The Sports Curmudgeon®

I am writing this on the Eve of the Feast of All Hallowed Souls. Therefore, Happy Halloween to all.

Last week’s Mythical Picks were bad. There is no way to spin it such that it might appear as if they were anything other than bad The OVER/UNDER picks were 2-4 for the week bringing the season totals for that kind of selection to 23-26-2.

The Against the Spread picks were worse. Those picks went 3-7-1 for the week [New England – 7 versus St. Louis produced the push]. The season totals for ATS picks now stands at 40-39-2.

With those statistics staring you in the face, it is hard to imagine that anyone would be dumb enough to use any information that follows in this piece as the basis for making an wager on any football game this weekend. But just in case someone out there remains unconvinced that these picks are for entertainment purposes only; let me explain how dumb you would have to be in order to use this as your betting guide. You would be dumb enough to think that Tibet is the reason people travel to Las Vegas.

General Comments:

Kerry Collins has gained quite a following this year based on his stepping in for the injured Vince Young and leading the Tennessee Titans to an undefeated record here at the end of October. Some of the commentators seem shocked that such a performance is even possible and that makes me wonder if they actually pay attention to NFL football. It is not all that unusual for a basically sound football team to lose their starting QB for a while – or for the whole season – and for the back up to play well. The reason is that the rest of the team is good and the back up can win games without having to resort to heroic actions every week.

The following list is pulled from memory; I do not have the time to go and dig out every nuance of fact here. And because the list is pulled from memory, I am sure that I have forgotten some entries on the list entirely. With those caveats, here are some really good performances turned in by back-up QBs for good NFL teams in the recent past.

Randall Cunningham stepped in for Brad Johnson in Minnesota in the late 90s (I think it was 1998, but it could have been 97). The Vikings went 15-1 under his guidance that year and obviously made the playoffs.

Kurt Warner was a back-up QB for the Rams when Trent Green went down in the pre-season. Warner took the Rams to the Super Bowl and they won it in January/February 2000.

Trent Dilfer (Baltimore) and Tom Brady (New England) were also back-ups who took over the job in mid-season and led teams to Super Bowl victories earlier in this decade.

Jake Delhomme was a back-up QB in Carolina who led the Panthers to the Super Bowl in 04 (or was it 05).

Ben Roethlisberger was not the starter in Pittsburgh in his rookie year. He took over for Tommy Maddox; and under his guidance, the Steelers finished the season with a 13 game win streak and made the playoffs.

The conclusion here is that back-up QBs can indeed do very well if the team constructed around them is a solid one to begin with. In no way am I trying to diminish what Kerry Collins has done this year; his performance has been nothing but laudatory. But I wish some of the talking heads would stop treating his performance to date this season as something so unusual that one must speak of it in breathless prose.

Since I mentioned Vince Young above, I want to comment on the nonsensical statement he made about his injury and his reported psychological issues. I am not a psychologist so I make no pretense that I understand what is going on in Vince Young’s head, but others have reported that he was suffering from issues involving things like depression and injured self-esteem. I don’t know if those “diagnoses” are valid and their validity is unimportant to the point that needs to be made.

Vince Young said something to the effect that the media treated him badly in his period of injury by focusing undue attention on the story. Moreover, he claimed that the media did it for mercenary reasons and that a lot of folks got rich over his misfortune. That is where I get off the train…

Newspapers and TV reporters work on stories that are newsworthy. In the broadest sense, newsworthy means that the story involves someone famous or the story involves something out of the ordinary or the story involves a community/cultural institution that is widely known by the public. It is not newsworthy if Joe Flabeetz mows his lawn; no one knows Joe Flabeetz; no one cares if his lawn is mowed or not.

Vince Young is an NFL QB. Vince Young was the overall #1 pick in the NFL Draft. The NFL – and by derivation the team in Tennessee – is a cultural institution that millions of people care about. Therefore, anything that might interfere with Vince Young participating in NFL games is newsworthy. And if there is something unusual about the reason for why he will not participate in NFL games, then it becomes “newsworthy-squared”. So let’s review the bidding here - - from memory so some of the facts may be omitted:

Vince Young injured his knee/leg in the first game of the season.

The next night someone from his family reportedly called someone involved with the Titans saying that Vince had gone out and was unreachable on his cell phone and that Vince had been “down” when he left the house.

When the Titans could not locate Vince, they called the local police who found him safe and sound with his cell phone turned off.

That is not – repeat NOT – the typical set of events that surround every NFL player who suffers an injury in a game. That makes it newsworthy. Where Vince Young might have a beef is if he asserted that no one from his family ever contacted the Titans or that the police never got involved in the matter. In that circumstance, he could rightly say he was being picked on. But he didn’t make that claim - - probably because those events actually happened.

So, the media didn’t do Vince Young wrong. The “problem” he has with the media on that story is that – probably for the first time – the stories written about him were less than flattering. There’s a difference between unfair reporting and unflattering reporting…

The Bengals are 0-8 so far this year. The Bengals are not one of the “storied franchises” of the NFL that go back to the days of the Canton Bulldogs and the Decatur Staleys. Nonetheless, this is the fourth time in the franchise history that the team has started a season 0-8. The worst start for a Bengals’ team was in 1993 when they began the season at 0-10. Check their schedule:

Nov 2: Jacksonville
Nov 16: Philly
Nov 20: at Pittsburgh
Nov 30: Baltimore
Dec 7: at Indy
Dec 14: Washington
Dec 21: at Cleveland
Dec 28: KC

The Bengals will not be favored to win any of those remaining games until the final game at home against the Chiefs- - and that one could be a “pick-‘em” game. Since no team has ever gone through a season with a record of 0-16, history says that the Bengals will surprise one of those teams along the way; but based on performance to date, the word “surprise” will be the operative word when the Bengals actually win a game this year.

If you happened to see the Giants/Steelers game last Sunday, you realize it was a really good football game. So, would you be really offended if the Super Bowl this year was a rematch between those two teams? I wouldn’t. Super Bowl games aren’t always great football games.

The Chargers fired Ted Cottrell as their defensive coordinator. The Chargers’ defense has surely been disappointing this year and it remains to be seen if it was the coordinator’s fault or the players’ fault or the GM’s fault. In any event, Ron Rivera – the defensive coordinator in Chicago when the Bears last went to the Super Bowl – takes over the defensive duties. About ten years ago, Norv Turner was the coach in Washington, the team was doing less well than expected, and so, the team fired the defensive coordinator there. The Redskins learned then that they were talent deficient on defense and not lacking in “coordinator skills” because the team did not quickly assert itself as a force majeure.

I think the Chargers’ defensive unit needs a collective kick in the butt. Last weekend, they were part of the “London Game” and gave up 37 points to the Saints and at least 400 yards of offense. At a couple of times in the second half, Chargers defenders did a celebration dance when they stopped a play for no-gain.

Memo to Chargers’ Defenders: You get paid to stop the other guys and get the ball back for your team.

When you do that so rarely that the other guys score 37 points and gain more than 400 yards in a game, you look like preening schmoes when you celebrate the all-too-infrequent plays where you stop them for no-gain.

Do your job.

The Detroit Lions game against the Washington Redskins last week was blacked out in Detroit because they did not sell out the game; the last time the Lions did not sell out a game was in 2002. Please note that there has not been a huge clamor from Detroit fans about what a terrible thing that was and how the blackout was a slap-in-the-face for the entire city of Detroit.

The Games:

Jets at Buffalo – 5.5 (41): The Bills lead the Jets by a game in the AFC East - - and the Pats are tied with the Bills for the division lead. This game is important to both teams. The Bills are undefeated at home; the Jets are 1-2 on the road. I like Buffalo to win this game but that spread is a nasty number. I’ll take this game to go OVER.

Detroit at Chicago – 13 (43): Is this the worst game of the week? This game will not be blacked out in Detroit because it is a road game; and by contract, the Detroit stations must carry this game. I know Chicago is coming off a bye week and beat the Lions by 27 earlier this year, but this line is way too big for me to pas up. The Bears have the undefeated Titans next week so I can’t believe they will be psyched out of their minds for the Lions. I’ll take the Lions with the points.

Jax – 8 at Cincy (39.5): Is this the worst game of the week? Last week, I took the Bengals plus 9 against Houston and got crushed when the Bengals mailed in the game. The Bengals can look forward to a bye-week after this game; maybe that will excite them sufficiently to play with a modicum of fervor? I do not like the spread here and I have no idea if this will be a game where the Jags’ offensive inefficiency matches the Bengals’ defensive inefficiency or not. My coin flip says to take the game OVER.

Baltimore at Cleveland – 1.5 (36): The Ravens won by 18 in Baltimore this year so this line looks a bit strange to me. Home field advantage is usually in the 3-point range and not the 3-TD range. I like Baltimore with the points here.

Tampa Bay – 9 at KC (36.5): This is not the worst game of the week but it isn’t a beauty either. The game opened with a 7.5-point spread and it jumped up to 9 points in no time. The Chiefs played well against the Jets last week despite their loss. Is that a sign that the team is “catching on”? The Bucs demonstrated offensive inefficiency last week against the Cowboys. That’s not news; the Bucs are not dominant on that side of the ball. I like the Chiefs with the points here.

Houston at Minnesota – 4.5 (46.5): Both teams are 3-4; the Vikes can still aspire to a division championship; the Texans are looking at a wild card at the very best. [No, I am not suggesting that the Texans will make the playoffs but their only way in will be via the wild card route.] I think Houston has a real shot to win this game even though they are 0-3 on the road this year. I like the Texans with the points.

Arizona – 3 at St. Louis (48): Arizona is 1-3 on the road this year and some of those road performances have been “less than stirring”. St. Louis has played a lot better since Jim Haslett replaced Scott Linehan on the sidelines. I cannot take Arizona on the road and lay points; by the same token, I don’t know how the Rams’ secondary will stop two really good wide receivers in the same game. I see “points-a-plenty” in this game so I’ll take it OVER.

Green Bay at Tennessee – 4.5 (41): Is this the best game of the week? The Packers come off a bye-week so they have had plenty of time to prepare for the undefeated Titans. The problem is that Green Bay is a team that can be run on and the Titans love to pound the ball with an excellent running offense. I’ll take the Titans at home to win and cover.

