The Sports Curmudgeon®

I would like to believe that someone noticed that I did not do Mythical Picks last year. That would give me an incentive to do them all the way through this football season. However, I do not really have a whole list of things I would rather do; so, I will do them anyhow.

For new readers, let me set the stage. I am one of those people who has been known to wager on sporting events - - even collegiate ones. Dr. Myles Brand does not like that; that is fine with me because I do not particularly like Dr. Myles Brand either. However, I do NOT encourage anyone else to wager on sporting events unless they have made that decision for themselves completely independently of my writings. Moreover, I do not pretend that these Mythical Picks are based on any kind of special insight or “inside information” that might lead anyone to believe they have an easy way to Easy Street.

It’s very simple. I’m a football fan; I follow both college and professional football. So, I keep notes on what I see and what I read/hear about teams and use those notes to make Mythical Picks - - please note the word “Mythical” here - - on the outcomes of games.

Here is the format. After this first week, I will review the previous week’s picks with regard to highlights and lowlights. Then I will make some general comments about NCAA football. Then I will list games that I call “Ponderosa Spreads” (big spreads of 24 points or more). Then I will talk about games of interest.

No one – let me emphasize nobody – should use anything here as the basis for making a real wager involving actual legal tender. Anyone doing that would be so stupid that the following advice would be useful to him/her:

Don’t be ignorant all your life; take a day off once in a while.

General Comments:

Ohio State is projected to be in the BCS Championship Game again this year against yet another SEC team. I think we have seen that movie before. A friend of mine – who is from SEC territory – says that all the SEC teams have access to a recipe for something called “Buckeye Bread” and here it is:

Put the Buckeyes in a Bowl.

Let them rise for about ten minutes.

Then beat them down for several hours, put them in the oven and serve when they are done.

Normally, the Ohio State out-of-conference schedule is easy to poke fun at but this year they will play USC and so they get a pass from any kind of schedule ridicule. Therefore, I had to go looking for a team that was ranked that also did not have any tough out-of-conference opponents on the schedule to assure that they would have a nicely padded record at the end of the year. Two teams provided examples and both come from the Big-12:

Missouri found room on their dance card for Southeast Missouri (Division 1-AA) and Nevada and Buffalo all at home. If Missouri has 10 wins for the year, remember where three of them came from.

Texas Tech summoned the courage to book Eastern Washington (Division 1-AA), Nevada (are they thinking of joining the Big-12?), SMU and UMass (Division 1-AA) to start the season. What’s the matter? Was Vegetative State unavailable?

I am rooting against Navy this year. This has nothing to do with a lack of patriotism or any animus toward the Naval Academy. I am rooting against them – to the extent that I want them to win only 5 games all season long – because that will make them ineligible for a bowl game. Why do I want them not to play in a bowl game?

The NCAA has sanctioned the Congressional Bowl this year; it will be played before Christmas in Washington DC. (Odds are the weather will be miserable.) The attraction for the game will be a bowl-eligible Navy team and they would take on the ninth place team in the ACC – assuming that team has won 6 games for the season. With Navy in the game, the organizers will draw a crowd in DC; but if Navy is out and this new game in a bad locale has to go shopping for an opponent to the ninth-place ACC squad, they might have to settle for Wyoming/NC State. Should that happen, the only way there will be more than 8,000 folks at the game is if they round up all the homeless folks in town and serve them food in the stadium seats. Yes, I would love to see that happen…

Here are some of my college coaches on the hot seat for 2008:

Ty Willingham – Washington: Schedule is a tough one but coming on top of a cumulative 9-25 record in Willingham’s tenure there, he probably still needs to be bowl eligible to hang in there. The Seattle Times reported that the Huskies could start 10 freshmen or sophomores this year. That does not make the Huskies’ schedule look any easier.

Mike Stoops – Arizona: Four consecutive seasons without a winning record and he has kept his job. I do not think he will do that if he takes that string out to five consecutive seasons…

Ralph Friedgen – Maryland: This program is going in reverse. It’s not all Friedgen’s fault, but if he doesn’t win six or seven games this year, he may be looking for work.

