The Sports Curmudgeon®

It is time to go over a few of the “Olympic happenings” that will not be trumpeted on NBC and ESPN because they do not fit under the “feelgood” tent that NBC and ESPN - - and the host Chinese government - - seek to create about these games. There will probably be more of these next week, but I want to mention these now lest some fade from everyone’s memory and I need to reset all the circumstances:

1. The US soccer acolytes are always telling us that the future of US soccer is rosy because so many kids play the game. The Olympic soccer competition is – for all practical purposes – an “Under-23 tournament”; each team has only a few excepted players over that age. Nonetheless, note that the US team has been eliminated and will not play in the championship round. The late George Allen would not be happy with the state of US soccer because clearly the future is not now.

2. Amanda Beard failed to make it through the qualifying heat of the 200-meter breaststroke. Just in case that signals the end of her swimming career, it is a good thing that she has “taking off her clothes in front of photographers” to fall back on.

3. Latvia beat the US in men’s beach volleyball. When I think of Latvia, I do not immediately think of beaches and resorts. Oh well, landlocked Switzerland holds the America’s Cup. I guess that means that Bolivia may need to establish a Coast Guard one of these days.

4. The US press seems to have embraced its own kind of modern pentathlon. Its five events are bitching, moaning, whining, complaining and griping.

a. There was a time delay before a US women’s gymnast could start her floor exercise.

b. The Chinese use underage gymnasts. [Note: There were no Danny Almonte sightings.]

c. Mark Spitz is not going to Beijing because no one invited him.

d. The Chinese had a little girl lip sync a song in the Opening Ceremonies. [How would you like a dollar for every time that happened during a US stage performance?]

e. The smog - - of course.

Gary Sheffield has been in the major leagues for 20 years. The Tigers are his seventh team. Gary Sheffield has accumulated statistics that will garner for him some consideration for the Hall of Fame so why has he been “passed around” like a case of strep at a hookers’ convention? I think it is fair to say that Gary Sheffield tends to wear out his welcome in a city and in a locker room in a very metered amount of time.

His latest thing is that he cannot be a leader for the Tigers if they make him a DH. He told the Boston Globe that he cannot lead from the bench; he has to be on the field. In addition, while the Tigers are at it, they really should not platoon him either because that would hinder his ability to lead. Manager Jim Leyland said that before the Tigers acquired Sheffield, Leyland told him that the position the Tigers had available was DH and that if he wasn’t satisfied with that then Sheffield should say so and the Tigers would not make the deal. The Tigers response was pretty simple; the put Sheffield on waivers to see if any other team in MLB wanted to pick up a 40-year old chronic malcontent who is hitting less than .250 for the year. Oh, and he’s sure to be a hit with all the Latino players in any new locker room because he has said that the only reason there are so many Latinos in MLB is because they are “easier to control”.

Staying with the Tigers for the moment, another of their high priced acquisitions, Dontrelle Willis, was not lighting it up in Class-A Lakeland but the Tigers promoted him to the Toledo Mud Hens anyway. The last stats I could find for Willis in Lakeland are more than a week out of date since he is no longer on the roster at the Lakeland Flying Tigers website; but as of about 10 days ago, he was 0-3 there with an ERA of 4.50. Had he regained even 80% of his form from a couple of years ago, he would have dominated Class A League players…

The NFL is trying to get its fans to behave in a more civilized manner at their games with a new code of conduct. The NY Giants and Jets have “piled on” here and will reduce the amount of time that fans can spend tailgating prior to games at the Meadowlands from seven hours to five hours. Just wondering, how many folks do you know that cannot get themselves well-oiled in five hours? Nonetheless, stand by for complaints…

Meanwhile in college football, the NCAA has instituted a rule change this year that will surely have coaches moaning and groaning almost as much as the curtailed tailgaters in NY. Starting this year, when a runner goes out of bounds, the clock will not stop for the full time until the next snap. As soon as the officials mark the ball for play, the clock will resume running – except in the final two minutes of each half where the old rule will apply. Coaches will not like it; coaches never like anything new unless it is a new contract with more zeroes in front of the decimal point in the clauses that talk about their guaranteed money.

Why is the NCAA doing this? Television. College football games never fit into a three-hour time slot and many run in excess of three-and-a half hours. Networks and stations are unwilling to cut back on their commercial breaks but they want the games to fit better. Hence, the rule changes. If this does not work, the next rule change will be to eliminate the clock stoppage for every first down in the game.

Finally, just in case you have resolved in your mind the koan related to the sound of one hand clapping, think upon this:

What does it mean to be the winning pitcher in a tee-ball game?

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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When I was a kid, I played Little League baseball. I wasn’t very good, but I played and I enjoyed playing it a lot. In no way do I think that Little League baseball is a bad thing; it is a good thing. Nevertheless, there is one aspect of Little League baseball that has gone around the bend.

There are far too many Little League baseball games on television. I have no problem with televising the Championship Game; you could even talk me into having ESPN televise the “Little League Final Four Games”. But now we have regional games on television in regional cable areas and ESPN televising what seems to be about 4 dozen games. And, that is not good.

