The Sports Curmudgeon®

The Linfield College Wildcats completed their season last weekend with a 45-0 win against Pacific Lutheran University. The Linfield defense recorded nine sacks in this shellacking. Linfield’s final season record is 6-3; their conference record is 5-1. Congratulations to Linfield for their 53rd consecutive winning season in football.

Here are some highlights and lowlights from last week’s Mythical Picks:

“Georgia – 10 at Auburn (48): I do think that the Auburn defense is good enough to keep the Dawgs from piling up points so I like Auburn with the points at home here. Even more, I like this game UNDER.” Final score Georgia 17 Auburn 13 [Highlight!]

“South Carolina at Florida – 22.5 (49.5): This will be a good game and that line looks FAT to me.” Final Score Florida 56 So. Carolina 6 [Lowlight!]

“Purdue at Iowa – 18.5 (44): Make no mistake; Purdue is not a good team. However, Iowa just might suffer some deflation after their last minute win over Penn State last week and so that line looks fat to me.” Final score Iowa 22-17 [Highlight!]

Just to demonstrate how my Ouija Board was en fuego last week, consider this item:

“UAB at Tulane – 6 (54.5): This is a SHOE Tournament game; both teams were seeded this week in the putative SHOE Tournament. For that reason alone, I’ll have to make a pick here so give me UAB with the points. That is what my Ouija Board said to do…” [The Ouija Board works. UAB wins outright 41-24.]

Notwithstanding the insightful comments from last week, you would have to be pretty dumb to use any information here as the basis for making a wager on a college football game this week. If you did that, you would definitely qualify as the village idiot’s dumber brother.

General Comments:

Ball State is 11-0 now; they traveled to beat Central Michigan last night. I wanted to see Ball State in order to get a sense of their worthiness for a major bowl game so I set aside the time and watched all but about a half-dozen plays in that game. Here are my “findings”:

1. Ball State is a good team. They beat a good Central Michigan team last night. They finish their season at home next week against Western Michigan.

2. I will stipulate that they are the class of the MAC and that the MAC has had four wins against Big Ten teams this season.

3. If Ball State were put in a major bowl game – akin to Hawaii last year in the Sugar Bowl – they would suffer the same fate that Hawaii suffered last year at the hands of Georgia. Ball State is good - - but they are not that good.

4. There is a reason why ESPN puts MAC games on TV on Tuesday or Wednesday nights and not on Saturday afternoons. If you sit and watch one of those MAC games from start to finish, you will understand.

This is “Rivalry Weekend” as pronounced by ESPN. There are a whole bunch of traditional games on the schedule and some of them have meaning beyond the traditional rivalry. I plan to talk about some of them in the course of these picks. However, let us not get too carried away here because there are a few major rivalries that will not happen this weekend; there is no “exclusivity” that comes with ESPN’s designation of this as “Rivalry Weekend”. I will offer one example that will prove my point that other intense rivalry games happen outside this envelope:

Army … Navy.

This year, the Apple Cup game matches two atrocious teams. Washington is the only Division 1-A team without a win; Washington State has beaten a Division 1-AA team this year but has also shattered the PAC-10 record for points allowed in a season. [They have allowed 533 points heading into Saturday’s titanic struggle.] It has been 2 months since Washington has been within 20 points of an opponent. Other than their victory over Division 1-AA Portland State, Washington State has not been within 25 points of any opponent all season long.

Interestingly, both teams have scored a grand total of 139 points this year. Washington ranks 117th in the country in total offense; Washington State ranks 118th. Washington ranks 110th in the country in total defense; Washington State ranks 112th. The first Apple Cup game was played in 1900; since the end of WWII, it has been played every year. Two more games like this one and they just might let the apples rot on the tree rather than go through the agony and humiliation of such a game.

Washington coach, Ty Willingham, has already been fired; this is his final Apple Cup game. Washington State coach, Paul Wulff, is coaching in his first Apple Cup game. So, which of these two gentlemen is in the better situation? You make the call…

Before the season started, I suggested that UNC and Pitt were two teams poised to make significant improvements to their records this year. UNC is 7-3; their 3 losses have been by a total of 8 points; they have two rivalry games – but perfectly winnable games – ahead of them against NC State and Duke. Pitt is 7-2; they have three games left and all should be competitive ones. Both UNC and Pitt should play in decent bowl games this year.

Vanderbilt is bowl eligible. They beat Kentucky 31-24 last week. If invited to a bowl game, it will be the first time they have played in a bowl game since 1982. That is precisely the reason why one of the bowl committees ought to give them an invitation; you have to think the students and alums would “travel well” to see the first bowl game in 26 years, no?

