The Sports Curmudgeon®

I prepared these Mythical Picks early this week and using mid-week betting lines because I will be offline until some time early next week. Please, everyone, have a Happy New Year. And in order to have that Happy New Year, please take care with regard to your celebrations on New Year’s Eve. Stay well, everyone. See you next week…

Last weekend was a good weekend for Mythical Picks and got the Against the Spread north of .500 for the regular season. That did not look “probable” going into the final weekend of the regular season. But all of that gets wiped clean now that the second season is about to happen. Well, that’s what I keep telling myself.

The Over/Under Picks last week were 7-6, which would have been marginally profitable if picked for real and for the same amount of money on each pick. However, the season total for Over/Under picks was a thoroughly fetid 47-59-2.

The Against the Spread picks last week were 8-4-2. The Lions plus 10 pushed and the Niners minus 3 also pushed. The final regular season record for the Against the Spread Picks was 83-82-7.

As per usual, I must try to dissuade anyone from using any information here to decide how to wager on any NFL game this weekend. I will try to dissuade them by telling them they would be really dumb to do so - - dumb enough to think that Stalin, Roosevelt, Churchill and Truman were the “Big Three”.

General Comments:

I must begin this week’s comments by correcting an error I made in Tuesday’s rant regarding the playoff possibilities in the NFC. I said that the Bears shot at the playoffs had been rendered moot when the Vikings won their game on a last second field goal. That was not correct. A reader – one of the Las Vegas pilgrims – pointed out to me that the Bears still could have made the playoffs with a win in their game AND a win by the Eagles over the Cowboys. In that case, the Bears would have been the #6 seed in the NFC playoffs. In going through the standings/records, I had completely missed that possibility. Mea culpa.

Last week, I noted that the Lions would likely give up more than 500 points in a season and that kind of defensive incompetence had to be a rare occurrence. Actually, I was too lazy to go and look for just how rare it actually was but soon after my note hit the streets, I got an e-mail from a gentleman in Houston who is a sports fan extraordinaire, a statistics guru and for all I know a judge of fine whiskey too. Based on his information, here is what the Lions had in front of them as they began their game on Sunday.

The Lions had already given up 486 points in 2008. Only three teams in the history of the NFL had done worse for a full season. In 1980, the Saints gave up 487 points. Therefore, the Lions needed a shutout - - try to stifle your giggling here - - to stay in the fourth spot in that ignominious list.

The 1966 NY Giants surrendered 501 points in that season. While that may not seem so much worse than what the Saints had done, consider that the Giants did this in only 14 games – their record for 1966 was 1-12-1. The NY Giants surrendered an average of 35.8 points per game over an entire season. The fact that they walked off the field not as losers twice in that season is astounding.

The 1981 Baltimore Colts own the record for defensive futility in terms of points allowed in an NFL season giving up 533 points in 16 games (33.3 points per game). Their season record was 2-14.

Sunday, the Lions ceded 31 points to the Packers bringing their season total to 517 points putting them second all time in terms of points allowed for a season. Because the Lions were 0-16 for the season, people will likely forget this aspect of their ineptitude. Describing the Lions’ season in 2008 as a piece of crap insults the excretory systems of every person who ever lived on Planet Earth.

For 2009, the Lions will reduce ticket prices for some of the general tickets and will institute “significant price reductions” for premium/club seats. It seems as if someone in the Lions’ front office has acknowledged the tyranny of the Law of Supply and Demand. The Lions did not sell out five of their last six home games – they did sell out on Thanksgiving Day – and the Lions had increased ticket prices for 2008. After the putrid showing this year, the only way to increase demand for tickets would be a price decrease and it seems as if the front office got the message.

The Raiders have not yet fired Tom Cable as their coach as I am typing these words. While it will be no surprise to learn that Cable needs to find another position next season, let me also say that anyone who tries to make a living by reading Al Davis’ mind will probably wind up living in a refrigerator box under a bridge somewhere. Nevertheless, if Davis does indeed fire Cable, there will definitely be reports recalling that Jim Fassel wrote a letter to Davis about six weeks ago saying that he [Fassel] would like to be considered for the position as the Raiders’ coach. Let’s leave alone the cheesiness of that act and think about another aspect here.

How many writers/talking heads/sports radio hosts will write/say something that plays on the potential that Fassell will be working for “a fossil” when he coaches the Raiders? If the Over/Under for that sort of lines is 99.5, I just wrote number one…

I’m sure you have heard that police – with a search warrant in hand – found what they described as “a small cache of weapons and ammunition” at the home of Plaxico Burress in New Jersey. Weapons reportedly included a rifle with ammunition, the clip for a .45 weapon and a 9mm handgun according to police reports. According to the reports, it was not clear that all of these weapons were registered properly. And therein lies the potential for stupidity taken to a cosmic proportion.

Burress has a high-powered criminal lawyer for his case – one that involves him allegedly shooting himself in the leg with an unregistered handgun. How Burress failed to tell the attorney that he had other weapons in his home and the registration status of each and every one of them is jaw-droppingly stupid. It is inconceivable that the attorney “forgot to ask” his client about the possible existence of such items in Burress’ possession.

Flying a tad under the radar for Burress at the moment is another report that he is being sued by a woman because he rear-ended her car in an accident last May in Broward County, Florida. Burress was driving his $140K Mercedes at the time and – hold your breath – it was uninsured because he never got around to paying the premium for the insurance. If aliens come to Earth to abduct a specimen and accidentally take Plaxico Burress with them, they will not get a representative sample of the general intelligence of the human race.

Bad things supposedly happen in threes; stand by for the next installment in the Plaxico Burress Saga. Don’t even try to conjure up what level of stupidity the next event may testify to; the possibilities are endless.

The Pats have now won 12 consecutive games in the month of December after shutting out the Bills 13-0 last Sunday. The Bills have now lost 11 straight games to the Pats – no matter when they have been played – and have been outscored in those losses by a total of 321-96.

When the Colts scored 23 points on the Titans’ defense last Sunday, it was only the third time this season that the Titans gave up more than 17 points in a game. There are two ways to win; go out and score 40 points every game or prevent your opponent from scoring more than 14 points in a game. Either way will usually let you walk off the field victorious.