Dave Wannstedt – Pitt: Big things are expected this year and he has another highly rated bunch of recruits there. It may be “put up or shut up” time. He may be the coach with the best porn ‘stache in the country, but that won’t be good enough if the Panthers underachieve again.

Mike Sanford – UNLV: Too many seasons with only two wins per season here. The Rebels need to win 5 games at a dead minimum.

Tim Brewster – Minnesota: I know; he’s only been there one year so far but he was 1-11 in that one season and he lost to North Dakota State. Anything even approaching that level of ineptitude and he’s gonzo.

Ponderosa Spreads This Week:

These games take their name from the name of the large ranch (Get it? Big Spread?) on the TV show, Bonanza. I’ve defined the limit as a spread of 24 points or more. The last two years that I tracked these games, the oddsmakers have been very good with the numbers. The results were such that bettors could not have made money by betting the underdogs in all the games or by betting the favorites in all the games. We shall see how things play out this year…

FIU at Kansas – 36.5 (57.5) Bet on this game only if you know someone playing in it. If FIU is “plus-6” in turnovers, the game might go down to the wire. Otherwise…

Hawaii at Florida – 33.5 (67.5) Last time Hawaii played a team from the SEC it was in the Sugar Bowl and it was a disaster. Even with a new coach and a new QB and a new offensive system, Hawaii probably has not forgotten how to score but Florida should march through their defense with ease. If you must bet this game, take the OVER.

Idaho at Arizona – 27 (62.5) Arizona is a mediocre team; Idaho is a bad team. Stay away from games like this…

Akron at Wisconsin – 26.5 (51.5) Wisconsin could be a top-10 team this year. Akron surely is not. This game screams “MISMATCH!”

LA-Monroe at Auburn – 26.5 (49) Yawn!

N. Texas at K-State – 26 (67) Double yawn!!

FAU at Texas – 24 (65.5) FAU is the best of these sacrificial lambs but Texas should be able to score at will.

Games of Interest:

James Madison at Duke (no lines): This is probably the best opportunity for Duke to win a game this year. After this come Northwestern and Navy and then nine ACC games. Duke has a new coach and supposedly a new energy. If so, they should win handily here. Even if they don’t have any new energy, they had better win this game or students may start to camp out in Krzyzewski-ville starting on 1 October…

SMU at Rice – 3 (67.5) June Jones is at SMU now and he will throw the ball all over the field against a mediocre Rice defense. Rice throws the ball a lot too and SMU’s defense is nothing to write home about. Take the OVER here. The total could go into the 80s…

Temple – 3.5 at Army (41): Here are two teams seeking to reverse their football fortunes. Just to put a perspective on it, Temple is favored on the road. Wow!

Chattanooga at Oklahoma (no lines): How did this game happen? The Christians had a better chance against the Lions in the Coliseum…

Clemson – 4.5 vs. Alabama (46): The game is in Atlanta so there is no real “home field advantage here. Clemson is supposed to be the top dog in the ACC this year; Alabama is still building. Take the Tigers and lay the points.

Appalachian State at LSU (no lines): Appalachian State is the defending Division 1-AA champ; LSU is the defending Division 1-A champ. No way LSU takes this game lightly after what “A-State” did to Michigan last year on opening day.

Utah at Michigan – 4 (40.5): I’m not convinced that Michigan is ready to run their new offense, which is built around speed just yet. Utah obviously hasn’t played in an environment like The Big House, but I’d still take them with the points.

Maine at Iowa (no lines): How did this game get scheduled?

Syracuse at Northwestern – 11 (56): Syracuse is picked to be the Big East doormat this year. Northwestern is one of Mel Kiper Jr.’s “sleeper teams” for the year. You’d have to think that a “sleeper team” can roll over a “doormat team”, no?

Illinois vs. Missouri – 9.5 (59.5): Game is in St. Louis so no real home field advantage here. Illinois has most of its players back from the team that went to the Rose Bowl last year - - where they were crushed by USC. Missouri is a good team, but getting a Rose Bowl team plus 9.5 points is a good deal.