Obviously, it is too late to put this toothpaste back into the tube, but is it really a step forward for Western Civilization when more than the Little League Championship Game is televised? All too often you hear mournful cries of empathic pain for the poor and exploited NCAA football or basketball players who toil to enrich the universities that refuse to compensate them. Do not forget that these players do get scholarships, which they could use for personal advantage if they chose to do so. Feel far sorrier for the Little League player who toils to make the few folks who run “Little League Inc.” rich. If you want to cite examples of the economic exploitation of children, do not forget to include Little League baseball in with the “shoemaking sweatshops” and the NCAA scholar-athletes.

I have described the sorry state of horseracing in North America several times in the past. Recently, Magna Entertainment Corp – owner of a whole passel of North American racetracks most of which are heading to financial oblivion – filed its quarterly report with the Securities and Exchange Commission. Obviously, there is more than ample precedent for such reports to contain fanciful information rather than purely factual information - - hello, Enron. However, I would like to assume that Magna is in such bad shape that it could not either:

A. make itself out to be in worse shape than it is or

B. fudge the financial numbers and still come out looking as bad as the numbers did.

I am not an accountant or an auditor; Warren Buffet does not call me to pick my brains because of my financial acumen. However, looking at some of these numbers makes me think that Magna Entertainment might just be in a corporate death spiral.

For the most recent quarter, Magna lost “only” $21.3M.

Their losses for the first half of 2008 were $66.7M.

Since 2005, Magna is in the red to the tune of more than $550M.

Magna has loans coming due between now and June 2009 totaling more than $220M.

To avoid being kicked off the NASDAQ, Magna Entertainment did a reverse split. For every 20 “old” shares you owned, you got 1 “new share”. That keeps the stock price over $1.00 per share. Even with that reverse split, the shares closed yesterday at $7.60 a share on the “new shares” meaning the “old shares” would have been worth 38 cents.

Magna has been trying to sell off some of its land holdings and some of its smaller racetracks with little success. Given the real estate market in 2008, I cannot see how that will get any easier anytime in the next 12 months. [On the other hand, if you would like to own a racetrack in Oklahoma (Remington Park) or Oregon (Portland Meadows), this might be the time to make Magna a low-ball offer…] Magna also owns Gulfstream Park in Florida and Santa Anita (site of the next two Breeders’ Cup races) and even those properties might become available.

Magna Entertainment Corp entered the racing business with great fanfare and with grand plans. It made plenty of enemies along the way and those enemies are smiling today. Magna committed a humongous corporate sin; it embarked on a vast undertaking with “half-vast” plans. If it is pushed into bankruptcy and the courts take control of whatever assets remain, this will not be a good thing for racing in North America because far too many properties will be on the market in bad economic times. I do not have to consult with Alan Greenspan to know that is not a good situation.

Horse racing is a form of legal gambling in the US and so is dog racing. Under bizarre circumstances, the NFL and the dog racing industry might come into juxtaposition thanks to Steelers’ owner Dan Rooney.

Dan Rooney is in the process of trying to buy out his brothers’ interest in the team such that he will have a majority interest. Meanwhile his brothers are seriously considering a much higher offer for their shares than Dan Rooney can or is willing to pay - - or maybe both. In such a case, the Steelers would have a new owner/helmsman. And that might just pose a problem for the NFL because there is an NFL rule that forbids owners from having interests in the gambling industry. Dan Rooney and his sons have interests in dog racing, which is exempted from those NFL bans; but the dog racing industry and the Rooney’s dog racing operations rely on slot machines to stay afloat.

Currently, Dan Rooney’s stewardship of the Steelers and his standing as a senior member of the league seem to have gotten the NFL to avert its eyes from the apparent rules violation. However, if he were to become a small minority owner – say less than 30% of the team – how could the league continue to ignore the ties to those “racinos” in the dog racing industry?

Finally, here is a comment from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald regarding the Little League World Series on television:

“Instant replay will be used at this year’s Little League World Series. Here is a better idea: Use instant replay to double-check birth certificates.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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I have read conflicting reports regarding the status of this issue but that does not change my mind about how it ought to turn out. Here is what I believe to be the current state of the play:

The Center for Science in the Public Interest organized a petition drive to get the NCAA to disallow beer advertising on collegiate sporting broadcasts/telecasts.

Counting university presidents, athletic directors, basketball and football coaches, there are about 300 signatures on this petition.

The NCAA considered this matter and decided not to ban such advertising.

What is not clear to me is whether or not the NCAA will reconsider this same issue at some future meeting or if this is over for the time being.

The last point here is not important to me. What is important to me is that for the moment the NCAA actually got something right proving that even a stopped clock tells the correct time twice a day. At the moment, the NCAA has advertising bans on gambling establishments, cigarettes and guns. The cigarette ban is somewhat superfluous since there is a Congressional ban on that too, but I’m sure it makes the NCAA feel as if they are doing something to strengthen the moral fabric of the country by adding their own imprimatur to that cause. However, to ban beer advertising would be nothing more than a symbolic and futile gesture.