Miami at Denver – 3 (49.5): Denver had the week off so they had time to prepare for the Dolphins and the Broncos clearly play better at home than they do on the road. But a week off will not solve the problem of injuries to the Denver defense which will be missing both Champ Bailey and Boss Bailey. [Was there a third brother named Overlord in the Bailey family?] I like Denver to win and cover here. Even with that big total up there, I also like this game to go OVER.

Dallas at Giants – 9 (41): If Tony Romo were playing this week, this might be the best game of the week. But he is not. I don’t see the Cowboys winning this game outright but that line is too fat even in Giants’ Stadium. I’ll take the Cowboys with the points.

Atlanta – 3 at Oakland (41): The Falcons are 4-3 for the year but all three losses have come in road games. Oakland is 2-5 for the season and only 1-2 at home. So there isn’t a strong reason for a venue call here. Purely on a hunch, I’ll take the Raiders with the points at home.

Philly – 7 at Seattle (42.5): The Seahawks trounced a sad-sack Niners’ team last week. The Eagles are not the best team in the NFL, but they are better than the 49ers. The Eagles win over the Falcons last week was not as easy as the score would indicate and the Eagles will have to fight the tendency to look past this 2-5 opponent to their next game at home against the division-leading Giants. I like this game to go OVER.

New England at Indy – 6 (44): Back in July, you would have circled this game as the best game of the month. Not now. The Pats are 5-2; the Colts are 3-4. Lots of folks thought this could be a “battle of the unbeatens” back in July. The Colts are only 1-2 at home this year; the Pats are 2-1 on the road. I don’t understand why this line is so fat other than the fact that some people must think that the Colts are so desperate (four games back in their division) that they will have to stomp on the gas pedal from here on out. I like the Pats with the points here and I like this game to go OVER.

Pittsburgh at Washington – 2 (36.5): Is this the best game of the week? Supposedly, Willie Parker will be back for this game; that can’t hurt the Steelers’ chances. Supposedly, the Skins will be missing Shawn Springs in their defensive backfield; that can’t’ hurt the Steelers’ chances. Pittsburgh’s two losses have come when teams blitzed and put huge pressure on Ben Roethlisberger; that is not the way the Skins play defense. I think Pittsburgh has a legitimate shot to win this game outright so I will take them with the points here. And I really like this game to go OVER.

Good luck.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

Comments(2)

Once again, the NCAA Mythical Picks are out early this week. It’s a long story as to why they have to be out today in order to be out before Saturday’s games and I am positive that no one cares about the details; so let the Mythical Picks begin…

Linfield College took it on the chin last week losing at home to Willamette University 58-28. Linfield’s record stands at 4-2 as they pursue one more win to give them their 53rd consecutive winning season in football. [Errata: Last week, I said Linfield sought their 54th consecutive winning season because I miscalculated. Mea culpa.] This week, the Wildcats travel to Tacoma, Washington to play the Loggers of the University of Puget Sound. The Loggers are 2-4 this year and are in the midst of a 4 game losing streak. Go Wildcats!

Here are some highlights and lowlights from last week’s Mythical Picks:

Last week I said,”Kentucky’s offense is overmatched against Florida’s defense.” Final score was Florida 63 and Kentucky 5. [Highlight.]

Last week I said, “UConn has been underwhelming lately. Even on the road, I like Cincy to win and cover here.” Final score was UConn 40 and Cincy 16. [Lowlight.]

Last week I said, “I think Northwestern wins and covers and the game goes OVER.” Final score was Indiana 21 and Northwestern 19. [Lowlight.]

Last week I said, “Wisconsin does not score enough to get this game near 60 points so I’d play this UNDER.” Final score was Wisconsin 27 and Illinois 17. [Highlight.]

Of course, no one would think of using anything in here as the basis for deciding how to wager on any particular game. If you did that, you would also probably be dumb enough to pay double face value for tickets to one of the Division 1-A College Football Playoff Games…

General Comments

Since I have been tracking Linfield College’s quest for a 53rd consecutive season with a winning record, here is a Quick Quiz for you. The answer will be provided a few paragraphs below:

Since the formation of the Big 12 in 1996, which school in that conference is the only one to have a winning record every season between 1996 and 2008? [Yes, they are already assured of a winning season this year so you can skip past Iowa State and Baylor as you try to figure this one out…]

OK, here’s a bonus question for the Quick Quiz of the week:

What is the bigger surprise this year?

Clemson – picked to be a top-10 team this year – with a record of 3-4 and with two of those wins coming over The Citadel and South Carolina State - - or - -

Vanderbilt – a traditional SEC doormat – with a record of 5-3 and bowl eligibility if they win one more game. [Last time Vandy went to a bowl game was in 1982.]

250 words or less…

Michigan’s record is 2-6 and everyone has commented on the embarrassment of such a record for such a big time program. However, there is the potential for even greater ignominy here. Since it began playing intercollegiate football, Michigan has never – as in not one time – lost more than 7 games in a season. Still on Michigan’s dance card are Purdue (not good), Minnesota (not nearly as good as their record), Northwestern (well above average) and Ohio State (really good). Somewhere in the celestial skyboxes, Woody Hayes is poking Bo Schembechler in the ribs and laughing…

Last weekend, Michigan State beat Michigan in Ann Arbor for the first time since 1990. That means that Michigan has lost four times at home this year and it has been a looong time since that happened. Additionally, Michigan has more turnovers than TDs for the season. Not much good news is emanating from “The Big House” this season.

Another football program with a far less than normal season of accomplishments is Arizona State. In pre-season polls [for whatever they are worth beyond humor value] ASU was a Top 20 team. They won their first two games; then they lost in overtime at home to UNLV on 13 September. They have not won since and if they lose the next game, it will be ASU’s first six-game losing streak in 78 years.

In the 80s and 90s, Washington was a football powerhouse. Those days are clearly in the rearview mirror and this year’s team is possibly the worst one for the Huskies in next-to-forever. Washington is 0-7; Ty Willingham has already been fired as of the end of the season; USC is on the docket for this weekend; the Huskies did not snap the ball in Notre Dame’s end of the field last weekend until 6 minutes were left in the game. They close the season with their rivalry game against Washington State.

Washington State is an epically bad football team. They have given up 385 points in 8 games; that’s 48 points per game. The PAC-10 record for points allowed in a season is 469 by Oregon State in 1981. The Cougars look to blow by that record easily.

So, in that upcoming Washington/Washington State game, will the score be something like 55-52 or will it be 6-3? That might be the only reason to check the score…

Last week, South Florida lost to Louisville. In that game, USF had 344 yards passing which is pretty good; in that same game, USF had a total of 8 yards rushing which is awful. In case you think that all they did was throw the ball and that is why they only had 8 yards rushing, they tried to run the ball 24 times. They averaged 1 foot per carry!

Navy beat SMU 37-7 last weekend in near monsoon conditions. Navy never even attempted a forward pass in the game. Obviously, that has happened before in college football, but you have to admit it is a rarity. Earlier this season, Army won a game without completing a forward pass – but they did try to throw a couple of times.

Virginia started the season at 1-3 and looked as if they were ready for the embalming fluid. Now they have won four in a row over Maryland, East Carolina, UNC and Georgia Tech. They might actually make bowl-eligibility. Who knew?

Pitt had been on a roll with a 5-1 start to the 2008 season and a Top-20 ranking. Then last week they lost at home to Rutgers by 20 points and allowed offensively challenged Rutgers to score 54 points. Rutgers QB, Mike Teel threw for 6 TDs and completed 14 of his 21 attempts. If Pitt is for real, they will have the chance to show it with an upcoming schedule of Notre Dame, Louisville, Cincy, West Virginia and UConn.

The Big Ten schedule makers have both Penn State and Ohio State “on furlough” this weekend so that conference can have its fans focus on the JV schedule.

Answer to the Quick Quiz question above:

Texas Tech has been the only Big 12 School with a winning record for each of the seasons that the Big 12 has been in existence.

I have asked previously for people to pay exactly no attention to the meaningless and self-aggrandizing AP Football Poll. Consider that Oklahoma State at #7 last week played away against #1 Texas. They lost the game by 4 points and had a “Hail Mary” shot at the end zone at the end to win the game. Oklahoma State dropped in the polls this week. Did the AP voters who put them at #7 really expect them to win on the road against the team that the AP voters thought was the best team in the country?

The SHOE Tournament

The idea of a tournament to identify the worst team in the country is one that has brought positive comments to Curmudgeon Central. Some folks have said that the idea might catch on more broadly if it did not bear an acronym for Steaming Heap of Excrement, but that’s the way things go in Curmudgeon Central; we call things what they are.

For week 10 of the 2008 season, the SHOE Tournament would shape up like this:

#1 seed: North Texas for the 3rd week in a row. According to a report in the Denton Record-Chronicle fifteen players on the team failed drug tests in the pre-season. Coach Todd Dodge said that these were not tests for performance enhancing drugs; these were tests for performance “de-hancing” drugs. Good to know that this team is not on performance enhancers and still stinking out the joint.

#2 seed: SMU. Idaho won last week so it has to vacate the #2 seed here.

#3 and #4 seeds: Utah State and San Diego State in whichever order you might prefer…

#5 seed: Washington State. See defensive liabilities noted above.

#6 and #7 seeds: Flip a coin between Wyoming and Tulane for position here.

#8 seed: Washington. See comments above.

Blips on the radar screen that may still find their way into the SHOE Tournament would be:

Idaho: A win over New Mexico State is not a get-out-of-jail-free card.

La Monroe/ UAB/ Eastern Michigan: Not a good team in this bunch.

Syracuse: Are they showing life or are opponents taking them so much for granted that the scores recently have been “close”? The SHOE Tournament would answer that question…

The Ponderosa Spread Games:

Last week, favorites covered in 3 out of 4 Ponderosa Spread Games. That brings the season total for favorites covering here to 34-20-2

Florida, TCU and Troy State covered.

Ball State did not cover.

This week we have 5 Ponderosa Spread Games:

Iowa State at Oklahoma State – 31 (64.5): This is a trap game; beware. OK State had Texas last week and they have Texas Tech next week. Be careful here.

Arkansas State at Alabama – 24 (46): This is another trap game. Alabama had Tennessee last week and they have LSU next week. Be careful here.

Washington State at Stanford – 30 (54): A SHOE Tournament team is on the road here meaning it should be stomped. In its games against Division 1-A teams, Washington State has been outscored 376-63. Meanwhile, it has to be decades since Stanford was a 30-point favorite over any other football team above the middle school level…

Washington at USC – 44.5 (57): Another SHOE Tournament team on the road and this time against a Top-10 team. Here’s the deal. If Pete Carroll calls off the dogs realizing that Ty Willingham has already been fired and Carroll does not want to make this into an epic humiliation, the score could be 48-3. If Carroll goes all out, USC can lay a 69-0 game on Washington just as they did to Washington State.