UTEP at Buffalo – 3.5 (59): Who scheduled this game? Don’t tell me that anyone thinks this will turn into a great intersectional rivalry game…

Fresno State at Rutgers – 5 (59.5): Just a hunch but I like Fresno State here despite the six-hour journey across three time zones.

Utah State at UNLV – 12.5 (48): These teams each won twice last year. It’s not as if UNLV is a powerhouse program. So, how bad must Utah State be to get 12.5 points against the Rebels?

Good luck.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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I want to offer a belated RIP to Gene Upshaw who passed away last week. It seems that it became fashionable to criticize Gene Upshaw for being too easy in his negotiations with the NFL on behalf of the players. I never understood that criticism. At the moment, the players get 60% (give or take a half-percent) of what has been defined as team revenue and the salary cap for each of the 32 teams is comfortably in the “nine-figure range.” The players are earning big money; the owners are making big money; the basis for all of that is the labor/management accord for the past 15 years. At least half the credit for that harmony belongs to Gene Upshaw and his leadership of the NFLPA. His voice of pragmatism might be important in the upcoming CBA negotiations but his voice will be silent. RIP, Gene Upshaw.

After returning from the Baseball Odyssey, I was catching up on my reading to gather material for these rants and ran across a report in the Chicago Sun-Times about a clever promotion by a minor league baseball club. The Sacramento River Cats are the Triple-A affiliate of the Oakland A’s in the Pacific Coast League. This weekend they will hold a “Bobblelection”. The team will have 1500 bobblehead dolls on hand in the likenesses of Barack Obama and John McCain. Fans entering the stadium can choose whichever bobblehead they want and the candidate that runs out of inventory first will be declared the Bobblelection winner. A spokesperson for the River Cats was clearly into the spirit of this promotion when he said:

‘’We think that people are looking for the same traits in their bobblehead as they are in their next president - a candidate with a solid foundation and a good head on their shoulders.'’

Thinking about baseball for a moment, who would have ever guessed that J.D. Drew would wind up on the disabled list just as the Red Sox turn for home in the midst of a division championship race and a wild card race? If you find that surprising, you will probably also be surprised to learn that Sir Isaac Newton did not create the recipe for fig newtons.

With the advent of instant replay in baseball to get home run calls right, here is a prop bet for you to consider:

How long until the first home run call is overturned by instant replay (in either direction)? September 23 OVER/UNDER ?

Speaking of home runs that should not have been, what ever happened to Jeffrey Maier?

I ran across a note in the Chicago Tribune that reported on a study by researchers at the University of Minnesota. This research team has been “studying alcohol service for a decade” and their recent findings are - - hold on to your seats now:

Even if you appear to be drunk, you will still be served beer at athletic venues.

These clever researchers hired college students as actors to pretend to be inebriated as they went to concession stands at sports stadia. Then they reported on the findings – and presumably did so with a straight face. Who would have ever guessed that booze vendors at sporting events – most of whom are on commission relative to the amount of beer they sell – would continue to push beer on anyone who was still vertical at the time of the money exchange?

Here are the really important aspects of that research:

1. Who is funding it?

2. Is there even a dime of my money involved?

3. If so, do I get to whack the person who spent my dime upside the head with pipe wrench?

The NY Post reported that the honchos at ESPN are considering a foray into late night TV. Plans are fermenting to create a sports talk program for ESPN2 that will be “tomorrow’s sports talk, tonight.” The concept supposedly would be to have a few ESPN experts sit around and express their views on sports issues of the moment to set the agenda for sports discussions in the coming days. I have no idea if this will work or not; obviously, it will be dependent on the “ESPN experts” on camera on any given night. Nevertheless, it will be difficult for whatever this new program might be called to be significantly worse than the “late night fare” on ESPN2 at the moment.

ESPN spokesthings refused to go into detail because of company policy related to programs still under development. Nevertheless, I find it interesting that this report shows up in the press proximal to the resignation of Jay Mariotti from the Chicago Sun-Times as Mariotti opts to pursue other courses for his career. Are there dots to be connected here?

According to ESPN: The Uncensored History by Michael Freeman, management there has wanted to put a program on ESPN2 that would be a recognizable centerpiece for that network - - much the way SportsCenter is the centerpiece for ESPN. They tried to have Keith Olbermann do such a thing way back when. Perhaps this will be the program they have been looking for?