Let me be clear about this:

1. College kids – even ones who are underage - drink beer.

2. They have been drinking beer for a long time.

3. They will continue to drink beer for a long time into the future.

4. The presence or absence of beer advertising on college sporting events has exactly nothing to do with collegiate beer consumption.

Were the NCAA to ban beer advertising, you can be sure that they would pump up their chests and present this to the country as a strong moral stand on the part of the organization. In reality, what it would actually be is a futile gesture that makes it appear as if the NCAA is doing something to reduce underage college drinking - - which they would not be doing.

Memo to NCAA Honchos:

1. If you assert that you are trying to control underage college drinking with this advertising ban, be prepared to be held up as preening fools every time there is evidence of rampant underage college drinking. Estimated frequency of such evidence would be about once a month.

2. If you are really “against” underage college drinking, do something about it; do not settle for a grandstand play.

Moreover, while I am at being clear about things, the Center for Science in the Public Interest is a misnomer. Some of their “science” is pseudo-science not markedly more rigorous than creation science. To be sure, many of their causes are not in the public interest but are indeed in the Center’s interest in the Center’s cash flow.

With college football season starting soon, there are some interesting things to note about the upcoming season. On September 6, Minnesota goes on the road to play an out of conference game. That is unusual. Granted, they are going to Bowling Green, which is not to be confused with a Top 20 team, but at least the Gophers agreed to go on the road here.

Speaking of Minnesota, their other three non-conference games will be Florida Atlantic, Montana State and Northern Illinois. All three of these riveting games will be carried on Big Ten Network. Please remember these programming notes the next time you read about some Big Ten Network person telling you about how it is such a shame that the cable companies will not put BTN on basic cable and by the way also pay BTN a premium fee to carry the programming. This is football; this is one of the premier college sports for BTN to carry; nevertheless, not many folks are going to watch these three games. So imagine the audiences for Minnesota versus Colorado School of Mines in women’s basketball. [I made that up; do not tell me they have not scheduled each other.] The reason BTN is not worth a big price to cable companies is simple; there’s too much programming on it that is of zero interest to anyone not related by blood or marriage to the participants in the event.

I wonder why Carthage doesn’t schedule Troy in football. Imagine all the sacking that would happen in that game…

Michigan opens up this year against Utah – in Ann Arbor of course on August 30. Meanwhile, Appalachian State is moving on to look for bigger conquests in a season-opener this year. They will travel to LSU on that same day in an attempt to reprise their stunning upset from last season. With the surprise factor gone, I think that will be most difficult for them to accomplish - - but wouldn’t it be fun to have another season go the way last one did?

In fact, the most delicious irony would be for Ohio State to lose a shocker on opening weekend just so the gloating Buckeye fans from last year can hear it from Michigan fans and get their shame faces on before yet another shellacking in a BCS title game. However, Ohio State opens against Youngstown State. Despite the fact that fans will pay full price to see what almost assuredly amounts to an exhibition game, looking for an upset here is like Ponce de Leon’s quest for the Fountain of Youth.

Finally, this comment from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald points to the futility of purging beer consumption from college campuses:

“Parting thought: The University of Florida was named the nation’s No. 1 ‘party school.’ A UF spokesman downplayed the dubious news, but nobody could hear him because there were a thousand drunk students behind him going, ‘WOOO-HOOO!’’ ”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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I did not see all of the Olympics’ Opening Ceremonies by a long shot but I did see most of the introductory performances prior to the parade of nations. If you did not see this, find a video on the web or ask around among your friends to see who recorded it. It really is worth your time to watch it.

In the men’s’ 4X100 freestyle relay, it sure looked to me as if the US swimmer was trailing the world record holder in the 100 meter freestyle by a full body length with about 40 meters to go. I saw the US swimmer on the final leg closing the gap but never thought he could actually catch the leader - - until about the final 10 meters. The world record in the event was broken by a full four seconds and the fifth place team broke the existing world record for the event. I would say that qualifies as a “classic Olympic moment”.

The US men’s basketball team played a game based on defense and getting the ball to the open man. In doing so, they beat China in an opening round game by more than 30 points. Every NBA coach should take that video, break it down, and make his team watch it analytically. It really is amazing how easy the game can be if the man with the ball does not have a horde of defenders around him and when your team is playing tough defense based on hustle. Of the jillions of NBA games played each season, I suspect you might find one or two where a team played that well - - but I would not want to be the person who had to wade through the slag-heap of other games to find those couple of gems.

Speaking of the NBA, can someone explain to me why the LA Clippers went out and signed Jason Williams and Ricky Davis? Greg Cote of the Miami Herald gives perspective on this matter:

“The Heat lost Jason Williams to the Los Angeles Clippers, filling the Clippers’ need for an injury-prone, broken-down point guard in severe career decline.”

Baseball is at the point in the season where the pennant races have been defined and the contending teams are also keeping an eye on the wild-card slots. This is the time when games for about half of the teams all matter a lot; for lots of teams there will be no “days off” until the end of their season. Nevertheless, the fans in a few cities seem not to have caught on.