Tulane at LSU – 25 (55): Another SHOE Tournament team takes to the road against a very good team. LSU is not as good as it was last year; they gave up 52 points to Georgia last week and 51 points to Florida the week before that. Nonetheless, they are way better than Tulane.

Games of Interest:

West Virginia – 3.5 at UConn (44.5): West Virginia’s offense looked as if the light just went on last week against a very good Auburn defense. Meanwhile, UConn pounded Cincy last weekend - - but that is a totally different class of opponent. I think West Virginia can win big here. I’ll take them to win and cover.

Wisconsin at Michigan State – 4.5 (48): Wisconsin was a pre-season Top 20 team; now they need this game to make it to a bowl game that is not a complete embarrassment. Michigan State still has a shot – albeit an outside shot – to play in the Rose Bowl. Both teams like to run the ball; the winner here will be the team that better stops the opponent’s rushing game. Looking at trends, Wisconsin is 0-2 on the road in the Big Ten this year losing to Iowa and to Michigan on the road. Michigan State is better than either of those two teams…

Northwestern at Minnesota – 7.5 (44): Northwestern was awful last week against Indiana; five turnovers were their undoing. Prior to beating Northwestern last weekend, Indiana’s two wins had come at the expense of “Mighty” Murray State and “Wonderous” Western Kentucky. Minnesota has an inflated record against less than stiff competition but they do lead the nation in takeaways. I think this spread is about right so I would not bet this game.

Michigan at Purdue – 2 (44): This is Joe Tiller’s last year at the helm for Purdue and this is one of his worst teams. Tiller has taken Purdue to 10 bowl games but now his team is 2-6 and he has to run the table just to be bowl eligible. Michigan’s problems are chronicled above. There is a perverse match up in this game. Michigan has the Big Ten’s worst offense; Purdue has the Big Ten’s worst defense. Which unit shall stink more?

Auburn at Mississippi – 6.5 (41): It has been a while since Auburn was an underdog to Mississippi by almost a touchdown.

Tulsa – 7 at Arkansas (78): Tulsa is 8-0 but the only way they find themselves in a big time bowl game is to go undefeated for the season and to pound opponents into the dirt. Arkansas is an important game for them because Arkansas – while not all that good this year – has “name recognition” among poll voters. A big win here is important to Tulsa. I think Tulsa stomps on the gas here and rolls over Arkansas by 2 touchdowns.

San Diego State at Wyoming – 4.5 (46): This game could be a match up in the SHOE Tournament! Both teams stink. This is a “DNA Game”. Everyone has to submit to a DNA test before entering the stadium because if you are not a blood relative to one of the players or coaches, you will be offered counseling help. Do not bet on this game!

Kentucky at Mississippi State – 2.5 (38.5): If you like low-scoring defense-dominated games where each possession can have a major impact on the outcome of the game, you should like this one. If you like high scoring shoot-outs, you should be asleep somewhere around the end of the first quarter of this one. I sort of like Mississippi State here and I do like the game UNDER.

Pitt at Notre Dame – 5 (50): Will the real Pitt team please identify itself? If you think Pitt was embarrassed by their pants-wetting against Rutgers last week and that Pitt is hugely better than that, take Pitt with the points here against a good but not great Notre Dame team. However, if you believe that Pitt showed what it really is last week, Notre Dame will crush them. Who knows – other than The Shadow of course…? Do not bet this game.

Oregon at Cal – 3 (65): The best of the PAC-10 games this week by a long shot… Both teams have only one conference loss; this game means something to both squads. Oregon runs the ball very well; Cal has the nation’s 12th best rushing defense. In Oregon’s two losses this year, they have given up huge yardage to the opponent’s passing attack; normally Cal is a throwing team but their QBs this year have been inconsistent at best. Even on the road, I think Oregon can win the game outright so I’ll take them with the points here.

Florida State at Georgia Tech – 3 (42.5): I think that Florida State’s defense can contain the option attack that Georgia Tech runs. I like FSU with the points here.

Tennessee at South Carolina – 5.5 (38): This could be a game for Phil Fulmer’s job. Tennessee is 3-5 and has some ugly losses this year. After this game, the Vols schedule is a bit softer with Wyoming (a SHOE Tournament team), Vandy and Kentucky left on the schedule. That means a win this week could set up a four game win streak and a bowl invitation that might save Phil Fulmer’s job. Here’s the challenge: Tennessee’s offense is 112th in the country; South Carolina wins because of its stout defense. I like the Gamecocks here by a TD or more.

Nebraska at Oklahoma – 22 (70): Once upon a time, this would have been the biggest game of the year; now it isn’t even close to being the best game of the week. Once upon a time, a score of 17-14 would decide this game; now it will be shocking if the total stays below 60. I see lots of offense here so I’ll guess that the game goes OVER.

Texas – 4.5 at Texas Tech (75.5): This is the Game of the Week. Both teams are 8-0; Texas has won 9 in a row; Texas Tech has won 10 in a row. Colt McCoy has completed 85% of his passes in the past three games; Graham Harrell is averaging 393 yards per game passing. I see more than 800 yards total in pass offense and more than 900 yards of total offense in this game. Could it actually go over 1000 yards? Texas has answered the challenge against top-flight competition for the past three weeks but all of those games were in Austin or on a neutral site against Oklahoma. This game is in Lubbock. I’ll make this a venue call and go with Texas Tech and it ought to go OVER too.

Arizona State at Oregon State – 15 (54): Take the OVER here???

Florida – 6 vs. Georgia (56.5): Just to cheese off the ever so politically correct folks in the administration offices at Florida and Georgia and the namby-pamby NCAA goofs, let me call this game by its old-time name - - The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. It is also the second best game of the week. Georgia beat LSU handily last week but Georgia gave up 38 points in the process. If the Bulldogs give up 38 this week, they will lose because Florida’s defense will not give up 39 points. I lean toward taking Georgia with the points here but I prefer to take the game UNDER.

Good luck.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

Comments(0)

The Phillies are World Series Champions for the second time in their franchise history. Game 5 had – by my calculations – a 46.5-hour rain/weather delay; that has to be a World Series record. Television ratings for this World Series were not good up to the final game and I suspect they were not stupendous last night. But here is something that people who tuned into other television programming need to know:

You missed some great baseball games. Other than Game 4, which was a blow-out, the other games were close, exciting and well played. Of course, there were those two-and-a-half innings played in a monsoon on Monday night, but even that provided an interesting setup for last night’s conclusive game.

If you chose to watch something else, - - even a very good MNF game - - I’m sorry that you missed out on some excellent baseball.

The Phillies may be the champions, but the Tampa Bay Rays were the most compelling story of the 2008 baseball season. Unless they face mass defections from that squad and/or a rash of horrendous injuries, the Rays will be a contending team for the foreseeable future. Everyone has now heard of their star young players and will be watching them; I was very impressed by Dioner Navarro throughout the playoffs. He may not be nearly as well known as some of his teammates/compatriots, but he’s a really good young catcher!

I have been critical of Bud Selig and the MLB execs for the way they handled the weather problem last Monday night in Philly. Because there was some controversy on the subject, you knew that Fay Vincent would find a way to jump in and run his gums on the subject - - and of course say that he would have handled the situation far differently and far better than Bud Selig did. Fay Vincent is one of the ten most annoying hominids roaming the planet. He always knows a better way to do anything. The problem is that for the five or six-year period when he and his BFF, Bart Giamatti, ran baseball, he didn’t do anything that redounded to the greater glory of the game of baseball. He got trampled by the players’ union about once every month or so and then he took out those frustrations on Pete Rose. That is a one-sentence summary of his accomplishments as the grand poobah of baseball. So now, I have one simple request of Fay Vincent:

Please, shut up!

With the World Series concluded, baseball fans can look to the winter meetings and trades and free agency to tide them over until pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training in February. And there are some interesting things going on in the free agent marketplace this winter.

Manny Ramirez is a free agent. He demanded his freedom as part of his agreement to be traded from Boston in July and walked away from a two-year option on his contract at $20+M per year. Obviously, he will be looking to get that $40+M back and then some with a longer-term deal and higher annual salaries. Here is the argument he can make in his negotiations with the Dodgers:

The Dodgers paid $18M a year for Andruw Jones just last winter and he hit less than .200 with way less than 10 home runs. As fat as Jones became, he wasn’t significantly better in the outfield than Manny. So, if Jones is worth $18M per year to the Dodgers – and there is evidence to show that they thought he was – then Manny Ramirez should be worth about $40M per year to the same club using the yardstick of on-field performance per dollar.

CC Sabathia also looks to get very rich this winter. Last year, Johann Santana got a deal in the $20M per year range; Sabathia will expect at least that much and his performance with the Brewers in the final two months of the season was strong enough to make some owners open their wallets to acquire his services. Sabathia says that money is not the be all and end all in his contract negotiations and that he will consider “other factors” related to any offers. Yeah, right, he’ll consider the length of the proposed contract, endorsement opportunities, radio/TV deals in the local market, etc. Always remember that the more an athlete tries to convince you that it is not all about the money, the more you need to focus on the fact that it is only about the money.

While Ramirez and Sabathia look to make money by the wheel barrowful, there some other free agents out there who have a name that makes them tempting but a “history” that ought to scare the bejeepers out of any GM speaking to their agents. Front and center in that group would have to be Mark Prior. In 2006, Prior was a Cub but he sure didn’t pitch for them very much; in 2007, Prior was a Padre but he sure didn’t pitch for them very much either. For whatever reasons, Mark Prior seems destined to amass more months on the DL than career wins. Caveat emptor…

In a bit of good news not related to baseball, Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times informed me last night that the LA Times has reinstated their daily column, Morning Briefing, and that LA Times writer, Mike Penner, will be the primary author. Just last week, I wrote that the cancellation of columns such as Morning Briefing was a sad commentary on the state of the newspaper business in 2008. Lo and behold, a week later and the folks who make the decisions at the LA Times decided to reverse their field. I have no illusions that anything I wrote had even the least bit to do with their change of heart, but let me applaud their latest decision.