Finally, David Freeman co-authored the book, 100 Things To Do Before You Die. Mr. Freeman died earlier this week at age 47; according to reports, he had not yet done all one-hundred of the things in his book. Here’s hoping he did get to do Nude Night Surfing in Australia. RIP, David Freeman.

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Here is another great column by Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle about China - - this time about a trip to the Great Wall.

If you liked that one, here is his “Farewell to China”…

And here is Scott Ostler doing Olympic “take-outs”. This is his specialty…

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The “Baseball Odyssey” is over. In the company of two high school classmates, I made my way around the state of Ohio last week taking in four baseball games in three days. Of course, a good time was had by all. We had great weather and baseball games to enjoy. You would have to be a direct descendant of Oscar the Grouch not to have a good time under those circumstances. Nevertheless, a few things along the way demand a curmudgeonly commentary…

Granted we had a small sample of only four games here, but if I were to draw a conclusion from these games, it would be this:

Ohio is where baseball fundamentals go to die.

In four games, we saw five – count them, five – dropped pop-ups/fly balls. I am not talking about an outfielder jumping to catch a ball over the fence and having the ball hit his glove and go out of the park. I am talking about a pop-up to the short stop in the infield that hits the glove and falls to the ground. We saw that twice. In addition, we saw a single to left center field with a runner on first where the outfielder made a throw toward third base and it was cut off by the shortstop. Nothing wrong there - - except that the second baseman was standing between the shortstop and third base leaving no one to cover second. The batter took second base in a walk. That can happen in Little League but by the time a player gets to high school, failure to cover the bases is a cardinal sin.

On this trip, we saw a major league game (Cleveland/KC), a Class A Game (Lake County/Lakewood) and two Class AAA games (Columbus/Richmond) and (Toledo/Richmond). Interestingly, the only game where there was not a dropped fly ball was the Class A game. Oh, and there were no mistakes with regard to where a ball was thrown and all the bases were covered in that Class A game too.

The Indians’ ballpark, Progressive Field, is a nice facility. The sight lines are excellent; the concourses are spacious; entrance and egress are simple. The last time I took in a game in Cleveland, the Indians played in Municipal Stadium – I think that is what it was called – and it had all the charm of a mausoleum. The new stadium is a huge step up…

The stadium in Lake County is also new. Being a Class A stadium, it probably does not seat more than 6,000 folks but there is not a bad seat in the house. On a Thursday night, the crowd was sparse even in this small stadium but the players hustled on every play. Clearly, their aim was to make it to the next level on the baseball ladder. The Lake County Captains offer fans the kind of rah-rah enthusiasm and silly contests that one comes to expect from minor league baseball teams. If minor league baseball is attractive to you, this is a fine place to go; if you do not like baseball or only like it at the major league level, you will be disappointed.

The Columbus Clippers are playing their final games in their old stadium - - and it’s a good thing. The old stadium was probably satisfactory 25 years ago; it was outdated 10 years ago; it has obviously been “going to seed” for the last five years and now it is ready for the big wrecking ball. [Cue Maynard G. Krebs…]

The Columbus Clippers are the AAA affiliate of the Washington Nationals. The Nats are basically a Triple-A team playing at the major league level and these guys are the ones who could not make the Nats. Elijah Dukes was down there and he wasn’t tearing it up against AAA pitching; the starting pitcher had a stint with the Nats and he gave up seven runs in the second inning to the Richmond Braves. Basically, every batter just clubbed ball all over the park.

There was a good crowd at the Clippers’ game. Sadly, it seems as if the reason was that it was “dime-dog nite” and not the game. It wasn’t until about the third inning before the fans stopped streaming in from the concession stands laden with food…

In Toledo, we dined at Tony Packos – Klinger’s favorite Toledo restaurant from the TV series M*A*S*H – and the Hungarian Hot Dogs lived up to their reputation. The restaurant is right across the street from the first base entrance to the stadium so dinner and a few adult beverages prior to game time are easily accommodated. The Mud Hens play in an excellent facility; Newsweek called it the best minor league park in the country. It was a sell-out crowd on Saturday night but our seats were just fine - - except for one small problem.