I know that the Tampa Bay Rays have been awful for all of their existence and their fans have grown accustomed to failure and futility. However, the Rays hold the second best record in baseball at the moment and they are tied with the Cubs for the best home record in baseball. Yet, attendance is still miserable. Average attendance for the year in Tampa is only up about 4000 per game – to an anemic level of 21,500. The Rays rank 26th in overall attendance in MLB. What more do those fans want the team to do? Levitate themselves?

The Washington Nationals have the worst record in MLB. It is not unusual for the team with the worst record to have sagging attendance and the Nationals attendance in their new stadium has not been impressive at all. As I have pointed out here many times, Washington DC is not a good sports town and is certainly not a baseball town; MLB should have known that when the put the Expos here in the first place. But the news gets worse…

The Neilsen folks say that the Nationals television audience on the local cable sports channel (MASN) averages a paltry 9,000 people. That means the Nationals not only don’t draw fans to the stadium in any quantity but that people who stay home don’t even bother to turn on their TV set to see what is happening. Can it be that a major league baseball team actually draws more fans to the park than they do to the TV sets to see a game? I cannot believe that happens anywhere else - - even in Tampa.

Meanwhile, in Miami the chronic attendance woes continue. Once again, Greg Cote of the Miami Herald gives you a perspective on the situation down there:

“The Marlins took two of three in Philadelphia, finally defeating Jamie Moyer, and return home Monday to face St. Louis. It begins a huge homestand in an exciting playoff race, meaning the stadium might be one-third full instead of the usual one-fifth.”

The latest object of hyperbole is Yankee Stadium. It has been described as a shrine, a cathedral and a national historical landmark. Take a breath for a moment and focus on what’s going on and maybe you will want to ask the poets making such claims a simple question:

If any of those things – let alone all of them – happens to be close to correct, why is it being torn down?

At the end of the last college football season, there were some really bad football teams. If these were not the ten worst, then they were surely in the bottom 20.

Idaho 1-11
FIU 1-11
Duke 1-11
Minnesota 1-11
N Texas 2-10
Syracuse 2-10
Utah State 2-10
UAB 2-10
SMU 2-10
N. Illinois 2-10

So, which of these teams has a shot to improve in a significant way this year? My guess would be N. Illinois because five of their ten losses were by less than a TD last year.

Finally, let’s make today an homage to Greg Cote of the Miami Herald:

“FIU [Florida International University] has a new football stadium, new logo and new mascot. After a combined 1-23 record the past two years, I would say what FIU mostly needs is a new team.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Last weekend, Parker McLachlin won the Legends Reno-Tahoe Open golf tournament. Let me be clear, I could not pick Parker McLachlin out of a line-up with Peter Parker, any or all of the Parker Brothers and a Parker House roll. He won this tournament despite staggering home in the final round with a two-over-par round of 74. That bad round meant he only won the tournament by 7 shots. Why bother to mention this junior varsity PGA event? Here’s why:

Michelle Wie could not make the cut against this competition either.

Tiger Woods was on ESPN radio talking with Scott Van Pelt. I heard him say that he was just now beginning to ride a stationary bike as part of his rehab regimen following his knee surgery. Woods said explicitly that he will not be playing any golf until 2009 and that he is not sure at the moment when in 2009 he will be ready to play. There had been lots of speculation that he would be back for some “tune-up rounds” during the golf silly-season late this year. I think I will take Tiger Woods at his word and wait to see when he makes his comeback in 2009.

College football teams have begun fall practice; the season begins at the end of this month. At this time of year, I often recall a line by the essayist/satirist Elbert G. Hubbard regarding college football:

“College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.”

Would that the good folks at the NCAA would ponder the possibilities here…

Nevertheless, there are some college football observations that might prove interesting as the season unfolds. There are two teams that ought to improve significantly from mediocre/bad seasons last year:

UNC: The players have probably figured out that Butch Davis means business and knows what he is doing. He has recruited well and most of the really tough games on the UNC schedule (Va Tech, BC and Ga Tech) are in Chapel Hill this year.

Pitt: They have had good recruiting years recently and the schedule points to a good season for them too. They have their first three games at home against mediocre opponents and then have their tough Big East foes (WVU, Louisville and Rutgers) all at home later in the year.

In case you missed this item when it happened a couple of months ago, Duke cancelled a series of games against Louisville for 2007, 2008 and 2009. Louisville sued Duke claiming that it had been damaged because they could not find a “suitable replacement” and therefore lost revenue. Duke’s defense was that the Duke team was so bad that anyone Louisville put on the schedule would be a “suitable replacement”. The judge sided with the Duke position; Louisville received no damages in the case.