Finally, to keep a tad of symmetry here, let me close with this item from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times related to the sport of baseball:

“The Mariners have filed a formal objection with the City of Seattle over a proposed topless joint in a building 400 feet from Safeco Field.

“In other words, the ballclub wants exclusive rights to leaving second base uncovered.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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When I put the baseball powers-that-be into “Tuesdays With The Sorries” yesterday, I thought I might have been over-reacting to the situation. Based on listening to folks on ESPN Radio and reading commentaries from baseball writers around the country, my apprehension was uncalled for. Most everyone seems to agree that having the World Series decided in a truncated game would be suboptimal and I have yet to hear from or read about a single person who thought that the players should have soldiered on under the prevailing weather conditions. I thought the game should have been called after the completion of the fifth inning; several people who were at the game wrote that the field was in horrible condition and the rain was coming down horizontally as early as the top of the fourth inning.

Bud Selig is obviously a well-meaning person but he clearly did not pull the trigger on the decision to get the tarp onto the field and the players into the clubhouse quickly enough. Selig will ultimately be remembered for lots of good things that he did for baseball; but to tell the truth, this guy could not market a pay raise. If he walked into the offices of MLB and announced to the staff there that everyone would be getting a pay increase of 10% starting tomorrow, I suspect some people would walk out of the meeting pissed off that the raise wasn’t 15%.

Let me make a couple of observations about the Phillies/Rays series from over the weekend. First of all, the Phillies’ management must have taken the outrageously awful National Anthem rendition by the Backstreet Boys in St. Petersburg as a challenge. They had to have decided to see if they could have come up with one that was equally dreadful. Once again, the anthem was subject to “creative interpretation” with regard to trivial things such as the lyrics and the melody; at a few junctures in the rendition, noises akin to primal screams were inserted into the performance; it went on … and on … and on …

Memo to Phillies’ and Rays’ Execs: Do not get into a contest here to find the ultimately awful singer for the National Anthem. Do not turn this into an ego battle. Declare a truce here and spare the auditory systems of those Americans who tune in to the games to be sure to see the first pitch.

I think that the umpires have not had a great World Series to date - - and I am not referring to calls of balls and strikes made by the umpires that are “disputed” by the Fox Tracker. In game three, Jamie Moyer made a great play on a bunt down the first base line and flipped the ballot Ryan Howard who caught it with his bare hand; the runner was out; the ump was not in a position to see the ball as it was caught; he called the runner safe; that led to a rally that had an effect on the game. In game four, the Rays caught a Phillies runner halfway between third base and home plate; in the rundown, the runner dove back to third base and Evan Longoria tagged him on his butt; the umpire had a clear view of the play and called the runner safe. I don’t read minds; so, I’ll never know for sure; but that sure looked like a “Maybelline” call - - aka a “make-up call”.

Philly fans take a lot of heat for booing their hometown players and for a historical series of stadium incidents that are very anti-social. But those same fans deserve some measure of praise and respect for their persistence when the start of a game is delayed until 10:00PM local time and virtually every one of them stayed on until the end of that game around 1:00AM in less than comfortable weather conditions. In similar circumstances, I suspect that Dodgers’ Stadium would have been 20% empty by the top of the fifth inning.

There shouldn’t be much of a debate over the fact that the sport of boxing is in a moribund state. Many people believe that MMA – Mixed Martial Arts – is the event that will take over for boxing and restore fighting between two human beings to a level of prestige similar to what boxing enjoyed 40 – 100 years ago. That might happen, but I would not be too quick to make a categorical pronouncement there. One of the MMA promotion companies has just gone under - - and it was not the nation’s financial crisis that took it under.

EliteXC – the company that promotes and features Kimbo Slice – and its parent company, Pro Elite Inc announced plans to file for bankruptcy. A fight card for November 8 in Reno, NV has been cancelled. According to reports, Pro Elite, Inc. lost $55M between January 2007 and September 2008. If MMA is “the next big thing” and on the verge of taking over the sporting niche where boxing used to be, one has to wonder how one of the two biggest MMA promotion companies can manage to lose that kind of money. Of course, when a last minute substitute fighter – Seth Petruzelli – knocked out EliteXC’s biggest star, Kimbo Slice, in about 15 seconds, it sort of put a huge damper on any promotional momentum they nay have had.

Interestingly, the guy Slice was supposed to have fought that night is billed as “The World’s Most Dangerous Man”. If a substitute from the undercard took out Slice in 15 seconds, imagine what “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” would have done to him…

Petruzilli also implied in post fight interviews that he had been encouraged to fight a “stand-up fight” with Slice instead of taking Slice to the mat. Petruzilli said he inferred that there would have been some extra money in his bank account if he did that. Such a claim brings the specter of “taking a dive” to MMA and that is not going to enhance its image even a little bit. Pro ‘rassling is very popular but it is not recognized as a sport nor is its popularity such that one can equate it with what boxing used to be 50 years ago. If MMA’s image drifts even a tad toward pro ‘rassling – or to the place where boxing exists today in terms of questionable integrity – then MMA’s projected rise to glory will be truncated quickly.

The other major MMA promotion company is UFC – Ultimate Fighting Championship. Recognizing that UFC and EliteXC were competitors and should not be in the business of building each other up, here is a comment about the people who ran EliteXC from the President of UFC:

“No one in that business [EliteXC] has a clue how to do MMA. These guys don’t know the difference between MMA and thumb wrestling.”

To give you a potentially less biased perspective, here is a summation of the situation from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

“Kimbo Slice’s fighting group, EliteXC, went out of business. By doing so, EliteXC avoids explaining why Seth Petruzelli, after slicing and dicing Slice, said on radio that promoters paid him to keep Kimbo upright. Here’s today’s lesson: If you have an important secret, never trust it with a guy who gets kicked in the head for a living.”

While speaking about fighting, there was a report in the Philadelphia Daily News about two weeks ago that there will be another Celebrity Boxing Federation event involving José Canseco. You may recall that Vai Sikahema knocked Canseco out in a fight last summer. This time, Canseco will fight Danny Bonaduce. I wonder what the promotional tag for this “event” will be - - maybe ‘Roid Rage Rules?

Finally, here is another comment from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald pertaining to LA Dodgers fans:

“But maybe it’s just as well the Dodgers didn’t get in. Those are some mighty laid-back fans out there in L.A. I understand they sing, ‘buy me some latte and Cracker Jack’ during the seventh-inning yoga.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

Comments(6)

I am back from Las Vegas; I got some sleep last night; there is coffee to kickstart my cardiovascular system. OK, everything seems in place for the preparation of this week’s rendition of “Tuesdays With The Sorries”.

As usual, I will begin with the NCAA “Sorries” and cite first and foremost the performance of the Colorado Buffaloes on Saturday. Trailing 34-0 at the half, Colorado came out for the second half determined to redeem themselves and only lost the second half 24-0. I understand the Missouri’s offense is very good; and once it gets rolling, it can score a lot of points. Nevertheless, Missouri’s defense has equally demonstrated its ability to give up a point here and there; Colorado got nothing. Colorado did not quite gain 200 yards of total offense against a Missouri team that had been torched in each of the last two weeks. Degrading…

Staying in the Big-12, Kansas soiled itself last Saturday too. At the end of the first quarter against Texas Tech, the score was 14-14. Tech is similar to Missouri in the sense that its offense will score points in bunches when it is working right, but its defense is – to be very polite – suspect. As the teams changed ends of the field at the end of that first quarter, this had to seem like a game destined to put somewhere near 115 points on the scoreboard on that day. Then the Kansas offense went into hibernation while the Kansas defense clearly went into “befuddled mode”. Missouri scored 49 unanswered points before a meaningless TD by Kansas to make the final score 63-21. Reprehensible…

A special mention has to appear here for New Mexico State. They lost to Idaho on Saturday. Idaho shut them out for the entire second half. Unbecoming…

Northwestern had a chance on Saturday to lock in a bowl bid with a seventh win for the season against Indiana – the worst team in the Big Ten – with Indiana’s starting QB out for the game with a sprained ankle. Northwestern lost three fumbles and threw two interceptions handing the Hoosiers their first conference win of the year. Mortifying…

Pitt was the pits on Saturday hosting a Rutgers team that has not distinguished itself as anything superior to “marginally proficient” all year long. Rutgers outscored Pitt in every quarter winning the game 54-34. Pitt actually gave up 54 points to a Rutgers team that could not score 40 points on Morgan State a few weeks ago! Humiliating…

Normally, winning teams do not get a mention in “Tuesdays With The Sorries”, but the selection committee will make a small exception this week in the case of Fresno State. Yes, they won their game against Utah State - - but they only won by 2 points. Fresno State once aspired to be the BCS gatecrasher this year; Utah State is awful. Disgraceful…

In Sunday’s NFL action, the Niners’ performance against Seattle bears mention here. While I totally agree with Mike Singletary’s benching of JT O’Sullivan and his banishment of Vernon Davis in mid-game for malfeasance (O’Sullivan) and misfeasance (Davis), the Niners’ defense is what cements their spot here for this week. Consider please that the comatose Seattle Seahawks scored 34 points on Sunday led into the fray by Seneca Wallace. Heinous…

There will be no need for you to change your geographic focus for the moment since the next sorry performance of the week for your consideration comes from the Oakland Raiders. Where to begin? Against the Ravens, the Raiders rushing game generated 47 yards for the day. That’s bad - - but the Ravens’ defense is very good so maybe you can forgive that. The Raiders gave up a safety when JaMarcus Russell was sacked in the end zone. That’s certainly not good against any defense. However, the Raiders assured themselves a place in “Tuesdays With The Sorries” when they allowed a TD pass from Troy Smith to Joe Flacco. The Ravens lined Flacco up at WR with Troy Smith in the backfield and ran Flacco on a “fly pattern”. Watch the replay; Flacco running a “fly pattern” looks like an ostrich running in two feet of Jell-O. He caught the ball and stumbled into the end zone for a touchdown. Atrocious…

The Tampa Bay Bucs went into Dallas and held the Cowboys to 13 points - - and lost the game nonetheless. They managed to put the ball in the Cowboys’ end zone precisely zero times. No more need be said. Vile…