Toledo fans seem to go to the Mud Hens game as a social event and not to see a baseball game. Adjacent to our seats, there was a cadre of “fans” covering four rows of seats. None of them saw a single pitch; they spent the entire game looking at each other and talking about family and friends and vacations and the like. As one who lacks a full measure of the milk of human kindness, I was hoping for a screaming line drive to come into that knot of fans and hit someone hard enough to knock out some teeth; I said to one of my companions I was hoping to “see Chicklets on the ground”. My companions have a far greater generosity of spirit than do I. Nevertheless, one of them said in a voice loud enough to be heard:

“Imagine that. In the middle of this great conversation, a baseball game broke out.”

The Mud Hens are the Triple-A affiliate of the Detroit Tigers. And if I might offer a tad of free advice to the Tigers’ organization, they ought to send someone down to Toledo to work on baseball fundamentals with these guys. The number of catching/throwing/base running/failure to charge a ground ball mistakes exhibited by that team in nine innings was frightful. Even worse, there was no exhibition of frustration or anger or even resignation to this shoddy play by the manager or the coaches. No one seemed to give a rat’s ass – everyone seemed to ignore this stuff the same way the fans adjacent to out seats were ignoring that stuff. If the Tigers think that this is where they have players ready to come up and help out the parent club in a pinch, they are sorely mistaken.

The three of us have tentative plans for next year’s baseball excursion - - pending the interest and availability of a fourth high school classmate. We hope to be able to visit “the fourth classmate” in Arizona sometime in March so that all of us can take in a bunch of spring training games there. My assignment at the moment is to begin negotiations on dates for that proposed trip and to begin the logistical planning processes. The e-mails to get this started shall go out later today.

The day-night doubleheader from this trip made me realize that sometime in the next decade I need to take my grandson to Chicago on a day when the Cubs play in the afternoon and the White Sox play at night. One of the subway lines runs from one stadium to the other. My grandson needs to do that - - but of course, he will need adult supervision…

Finally, Charlie Walters had this quote from Twins’ first baseman Justin Morneau in the St. Paul Pioneer-Press when Morneau had been asked if he could win the MVP Award. Would that every athlete faced with a similar question would have such insight:

“If you set out to do that, it gets too personal. I just try to do one thing every day to help us win, if it’s making a pick in the dirt, if it’s making a diving play, if it’s driving in a run, taking a walk, whatever. Then, at the end of the year, the people who decide that stuff decide that stuff. There are a lot of guys who are having great years.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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Starting later today, two friends from high school and I will set out on a “Baseball Odyssey”. One of my companions has dubbed our little group the “Boys of Summer” as we go and take in baseball games each year. This year, we will catch four games in three days. The home teams will be the Cleveland Indians, the Lake County Captains, the Columbus Clippers and the Toledo Mud Hens.

If you watched M*A*S*H when it was on TV, you may recall that Klinger had a thing for Hungarian hot dogs from a restaurant in Toledo called Tony Packos. It is a real place; we are going there for a pre-game libation and a Hungarian hot dog while we are in Toledo. How could we miss that?

After that odyssey, my wife and I need to attend a Memorial Service for one of her aunts on Long Island.

I’ll be back on the air in the middle of next week. Please come back then…

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According to an article in yesterday’s Washington Post, a Russian born sumo wrestler in Japan – sumo name is Wakanoho – lost his wallet in Tokyo back in June. Someone found the wallet and turned it over to the police. The police were able to trace it to him but not all is well at this point of the story; there was “a marijuana cigarette” in that wallet. Wakanono is now in custody; and here is what he could face for being in possession of that marijuana cigarette:

“…up to five years in prison with forced labor and could be deported with no possibility of reentry. He could also be thrown out of the sumo federation.”

I have no interest at all in being part of any debate about marijuana use or legalizing marijuana or anything else. I would like to point out, however, that the next time you hear a US sports official or Congressthing talk about stiff penalties for drug usage, please remember this incident. If someone wants to talk about “zero tolerance” this would be the kind of consequence that might accompany such a policy - - were that policy to be a real one.