Here is an idea for the professors at Duke who teach creative writing. Have your students put themselves in the position where – 48 hours after the judge issued his ruling that Duke’s football program is so bad that any other team in the country can substitute for it – the student is working in the Duke Athletic Department and has to write a letter to football boosters and season ticket holders encouraging them to dip into their pockets to send money to the program and/or buy season tickets for 2008. That might be an interesting assignment…

I ran across an item announcing that Guy Morriss had been hired as the offensive line coach at Division II Kentucky State. Morriss had previously been the head coach at Kentucky (2 years) and Baylor (5 years). Since neither school is much of a football powerhouse, he had not had a world of success in either place, but still this announcement surprised me. No offense to Kentucky State here, but Morriss is now a position coach at a Division II school after two head coaching gigs at the Division I level. That seems like a pretty big drop to me.

Last year, Stanford beat USC as a 41-point underdog. They didn’t just cover that spread; they won the game outright. Unusual as it was, another factor makes that game even more stunning. If I did the counting carefully enough, I believe that ten players from that USC team were selected in the NFL Draft this year and zero Stanford players were selected. Wow.

Beano Cook has Notre Dame going 10-2 or 9-3 at the worst this season. I enjoy listening to Beano Cook; he has interesting stories to tell about college football and many of the personalities that have dotted that landscape for the past 50 or 60 years; Beano Cook is also an unmitigated Notre Dame fan. So, I went to look at the Notre Dame schedule for 2008 – remembering that the Irish were 3-9 last year and looked absolutely awful in some of their games. The schedule is not all that hard - - but it isn’t one that makes 10-2 look reasonable either. Michigan, Michigan State, Purdue BC and USC will be tough games. UNC and Pitt (see my suggestions for improved teams above) are on the schedule too. Maybe Notre Dame can squeeze out 6 wins and be bowl eligible this year, but 10-2…???

Here is another college football announcement you may have missed - - and if you heard it, you probably wished that you did miss it. The Atlantic Coast Conference announced that “pending eligibility” the ninth-place team in the ACC would play in the newly inaugurated Congressional Bowl in Washington DC – probably against Navy. Now that you know this tidbit, I will save you the mouse-clicks of going to Google by telling you the game is scheduled for December 20. I am sure you will want to get your tickets and your hotel reservations early for this match-up.

Finally, here is an item from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

“Central Florida football coach George O’Leary is boycotting The Orlando Sentinel over alleged reporting inaccuracies. How rich is that! This is the same guy who was fired by Notre Dame after about 10 minutes because of gross lies on his résumé.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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The Opening Ceremonies for the Olympics are tomorrow. The US women’s soccer team played its first game yesterday against Norway and lost 2-0. What part of “opening ceremonies” is so difficult to understand?

Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas has gotten his knickers in a knot and claims to have “documented evidence” that the Chinese government will subject the media, the athletes, their families and other visitors to “invasive intelligence gathering” during the Olympic Games. [Just for fun, what might be “non-invasive intelligence gathering”? Just asking…]

Cut back on the caffeine Senator; the day that the IOC awarded the games to China, all of these activities were a foregone conclusion. I hope no one tells the Senator that some Internet sites are blocked and members of the press there will not have access to all of their Internet resources while they are there. If someone tells the Senator that, he may start to orate about the First Amendment - - which does not exist in China. Oh, and everyone should have known that too back when the IOC awarded the games to China several years ago.

I also read that there is a sex-determination laboratory set up at these Games. The purpose of this facility is to assure that individuals competing in women’s competitions are in fact - - women. In situations where there is doubt about the “birth-gender” of a competitor, there will be “external examinations” and then four different “genetic/hormonal tests”. I guess this is what we call progress…

Bob Molinaro had an interesting comment on drug testing procedures for these Olympic Games in the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot:

“Idle thought: Anticipating drug-related controversies at the Summer Games doesn’t make you a cynic, just a student of history.”

In the baseball world, the Yankees put Joba Chamberlain on the DL after he had to come out of a game with shoulder soreness. This raises an interesting question:

Will Joba need to have Dr. Frank Jobe do a job on him?

Interestingly, I have not read even a short fulmination from Yammering Hank Steinbrenner about this injury. Let’s see, he can’t blame this one on the NL not having the DH rule. Moreover, it was his insistence that the Yankees make Joba Chamberlain into a starting pitcher instead of a reliever so that put extra mileage on Joba’s arm this year. Hmmm… Gotta find someone to blame here … It must be the fault of all those ne’er-do-wells in Red Sox Nation; yeah, that’s it…

Earlier this week, Brandon Webb won his 16th game of the season. He is the first pitcher in MLB to do that this year. More interestingly, that win came in a game that was played in one hour and fifty-five minutes. Bad night for the beer vendors there…

I wonder if the NFL is reading these essays and taking my advice about treating fans better and making the games more enjoyable for them. Probably not. Nevertheless, just a few days after I suggested improvements to the NFL regarding the way they treat fans, the league announced a code of conduct for fans designed to make the game day experience friendlier and more enjoyable. Spectators who misbehave will be ejected from stadiums and if the miscreant behavior is sufficiently bad, they will not be allowed to come again. Here are just some of the things the NFL wants stopped:

Unruly, disruptive or illegal behavior.

Drunkenness resulting in irresponsible behavior.

