines they can create, many of the mid-majors simply are outclassed in the field.

Four “lower-seeds” won on Thursday. Michigan, Maryland and Texas A&M are hardly “mid-majors”; they were also-rans in their big time conferences. Western Kentucky also won and the Hilltoppers are a mid-major who also happened to be a Sweet 16 team last year. My point is that none of the other media darling mid-majors won yesterday. In fact, of the ones I saw, none of these teams looked all that good.

Before I get to my “game notes” - - taken while sitting in front of the TV here in Curmudgeon Central for about 12 hours today - - allow me to begin with a few generic observations and a Quick Quiz:

What do you think about the fact that President Obama filled out a Tournament bracket?

A. It shows that he remains in touch with American culture despite the demands on his time and his attention of being President.

B. Where did he find the time to do something as frivolous as filling out a tournament bracket?

My guess is that your answer here really depends on whether or not you voted for him in November…

After the 16-seeds lost today, the record for teams seeded 16th in the NCAA Tournament now stands at 0-98. If both lose tomorrow, the loss column will reach triple digits before the first win. Some say that 16-seeds will never win a tournament game; I think that is too great an extrapolation. Nevertheless, the underdogs yesterday never threatened either of the top seeded teams.

Indiana and Kentucky have a total of 12 NCAA Tournament Championships between them. Neither IU nor UK is in the field this year. The last time both teams missed the tournament was in 1979. That was the year of a very low probability event in the tournament; Ivy League champion, Penn, made the Final Four and lost there to eventual champion Michigan State – a team that had some guy named Magic Johnson on it.

Here in the DC area, the day started off with the Butler/LSU game. Butler spotted LSU a 9-0 lead in the first two minutes of the game and had to play catch-up. With ten minutes to play in the first half, Butler had all of 8 points on the board. At one point, Butler was shooting 2-11 from the field and had 8 turnovers. Yuck. This was a dreadful game between two mediocre teams; there was a 5-minute stretch in the first half where neither team scored; LSU went a 7-minute stretch without scoring. The game was close at the end but that was its only redeeming quality.

I got to see enough of the Purdue/Northern Iowa game for me to realize that Northern Iowa was a mid-major and they were mediocre. They had an 8-minute scoreless streak in the first half. The nickname for Northern Iowa is the Panthers; panthers are sleek, fast and agile animals. The Northern Iowa team was about as sleek, fast and agile as Boris Karloff was as The Mummy in the 1930s horror flick.

The Maryland/Cal game was interesting. Both teams are well coached; the number of boneheaded plays were minimal. Neither team is all that big nor all that fast; they win because they both play sound defense and take time on offense to get reasonable shots. Having said that, Maryland did have a stretch in the first half where on successive possessions they had two walking violations, a turnover out of bounds and an offensive foul. Not pretty.

I did not see much of the Washington/Mississippi State game but the snippets I did see here had Washington dominating the action.

Cal State Northridge had Memphis on its heels for about 33 minutes of the game; then Memphis blew their doors off and won comfortably. Cal State’s team is the Matadors. If you are a Cal State fan, for about the last 5 minutes of the game, you did not want to say “Olé”; rather, you wanted to say “Oy Vey!”.

Michigan does not rebound all that well; not to worry, they make up for that by not shooting all that well either. Nonetheless, they won yesterday over Clemson for a simple reason. Clemson could not shoot at all. Fortunately, this was not the feature game in its time slot here in the DC area; if you had to watch it and you are not a Michigan or a Big Ten fan, that had to be painful.

American University is another mid-major in the tournament. This is a team with 7 seniors on it and a team that went to the NCAA tournament last year. They ended the season on a 13-1 run. So, when they had a 14-point lead over Villanova early in the second half, there was no reason for them to cough it up because of “nerves” or “tournament jitters”. No, they turned that 14-point lead into a 13-point loss purely because they wet the bed. If that is the best team in the Patriot League, then there is absolutely no reason on the planet to consider having two teams from that league in the tournament field.

The Akron/Gonzaga game was a Sesame Street Game. It was brought to you by the letter “Z”. The Zips played the Zags and after the Zags went on a 27-4 run early in the second half, the game was enough to induce a lot of “zzzz….” At one point, mid-major Akron went 13 minutes without a field goal.

I saw the first 7 minutes of the Duke/Binghamton game. In that time, Binghamton committed 5 turnovers and 6 fouls. They were trying to pressure and run with Duke. Fortunately, I had access to the VCU/UCLA game. Nothing that I saw in that seven minutes of action in Duke/Binghamton made me want to see an eighth minute of action.

VCU/UCLA was an interesting game. All during the first half, I made notes to the effect that VCU is the “better team”, “clearly the faster team”, “very athletic”. Their problem is that they play “frantic basketball” which means that they take bad shots, commit silly fouls, and chase the ballhandler purely for the sake of chasing the ballhandler. VCU allowed UCLA to build a lead as a result of this frantic play but they almost caught up at the end. They had a chance to win at the end with possession out of bounds and 13 seconds to play trailing by 1 point. They got the ball to their star player who took a wild off-balance shot that did not go in and VCU will now go home.