The Cincinnati Bengals make frequent appearances in “Tuesdays With The Sorries”. Normally, it is because the defense gets steamrollered – as it was on Sunday – or because the offense is indeed offensive – as it was on Sunday. Losing by 29 points to the 2008 rendition of the Houston Texans is not something that any player or coach will put on his résumé when looking for that next job. But that is not why the Bengals are here today; they are here because of a single play. In the third quarter, the Texans’ Kevin Walter caught a medium range pass over the middle and fell to the ground around the 25 yard line; he rolled over and got up to run. The defender on the play had been beaten by several steps. Seeming to look for a way to make his performance on the play even worse, the defender just moseyed on up to Walter thinking he would touch him on the ground - - but the defender was so nonchalant about it that Walter was up and running before the defender could touch him - - so Walter waltzed into the end zone. There was no tirade about this after the game; imagine what Mike Singletary might have said/done about that situation. Scandalous…

I am going to make what I hope is a one-time exception to the concept that “Tuesdays With The Sorries” is devoted to football sorriness. Last night’s fifth World Series game in Philadelphia demonstrated world-class ineptitude on the part of the folks who run major league baseball. I have no problem with a rule saying that a World Series game should end in less than nine innings; I don’t even have a problem with a prior decision/agreement among all of the parties to the game that there will not be a truncated game. What is truly sorry is that when the weather was “iffy at best” for this game, the baseball powers-that-be did not announce what the game situation might become and make sure that Joe Buck and Tim McCarver knew what the game situation might become so that they could tell the audience. Surely, no one thought that was information that might damage the national security, so why not put it out there? And while we are at it, with the “must-take-this-game-through-nine-innings rule” in place for the game, why did the umpires even start the sixth inning under the conditions prevailing on the field? If the game can be suspended in the bottom of the sixth inning, it could just as easily have been suspended in the top of the sixth. There was not a single inning of any game in the 2008 season played by any major league team under the conditions that existed on the field in the top of the sixth inning last night. Shameful…

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

Comments(2)

Last week was another mediocre week for Mythical Picks - - but that sure beats the unmitigated disaster from two weeks ago. For this week, I am making these selections based on early to mid-week lines and without any of the NFL injury reports because I am catching a plane to Las Vegas for an annual gathering there.

The OVER/UNDER picks last week were 3-3-1. Denver/New England pushed at 48. It would be hard for seven picks to be more mediocre. That brings the season total for Over/Under picks to 21-22-2 - - also mediocre.

The Against The Spread picks were 4-5 last week. The only way for nine picks to be more mediocre would have been for one of the losses to have been a push. Oh well… The season record for ATS picks is now 37-32-1.

No one should use anything written here in such a way that it influences said person regarding what side of a wager to support. That would be as dumb as winning a Gold Medal at the Olympics and sending it out to be bronzed.

General Comments:

Here are a few excerpts from last week’s Mythical Picks:

Re the Bears/Vikings, I said, “Because I think this will be a low scoring game, I’ll take the Vikes with the points.” Final score was a “low scoring” 48-41 in favor of Chicago. Ugh!!

Re the Pittsburgh/Cincy, I said, “I really do not think there is a good wagering opportunity here but since I promised to make a pick on every game, let me take this game OVER.” Pittsburgh took the game OVER all by itself. Yea!!

Re Pats/Broncos, I said, “I think the ‘less-than-robust’ Denver defense will allow the Pats’ offense to come alive in this game.” New England won 41-7. Yea !!

RE Jets/Raiders, I said, “I like this game OVER and I like the Jets to win and cover.” Ugh! And double Ugh!!

In years past, the NFL has faced competition from the WFL and the USFL and the AAFL and the XFL. All of those leagues folded. Now comes the LFL – the Lingerie Football League and everyone knows that Lingerie folds easily. [BaDaBing! BaDaBoom!!] The LFL will be a ten-team league of women playing football in uniforms that will assure that the words “scantily clad” may be used when reporting on the games. The league comes to you through the auspices of those same folks who put on “Lingerie Games” as halftime diversions during the Super Bowl. This will be full contact football with seven women on a side on a field that is 70 yards long and 35 yards wide. The inaugural season starts in September 2009. It will give new meaning to the musical question:

Are you ready for some football?

Cowboys’ safety, Roy Williams, broke his arm in the game last week against the Rams and is out for the rest of the year. That has alleviated concerns on the part of some people who thought that the Cowboys were trying to corner the world market on “Roy Williamses”. Curmudgeon Central has no information that would lead one to believe that Jerry Jones has contacted the UNC basketball coach this week…

Speaking of the Cowboys, Coach Wade Phillips said in a news conference after the teams bed-wetting performance against the Rams that he was “angry, disappointed and embarrassed” by what he saw on the field. I have a prediction here:

Sometime in the next three months, Wade Phillips will hold another news conference and say that he is “angry, disappointed and embarrassed” about the fact that he is no longer in the employ of the Dallas Cowboys.

One last Cowboys’ note, this team - - the one that had 13 Pro Bowl players last year and was picked by many to be the NFC representative in this year’s Super Bowl - - has now lost 6 of its last 11 games.

It has to be easier to play with a lead than to be fighting to catch up in a game. Now consider that in first quarters of games this year, the Detroit Lions have been outscored 54-0.

After losing miserably to the Carolina Panthers last Sunday, the Saints cut their punter, Steve Weatherford. Just a guess here, but I do not think the game film will show that he was the reason the Saints only scored 7 points in that game; nonetheless, he is now looking for work. What’s interesting about this situation is that the Saints left Carolina and flew directly to London after the game because they play the Chargers there this weekend. Auditioning punters in England is going to cost them a bit more than it would in New Orleans or Miami or Atlanta. That loss dropped the Saints’ road record to 0-3 for the year.

The Tennessee Titans’ offensive line allowed one sack in each of the first two games this year. Since then they have allowed zero sacks. Pretty good…

The Chiefs’ starting QB, Brodie Croyle, was injured in the first game of the season. He returned last weekend to play against the Titans and was injured again - - this time he is out for the rest of the year. Croyle was supposed to be the “QB of the Future” in Kansas City but maybe he will be the “QB of the IR List” if things keep going the way they have been going. By the way, Brodie Croyle – the nominal “QB of the Future” – is 0-8 as a starting QB for the Chiefs.

Just to give you an idea of how dominating the Tampa defense was last weekend, they held the Seahawks to 7 first downs and less than 200 yards of total offense. Seattle was 2-10 on third down conversions and only had the ball for 18 minutes and 20 seconds.

Oakland at Baltimore – 7 (36): The Ravens have injuries in the secondary and Coach John Harbaugh does not see eye-to-eye with Chris McAllister over some “team issue”. The Raiders won last weekend despite giving up 159 yards rushing (6.6 yards per rushing attempt). This week, the Raiders get to travel across the country to play a game. I do not see a lot of scoring in this game. So, in a low scoring contest, I’ll take a full TD with the Raiders for mythical purposes only.

Arizona at Carolina – 4.5 (43.5): Arizona leads the NFC West by 2 full games; Carolina is tied with Tampa for the lead in the NFC South. Carolina is undefeated at home while Arizona played poorly in its two games on the East Coast this year; so, it is tempting to take the Panthers here. However, I think the better wagering opportunity is to take the game OVER.

Tampa at Dallas “pick’em” (40.5): I think the Cowboys are a mess right now. Do not be surprised if they find themselves arranged in a circular firing squad sometime in the next week or so. Both teams need this game relative to their standings in their divisions and in terms of playoff positioning. I like Tampa to win here.

Washington – 7.5 at Detroit (43): There is no truth to the rumor that Sonny Jurgensen called Matt Millen this week to give him inside information on the Redskins’ game plan for this weekend’s game. It is also true that it would not have mattered if he did. Clinton Portis gained 170 yards rushing against the Browns last week; unless he is exhausted, he should get 150 or more in this game while sharing the RB duties with various others once the outcome of the game is no longer in doubt. I’ll take the Redskins to win and cover here. I see the Skins scoring 30 points; the reason I will not take the game OVER is that Detroit might not score more than 10. If you like the Lions here, shop the line because you can find it as high as 9 points at one Internet sportsbook.

Buffalo – 1.5 at Miami (42): Miami is much improved this year; the Bills are 5-1 and they lead the AFC East by a full game over the Pats. Bottom Line: I do not think the Dolphins are that much improved so I’ll take the Bills to win and cover on the road. I also like this game UNDER.

St. Louis at New England – 7 (43.5): I have a feeling that the Pats’ offense came to life last week against Denver. I do not mean they will be scoring 40+ points a game like last year, but they had it together on offense to a degree that was not evident a few weeks before. The Rams were lucky to beat the Redskins and then they pounced on a flat Cowboys’ team and flattened them; they will not have that opportunity this weekend. I like this game OVER and I like the Pats to win and cover.

San Diego – 3 vs. New Orleans (46.5): This is the London game. Both teams played on the East Coast last weekend and then flew directly to London to prepare for this game over there. The Weather Channel long-range forecast is for rain (60% chance) in London for Saturday and Sunday. Check that out because we saw what a couple of days of rain does to that soccer field after about a quarter of NFL cleats taking divots out of it. If it does rain, play this game UNDER. In any event, I like the Chargers to win and cover here.

KC at Jets – 13 (39): The Chiefs have Larry Johnson suspended for another week; they have no competent NFL QB on the roster, and Tony Gonzalez is “miffed” that his request for a trade could not be honored. The Jets stunk it up on the road last week in Oakland, but they are back home now and at 3-3 they need this game to stay positioned to move up in the AFC East. The Chiefs are going exactly nowhere in the standings; they are last in their division and they are going to stay last in their division. The Jets have scored more than twice as many points as the Chiefs this season. I think the Jets win and cover here.

Atlanta at Philly – 9 (45.5): Both teams come off a bye week. Maybe the Eagles will have Brian Westbrook back for this game; maybe he will be at something more than 75% if he is back for this game. Surely the Falcons have tried to brief QB, Matt Ryan, about the fact that he will be blitzed in this game from just about every angle except underground. He probably understands that on an intellectual level but I am not sure he understands that at the spinal level. While the Eagles are blitzing, they will need to pay attention to Roddy White who is becoming a big-time playmaker at WR for the Falcons. I think the Eagles can exploit the Falcons’ secondary and that the Eagles will win big here. I like Philly to win and cover.

Cleveland at Jax – 7 (42): Browns’ QB, Derek Anderson, stunk out the joint last week against Washington; he completed only 14 of 37 passes for the day. The Browns are 3 full games behind the Steelers in the AFC North; they really cannot afford to take the risk of falling 4 games back as the season moves into November. Meanwhile, the Jags find themselves in a “really need to win this game” situation. They are three games behind the Titans in the AFC South and tied with the Colts there. With the Colts and Titans playing each other, the Jags can gain important ground on one of them if they win here. I think Jax is the better team but I do not like the spread here. So, I’ll play the game OVER - - with no real conviction.

