December 29, 2008
Looking Back On 2008
According to the Chinese calendar, 2008 was The Year of the Rat. My intention was to keep a list of people who might have been “Person of the Year” in the Year of the Rat. That idea went belly-up in March when a heinous event happened and closed off nominees for the list. It was in March when golfer Tripp Isenhour issued a “sincere apology” for intentionally killing a red-shouldered hawk by driving a golf ball at it because the hawk had dared to interrupt Isenhour while doing some kind of instructional video production. In December 2008, Isenhour pleaded no contest to the charges of animal cruelty and killing a protected migratory bird. Whom else could I put on the nominee list for “Person of the Year in the Year of the Rat” that would stand a chance? The only good news there is that I would not create the acronym POTY – YOTR (Person of the Year – Year of the Rat) and have to come up with a pronunciation for that monstrosity.
Shifting gears, I decided to go through the year and recall for you some folks in sports and other fields who will not be joining us in our trek through 2009:
January:
Bobby Fischer pushed his final pawn.
Ernie Holmes sacked his final QB.
Georgia Frontiere moved her franchise to the Celestial Football League.
February:
Myron Cope waved his final Terrible Towel and passed through The Steel Curtain in the Sky.
William F. Buckley Jr. gave America its final vocabulary lesson.
March:
Gary Gygax rolled his final dodecahedron.
April:
Charlton Heston squeezed off his final round.
Edward Lorenz finally settled down.
May:
The infamous “DC Madam” booked her final client.
June:
Jim McKay’s, Tim Russert’s and Charlie Jones’ microphones went silent.
George Carlin did his final stand-up.
Jerome Holtzman filed his last baseball column.
July:
Bobby Murcer shagged his last fly.
August:
Skip Carey joined his dad broadcasting games in the Cosmic League.
Gene Upshaw led his last power sweep.
Killer Kowalski applied his final chokehold.
September:
Joey Giardello threw his final counter-punch.
Mickey Vernon and Ed Brinkman took called third strikes.
Paul Newman made his final picture and his final pit stop.
Terrible Tommy Bolt threw his last golf club.
October:
Nick Reynolds got on the MTA and he never returned.
Levi Stubbs stopped singing that same old song with a different meaning since you’ve been gone.
November:
Preacher Roe threw his last “change-up”.
Michael Crichton succumbed to the Andromeda Strain.
Pete Newell ran his final “Big Man’s Camp” here because he was called to THE Big Man’s Camp in the sky.
December:
Socks – former first cat in the Clinton White House – started using the litter box in the sky.
Odetta sang her final folk song.
Mark Felt leaked his final Watergate tidbit.
Slingin Sammy Baugh put his final punt in the coffin corner.
May all of these people rest in peace.
Since I began this thought process with the Chinese Year of the Rat, there is one other item related to China that I still do not understand from 2008. With the multiple thousands of hours of Olympic coverage from China and all of the features done about China and its new position in the society of nations, why did I never get to hear from General Tso about how he came up with that recipe for chicken?
Finally, here is an example of how perverse 2008 has been. November 30 of every year is “Stay Home Because You’re Well Day”. It is an adult version of playing hooky; many people look forward to the day as a way to get themselves revved up for the Holiday Season. A former colleague of mine used to say that on Nov 30 she suffered from “anal glaucoma” - - she could not see her ass going to work that day. In 2008, November 30 fell on a Sunday; how’s that for disappointing?
But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…