Foul/abusive language and/or obscene gestures.

Verbal or physical harassment of fans from an opposing team.

Let me assume for just a moment here that the NFL is actually serious about all of this and actually moves to enforce these rules stringently. If that is the case, here is one logical conclusion:

The Philadelphia Eagles and the Oakland Raiders could well be playing to completely empty home fields by Thanksgiving.

The Packers offered Brett Favre somewhere between $20 -25M to stay retired and be part of a club marketing program. Let’s call this what it is - - a severance package. [And the line between a “severance package” and a “bribe for civility” is a fine line indeed…] Forget whether or not you would take such a severance package; of course you would. I think that fans in other NFC North cities are probably thinking that if all those teams came up with a total of $25M they might be able to get the following people to take the same deal and retire:

Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton, Caleb Hanie, Nick Hill, Tarvaris Jackson, Gus Frerotte, Brooks Bollinger, John David Booty, Jon Kitna, Dan Orlovsky and Drew Stanton.

Here is a Quick Quiz:

Who went from “hero status” to “jackass status” in the least amount of time?

a. Floyd Landis

b. Roger Clemens

c. Brett Favre.

100 words or less…

Finally, here is a comment from syndicated columnist, Norman Chad, regarding the NBC Olympics telecasts on myriad TV networks and online:

“I believe my microwave oven will be carrying synchronized swimming most of next week.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Here is a column by Scott Ostler in the San Franscisco Chronicle about the history of the Olympics and some of its previous events and highlights.

This is definitely worth reading…

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I’m back from a quick visit to Seattle for a baseball weekend. The Mariners went 2-1 while I was in the stadium making my cumulative record for the past five years of these baseball treks 10-6 for the home team. If you look at the Mariners’ record over the past five years, they have not been playing at the “10-6 level” much of the time. In fact, if a team played “10-6 baseball” all season long they would win 100 games in a year. The Mariners are in danger of losing 100 games this year. Maybe I should write a proposal to the Mariners’ front office offering to attend lots more of their home games in the future - - for a small fee of course.

After the game on Sunday, I watched the Phillies/Cardinals game on ESPN from St. Louis. Maybe I spent all of my good will at the Mariners’ game that day, but when I watched that game and saw the stands full of people wearing Cardinals uniform tops, I wondered when that trend had become so pervasive. There had to be a minimum of 10,000 fans wearing uniform tops and my reaction was that these people could just as well have been wearing a sign saying “I Lead A Pathetic Existence!”

Two men on camera were clearly more akin to sumo wrestlers in physique than to baseball players - - even ones like Prince Fielder or Sid Fernandez. There was a woman in the stands who was so hugely endowed that she could not have buttoned that uniform top without someone sewing the infield tarp into the back of the garment. I hope these folk do not think that by putting on a Cardinals uniform top that it makes anyone think they might be actual players. But you never know … I also hope these folk do not think that by putting on a Cardinals uniform top that it makes anyone think they might know something important about baseball. But you never know …

The Tampa Bay Rays have never had a winning season in franchise history. In fact, over the decade or so that they have been in existence, they have averaged 97 losses per year. Last year, the Rays won 67 games. As of this morning, the Tampa Bay Rays have won 67 games already and have 50 left to play. They are on pace to win 97 games this year not lose 97 games this year.

The Dodgers’ acquisition of Manny Ramirez ought to give them enough oomph to win the pathetic NL West. Even thought this is a two-month player rental on the part of the Dodgers, it made sense for them to do this deal because that ticket to the playoffs is there for the taking. Obviously, the Dodgers went into this year thinking they would never need to go out and find another outfielder who can provide offense since they signed Andruw Jones as a free agent last year to the tune of $18M. For that $18M, here is what Jones has produced so far:

In 69 games, he has 200 at-bats and 32 hits. That is not a difficult batting average to calculate; he is hitting .160. Those 32 hits have produced a total of 13 RBIs. He has walked 26 times; he has struck out 73 times.

Just to be clear here, it is not good when you are hitting well below .200 and you strike out three times as often as you walk…

The temptation is always there to look at trades and declare who “won the trade” and who “lost the trade” in the first minutes after the trade is announced. Clearly, when young prospects are involved, one needs to see how those prospects turn out to declare a winner and a loser. However, I do want to say that with the Red Sox acquisition of Jason Bay in the Manny Ramirez deal, the Red Sox probably did not lose much in the transaction. Bay is not the hitter that Ramirez is nor is he the “RBI machine” that Ramirez is. Nevertheless, Jason Bay is a good hitter who can still improve and he is a fine defensive outfielder - - and that is a phrase that will never be associated with Manny Ramirez.

Speaking of the Sox acquiring Jason Bay, what are the Pittsburgh Pirates doing? Xavier Nady and Jason Bay were in their outfield; both are in their prime at age 30; Bay is hitting near .300 with 23 HRs and Nady is hitting about .330 with 17 HRs. So why do you trade these guys without acquiring someone who can actually step in and play for the Pirates immediately? What is the purpose of developing players if all you are going to do is to trade them for little value once they grow up and become valuable major league commodities?