Western Kentucky closed out the day beating Illinois. Western Kentucky forced more shots than any other team I saw all day long; in fact, I do not think I have ever seen that many forced shots outside a YMCA league. Western Kentucky led by 17 points with 4 minutes to play; for the next three minutes, Western Kentucky proceeded to turn the ball over 7 times. Illinois had it down to a one-possession game in the final minute but Illinois is hardly a great team poised to take advantage of any opportunity that an opponent may present. Western Kentucky survived to play another game on Saturday.

Finally, Greg Cote had this item in the Miami Herald regarding a different kind of “tournament”:

“The 82nd Bacardi Cup has ended on Biscayne Bay. I believe it was either a sailboat race, a rum-drinking competition or a combination of the two.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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In the NFL, teams play with the intention of getting a bye week in the playoffs and teams who get the bye week tend to do well after that week off. In college basketball, teams can get the equivalent of a bye week if they know they will be in the NCAA Tournament anyway; all they have to do is lose one of the early round games in their conference tournaments and they get to rest. In the case of the NFL teams, people have confidence in the teams coming back from the bye week; they are described as rested and well prepared and things like that. In college basketball, people wonder if teams coming back from a week off will be stale or if they have lost momentum. Interesting…

Oklahoma, Kansas, Pitt and UConn have had the equivalent of a bye week.

The New Jersey Nets suspended center Sean Williams for two games for “conduct detrimental to the team”. Williams was arrested earlier this week in Denver at a cellphone store in a shopping mall where he allegedly threw a computer monitor while in an argument with a store employee. Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times put this into perspective:

“Nets forward Sean Williams, arrested for allegedly throwing a computer monitor during an argument with a clerk at a Denver cellphone store, somehow escaped the charge of:

a) disorderly conduct.

b) criminal mischief.

c) setting a moving screen.”

Last night, the LA Clippers hosted the Washington Wizards. At the time of tip-off, the Clippers had a record of 16-51; the Wizards checked in with an even less impressive 16-52. Attendance for the game was reported as 15,123. I have difficulty believing that many people could not find anything more interesting to do in Los Angeles last night. By the way, the Clippers won the game - - as if that might matter to anyone anywhere.

I got a note from a long-time reader wondering how I missed the opportunity for this observation:

“Matt Kemp [Dodgers’ outfielder] says he thinks he can hit 40 homeruns this year and steal 40 bases. If he does that, he will join a club with only 4 members in the history of baseball – Canseco, Barry Bonds, A-Rod and Alfonso Soriano.

“Why would anyone want to be a member of that club?”

The reason that I missed that observation is simple; I had not heard that Matt Kemp thought such a goal was within his reach.

The Washington Nationals signed Julian Tavarez to a non-guaranteed minor league contract. According to the Washington Post, Tavarez said that the more he thought about the Nats, the more attractive they looked. He said it was like going to a club at 4:00AM and waiting and all of a sudden “that 600-pounder looks like J-Lo.” I am sure the Nationals’ franchise had to be thrilled to be compared to an ugly woman who only looks good in the early morning hours while one is partially inebriated. I am not sure the Nationals had to be thrilled to learn that Tavarez is such an expert on how one’s perceptions might change at 4:00AM in a nightclub.

Notwithstanding all of that, allow me to suggest that the reason that Julian Tavarez was waiting around for a team to contact him and sign him to a deal is some combination of the following:

1. He is 36 years old.

2. His career ERA is 4.75.

3. Two teams released him last year (Boston and Milwaukee).

4. He finished the year with the Braves who did not want him back.

In a similar situation, Andruw Jones is trying to catch on with the Texas Rangers this spring. This should be easy. If Jones can hit his weight for Spring Training, not only will he make the team, he will probably bat leadoff on Opening Day.

Scott Ostler cited an interesting conundrum related to MLB in the SF Chronicle:

“I’m unclear on why MLB has put out the unwelcome mat for that Dominican doctor who is linked to steroids and Alex Rodriguez. How is that fundamentally different from Bobby Crosby and Matt Holliday working all winter with Mark McGwire?”

The Yankees have torn down “The House That Ruth Built 2.0” - - having all but torn down the actual park that Babe Ruth played in back in the mid-70s. They will play in a new Yankee Stadium that ought to be called “The House That Insatiable Greed Built”. When you see the first game played in that stadium - - and indeed, you will see it - - glance over at the seats around the Yankees’ dugout. Those are the Legend Suite Seats; those are the ones that cost $2500 a game. As you look at them, ask yourself this question:

How much taxpayer money – in the form of bailouts – might have gone into the personal exchequers of the folks sitting in those seats?

The reason you need to ask yourself that question is simple. The folks covering the game on radio or on TV or for newspapers the following morning are highly unlikely to ask it.

Finally, here is a line from Joe Torre’s book, The Yankee Years, where he talks about the challenges of managing pitchers David Wells and Kevin Brown:

“Both make your life miserable, but David Wells meant to.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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