I know that a strict-constructionist reading of the NFL rule concerning end-zone celebrations makes it “illegal” for Wes Welker to have done a snow-angel after catching a TD against the Cardinals in that snow-game just before Christmas. But a $10K fine seems a bit excessive to me… Here is a way to put a cap on end-zone celebrations if indeed that is a goal that the league feels it has to pursue:

Upon scoring a touchdown, the player may do one of two things with the ball:

1. He may hand the ball to an official and walk/run to the bench area.

2. He may drop the ball to the ground – not throw it to the ground – and walk/run away from it to the bench area.

Any celebration of any kind outside the bench area will result in a 15-yard penalty on the ensuing kickoff AND the ejection of the player for the next 4 quarters of football. If that ejection carries over to playoffs or the next season, so be it.

The Playoff Games:

Please note that all four of the visiting teams – the wild card teams – are favored this week or the game is “pick ’em”. It is not all that unusual for the #5 seed – the best of the wild card teams – to be favored over the #4 seed – the worst of the division champs. However, it is unusual for both #6 seeds to be favored over both #3 seeds.

Atlanta – 1.5 at Arizona (51): At least the Cardinals do not have to venture to the East Coast for this game. If you count Charlotte NC as being on the East Coast, then the Cards have traveled there 5 times this year and have gone 0-5 for their troubles. In those 5 games, the Cards gave up 202 points. In fact, the only wins on the road for the Cards all season long were against the three miserable teams with them in the NFC West. Fans in Arizona must think this playoff game is a mirage; the game is not sold out as of Wednesday. I doubt the team of the league would allow it to be blacked-out in Arizona, but you do have to wonder how tix are still available for the first home playoff game since the team moved to Arizona. [Actually, it is the first Cards’ home playoff game since 1948.] I really think that the Falcons are the better team here despite a rookie QB and playing on the road. I also think the winner of this game will need to score more than 30 points. I like the Falcons to win and cover here and I like the game OVER.

Indy at San Diego “pick ‘em” (51): Both teams started very slowly this year. The Chargers maintained their funk until December and then have played very good football; the Colts came around sometime in late October. This game started the week with the Colts as a 1 point favorite and you can still find that line at a couple of the sportsbooks. The Chargers have faced Tyler Thigpen, Jeff Garcia and Jay Cutler at QB in the last three weeks. No offense to any of those gentlemen, but this week they have to face Peyton Manning and that is a different assignment altogether. Unless I have counted incorrectly, the Chargers are 0-5 against teams that made the playoffs this year. Just to clarify, that is not good. I like the visiting Colts here to win the game and I like the game OVER.

Baltimore – 3 at Miami (38): Which Cinderella story will end this weekend? The Joe Flacco saga in Baltimore or the Dolphins about-face from 1-15 last year to the playoffs this year? Both teams have played well for the past several weeks. Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and Willis McGahee all return to Miami – the scene of their college successes back when the Hurricanes were relevant in college football. I like the Ravens to win and cover here and I like this game UNDER.

Philly – 2.5 at Minnesota (41.5): If the Eagles play the way they did against the Redskins just before Christmas, they will lose this game by 3 TDs. If the Eagles play the way they did against the Cowboys last week, they will win this game by 3 TDs. Surprisingly, there are still tix available in Minneapolis for this game. One key to this game will be the Eagles’ ability to hold Adrian Peterson in check and thereby to force Tarvaris Jackson to try to beat them. Another key to this game is whether or not Donovan McNabb has an accurate day throwing the ball. The Eagles – even with Brian Westbrook – do not figure to run the ball very effectively against the Vikings’ defensive line. Purely on a hunch, I’ll take the Eagles to win and cover here and I’ll take the game OVER.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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There were a bundle of NFL teams that “had to win” last weekend in order to assure themselves a playoff spot - - or at least to keep alive the hopes for a playoff spot. In many cases, those “had to win teams” were paired against “who cares teams” and the outcome seemed obvious. Except it wasn’t. Lots of “had to win teams” simply wet the bed last weekend.

The Bucs needed a win to make the playoffs and were 2 TD favorites over the sorry-assed Oakland Raiders at home in Tampa. The Raiders won by a TD scoring 31 points on what seems to be a Bucs’ defense that is disintegrating week by week.

The Bears needed a win to keep their playoff hopes alive. As it turns out, the last second win by the Vikings rendered the Bears’ game moot, but there is no way the Bears knew that. They went to Houston to play a good-but-hardly-great Texans team and the Bears lost by a TD. The Bears’ defense gave up 31 points; even worse, when trailing by a TD in the fourth quarter they had the Texans pinned back in their territory. The defense then gave up an 89-yard drive for the decisive TD consuming more than 6 minutes of the remaining time.

The Broncos and Chargers game was a playoff game for all practical purposes; the winner continued to play - - in the actual playoffs - - and the loser went home for the season. The Chargers scored 52 points wining this game handily; but candidly, that was not all that unexpected since the Broncos’ defense has been horrible all year long. In Sunday’s game, it appeared as if the defense had sworn off tackling for Lent. The only problem is that Lent doesn’t arrive for another seven or eight weeks…

However, in the category of “win and you’re in” teams, the one that that added another element of soil to the already wet bed sheets was the Dallas Cowboys. Because of the way the Bucs game ended, this game too was a playoff game; the winner moved ahead and the loser went home for the season. The Cowboys lost 44-6; it wasn’t that close. They were dominated in every phase of the game you might want to measure except for “totally confused looks on the face of the head coach” where Wade Phillips may have set a world record so high that it may never be approached let alone broken.

No one on the Cowboys team played well on Sunday; there were only degrees of playing more or less poorly. However, a special mention has to go to Adam “Pacman” Jones for a brutally bad game. I don’t have a tape of the game to watch so this is from memory. “Pacman” committed a 15 yard penalty for a late hit leading to a score; fumbled and lost a kickoff leading to a score; fumbled a cross-field lateral on a kickoff to pin the Cowboys back inside their 15 yardline; gave up a long completion leading to a score. Other than that, he was worth every penny that Jerry Jones paid him to sign with the Cowboys and all the special attention he needed during his tenure in Dallas.

Other poor performances on Sunday included the Cleveland Browns failing to score a point once again. The last offensive TD by the Browns was on Nov 17. Yes, I know they have had QB injuries, but that is still mightily embarrassing.