I read that the Spectrum in Philadelphia is probably going to be torn down some time next year. That was the building that housed the Philadelphia 76ers in their disastrous 9-73 season. It also was the site of a college basketball game you might recall. That game ended with Christian Laettner hitting a jump shot from the top of the key after taking a 75-foot inbounds pass from Grant Hill to give Duke a win over Kentucky in an NCAA regional final game. I’m sure you have seen a replay of that event at least once…

When I was young – just after the dinosaurs stopped roaming the planet – there was a movie called If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium. That title sort of sums up my sense of MLS at the moment. If American soccer still needs to be saved, that means David Beckham must still be playing soccer here. However, after the ridiculous hype surrounding his arrival in MLS last year, it is hard to know if he is still alive – and kicking of course – this year. Perhaps the MLS PR trolls can find a useful middle ground next year?

Speaking of soccer, I read that a South African “official” suggested that the country ought to legalize prostitution – temporarily of course – for the time of the World Cup Soccer Games scheduled in South Africa in 2010. There are so many problems with regard to unfinished venues for games and other infrastructure problems of a sufficient magnitude that FIFA has said it has already drawn up a contingency plan to put the games elsewhere if South Africa is unable to stage the games properly. I am sure this suggestion by this South African “official” will go a long way toward convincing the FIFA folks that everything is under control in South Africa.

Or maybe this suggestion is targeted at the “Travis Henry demographic”?

Finally, let me close with an item from Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times as a memento of my weekend in Seattle:

“Xavier point guard Drew Lavender was arrested for disorderly conduct after he refused repeated police orders to move out of a street intersection, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported, and cops say they also discovered marijuana on him.

“As for the criminal charges, let’s just say the possession arrow is pointing his way.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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The NFL Hall of Fame Game does not mean much of anything except that it is like when pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training. That event lets you know that “the real thing” – the regular season – is in sight and it is time to start paying closer attention to football matters than you have been for the past several months. Here in Curmudgeon Central, attention is always paid to NFL matters because the NFL is the 800-lb gorilla of US sports. Additionally, the NFL is a game and a league that tends to be well run - - and so it is interesting and challenging to try to come up with ways for the league to improve itself and its game.

This will be fifth installment of some suggestions as to how the NFL can make its product better than it is. These are ideas that come to me as I read about NFL game issues and management issues or as I’m watching various games. There is no priority order to them; there is no pride of authorship; there is no anticipation that the NFL has been waiting for this to hit the streets so that they can put a working group together to see how to implement my ideas.

The first thing the NFL needs to do – and it needs to do this in conjunction with the NFLPA – is to find a way to implement a rookie wage scale. Far too many high draft picks get paid far too much money relative to veteran NFL players. The poster children for this year’s excesses are Matt Ryan (Atlanta) who is already getting money comparable to Tom Brady and Peyton Manning even though he has yet to play a game in the NFL and Jake Long (Miami) who will get twice as much money guaranteed to him in his rookie contract than David Diehl will get from the Giants in Diehl’s new contract. The only thing Diehl has done is to start every game for the Giants since 2003 and be part of a Super Bowl winning team.

But that is not the only inequity in the rookie salary system. Consider the plight of Joe Flabeetz who was drafted in the fifth round out of Northeast Southwest State Teachers College. He had no leverage in his initial dealings with the NFL team that drafted him and the CBA allows the team to sign a rookie for up to 5 years. Therefore, Flabeetz is tied to a team for a series of five one-year contracts at a low value and with next to nothing guaranteed. But Flabeetz has played in the league for two years now and he is an emerging star. No matter; he will make less than a second round draftee this year who has never played a snap AND Flabeetz really can’t do much to get a new deal unless he makes a pain in the a$$ of himself. To some extent, that is the situation Devin Hester found himself in a few weeks ago.

It is not only that top draft picks are generally overpaid; it is that some middle to low round draft picks can become hugely underpaid with no real recourse. And that is why the league and the union need to fix this. By the way, there is an ancillary benefit here too for the both players and the league. If rookie contracts are “slotted” as they are in the NBA, then there is no reason for lengthy holdouts by rookies and that means they get into camp on time and begin to develop their skills for the NFL game. The absences of JaMarcus Russell and Brady Quinn from training camp last year surely did not help those players or their teams.

However, for some reason, Gene Upshaw has said that this is not something the NFLPA will cede any ground on. I do not get that at all. There is a salary cap in the NFL and there is a salary floor too. Therefore, if a team is committed to spending $100M on player salaries in 2008 (just to take a figure from out of the air) and it spends less of that money on its draftees, that means it has to spend more of that money on veteran players. That is a consequence of the Law of Conservation of Matter; those salary dollars have to be spent somewhere. So, it does not seem to be such a critical issue for the NFLPA that it cannot be negotiated to make it better than it is.