At the beginning of the year, the forecasters told us that the ACC would be Clemson (ranked #10 in pre-season polls) and a herd of mediocrity. It looks as if they were half-right; there is a herd of mediocrity in the ACC - - but Clemson does not really even make it up to that level. I know that Clemson’s 5-5 record makes them look mediocre and that they have a real shot at bowl eligibility. Look just a bit more closely at that record and you will see that two of the wins came at the expense of The Citadel and South Carolina State. Those two games should never have been scheduled by a team pretending to be a Top 20 football program.

Speaking of shameful scheduling, Wisconsin hosts Cal Poly/SLO this weekend. I don’t want to go all Biblical on you here, but that is an abomination in the sight of the Lord. I would not be all that sorry to learn that the entire Wisconsin Athletic Department and everyone on the football staff came down with a roaring case of “New Delhi-belly” after this game.

With regard to that “herd of mediocrity” in the ACC, the best overall record in the conference is 7-3 (a record shared by 6 of the 12 schools). Meanwhile the worst overall record in the conference is 4-6 (shared by 2 of the 12 schools). ‘Nuff said…

I want to plant an image in your brain because it is in my brain and it keeps coming to the fore when I watch ESPN’s College Football Scoreboard. If I have to put up with it, then I’m going to share it:

1. Picture Estelle Getty from her role on the TV show, The Golden Girls.

2. Picture Alfred E. Neuman from the cover of Mad Magazine.

3. Imagine a tryst between Ms. Getty and Mr. Neuman from which issued a love-child.

4. Wouldn’t that love-child look and sound like Lou Holtz?

Now, try to get that out of your sub-conscious.

The Shoe Tournament

There is not much time left for teams to play their way out of the SHOE Tournament whereby they may be designated as this year’s SHOE (Steaming Heap Of Excrement) Team. Here is the seeding as of this week:

#1 North Texas

#2 San Diego State

#3 SMU

#4 Tulane

#5 Washington State

#6 Washington

#7 Idaho

#8 Eastern Michigan

Ponderosa Spread Games:

Last week there were six Ponderosa Spread Games and the favorites covered in only two of them.

Missouri and Utah covered.

Arizona State, Boise State, Penn State and USC did not cover.

The season record for favorites covering in Ponderosa Spread Games now stands at 42-27-3.

There is only 1 Ponderosa Spread Game on the whole NCAA menu for this weekend.

Tulane at Tulsa – 28.5 (73.5): Tulsa lost their second game in a row last weekend to Houston giving up 70 points. Tulane has given up 40+ points four times this year. At one point, Tulsa was ranked in the Top 25 and was averaging more than 50 points per game. Assuming that Tulsa wants to close out its season at home with a positive game, they should wax Tulane.

Games of Interest

Michigan at Ohio State – 21 (45): For this humongous rivalry game, the spread opened the week at an astonishing 19 points and it has climbed ever since. Somewhere in the cosmos, Bo Schembechler weeps. Ohio State can go to the rose Bowl if it wins here and Michigan State beats Penn State - - as if Ohio State needed another incentive to beat up on Michigan. Interestingly, Bo Schembechler, Gary Moeller and Lloyd Carr all beat Ohio State the first time they played Ohio State. Spotlight on Rich Rodriguez please… Adrenaline or not, I think Ohio State wins this one big. I would never lay 21 points in a rivalry like this one and there is no way that Michigan would get a dime of my support. Do not bet this game.

Michigan State at Penn State – 14 (47.5): If Penn State wins here, the worst they can do is go to the Rose Bowl game – where they have not been for the last 14 years. If Michigan State wins here, they still have a shot at the Rose Bowl – where they have not been for the last 21 seasons – if and only if Michigan pulls off the huge upset against Ohio State. Javon Ringer is a quality running back and Penn State will have to contain him to win. Michigan State’s problem is that they do not have any top-shelf offensive weapons other than Ringer so teams can focus a lot of attention on him. I think Penn State wins this game on the basis of superior offensive and defensive lines. That is a lot of points to lay against an opponent with a 9-2 record, but I’d play Penn State here.