The Titans also failed to score a point on Sunday. Granted the game was meaningless to them; they have home-field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs but a shutout? Not good…

The Bills failed to score a point on Sunday. Granted this game was meaningless to them because they lost seven out of eight games in a stretch from October through December but a shutout? Not good…

The Detroit Lions completed their plunge to the depths of perfect futility; with an 0-16 season now on the books, the Lions will need to wait until the NFL expands the schedule to 18 games in order to see if some other team can ever do worse than they did in 2008. Of course, the team that might go 0-18 in some future expanded schedule season could be the Detroit Lions…

I said a few weeks ago that the TCU/Boise State bowl game should be a good one. It was a one-point game and was definitely worth watching. The other game that looked good to me among the jumble of December bowl games is Oklahoma State/Oregon and it is on tonight. There should be scoring aplenty in that game. If you are into TDs, you might want to check your local listings…

Oh, the other game you might want to check for in your local TV scheduling is that Humanitarian Bowl game with Maryland and Nevada. With regard to ticket sales by the schools reported in the “dozens” the only thing I’ve seen is that bowl officials deny the reports - - but refuse to say how many tix the schools actually did sell. This game has the potential to be a “count-the-house” game. That could make it interesting for 10-15 minutes…

Finally, here is comment on the upcoming Orange Bowl game from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

“The Cincinnati Bearcats are coming to the Orange Bowl Classic. People in Cincinnati are thrilled about that. People in Miami are pretending to be.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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According to the Chinese calendar, 2008 was The Year of the Rat. My intention was to keep a list of people who might have been “Person of the Year” in the Year of the Rat. That idea went belly-up in March when a heinous event happened and closed off nominees for the list. It was in March when golfer Tripp Isenhour issued a “sincere apology” for intentionally killing a red-shouldered hawk by driving a golf ball at it because the hawk had dared to interrupt Isenhour while doing some kind of instructional video production. In December 2008, Isenhour pleaded no contest to the charges of animal cruelty and killing a protected migratory bird. Whom else could I put on the nominee list for “Person of the Year in the Year of the Rat” that would stand a chance? The only good news there is that I would not create the acronym POTY – YOTR (Person of the Year – Year of the Rat) and have to come up with a pronunciation for that monstrosity.

Shifting gears, I decided to go through the year and recall for you some folks in sports and other fields who will not be joining us in our trek through 2009:

January:

Bobby Fischer pushed his final pawn.

Ernie Holmes sacked his final QB.

Georgia Frontiere moved her franchise to the Celestial Football League.

February:

Myron Cope waved his final Terrible Towel and passed through The Steel Curtain in the Sky.

William F. Buckley Jr. gave America its final vocabulary lesson.

March:

Gary Gygax rolled his final dodecahedron.

April:

Charlton Heston squeezed off his final round.

Edward Lorenz finally settled down.

May:

The infamous “DC Madam” booked her final client.

June:

Jim McKay’s, Tim Russert’s and Charlie Jones’ microphones went silent.

George Carlin did his final stand-up.

Jerome Holtzman filed his last baseball column.

July:

Bobby Murcer shagged his last fly.

August:

Skip Carey joined his dad broadcasting games in the Cosmic League.

Gene Upshaw led his last power sweep.

Killer Kowalski applied his final chokehold.

September:

Joey Giardello threw his final counter-punch.

Mickey Vernon and Ed Brinkman took called third strikes.

Paul Newman made his final picture and his final pit stop.

Terrible Tommy Bolt threw his last golf club.

October:

Nick Reynolds got on the MTA and he never returned.

Levi Stubbs stopped singing that same old song with a different meaning since you’ve been gone.

November:

Preacher Roe threw his last “change-up”.

Michael Crichton succumbed to the Andromeda Strain.

Pete Newell ran his final “Big Man’s Camp” here because he was called to THE Big Man’s Camp in the sky.

December:

Socks – former first cat in the Clinton White House – started using the litter box in the sky.

Odetta sang her final folk song.

Mark Felt leaked his final Watergate tidbit.

Slingin Sammy Baugh put his final punt in the coffin corner.

May all of these people rest in peace.

Since I began this thought process with the Chinese Year of the Rat, there is one other item related to China that I still do not understand from 2008. With the multiple thousands of hours of Olympic coverage from China and all of the features done about China and its new position in the society of nations, why did I never get to hear from General Tso about how he came up with that recipe for chicken?

Finally, here is an example of how perverse 2008 has been. November 30 of every year is “Stay Home Because You’re Well Day”. It is an adult version of playing hooky; many people look forward to the day as a way to get themselves revved up for the Holiday Season. A former colleague of mine used to say that on Nov 30 she suffered from “anal glaucoma” - - she could not see her ass going to work that day. In 2008, November 30 fell on a Sunday; how’s that for disappointing?

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Yes, I know it is Sunday morning and I don’t usually write on Sunday mornings but there is a “must-read” column out there today. For the last 25 years, Gene Collier of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette has given out the annual “Trite Trophy”. It honors the most meaningless and overused cliché of the year. I discovered this column about 6 or 7 years ago and look forward to it each year.

I’ll give you a hint how much I enjoy it. I keep a small list of my favorite clichés during the year and look to see if any of them made it into the official “Trite Trophy” mention. From today’s column, here are the simple and straightforward criteria for winning the “Trite Trophy”:

“The three ageless criteria are, as always, paramount. To win the Trite, a cliché has to be essentially meaningless, exhaustively overused, and I have to really really hate it.”

Only one of the entries on my list made the grade this year. “Under the bus” – or more grandly to “throw under the bus” got a mention by Professor Collier. Recognizing that he is the “Committee of One” who makes the ultimate decisions on this award, I want to offer here the eight entries on my small list of annoying clichés and jargon so that he might come to hate them sufficiently to mention them in some future iteration of this award ceremony:

1. “Working the phones”: Excuse me, unless the person involved here is a telephone lineman, all he is doing is making and receiving calls. Big deal! My kids were able to do that when they were 6 years old.

2. “Break down films: This is not an undertaking equivalent to – or even related to – breaking the Enigma Code in WW II.

3. “Team’s elder statesman”: Winston Churchill was an elder statesman not some jock in a uniform.

4. “Gives back to the community”: Really? So why is it still a slum?

5. “Pitching a gem”: I give Professor Collier a pass on this one because he probably never hears that in Pittsburgh but please, it’s a baseball game and the pitcher is not throwing diamonds or rubies.

6. “Uncorked a wild pitch”: Uncorking something is a voluntary act; throwing a wild pitch is not likely to be a voluntary act.

7. “Need a win to break their losing streak”: If anyone ever asks you to provide an example of a self-evident statement, give them this one.