Here are a few Olympics observations:

I saw the trampoline competition two nights ago. If trampoline is an Olympic sport, can hopscotch and double-dutch be far behind?

Since TV ratings seem to have importance with regard to what is an Olympic sport, how long until Beer Pong and/or women’s mud wrestling is a demonstration sport?

Have you seen Craig Sager doing sideline reporting for men’s basketball? The fact that he did his work without wearing a madras sports coat and striped pants with an international orange necktie shows that he actually dresses that way on purpose for his day job.

Last year, Hope Solo was benched for a women’s soccer final against Brazil and the US lost 4-0. Solo raged against her coach and said that the sub who played for her was inferior and that she (Solo) would have stopped at least two of the goals for sure. The coach was fired; Solo was reinstated to the team and later this week the US women will play Brazil for the gold medal. Hope Solo will be in goal. Will this story have a “Walt Disney ending”?

Pay attention to the NBC presentation of the Olympics for the rest of the week. There may be a lesson here. NBC will have to go an entire week without having any fresh “Michael Phelps stuff” to put on the air. Watch to see how they handle that situation and perhaps you will get an idea of what ESPN might do once Brett Favre retires for good.

About two years ago, I wrote that there were just too many Halls of Fame in the country. Well, one of these Halls of Fame is closing down and the cynic in me says it is not because the stampede of visitors was too much to keep up with. Dwight Perry summed up my feelings about this in the Seattle Times:

“Employees of the International Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame in St. Louis were stunned to hear that the kegler shrine will close its doors in October.

“In fact it was so quiet, eyewitnesses said, that you could hear … nah, too easy.”

The Commissioner of Baseball has the authority to act unilaterally to put an end to activities that are not in the “best interests of baseball”. Clearly, those powers are rarely invoked but there is a situation ongoing at the moment that should get someone in the Commish’s office to sit up and take notice.

The LA Dodgers have acquired several players at the trade deadline and on waiver deals. The rumor is that Greg Maddux will be their next addition. The bad news here is that only Maddux will be paid by the Dodgers; in all the prior deals, the team sending them a player also agreed to continue to pay that player’s salary for the rest of the year. Maybe it is just me, but that smells of conflict of interest.

The Red Sox are paying Manny Ramirez to play in LA. [Aside: That sort of says just how badly they wanted Manny to be Manny in any zip code other than one of the ones in Boston.] In effect, that is like the Red Sox owners lending money to the Dodgers so that they can pay Manny Ramirez and I do not think the idea of one team being in debt to another team is in the “best interests of baseball”.

The fact that Maddux is supposedly going to the Dodgers makes me wonder how he got through waivers and past the Texas Rangers. The Rangers have offense galore but their pitching is avert-your-eyes awful. Maddux may not be the pitcher he was 10 years ago - - that’s why he is available - - but he is better than what is on the Rangers’ staff now. So how did he get past the Rangers?

Finally, here is another Dwight Perry item from the Seattle Times:

“Now available at Dodgers concessions stands: Manny Ramirez caps — complete with attached dreadlocks.

“Now that’s a scary thought: Many being Manny.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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In the past, I have mentioned the unbelievable prices for tickets to the new Yankee Stadium next year. Here is another example from Charlie Walters’ column in the St. Paul Pioneer-Press:

“In 1993, tickets at Yankee Stadium, 18 rows from the on-deck circle, cost $12. Last season, those same seats cost $125 apiece, and this season, without warning buyers, they increased to $250 each. In the team’s new stadium next season, the same seats will cost $850 a game.”

You know who should be happy about those price increases? Teams like the Baltimore Orioles, Washington Nationals, Pittsburgh Pirates, Cleveland Indians and Detroit Tigers. Those teams do not play to capacity crowds very often and when the Yankees come to town next year – if they indeed make it to Washington and/or Pittsburgh, there should be Yankee fans from NYC following the team in droves. For a couple to go and see three games at Yankee Stadium next year, the cost can easily top $2000 and could get into the $3500 range easily. For that price, they could fly to one of those nearby cities, rent a hotel room, catch a three game series, fly home and not spend anywhere near $3000.