Cincy at Houston – 10 (44): Houston is 2-4 and they are in last place in their division. Nonetheless, they are 2-0 at home. The Bengals are winless this year and only score an average of 14 points per game. That is the reason they are winless because that defense needs lots more support than that. The Texans rushing defense is very good so if the Bengals are forced to rely on throwing the ball, it would behoove them to have Carson Palmer healthy and able to play this weekend. Obviously, you should wait to hear about Palmer’s status for the weekend before deciding to play this game at all. I assume he will play and therefore I will take the Bengals with the points here.

Giants at Pittsburgh – 3 (42.5): Clearly, this is the best game of the week. Both teams lead their divisions with records of 5-1. The Giants have the Redskins a half game behind in the NFC East; the Steelers have a two-game cushion in the AFC North. The Steelers 5 wins came at the expense of teams with a cumulative record of 10 – 21; the Giants represent a higher class of opponent. The Eagles used a lot of blitzes to get to Ben Roethlisberger; the Giants will likely do much of the same. I like the Giants with the points here. Purely on a hunch, I also like this game to go OVER.

Seattle at SF – 5 (41): Here is a game between a team that does not do well on the road against a team that is not all that good playing at home. Oh joy… Obviously, Seattle is a different team with a healthy Matt Hasselbeck at QB; so will he be able to play on Sunday? This line says he will not. The 49ers’ problems did not begin and end with now fired head coach Mike Nolan but the team did look dispirited when I saw them play Philly a couple of weeks ago. The Seahawks defense has no pass rush and if a QB in the “Mike Martz System” has time to sit back and survey the field, he will do damage. Do not bet on this game for real money even though there are only 3 late afternoon NFL games on the card this weekend. For mythical purposes, I like the Niners to win and cover.

Indy at Tennessee – 4 (41): Tennessee loves to run the ball and Indy just is not all that good at stopping a power running team. I think that will allow the Titans to control the clock to an extent. However, what it will do is to force Indy to do is throw the ball a lot because Indy will not be able to run and will not have a commanding lead. I think this game goes OVER.

Good luck.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

Comments(2)

The Mythical Picks this week are out early for a simple reason. I will not be in Curmudgeon Central on Friday because I will be on the AAP (Annual Autumnal Pilgrimage) to Las Vegas this weekend. I shall involve myself with the Breeders’ Cup and the World Series and college football games and NFL games and our traditional group NHL parlay. Some of the other pilgrims will devote time and energy to poker tournaments and craps tournaments amidst all these sporting events but I will focus on events in the sportsbooks.

Linfield College raised their record to 4-1 for the season last week by demolishing Lewis and Clark 55-7. One more win and Linfield will have their 54th consecutive winning season in football. This weekend, the Willamette University Bearcats travel to McMinnville to play Linfield. Willamette is ranked #15 in the Division III Coaches poll; Linfield is ranked #25. The Bearcats bring a 7-0 record to the game; only one team has been able to stay within ten points of Willamette this season. This should be a good game. Go Wildcats!

Here are a couple of highlights and lowlights from last week’s Mythical Picks:

Regarding Ole’ Miss/Alabama, I said, “Figuring out this game is pretty simple. Can Ole’ Miss play another perfect game like the one they did against Florida and hang an upset on Alabama? I don’t think so - - but I think they can stay closer than 2 TDs…” [Highlight]

Regarding Oregon State/Washington, I said, “Oregon State is inconsistent; Washington is consistently bad. I do not see how this game gets up to 60 points so I’d play it UNDER.” [Highlight]

Regarding VaTech/BC, I said, “Two good defensive teams play two mediocre offensive teams. Take the UNDER and hope for no scores on special teams.” [Lowlight! The game went OVER by halftime. Ugh!]

Obviously, no one would think of using any information here as part of a decision process where the end result was the choice of a side in a wagering proposition where actual coin of the realm might be involved. If you did that, you would prove that you were born too late - - because you would have made a great Neanderthal.

General Comments:

Several readers wrote and asked why I had no comment last week on Lee Corso’s “analysis” of the Texas/OU game two weekends ago where Corso said at halftime, “Now, they [Oklahoma] can win this game, but they are going to have to outscore Texas”. The reason I had no comment is that I missed that helping of analytical pabulum. I am trying to think of a way in which any team can beat any other team without outscoring them. Having … difficulty … here …

Speaking of commentators and their analyses, Brent Mussberger reportedly said something to the effect that Joe Paterno does not want to retire because JoePa is afraid of death and fears that retirement may hasten that ultimate event in his life. Allow me to make three comments on this matter:

1. Mussberger’s “psychoanalysis” amounts to nothing more than mind reading until and unless JoePa says that he said precisely that to Mussberger. Psychoanalysis is a fancy term for mind reading and I am not ready to stipulate Mussberger’s competence here no matter what you call it.

2. I have no idea whatsoever if JoePa’s longevity – to date or into the future – is tied to his coaching job in any way. I do not think anyone else does either.

3. Joe Paterno’s service to Penn State University for the past 50+ years should earn him a degree of privilege within the university’s HR system. The decision to stay or retire should be his so long as he is getting the job done. I would have to believe that a record of 8-0 and a ranking at #3 in the country at this point of the season would qualify as “getting the job done”.

Mike Bianchi in the Orlando Sentinel had a great comment about political correctness as it relates to college football:

“I still can’t believe we’ve allowed a bunch of namby-pamby, politically correct goofballs to change the name of the Texas-Oklahoma ‘Red River Shootout’ to the now-officially titled ‘Red River Rivalry.’ These annoying thought police have gotten so out of hand that pretty soon they’ll rewrite the history books and start calling it ‘The Misunderstanding at the O.K. Corral.’ ”

Amen, brother…

The first BCS Poll is out. I am absolutely certain that the teams ranked 1-25 this week will NOT finish the season ranked in the same way. So what? I just cannot work myself into a high state of dudgeon over a poll in October. Talk to me Thanksgiving week…

If you want to look at games with “bowl significance” down the line, focus on schedules for Utah and Boise State for now. So long as both remain undefeated, they will be prime candidates to be in the BCS picture. Watch TCU also because they have a win over BYU and play Utah down the line.

For this week, Boise State plays San Jose State on Friday night. The reason this is a “significant game” is that San Jose State is undefeated in conference and after this game, the schedule turns soft for Boise State with New Mexico State, Utah State and Idaho the next three teams up.

On Sunday morning, either LSU or Georgia will have two losses. Yes, LSU won the BCS Championship Game last year with two losses but that is hardly the preferred way to get invited to participate in that game.

A win for Ohio State over Penn State this weekend will put them back in the BCS title picture; a loss will eliminate them.

By the way, do not sleep on Tulsa. They are unlikely to make it into the Top 12 and be a BCS party crasher, but they should get a major bowl invitation. Arkansas is the best team left on their schedule; Tulsa could well go undefeated - - and then what? Last week, Tulsa ran up 791 yards of offense beating UTEP 77-35 (the score was 28-28 after the first quarter). Tulsa averages 57 points per game and 625 yards of offense per game.

Missouri’s aspirations to play in the BCS Championship Game ended last week by halftime of their game at Texas. That halftime score was Texas 35 and Mizzou 3. Game. Set. Match. By the way, the last time Missouri won a football game in Austin Texas was in 1896. William Jennings Bryan was giving his “Cross of Gold” speech around that time…

Chase Daniel’s quest for the Heisman Trophy probably ended last weekend too. That was a nationally televised and widely viewed game and his team was never really in it.

When Ole’ Miss kicked a field goal in the first quarter of their game with Alabama last week, that marked the first time Alabama had trailed all season long and it represented the only points given up by Alabama in the first quarter of any game so far. Impressive…

For some reason, the USC/Washington State game was televised in my viewing area here in the DC suburbs. So I got to see how bad Washington State is - - and believe me, they are a bad football team. They have now given up 63+ points in four of their five PAC-10 losses this year; even counting their 48-9 win over Division 1-AA Portland State, the Cougars have been outscored this year 385-111. The total passing offense for Washington State last week against USC was 28 yards.

If you have watched any Michigan football this year, you have seen QB, Steven Threet, try to run the spread/option offense favored by Rich Rodriguez. If ever there were a system/quarterback mismatch, that would be it. Threet is a big, strong, drop back QB; Pat White/Dennis Dixon he is not. So, here is some unsolicited advice for Steven Threet:

Transfer to Delaware the day you get your grades for the latest semester at Michigan!

You have to know you do not fit with the system by now. You have to know that Coach Rodriguez is going to bring in someone who does fit with his system next year. That means you will not play - - unless …

You transfer to Division 1-AA Delaware and do what Joe Flacco did there. That is how you can play and put yourself in a situation to have a shot at an NFL career.

You’re welcome.

Since I am heading to Las Vegas this week, I have been checking out the local papers there. Here is a comment from the LV Sun regarding the state of UNLV football:

“… if you were to escape from Alcatraz, hijack an airliner over the Pacific Northwest or get on the Mafia’s bad side, Rebel Park would be a good place to lie low for a while.”

The SHOE Tournament Teams:

Here are my eight participants as of this week in my mythical tournament to identify the SHOE Team (Steaming Heap Of Excrement) for 2008.

North Texas remains as the #1 seed.

Idaho remains as the #2 seed. [Note: They are 1-7 this year even against a strength of schedule that ranks 112th hardest in Division 1-A. There are only 119 teams in Division 1-A.]

San Diego State – off its loss to New Mexico by 70-7 – is the #3 seed.

Arrange Kent State, SMU, Syracuse, Utah State and Washington State however you please with seeds #4 through #8.

Hugely bad teams to keep on the radar screen include:

Washington – the only Division 1-A school other than North Texas not to win a game this year.

The loser of the Florida Atlantic/La-Monroe game this weekend.

Ohio University

Ponderosa Spread Games:

Last week, the Ponderosa Spread Games showed a 3-1 record for covers by the favorites. That brings the total for the season to 31-19-2 for the favorites.

Penn State, USC and USF covered last week.

Boise State did not cover.