8. “Set a new world record”: Please explain how anyone could set any world record that would not be a new one.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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After another bad week of Mythical Picks, [I swear that I was not under the influence of any hallucinogens, narcotics, alcohol or amphetamines when I made those picks.] both kinds of picks are now under .500 for the season. The Over/Under picks are irredeemable; I need to make a strong showing in the Against the Spread Picks to go into the playoffs at or over .500 there. Of course, picking many of the games this weekend is not much more than coin flipping or dart throwing. Many of the NFL games this weekend are like the college bowl games; the winner depends on which team shows up ready to play more than anything else. Notwithstanding, I’ll make lots of mythical picks this weekend to try to get my record into better shape - - note that the emphasis here is on the word “mythical”.

Last weekend was the weekend to play the underdogs. The dogs covered the spread in 11 of the 16 games and they won 9 of the games outright. As you will see in the following paragraphs, I did not pick the underdogs last weekend…

Last week, the Over/Under picks were 4-3. That is better than a sharp stick in one’s butt, but that meager gain on the .500 level leaves the season total at 40-53-2. Bleech!

Last week, the Against the Spread picks were 5-8. Bleech! That puts the season total for ATS picks at 75-78-5. I guess the good news is that I do not need a telescope to see the .500 level from here…

Obviously, anyone with half a brain - - maybe even a quarter of a brain - - would use nothing in here as the basis for making any actual wager involving money on an NFL game this weekend. If anyone is even tempted to do so, then society in general can only hope that he/she will have the capacity to learn from his/her parents’ error and that he/she will always employ birth control measures should he/she find a like-minded individual of the opposite sex with whom intimate relations might occur. Thank you and good night…

General Comments:

Last weekend, the Detroit Lions became the first team in the history of the NBA to sport an 0-15 record; and they did so in a fashion befitting that level of ignominy. The Lions lost 42-7 to the Saints in a game that meant next to nothing to the Saints. That closed out the home season for the Lions; their 0-8 record at home is punctuated by the fact that in those 8 games, the Lions were outscored by a total of 176 points. Do the math; the Lions lost at home this season by an average of more than 3 TDs per game.

This week, the Lions are on the road in their attempt to dodge the futility of an 0-16 season. They visit Green Bay; the last time the Lions won in Green Bay was in 1991. The Lions have another level of shame that is easily attainable this year; going into this weekend’s game, the Lions have allowed opponents to score a total of 486 points; they are a mere 2 TDs away from going into “500 points allowed” territory. I do not know how many times that has happened in NFL history, but I’ll wager it is has been less than a half-dozen times.

Is there any good news for the Lions? Why, yes there is. The Packers have lost 5 consecutive games and are coming off a short week of practice after losing in OT to the Bears last Monday night. Sorry, Lions fans; that is the best I can come up with.

This week, the Lions’ owner, William Clay Ford, announced that the two folks who took over the front office after Matt Millen was dispatched earlier this year (Martin Mayhew and Tim Lewand) will continue in those capacities and run the team next year. Excuse me, but both of these guys were there during the Millen Era. That leaves you with two choices:

1. They were not part of any of the dumb decisions of that era which would force you to ask what the hell they were doing in their jobs while the team/franchise was falling apart around them.

2. They participated in those dumb decisions making them complicit in the actions that caused the team/franchise to fall apart around them.

I hope Lions fans are thrilled to have these two guys back for at least the 2009 season. With a game to play, the Lions are on the clock for the April NFL Draft. There are glaring needs on defense (obvious from the “points allowed stats” above) and the team needs a franchise QB. To my eyes, the best college QBs are juniors and I wonder if the thought of playing for the Lions would be enough to keep them in school another year…

If this retention of the front office does not pan out, William Clay Ford will have positioned himself perfectly to take over the role of the team owner least in touch with reality as soon as Al Davis is called back to the Mother Ship from the Xygork Nebula that is orbiting just behind the moon…

The Lions seek epic failure this weekend; flying under the radar are the Denver Broncos who can also achieve monumental failure this weekend. Denver led their division by 3 games with only 3 games left to play. If they lose this weekend in San Diego, they will lose the division and not make the playoffs. Again, I do not have data on this, but this big a “gag job” cannot have happened more than once or twice in the history of the NFL. In human eating terms, you would not gag this badly if you tried to swallow a softball as if it were an aspirin…

Compounding the Broncos’ shame if they lose this week is the fact that last week’s loss to Buffalo came at home against a team that had lost 8 of its last 10 games. Oh, and it was 1967 the last time the Bills won a game in Denver. To put historical perspective on that, in 1967:

Neil Armstrong was less widely known than Jack Armstrong.

John Lennon and Yoko Ono were not yet married.

Most people thought Jimmy Carter made “Little Liver Pills”.

George W. Bush had not yet graduated from Yale.

The Giants/Panthers game last weekend was a great game between two good teams. It would not bother me at all to see these two teams play again in the NFC playoffs in the divisional round or in the NFC championship game. The Carolina Panthers must have some kind of fixation on the concept of “300 yards rushing in a single game”. Three weeks ago against Tampa, the Panthers ran for 299 yards; last week against the Giants, the Panthers gave up 301 yards rushing.

The Giants/Panthers game last weekend is an example of why I do not like fantasy football - - or any other fantasy sport. De Angelo Williams scored 4 TDs for the Panthers last weekend and ran for more than 100 yards in the game. A former colleague sent me a note saying that Williams had won a “fantasy playoff game” for him last week. Swell. The Panthers lost the game (reality) but Williams’ stats make him a hero in winning a game (fantasy). Pffft. I prefer to deal with reality, thank you…

If fantasy football were to be taken really seriously, then there should be real fantasies associated with it such as the Arizona Cardinals playing the Cleveland Browns in the Super Bowl. Now, there is a fantasy…

Last year, the Bengals won their final two games. Some may have taken from that “late surge” that positive things would happen this season. Well, the Bengals are 3-11-1 going into their final game this week and they have won two in a row - - once again. As bad as the Bengals have been this year, the Browns, whom the Bengals beat last weekend, have gone into an epic tailspin. The last time the Browns scored an offensive TD was on November 17; the Browns went three consecutive home games without scoring a TD. Both the Browns and the Bengals need lots of “renovation” work…

Despite these two pathetic AFC teams, the AFC leads the NFC in terms of interconference games this year 32-29-1. Since there are only two such games this weekend, the AFC will finish above .500 once again. The last time the NFC won this “battle” was in 1995. Here is how long ago that was:

The Lions were a playoff team in 1995.