Labor peace since the early 1990s has made the NFL the cash cow that it has become. I cannot imagine that this issue will be the one that derails that gravy train…

Perhaps a bargaining chip in the negotiations to establish a rookie wage scale might be related to my second suggestion. The NFL ought to consider expanding its roster size. NFL Europe is no more; the AAFL never got off the drawing boards; there is no pool of football talent out there in “next-to-ready” football condition as there was in the past. Teams now have 53 players on a roster and then have to go looking for guys who are loading boxes at warehouses if something goes wrong. The union ought to be receptive to an offer by the league to increase the roster size from 53 to – say – 56 players.

Oh, and why not have more of them dress for Sunday games? The guys on the practice squad are being paid their salaries anyway; what would be wrong with some of them being on the sidelines or even playing on some special teams if that is their strength. Why not have game day rosters expanded to 50 players and simultaneously do away with the “emergency quarterback” rule?

Since I am on the track of changing things relative to the roster and the game, the NFL has to change the way it handles overtime games. If a Super Bowl is ever decided in overtime by the receiving team taking the ball and squeaking down the field to kick a long field goal without the kicking team ever touching the ball, it will NOT be well received. The solution to this problem is so simple that I am almost embarrassed to write it down:

1. There must be two possessions in any overtime - - one by each team.

2. At the end of the second possession, if one team is ahead, that team is declared the winner.

3. At the end of the second possession, if the score it still tied, the first team to score from that point forward is declared the winner.

The league also needs to work more proactively with the networks to the benefit of their fans. The NFL is on a course to become the Night-time Football League. Look at the scheduling and you will see that fewer and fewer of the good teams or the good match-ups happen at 1:00 PM local time in the home stadium. In this situation, the fans on the West Coast have an advantage since a one-o’clock start for them is a late afternoon game for the East Coast fans. Way too many of the good teams and good games get moved to 4:15 starts (on short notice) or night-time starts on the East Coast. With flex scheduling, some Sunday night games originally showed up as day games when fans bought tickets.

Football is played in cold weather and not every venue is as fan-friendly at night for games as it is when the sun is out. Additionally, a nighttime football game that starts at 8:30 on the East Coast will assure that fans attending that game will not be home much before 1:00 AM if they are lucky. The following days (Fridays, Mondays and Tuesdays) tend to be workdays for most folks and with the price of NFL tickets, you have to assume that many of the fans in the stands have jobs they need to be at the next morning.

The league and the networks – and the union too – need to remember that in the end, it is the fans who pay the freight. If the fans stop going to the hip and opening up the wallet, the party is over for everyone. So, maybe it’s a good idea to figure out ways to minimize the inconvenience shown to fans - - and keeping the late-game/night game scheduling under control might be a good way to do just that.

Here could be a tipping point for the NFL with regard to fan inconvenience. More and more teams are requiring fans to pony up sizeable chunks of change to buy PSLs and then the fans have to pay top-shelf dollars to get their tickets. More than a few season ticket holders sell off tickets they cannot use as a way to recoup some of those expenses. Now if there are too many night games and if it becomes difficult for season ticket holders to “off-load” those tickets, they might not be as willing to cough up the big bucks for PSLs or for game tickets in the high three figures per seat. Everyone needs to pay attention to this kind of thing now before there is a real problem.

Finally, the NBA has come under a cloud with regard to the integrity of its games in the past year. There is no such cloud around the NFL at the moment despite sporadic outcries about “The Tuck Rule” and the “bad calls against the Seahawks in the Super Bowl” and the putative favoritism shown to the Pats/Colts/Cowboys/NY City teams. Nevertheless, the “integrity of the game” goes beyond assuring that the officials on the field – and in the replay booth – are not on the take.

The NFL established a dangerous precedent last year. When the Jets accused the Pats of improperly taping the Jets’ signals during a regular season game, the league found that the Pats violated the rules and punished the team with a fine and a loss of a draft choice. Nonetheless, the league allowed the Pats to retain the victory in the game.

Essentially – in a league where winning is everything – the NFL told teams that you can violate the rules (cheat, if you will) and even if you are caught you will still benefit from that rules violation by keeping your victory. That was a bad move then and it needs to be rectified for the future. The guiding principle should be, if you cheat (and you get caught), you lose.

If the NFL were to come to that sort of posture on minding its rules, then it also needs to pay attention to and enforce the rules against tampering. I am not talking about finding out if Brett Favre and Brad Childress sent text messages to each other. I am talking about the rather obvious and blatant tampering that happens every January and February with players who are signed to one team but who will become free agents on 1 March. Only a fool would believe that these players – via their agents to be sure – have not been in contact with teams other than their own on the subject of signing with some other team.

That is tampering and if the integrity of the game and its rules mean anything then the teams and the players and the agents need to be punished in a way that means they do not prosper from violating those rules. Please note that I am not taking sides here; everyone involved needs to be punished in situations such as this – the teams, the GMs, the coaches, the owners, the players, the agents. If tampering does not matter, then get rid of the rules; if it matters, enforce the rules.

Finally, let me close this offering with an observation from James Carville that I have used before:

“Winning an argument with your wife is like the war in Iraq. Even when you win, you are still in big trouble.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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