This week we have 4 Ponderosa Spread Games:

E. Michigan at Ball State – 24 (58): Ball State remains undefeated and will stay that way this week.

Kentucky at Florida – 25 (47.5): Kentucky has a good defense that might give the Florida offense some resistance. However, Kentucky’s offense is overmatched against Florida’s defense.

Wyoming at TCU – 31 (42): The oddsmakers here think TCU is 31 points better than Wyoming AND that the total in the game will be 42 points. That means they do not think Wyoming can score more than a field goal to have both things happen at the same time. I do not think Wyoming will score much at all but this game looks like one that could go OVER.

Troy – 24.5 at North Texas (no line): If I were to bet on this game, I would have to break one of my betting rules. I do not like to wager on mediocre/bad teams on the road when I have to lay points (let alone 24.5 points). I also do not like to wager on truly bad teams and you will notice that I have North Texas seeded #1 in my SHOE Tournament for the second week in a row. Do not bet this game…

Games of Interest:

UCF at Tulsa – 23 (71.5): This is a Sunday night game because the NFL does not have a game on then. You can flip between this game and the World Series game. UCF beat Tulsa twice last year – in the regular season and in the C-USA Championship Game. That will not happen this year because UCF will lose this weekend and will not get within sniffing distance of the C-USA Championship Game. Tulsa rolls here. I think they will win and cover. I like the game to go OVER too.

Boise State – 7 at San Jose State (42.5): I like “State” in this game. Seriously, this is an important game for both teams; both are undefeated in conference play. It means more to Boise State in terms of rankings and bowl bids; it means more to San Jose State in terms of pride, respect, identity, and all that stuff. I think Boise State will win the game but I think the better wager is to take the game to go OVER.

Cincy – 1.5 at UConn (45): UConn has been underwhelming lately. Even on the road, I like Cincy to win and cover here.

Northwestern – 8 at Indiana (50): Northwestern has won 6 games this year and is bowl-eligible. Last year they went 6-6 but did not get a bowl invitation so they really do need a 7th win to seal the deal. Here it is in front of them. I think Northwestern wins and covers and the game goes OVER.

Illinois – 3 at Wisconsin (57): Wisconsin does not score enough to get this game near 60 points so I’d play this UNDER.

Texas Tech at Kansas – 2 (66.5): Two high-octane offenses and two ordinary defenses make this game look like an OVER to me.

La Tech at Army – 2 (41.5): Prop bet for this game should be over/under for passing yards by Army with the number at 27.5 yards. That prop would have me going under…

UCLA at Cal – 17 (51): This could be a trap game for Cal coming off a loss at Arizona where they led at halftime and looking ahead to Oregon/USC/Oregon State on their dance card. If the coaches can get the team to focus on this game in front of them, Cal should win by at least 3 TDs meaning they should cover.

VaTech at Florida State – 5 (44): I think the FSU defense will confabulate what passes for an offense at VaTech. By the same token, the FSU offense will not be able to move the ball at will in this game. The winner of the game will be the team that makes the fewer mistakes. I like FSU to win but I hate that spread. So, assuming there are no special teams’ scores, I’ll take the game UNDER.

UVA at Ga Tech – 11.5 (37.5): I think this game goes OVER.

USF – 4 at Louisville (55.5): Louisville’s record looks impressive until you check out the teams they beat. Tenn. Tech, K-State, Memphis and Middle Tenn. State do not construct a “difficult schedule”. I like USF to win and cover here.

Georgia at LSU – 2 (48): This is the third best game of the weekend. I like this game to go UNDER.

Michigan State – 4 at Michigan (45.5): This game opened at 5.5 and the spread dropped to 4 in about 36 hours. Both teams come off big losses last weekend. A loss here will damage Michigan State’s “cred” with regard to whatever minor bowl game they may draw into. Michigan has no “cred” left; it has turned to “crud”. Do not bet this game.

Kent State at Miami (Ohio) – 7 (no line): SHOE Team alert. Do not bet this game.

Rutgers – 9.5 at Pitt (42.5): Before the season began, I picked Pitt and UNC as two teams that could engineer turnarounds this season. Pitt has done well but the memory of the opening day loss to Bowling Green will not go away. I am not a Pitt “true believer” yet. I am however, a Rutgers “true believer” in that I am fully convinced that Rutgers is not very good at all. I cannot bet Rutgers on the road here so were I to pick the game I would have to play Pitt and lay the points - -but there are an awful lot of them to lay.

OK State at Texas – 13 (71): This is the second best game of the weekend. That line looks awfully fat to me. I’ll take Oklahoma State with the points here. And the game should go OVER.

SMU at Navy – 12 (62.5): SHOE Team alert. SMU will throw the ball all over the lot. Navy will run the ball down SMU’s throat. Navy’s pass defense has been suspect this year; it is improving but they will get a workout here. I like this game OVER.

Alabama – 7 at Tennessee (41): A Tennessee win here would even their record at 4-4. That is more likely to happen than say Ralph Nader actually carrying a state in the upcoming Presidential election - - but not a whole lot more likely. This smells like an UNDER game to me.

Penn State – 2.5 at Ohio State (45.5): This is the Game of the Week. I really want Penn State to win here and for Joe Paterno to take an undefeated Penn State team to the BCS Championship Game. Nevertheless, there is no way that I would give Ohio State points in Columbus in a game of this magnitude. I’ll watch this game and love every minute of it - - without a wager on it.

Notre Dame – 11 at Washington (54): Huskies football has imploded; this is a bad football team. Notre Dame is better than last year but they have padded their record with some softies. Remember that at the beginning of the year, they struggled in South Bend to beat San Diego State (see SHOE Tournament above). The likelihood that Ty Willingham will keep his job at Washington after this season is over is equal to the likelihood that Ralph Nader will carry three or more states in the upcoming Presidential election. Notre Dame wins here and the game goes UNDER.

USC – 16 at Arizona (55): This is a big game for both teams because both have one loss in PAC-10 play. Arizona can score and this is their ticket to recognition they have not had for several years now. Their defense will not hold USC down by any means. I like USC to win the game but I like Arizona with more than two TDs worth of points and I like the game OVER.

Good luck.

Finally, can someone explain to me why the University of South Dakota Coyotes do not play the Cal-State Bakersfield Roadrunners every year? Beep-beep!!

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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I can understand if you tuned into the first game of the World Series last night and heard the Backstreet Boys massacre the National Anthem how you might have hit the remote and gone to another channel. That was one of the most brutal renditions of the anthem that I have ever heard - - and major sports events have been the venue for more than a few really awful renditions. Let me say five things to any and all “artists” invited to sing the National Anthem at any future sporting event:

1. The anthem has words. Stick to them.

2. The anthem has a melody. Sing the melody.

3. The anthem is a song; it is not a mini-series. It can – and should – be finished in 90 seconds.

4. Singing the anthem is an honor - - not a time for you to demonstrate your interpretation of the musical piece.

5. Sing the song; wave to the crowd; shut up; leave so the game can begin.

Here is a question for the Rays’ management who booked those clowns to sing the anthem:

Are you sure William Hung already had a gig for last night?

Having cleared my spleen of all those toxins, let me get back to the World Series game last night. If you stayed through the anthem - - or flipped back to the game by the time the first batter came to the plate - - you had to enjoy the game. The game was never “out of hand”; the tying run was always in the on-deck circle or on base for the Rays. Every pitcher threw a good game. There were excellent defensive plays including a runner thrown out at home. I do not know what element of entertaining baseball was missing last night.

Joe Buck and Tim McCarver called the game very well. To those who are spring-loaded to crush McCarver for his hyper-analytical flourishes, give the man credit for games done very well such as the one last night.

I do not like sideline reporters in football and basketball. Reporters on the field and in the stands for baseball are certainly no better. I would love for the FOX people to explain to me why - - in a one-run game in the sixth inning - - they had to break into the flow of the telecast to interview the President of Taco Bell so he might reiterate that everyone in America can have a free taco because someone stole a base earlier in the game. We already knew that; we can look forward to more promotional announcements of that fact; we do not need to hear this from the lips of the guy who runs the company as if the offer was so beneficent that no one would believe it absent this kind of imprimatur. It’s a cheap mass-produced taco dammit; it’s not anything of value.

On the other hand, now that we know that the President of Taco Bell is British, that explains why the “Mexican food” served there is so mediocre…

If FOX wants to do some “reporting” or some “analysis” beyond the game on the field, maybe they could gather information about baseball in South Florida and use it at a future date. For instance, will the Rays’ appearance in the World Series - - win or lose - - produce an attendance bump that carries over into future years? Or, will the Rays revert to playing in front of crowds that sometimes go over 20,000 but only when visiting teams draw large numbers of their Diaspora? In other words, can the Rays’ flirtation with championship baseball have a different result than the Marlins’ achievement of championship baseball in South Florida? Now that would make for a newsworthy piece…

People have been saying that this World Series will draw bad TV ratings because neither team has a national footprint. That is probably true, but the people who missed last night’s game missed a great baseball game. Some lament that the Dodgers and Red Sox did not make the Series. I do not. Can you imagine how everyone would have been incessantly bludgeoned with the “Manny returns to Boston” and the “Joe Torre returns to Boston without the Yankees” angles? The absence of pain may not be pleasure; but it sure beats the presence of pain.

Recent World Series competitions have been less than compelling - - not because of the teams involved but because of the lopsidedness of the Series. The last four World Series have produced only seventeen games - - one above the minimum. They have not been competitive; that made them less interesting than they could/should have been. If last night’s first game is any indicator, this Series might be something to focus your attention on from start to finish. If that does not make people watch, then baseball has a very serious problem on their plate.

Here is something for Phillies fans to focus on as they try to will their team to the championship:

In 1993, the Phillies lost the World Series because their closer was Mitch Williams - - known as “The Wild Thing.”

In 2008, the Phillies closer ought to be known as “The Sure Thing”.

On a totally different subject, I read that David Beckham may be put out “on loan” from the LA Galaxy to AC Milan starting in January. Some reports have it that the “loan” might be more permanent than temporary. The reason for the “loan” is that Beckham wants to stay in shape to play for England in World Cup qualifiers and presumably the World Cup tournament in 2010.

I cannot wait for the MLS marketing trolls to spin the fact that Beckham will be a part time MLS participant from now on - - assuming he can make the AC Milan squad - - into something akin to the Lone Ranger announcing at the end of every episode that his work is finished here and he needs to move on in some kind of larger quest.

David Beckham saved soccer in America; his work here is done; he will now grace some other latitude and longitude on our grateful planet with his splendor.