Since Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan will start for the Ravens and Falcons this week, they will join a pretty exclusive club of QBs who have started every game in their rookie NFL season. Both Flacco and Ryan will have winning records; I do not recall any previous rookie QB who started every game doing that. I recall Peyton Manning starting every game as a rookie; his record was 3-13. I also recall David Carr starting every game as a rookie; his record was 4-12. I cannot recall any other rookie QB starting every game for his team. In Ben Roethlisberger’s wonderful rookie year, he was 13-0 in games he started.

I tend to put more stock in player talent than in “coaching genius” when it comes to NFL success. Nevertheless, I do have to say that Jeff Fisher and his staff have to made some kind of contribution to the success of the Titans this year. Looking at talent alone, I really do not think the Titans are as talented as the Steelers or the Colts in the AFC nor do I think that the Titans have more talent than the Cowboys, the Panthers or the Giants in the NFC. Nevertheless, the Titans have the best record in the NFL (13-2) so there has to be a significant “coaching component” at work there.

The Jets can still make the playoffs – with a win and some help. The Arizona Cardinals will host a playoff game in January. Look at the way these teams have been playing in December and ask yourself if you see a “Super Bowl run” for either team. I do not.

Drew Brees needs to throw for 402 yards against Carolina this week in order to break Dan Marino’s single season record for most passing yardage (5,084 yards). Carolina really wants to prevent that because a Carolina loss to the Saints (could happen if Brees throws for 400+ yards) and a Falcons win over St. Louis (looks like a safe bet here) would mean the Falcons win the NC South and get the bye week instead of the Panthers. For the record, I do not think this is going to happen this weekend.

If the Pats, Ravens and Dolphins win this week, the Pats will wind up 11-5 and will miss the playoffs. Only once, has a team had an 11-5 record and missed the playoffs. That was in 1985 and the team was the Denver Broncos. Pretend that you care…

The Games:

St. Louis at Atlanta – 14.5 (44): The Rams are a mess; they have lost 9 games in a row. Assuming that the team is not sold and moved elwewhere, this franchise will need to be deconstructed entirely and rebuilt under the auspices of a “football architect” and not a “business guy” or a “marketing/communications flack”. A Rams’ loss here would put perfect symmetry on their season; it would yield a 1-7 record at home and a 1-7 record on the road. The Falcons could win the division and claim a first round bye in the playoffs with a Carolina loss and a win here. There might be some “scoreboard peeking” going on here. As bad as the Rams are – and they are bad – I really do not want to take the Falcons in a three score game; equally, I do not want to take the Rams on the road. Therefore, the coin is flipped and it says to take the game OVER. Whatever…

New England – 6.5 at Buffalo (41.5): Despite the rally to win in Denver last weekend, the Bills are hugely disappointing in the second half of this year. The Pats must win – and get help – to make the playoffs. New England seems to have put itself on track the past three weeks; Buffalo’s express seems to have derailed sometime in mid-October. I’ll take the Pats to win and cover on the road and I’ll take the game OVER.

KC at Cincy – 3 (38): The combined record of these two teams is 5-24-1. The Bengals have won 2 in a row; the Chiefs have lost 3 in a row but have been competitive more times than not in the second half of the season. Other than those two comments, it might be difficult to explain the point of this game. It has been a LOOONG time since either team was “in the hunt” for a playoff spot; in fact, once we got near Halloween, it was clear that Ralph Nader had a better chance to carry more than one state in the presidential election than either of these teams had to be in the playoffs. I’m guessing the stadium will be half-full at best. I like the Chiefs with the points here and I like the game OVER.

Detroit at Green Bay – 10 (43): NFL Films is treating this like a playoff game; Steve Sabol says they will have three times the number of people at this game (six camera operators) to film it as they would normally have. A Lions loss here “on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field” will be historic. Do not discount the Packers’ 5-game losing streak; only the Lions, Rams and Browns have losing streaks of 5 or more games and those are three bad football teams. I do not want to go all “Weather Channel” on you here, but at this time of the year, the Lions (a dome team) could be playing in temperatures hovering in the single digits with the wind blowing. The line looks fat to me; I’ll take the Lions with the points - - but not on the money line! - - the Lions are actually going to have an 0-16 record for 2008. I’ll also take the game OVER.

Chicago at Houston – 3 (47): Chicago has to win in order to have a chance at the division title; the Bears can make the playoffs as a wild card team with a win here and losses by both the Cowboys and the Bucs. Houston players are already planning which New Years’ Eve party they want to go to. I guess the Texans are favored because they are 5-2 at home this year; there is no motivational reason to give Chicago the points here. The Bears were fortunate to come away with a win over the Packers on Monday; they did not dominate the game. I want to believe that somehow Lovie Smith can come out of his languor long enough to get the Bears fired up for this game. Based on that belief, I’ll take the Bears with the points and I’ll take the game UNDER.

Tennessee – 3 at Indy (38): Amazingly, other games this weekend will attract more attention than this one. Tennessee has the best record in the NFL (13-2); the Colts are 11-4 and have won 8 games in a row. Tennessee is locked into the top seed in the AFC playoffs; Indy is locked into the fifth seed in the AFC playoffs. Do the teams rest their starters here - - or do they follow the Giants/Pats model from the final game of 2007 where both teams played to win that particular game? Jeff Fisher has indicated that Vince Young will see the field at some time in this game so maybe Tennessee will play this one close to the vest. I’ll take Indy at home with the points here and I’ll take the game OVER.

Giants at Minnesota – 7 (42): The Vikings are looking at “win and you’re in”. The Giants locked up the home field advantage in the NFC playoffs last Sunday night. That is the only reason I can see for the Vikings to be a touchdown favorite in this game. However, Tom Coughlin is the personification of “old school” and I would not be surprised if he did not play his starters most if not all of the game and be on them to play hard all game long. The Giants are the better team here so I’ll take the Giants with the points.

Carolina – 3 at New Orleans (52): The Saints are 6-1 at home; the Panthers are only 3-4 on the road. If the Panthers want next weekend off to rest up for the playoffs, they need to win here and not hope for a miracle win by the Rams against the Falcons. I think the ball will go up and down the field here so I’ll take this game OVER.

Cleveland at Pittsburgh – 10.5 (32): Can the Browns possibly go another game without scoring an offensive TD? Against this defense, the answer is a resounding, “Yes!” The problem with the line here is that the Steelers do not score very much themselves so a double-digit line is scary. However, the Browns will play Bruce Gradkowski at QB with Ken Dorsey in the wings against a Steelers’ defense that can score by itself and can set up short field situations for the Steelers’ offense. I’ll take the Steelers and lay the points here; I’ll also take this game OVER because I think there is a reasonable chance that the Steelers will take it OVER all by themselves.