Texas Tech at Oklahoma – 6.5 (77): Clearly, the best game of the week. If you like trends, here’s one: Texas Tech has never beaten Texas and Oklahoma in the same season; they have already beaten Texas this year. This is not a longstanding rivalry game for either team, but it sure is a revenge game for OU. Last year, they were in the discussion with regard to the BCS Championship Game and then they went to Lubbock and lost to Texas Tech by a TD. Normally, Oklahoma has a top-shelf defense; not this year. To stop Texas Tech’s offense, you really do have to put some kind of pressure on Graham Harrell, but the very ordinary OU defensive line is up against an OL that has only yielded 5 sacks this year on 499 passing plays. The other way to stop the Texas Tech offense is to run the ball and keep them on the sidelines; OU can run the ball really well and Tech showed some vulnerability to power running in the Oklahoma State game. I like OU at home to win and cover and I like this game OVER.

Pitt at Cincinnati – 5.5 (49): Interestingly, the Steelers are also playing in Cincy this week. Is there cosmic significance? Probably not. Both teams aspire to – and can achieve – the Big East championship for this year and that title guarantees the champion participation in a BCS bowl game. I’d make this a venue call and take Cincy but with little conviction.

West Virginia – 7 at Louisville (46): Louisville needs another win for bowl-eligibility; they are on a three game losing streak. I think it continues here but I don’t like the spread. If I were going to play this game, I’d take it OVER.

Syracuse at Notre Dame – 20 (49): Greg Robinson is out at Syracuse at the end of the year; he has had little success at Syracuse in his four years there (9-36 overall; 3-25 in the Big East). If you look at their record and the fact that they are on the road, you would never consider taking Syracuse here, but Notre Dame is anything but a juggernaut. I fully expect Syracuse to lose, but that line looks fat to me.

UConn at USF – 3 (48.5): At one point, USF was ranked in the Top 10 back when they had a 5-0 record. Now they are 6-4 and all of their losses have been in conference. Now they may have to play without starting QB, Matt Grothe, due to an ankle/foot injury. I do not know why they are favored here. I like UConn with the points.

Florida State – 1 at Maryland (46.5): Here are two of those ACC teams in the “herd of mediocrity”. They are both 7-3 overall and this game probably has ACC title implications for those who actually care about that. I like this game UNDER.

NC State at UNC – 11 (46): Here are two more of those ACC teams in the “herd of mediocrity”. State has won two in a row; UNC lost a close game to Maryland last week. I think this will be a low scoring game so I’d play it UNDER and take State with the points if I wanted to bet on a game between two mediocre teams.

Clemson -3 at UVa (42): You want mediocrity? Both of these teams are 5-5. One will be bowl-eligible sometime in the late afternoon on Saturday. Be still my heart… Do not bet on this game!

Oregon State – 3 at Arizona (57): Since I expect Penn State to win this weekend, I have to root against Oregon State because if Oregon State wins out, it will play Penn State again in the Rose Bowl. The first game between these two teams - - in Happy Valley to be sure - - was a rout. I do not want to see a rematch. Go Wildcats!

Stanford at Cal – 9 (53): Big rivalry game here. Stanford is 5-6 for the year and needs this game to be bowl-eligible. Cal already has the requisite 6 wins for bowl eligibility, but they have lost their last two games. Neither team scares you on offense so this might be a game to take UNDER.

Boise State – 6 at Nevada (62): Boise State is undefeated. If they want in on the BCS goodies this year, they need to win here and then to see if BYU can beat Utah later on Saturday. If not, they could well be undefeated and on the outside looking in. That gives them motivation so I’d take them and lay the points - - even on the road.

BYU at Utah – 7 (53.5): Big rivalry game here. Utah will go to a BCS bowl game with a win; BYU has that loss to TCU on its record so the only thing it can hope to do here is to spoil Utah’s season. Last week, Utah converted 13 of 14 third-down chances against San Diego State; surely, BYU’s defense will do better this week. Nonetheless, I think there will be more points than the total line in this game; I’d play it OVER.

Washington – 7 at Washington State (49): Big rivalry game here. Two SHOE Tournament teams here. The combined ineptitude is chronicled above; based on the data available, this game could easily project to a final score of 55-49 - - or it could be 6-3 in triple overtime. Washington State has allowed a staggeringly awful 6.3 yards per carry and 266 yards per game on the ground this year; that is why Washington will win the Apple Cup this year. Moreover, Washington will cover the spread in the process.

The participants in the Apple Cup Game this year might want to ponder these words from Antoine de Saint-Exupery:

“Commonly, people believe that defeat is characterized by a general bustle and a feverish rush. Bustle and rush are the signs of victory, not of defeat. Victory is a thing of action. It is a house in the act of being built. Every participant in victory sweats and puffs, carrying the stones for the building of the house. But defeat is a thing of weariness, of incoherence, of boredom. And above all of futility.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…