Finally, here is a comment from Jay Leno:

‘’Two housekeepers at David and Victoria Beckham’s English mansion have been arrested for allegedly stealing personal items from the couple and selling them on eBay. The thieves took hundreds of dollars of cosmetics and beauty products, and they stole some of Victoria’s stuff, too.'’

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Someone once said that the word “gumbo” is the Cajun word that means, “yeah, throw some of that in the pot too…” Whether or not that etymological assertion has any culinary accuracy is not important because gumbo just simply tastes good. Today, I hope to whip up a batch of gumbo with lots of different “stuff”.

First of all, it should be apparent to anyone who read yesterday’s “Tuesdays With The Sorries” that I had written it on Monday night prior to the conclusion of the Pats/Broncos game. Otherwise, the Broncos would have been front and center for mention of their stunningly sorry performance from the opening kickoff to the final gun. Denver has a bye week and here is what the coaching staff has to figure out:

Can anyone on that defense get off a block and/or make a tackle?

Sometimes you have to connect the dots in order to see a trend. Consider:

Tom Brady is with Gisele Bundschen; according to a NY gossip column, they are planning a wedding and reception in NYC. Tom Brady is out for the season with a knee injury.

Tony Romo is with Jessica Simpson; according to gossip columns, they were recently shopping for a ring at Neiman-Marcus. Tony Romo is out for a month (?) with a broken finger.

Reggie Brooks is with Kim Kardashian; gossip columns tell us that she says they love each other’s body [too much information…]. Reggie Bush is out for four weeks with a knee injury.

Perhaps, there is wisdom contained in the lyrics to a rock song from my teen years sung by Jimmy Soul:

“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.”

In the interest of full disclosure and candor, my long-suffering wife of 42+ years is indeed a “pretty woman” and my life has been a happy one for that duration. However, maybe NFL players might take heed …?

When I read the NFL-mandated injury reports for the week and see players listed as “questionable” with regard to his ability to play on that particular weekend, I often wonder why the entire roster of the Detroit Lions is not so designated. As fans, we should all give thanks that the Lions do not play either the Chiefs or the Bengals this season.

HOW-EVAH, let me give you fair warning. On 28 December 2008, the Kansas City Chiefs will travel to Cincinnati to play the Bengals about a month after both teams have been eliminated from mathematical consideration for the playoffs. Santa is making his list of people who have been naughty and nice. If you’ve been naughty, you may tickets to that sewage dump game in your stocking on Christmas morning… Do not say you were not warned.

The MLBPA asserts that they have proof that the owners colluded to keep Barry Bonds out of baseball last year. Well, if they have proof, then it should come out in some kind of hearing/arbitration/legal procedure and we can then all judge the gravity of said proof. So until I am made aware of what the proof consists of, let me state my position on this matter:

1. The MLBPA is close to correct – but only with regard to spelling.

2. MLB owners did not collude to keep Barry Bonds out of baseball.

3. MLB owners did conclude that having a unidimensional pain-in-the-posterior in their clubhouse collecting an eight figure annual salary was a bad idea.

I presume that you realize that the reason that the World Series will begin in St. Petersburg and not in Philly is that:

Rays’ pitcher, Scott Kazmir, was the winning pitcher in the All-Star Game.

Phillies’ reliever, Brad Lidge, was the losing pitcher in the All-Star Game.

Did I hear someone say he had not realized that? Oh well, I guess that means that the All-Star Game remains irrelevant despite the best efforts of the Commish…

I received an e-mail from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times yesterday informing me that a column known as Morning Briefing would no longer appear in the LA Times. He sent along a copy of the notice that came over the wire on Monday night announcing the demise of this long-running column, which focused on offbeat items and the lighter side of sports. There are probably less than a dozen of these columns left in newspapers around the country that run more than once a week; they are falling victim to the cutbacks in the newspaper business. The SF Chronicle used to run a column called Open Season until a couple of years ago that was on my “must read list”.

It is a shame to see those kinds of columns go away. Newspapers serve a dual function; they should intend to inform and they should intend to entertain. [When a paper hits the exacta here, the paper reaps a large benefit.] Offbeat columns such as Morning Briefing – and such as Dwight Perry’s Sideline Chatter – do a lot to advance the “entertainment” objective of newspapers. It is not a good thing to see them go by the wayside.

Finally, to offset the less than happy news that Dwight Perry sent me in that e-mail, here are two entertaining items from his Sideline Chatter column in the Seattle Times:

“Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain was pulled over and arrested near his hometown of Lincoln, Neb., early Saturday morning on suspicion of DUI, speeding and having an open container of alcohol in his vehicle.

“Police wouldn’t say whether it was the top or bottom of the fifth.”

“Honda has been named the “official car” of the NHL.

“The WNBA, not to be outdone, is rolling out a ‘Yugo, girl!’ ad campaign.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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The Mamas and The Papas sang:

“Monday, Monday, can’t trust that day…”

Well, here in Curmudgeon Central I want you to be able to trust Tuesdays completely and so once again, it is time for “Tuesdays With The Sorries” and here they come…

Michigan led Penn State by 10 points twice in their game last Saturday. At one point late in the second quarter, the Wolverines led 17-7. That’s all the scoring they did but Michigan did manage to allow Penn State to score 39 consecutive points en route to a 46-17 crushing. Not commendable…

BYU was on a flight path that led to a BCS Bowl Game. However, they went on national TV (granted it was Versus so fewer people saw it that if it had been on ESPN) and laid a huge egg. TCU took them apart, put them back together and then disassembled them again to the tune of a 32-7 wipeout. It was not that close. As far as a BCS slot is concerned, George Burns had it right:

“Say goodnight, Gracie.”

Not acceptable…

UConn had been ranked in the top 25 a couple of weeks ago and had a 5-1 record going to visit a woebegone Rutgers squad sitting at 1-5. UConn lost the game. Not satisfactory…

Wake Forest had lost to Navy and eked out a win over Clemson in their past two games. Against Clemson, they scored 1 TD and a total of 12 points and won nonetheless. This week, Maryland shut out Wake Forest. The Deacons’ offense can now officially be declared AWOL. Not wonderful…

I said in my Mythical Picks last week that Wisconsin should beat Iowa if there were any pride lift in the Wisconsin locker room. Not only did the Badgers lose the game; they lost by 22 points. Not admirable…

New Mexico led San Diego State University 49-0 at the half. The final score was 70-7. San Diego State has just played its way into the SHOE Tournament. Not even remotely acceptable…

Missouri was out to show that their loss to Oklahoma State a week ago was not nearly as bad as it might have looked. They had a date with the #1 team in the rankings in Austin Texas. You would think the Tigers would have been fired up coming out of the tunnel - - and had you thought that you would have been sorely mistaken. At one point, the score was Texas 35 and Missouri 0. The final score was 56-31. Colt McCoy completed 29 of 32 passes against Missouri’s alleged pass defense. Not excellent…

Clemson has a new coach. For reasons known only to him, he allowed TV cameras in the Tigers’ locker room to record his pre-game speech to the team. He said that Clemson was an underdog there at home in Death Valley and that he could not believe that was the case. Then he challenged his team by asking what they were going to do about it. Answer: They went out and lost to Georgia Tech. Dramatic, yes; feckless, yes. Not first-rate…

By the way, I hope the new Clemson coach does not get in hot water with the NCAA over his little speech. “Underdog” is a term associated with gambling and his speech acknowledged that some folks just might be wagering on collegiate sporting events like his football games. Perish the thought… We know that the NCAA considers gambling to be the root of all evil and I hope they don’t get on this new coach and start asking him how he knows about underdogs and other related evil topics…

No one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition… [/Monty Python]

The sorriest of the Sorries in NCAA football this week has to be Washington State. You knew they were going to lose to USC but losing 69-0 is more than just bad. That was the fourth time out of five PAC-10 games where Washington State gave up 63 points or more. That shutout broke the nation’s second longest streak for a team to score points in a game. The last time Washington State had been shut out was in 1984 - - 280 games ago. Thanks to Bud Withers column in the Seattle Times, here were the nations longest such streaks going into last week’s games:

Michigan – 294
Washington State – 280
Florida – 249
Colorado – 241
TCU – 197
Air Force – 187

In the NFL, the Chiefs make one of their regular appearances here in “Tuesdays With The Sorries”. Yes, the Chiefs did manage to make it to double digits on the scoreboard against the Tennessee defense, but the Chiefs allowed more than 330 yards rushing to the Titans. Clearly disreputable…

The Bengals also check in for their commonplace mention here in “Tuesdays With The Sorries”. They lost by 4 TDs at home to the Steelers. Cedric Benson made his debut at running back for the Bengals and changed nothing. Clearly reproachable…

The Saints got Marques Colston and Jeremy Shockey back from injuries to add to an offense that had been making scoreboards blink like pinball machines. Sunday, the Saints scored all of 7 points. How did that happen? Clearly culpable…

The Colts lost by 20 points to the Packers - - and looked as if they did not care all that much. Clearly unvirtuous…

The Chargers lost by 9 points to Buffalo. In that game, Trent Edwards completed 19 of his first 20 passes and 25 of 30 for the game. Clearly reprehensible…

The sorriest of the Sorries in NFL football this week has to be the Dallas Cowboys. They did not just lose to the Rams; the Rams dominated them. The - - Rams - - dominated - - them. The Rams won by 20.

There was no energy in that Cowboys’ team; there was no positive emotion in that Cowboys’ team. Watch the sideline shots of Terrell Owens screaming at teammates and coaches and you just know that seismologists are monitoring the tremors awaiting the next eruption of Mount Owens.

This team is coming apart at the seams; it was assembled ostensibly to play in the Super Bowl at the very least and now there is no guarantee that this squad can make the playoffs.

With three head coaches – and a GM – already fired in mid-season, one has to wonder if Wade Phillips can make it through the bye week coming up after next week’s game with Tampa Bay. Do not make the mistake of thinking the Cowboys’ problems are wrapped up in the absences of star players such as Tony Romo and Pacman Jones and Terence Newman. Those injuries/suspensions do not help of course, but the Cowboys’ offensive line has been dominated for at least the last 8 quarters of football and their defense line is being pushed around too. Those fundamental problems will not change with the return of a “skill player” or three.

Finally, an observation from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times:

“Not that the Falcons are still dogged by memories of their last QB wunkerkind or anything, but rumor has it they won’t even let Matt Ryan watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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