Oakland at Tampa Bay – 14 (39): Looking for a story line here is not an easy task. Maybe it is another installation of the Al Davis/Jon Gruden confrontations? That might work but the thread is getting worn badly there. Oakland rose up and won a game last week despite the fact that they were heavy underdogs. That will not happen again this week; if the Bucs lose, they could miss the playoffs. I am going to assume that the Raiders return to their somnambulant state on Sunday and that the Bucs defense returns to form. Nonetheless, that is a fat line indeed; the Bucs are not an offensive juggernaut. I’ll take the Raiders with the points here.

Jax at Baltimore – 13.5 (36): The Ravens clinch a playoff spot with a win here or a loss by the Pats; Jax is still trying to figure out what happened to them this year. Joe Flacco earned a cool $3M in bonus money this season by taking 80% of the offensive snaps for the Ravens. Not bad for a kid who was not good enough to be the starter at Pitt, no? I doubt that Jax will win the game here but that line looks awfully fat to me. I’ll take the Jags with the points here and I’ll take the game OVER.

Miami at Jets – 2.5 (42): No need to look for a story line here; a bunch of them jump up and bite you on the nose. Miami wins the AFC East with a win here. The Jets win the AFC East with a win here and a Bills win over the Pats. Chad Pennington returns to NYC to play the team that dumped him when they acquired Brett Favre. The late start for this game means the Jets will already know if they have a reason to play to win other than “pride”. The Green Bay Packers are rooting hard for the Jets here. If the Jets make the playoffs, the Packers upgrade the draft pick they got for Brett Favre from a third round pick to a second round pick; if the Jets go to the Super Bowl, the Packers get a first round pick. If the Jets lose, how long until the “Brett Favre Retirement Watch” begins? I say less than 12 hours… I like the Dolphins with the points here and I like the game UNDER.

Dallas at Philly “pick ‘em” (42.5): The spread for this game varies from “pick ‘em” to the Eagles as a 2-point favorite. Both teams are schizophrenic. If the good version of either team shows up against the bad version of the other team, this could be a 3 score blowout. Everyone knows about Dallas’ problems in December/January over the past decade. The Eagles have contributed to those problems; they have played the Cowboys five times in December in this millennium and won all five times. If the Raiders pull a huge upset in Tampa and either the Bears or Vikes lose, this game will decide who gets the last NFC playoff slot - - the one the Giants had last year on their trek to the Lombardi Trophy. Both teams will know the outcome of all those games early on here. I like Philly at home here. I also like this game OVER.

Seattle at Arizona – 6 (45.5): This line opened at 3.5 points and shot up to 6 points and has stayed there most of the week. No, I have no explanation for that… The Cards host a playoff game next week; that is a good thing for them; they are not very good on the road (3-5). A win for Arizona here will give them a 6-0 sweep of their NFC West rivals; a quick glance will tell you that they only teams they beat on the road are the sorry-assed teams in the NFC West. I think the Seahawks spent their emotion last week in Mike Holmgren’s final home game in Seattle so I’ll take the Cards and lay the points here. And I’ll take the game OVER too.

Washington at SF – 3 (38): This is a meaningless game; the team that cares less will lose. I think the Redskins will just go through the motions here so I’ll take the Niners at home and lay the points.

Denver at San Diego – 9.5 (51): The spread for this game varies from 8 points to 9.5 points depending on where you look. The reason this game matters so much is because of the “Ed Hochuli blown call” in Week 2 of this season. That was a Denver/San Diego game and Denver won a game they should not have won. I suspect the folks in the NFL offices have had this game circled on the schedule for a while with a note saying “Do Not Assign Hochuli’s Crew Here”. The winner of this game wins the AFC West and will host the Colts in a playoff game next weekend. Here is a marginally interesting fact; the Broncos finished their home season 0-7-1 against the spread; they are the only team in the NFL not to cover at home this year. I like the Chargers to win here but the line looks fat to me so I’ll take the Broncos with the points and I’ll take the game OVER.

Finally, here is something you need to know. I read that in the Sun Bowl game (December 31) between Pitt and Oregon State, the halftime entertainment will feature The Village People. Candidly, I did not know that The Village People were all still vertical and taking nourishment but that is not the point here. Hopefully, they will not be asked to sing the National Anthem too. However, just in case, tune in a bit late to this game if you really think you need to watch it at all…

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Last Sunday, viewers in the DC area were treated to the Pats/Cards contest as the early game on FOX. Once a year, a “snow game” can be fun to watch for a while; it is interesting to see athletes who have spent their lives learning to play a violent game based on power and speed trying to stay upright with mincing steps and lack of balance. Nevertheless, it gets old after a while and the mind wanders…

I think it was Moose Johnston who brought up Matt Cassell’s imminent free agency and how Cassell would be making a lot of money next year based on his performance this year. There is no denying the fact that Cassell will be making lots more money next year than he has in the past; his signing bonus figures to be more money than he has made in his entire career to date. Since Tom Brady went down in Week 1, Cassell has steadily gained confidence and poise at QB and has played well.

Considering he is a “rookie” in terms of actual on-field time, he has thrown for 3615 yards this year (with a monster game next week he could actually hit the 4000-yard plateau) and has 21 TDs against 11 INTs. He led the Pats to 40+ points in four different games this year – albeit two of those were against bad defenses and one was last week’s “snow game” – and not a lot of QBs have that on their résumé this year. So, why is there this little voice in the back of my head saying “Caveat emptor…”?

Signing a free agent QB to a big contract sometimes works. Look at Brett Favre and the Jets this year; the Jets may not make the playoffs but they have already won twice as many games this year as they did last year. Look at Chad Pennington and the Dolphins; the Dolphins may not make the playoffs but they have made the largest single season turnaround in terms of wins in the history of the league. Nonetheless, sometimes it just does not work; the example that sticks in my mind is Scott Mitchell who signed with the Detroit Lions back in the early 1990s after stepping in and playing well for the Dolphins when Dan Marino was injured. The Lions were not the cesspool they are now; they were winning half the time back then; Mitchell never gave them much of a return on that investment.

That got me to thinking about other “pricey” QB free agents who never earned their keep. This is hardly an exhaustive list because it comes from my memory over the past couple of days. Moreover, I am not going to try to predict if any of the very recent signings will work out over time such as Brett Favre and/or Derek Anderson. And just to pay tribute to my elementary school teachers and their devotion to the ABCs, I will do these in alphabetical order to avoid any attempt to identify the worst of these signings:

Aaron Brooks (Saints): The Packers drafted Brooks but I do not think he ever took a snap in Green Bay; he moved to the Saints and had early success; he led the Saints to the playoffs in his first year there. The next year (2002), the Saints missed the playoffs but they thought they had their franchise QB and signed Brooks for 5 years and lots of money (close to $40M as I recall). Brooks wound up with the Raiders for a year and is now out of the NFL.

Mark Brunell (Redskins): When Joe Gibbs returned to the Redskins, he said he would take a month with his staff to look at game film to decide what players on the team were “core Redskins” with the implication that the others were sub-standard. We can only surmise what went through his head as he watched Patrick Ramsey play QB because his first move was to trade for Mark Brunell and sign Brunell to a 7-year contract worth more than $40M in 2004.

Jeff George (Raiders): The Raiders signed George for 5 years after he has spent time in Atlanta running June Jones’ spread offense and piling up statistics. He lasted in Oakland for 2 years before being asked to leave town.

Jeff George (Redskins): The Redskins signed George early in the tenure of Danny Boy Snyder for 4 years. He played a bit in his first year in Washington but when Marty Schottenheimer took over the Skins George and he never saw eye-to-eye about what a QB ought to be doing on the field. Two games into the Schottenheimer Era and George was on the street. You can understand how deep that rift was because Jeff George has a wealth of talent in his right arm and Marty Schottenheimer cut him loose to start Tony Banks at QB for the rest of the season.

Elvis Grbac (Ravens): The Ravens were the defending Super Bowl champions when they signed Grbac after a “career year” with the Chiefs. Recall that the Ravens were not satisfied with Trent Dilfer at QB despite the Super Bowl win and they signed Grbac to a long-term deal (I think it was 5 years and about $40M but do not hold me to details there.) He played one season in Baltimore and then retired.

Lest anyone think I am picking on Matt Cassell here, I am definitely not. There are other QBs in the NFL who will be on the market starting in March 2009 and the same warning should apply to them too:

Kerry Collins: Anyone want to argue with his stats or his record in Tennessee this year? Anyone want to project him as an effective starting QB five seasons from now?

Jeff Garcia: His play has been an essential element of the success of the Bucs this year. He will turn 39 a week before the free-agent season begins.

JP Losman: He has been asking to be traded from Buffalo for about 2 years now so he should get his wish and leave town next spring. His résumé looks pretty thin to me.

Kurt Warner: He clearly resurrected his career with his showing in 2008. He will be 38 years old before training camp convenes next summer.

Finally, here is a comment from syndicated columnist Norman Chad:

“Like contemporary iconoclast Fidel Castro, [Al] Davis, for better or worse, has held steadfast to his system. And what is this system? A commitment to eccentricity, contrarianism and a lot of broken football lives. Nobody said it was a good system.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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On a weekend where some teams had the playoffs in their grasp and dropped the ball, and on a weekend where some floundering teams took their futile twitchings to a new level of abdominal spasms, there were a whole bunch of performances that were just plain sorry. I do not mean sorry in the sense of regrettable or even pathetic; I mean sorry in the sense of wretched, useless or dismal.

The Philadelphia Eagles gave a sorry account of themselves. Yes, the Redskins’ defense they played is statistically a good one but the Eagles offensive ineptitude made them look like the 1985 Chicago Bears.

The Cleveland Browns gave a sorry account of themselves. The team had not scored an offensive touchdown since Nov 17, which is damned bad, but on Sunday, they managed to score no points of any kind on the Cincinnati Bengals. If Romeo Crennel’s job had been hanging by a thread, Sunday’s game was the scissors cutting that thread.

The Arizona Cardinals gave a sorry account of themselves. Mike Ditka said before the game that the Cards had not shown up to play last week and said this week’s game would be a “drive by”. They lost to the Pats in the snow 47-7 but it wasn’t nearly that close. Does anyone on the Cardinals’ defensive unit actually know how to tackle a player with the ball?

The Detroit Lions gave a sorry account of themselves. Looking to avoid being the first and only team in NFL history to sport an 0-15 record, the Lions hosted the Saints - - and proceeded to lose the game 42-7.

The St. Louis Rams gave a sorry account of themselves. Leading the Niners 16-3 in the fourth quarter, the Rams once again found a way to lose this game. They gave up 2 TDs in the final 4 minutes of the game.

The Denver Broncos gave a sorry account of themselves. A win guaranteed them the AFC West championship and a spot in the playoffs. They led the Bills – not a great team by any means – 13-0 in the second quarter and managed to lose. Next week is a playoff game for Denver; a win against San Diego and they continue to play; loser goes home.

The NY Jets gave a sorry account of themselves. They were tied for the AFC lead and faced a Seahawks team that entered the game 3-11. The Jets managed to score exactly 3 points and lost 13-3.

The Dallas Cowboys gave a sorry account of themselves. Like the Eagles and the Broncos they were in a “win-and-you’re in” mode and they lost to the Ravens Saturday night. The way they lost was by giving up two runs on consecutive plays for a total of 159 yards and 2 TDs. I cannot find a reference to this but I would think that this might be the most yardage ever surrendered by an NFL team on two consecutive plays from scrimmage.

By the way, NFL Network deserves a mention on this list of “sorries”. Five years ago, NFL Network was launched to great fanfare. Today, it is available in less than 40% of the homes in the US. Lots of folks missed out on the Baltimore/Dallas game Saturday night and they should not have. The NFL has tried to “Bigfoot” the cable companies and it is not working; the cable companies want access to the NFL Sunday Ticket Package; the league will not bargain on that; Comcast wanted the Thursday night football package; the NFL started its own network to televise those games.

As an example of how cooperation works better than coercion in this area, MLB Network will debut on January 1, 2009 in 50 million homes – more than the number of homes that receive NFLN after five years on the air.

Last weekend was a good one for watching some quality college basketball games. Frankly, I would not mind seeing UConn and Gonzaga play each other in a regional semi-final or final game in March. Two good teams put on a very good show. Gonzaga shot 50% against a very good defensive basketball team.

Duke and Xavier were interesting to watch for a while even if it wasn’t a nail-biter. When Duke is playing its aggressive defense well and running at every opportunity - - and even running when there is no opportunity whatsoever - - they can be fun to watch if they are playing a quality opponent. Xavier is not a bad team; they were just never in the game this weekend.

I only saw highlights of this game but at one point Purdue led Davidson 21-0. The Boilermakers held Davidson star, Stephen Curry, to 13 points and won handily.

In case you have not paid attention to college basketball yet this year, allow me to suggest that you focus some of your attention to the Big East this year no matter where you live. The Big East is loaded. UConn, Pitt, Georgetown, Notre Dame, Syracuse and Louisville are all really good. Cincinnati, Villanova and Marquette are not shabby at all - - and they could well finish seventh, eighth and ninth in the Big East. Any team with a winning record in Big East play this year should get special consideration for the tournament in March.

Finally, when a writer makes an error in a column, the proper thing to do is to print a correction. When Scott Ostler made an error in one of his columns in the SF Chronicle, he wrote his correction in the same sarcastic tone as the error:

Error: “Jerry Porter defends [Plaxico] Burress, saying, ‘It’s nothing but safety.’ If that’s the case, why doesn’t Plax tuck his Glock into his football pants, too?

“And speaking of safety, Plaxico, it’s that little switch on the side of your Glock. If you can’t locate it, phone Glock tech support. Or ask your cocktail waitress.”

Correction: “Thanks to the many gun-slingin’ readers who set me straight on the Glock. A Glock has no conventional safety, because the weapon is built for firefights. In other words, it’s the perfect gun for a numbskull football player who is having a cocktail and using his Glock as a thigh-scratcher.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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I want to take this opportunity to wish everyone who reads these rants - whether or not you take the time to comment on them positively or negatively - a very warm and happy Holiday Season in 2008. I hope that everyone gets to spend time this Holiday Season with those people who are most important to them.

Whether one celebrates Christmas or Chanukah or Kwanza is not as important as recognizing that the meaning behind all of these celebrations is that peace and joy ought to extend to everyone including those who might believe differently from us. Here in Curmudgeon Central, we celebrate Christmas. Notwithstanding that fact, I want to wish joy, happiness and peace to people everywhere and to people of every religious persuasion.

It should not be difficult for 2009 to be a more prosperous year than 2008 was. I hope that everyone has a safe, healthy and prosperous year in 2009.

Stay well.

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Since I am an advocate for a college football playoff, let me begin today by offering congratulations to the University of Richmond for winning the Division 1-AA football playoff. I saw most of the final game against Montana and some of one of the previous games involving Richmond. There is a defensive end for Richmond, Lawrence Sidbury, that I believe can play outside linebacker in the NFL. I do not know if he is eligible to enter the draft but I will keep an eye out to see if he goes to the NFL Combine in a couple of months. Before anyone shrugs their shoulders and wonders if he played against sufficient competition to make the transition to the NFL, consider these two words:

Joe … Flacco.

After catching some of the Arizona Cardinals/New England Patriots debacle yesterday, may I ask please for silence from everyone who wants to name Kurt Warner as the NFL MVP this year? Yesterday’s performance was abysmal at best and when you look at the “body of work” for the season, Kurt Warner dominated the NFC West. Whoop-de-damned-do!! Six games against the Seahawks, Niners and Rams would inflate anyone’s stats. Kurt Warner is a good person and an athlete who takes responsibility for his screw-ups; I have no quarrels with him as a role model or a competitor; he is indeed a good NFL QB. What he is not is the MVP for 2008.

If you ever tune into sports radio for even a few moments a day, I am sure you have heard of Stub Hub, the online ticket broker. As the time approaches for major sporting events, I like to go to their website to check on the availability and the price of tickets for those events. Now given the economic climate, I figured it would be worth seeing what’s out there as compared to more typical years. The results are very surprising.

I have already said that this year’s Orange Bowl game (Cincinnati versus Va Tech) is a game of minimal interest outside the alumni communities for both schools. Well, if you check out Stub Hub, you will find that you can buy tickets to the Orange Bowl for $10.00. That is not a typographical error; go to the website and browse around and you’ll see for yourself. There are more than a few tix at this price.

So, I then decided to check around to see if other major bowl games had tickets in the same range. Here are some results:

Rose Bowl – USC/Penn State: Cheapest seats available are $97.50; as of this morning, there are only 5 tickets in the stadium priced under $100.

Sugar Bowl – Alabama/Utah: Cheapest seats available are $65; as of this morning, there are only 14 seats in the stadium priced under $100.

This piqued my curiosity about some of the minor bowl games - - particularly the Humanitarian Bowl given the link I provided last week to an article saying that the two schools had sold only a couple of dozen tickets to that game as of 15 December.

Humanitarian Bowl – Maryland/Nevada: Cheapest seats available are $25; as of this morning, only 2 seats in the entire stadium have an asking price in excess of $100.

Hawaii Bowl – Norte Dame/Hawaii: Cheapest tickets available are General Admission tix at $6.00.

Alamo Bowl – Northwestern/Missouri: Cheapest seats are $8.00 and there are hundreds [plural] of seats available for less than $15.00.

I can certainly understand how Detroit Lions fans can be more than upset with the team and the coaching staff and the front office and just about anything related to the franchise. However, a reporter in Detroit yesterday got a bit too personal in his snarkiness. The Lions’ defensive coordinator is the son-in-law of head coach, Rod Marinelli. After yesterday’s crushing loss, the reporter asked Marinelli if he ever wished his daughter had married a better defensive coach. That is not a quote but that is the sense of what he asked.

I think that is over the line. Look at the stats and the results and you can easily conclude that the Lions’ defense is woefully inadequate; assign even half of the blame for that to the coaching of the defensive unit and you have reason to be critical. You can rail against the nepotism there but you do not have to ask a “have-you-stopped-beating-your-mother” question when the team is 0-15. I think that is unprofessional.

Since I mentioned it, why do head coaches hire relatives for positions of significant responsibility on their teams in the first place? I have no problem if a coach hires his son as a “quality control assistant” or as a scout. However, hiring a relative is a dangerous thing to do. If things go wrong, the head coach will face two unpleasant alternatives:

1. Fire the relative

2. Allow the relative’s lack of success to get the head coach fired.

Since Marinelli hired his son-in-law in 2007, the Lions’ defense has finished last in the NFL in 2007 and currently ranks 31st in the NFL for 2008. Just a guess here but I believe the second of the unpleasant alternatives above is going to apply in this instance.

Finally, here is Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel commenting on Auburn firing Tommy Tuberville and hiring Gene Chizik:

“Auburn fired Tommy Tuberville to hire, um, Gene Chizik? Isn’t that a little like divorcing Jessica Alba to marry Janet Reno?”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Scott Ostler had a great column in yesterday’s SF Chronicle. I commend it to your reading…

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