I read that Manny Ramirez and Rod Carew both went to the same high school in Manhattan. So, that leads me to the question:

Who is the best baseball player to come out of George Washington High School (Manhattan)?

I would vote for Rod Carew but it would be close…

There is a bunch of NFL “stuff” that has been accumulating during these Olympics times and I want to get through a bunch of it. The mayor of Las Vegas, Oscar Goodman, is a flamboyant character to be sure. He wants a major league sports franchise in Las Vegas very badly; but absent achieving that end, Mayor Goodman has another idea to offer. He has proposed building a stadium in Las Vegas that will seat 80,000 folks and he suggests that stadium could be the permanent home of the Super Bowl and all Monday Night Football games. Hey, you cannot say this guy does not think outside the box; in fact, he is so far out there that he has lost track of the fact that there is a box somewhere.

Obviously, the Vegas sportsbooks will not be setting any odds on this proposition actually happening as proposed by Hizzoner; but informally, I would put the odds here at about 1000 – 1 against…

Greg Cote had this comment in the Miami Herald relevant to the Dolphins acquisition of Chad Pennington:

“Bringing in Pennington to baby-sit the job until future starter Chad Henne is ready marks the unveiling of the Dolphins’ evolving All-Chad Quarterback Strategy. Chads haven’t gotten this much attention in South Florida since the 2000 presidential election”.

Pennington had a good start to his career and what seemed to be a bright future but he faded in recent years. He was a less than wonderful 1-7 as a starting QB with the Jets last year. Now he gets a chance to shine again in Miami…

Another player who had a good start to his career and seemed destined for fame and stardom was Julius Peppers. Last year, he did not have much support from the rest of his defensive line mates and his stats sagged to less than journeyman levels; he had 2.5 sacks for the season. Peppers cannot repeat that performance this year lest his career crashes and burns…

The Chicago Bears have taken the concept of a quarterback controversy to a completely new dimension of space-time. The argument in Chicago is not so much about whether Kyle Orton or Rex Grossman should be the starter; the argument is about whether or not either should be allowed to be the starter. By the way, the “winner” of this QB competition gets to play behind a really sub-standard offensive line while the “loser” here gets to hold a clipboard in relative safety on the sidelines. At some point in this saga, you could expect Rod Serling to step out and tell you that the Bears have just entered The Twilight Zone.

Let me offer some good news/bad news points here:

Good News: Adam Archuletta has an NFL job.

Bad News: It’s with the Oakland Raiders.

Good News: The Raiders will make him into a linebacker.

Bad News: Coaching staffs in both Washington and Chicago couldn’t figure out that he can’t play safety so they never tried to move him to linebacker.

The Packers had planned a huge celebration to retire Brett Favre’s jersey on the opening week of MNF. ESPN was going to have just about everyone associated with its NFL coverage onsite in Lambeau Field. It was going to be a gala event. Obviously, the Packers have put that celebration/ceremony on ice for the time being. Surely, ESPN will change its plans, no?

In the 2005 NFL Draft, USC wide receiver Mike Williams “slipped” to #10. He had been projected as a high pick the year before but lost his NCAA eligibility and his NFL “eligibility” in the Maurice Clarett caper. However, many people thought he was a sure thing to become a stud at wide receiver. Well, Williams’ career never amounted to a pinch of platypus puke; and now, he is available to anyone that wants him. Basically, he ate his way out of the league and showed himself to be extremely unreliable at things like showing up for meetings/practices on time.

Playing football for the Philadelphia Eagles may cause players to experience identity crises. Consider that CB William James changed his name from Will Peterson two years ago and that OT William Thomas changed his name from Tra Thomas last year. This year, the identity crises doubled on the Eagles’ roster. Defensive end, Juqua Thomas changed his name to Juqua Parker and William Thomas changed his name back to Tra Thomas. For sure in Philly, you cannot tell the players without a scorecard…

Finally, here is something from Dwight Perry in the Seattle Times:

“Brett Favre and other NFL greats have joined chef Bobby Flay in producing the ‘Sunday Night Football Cookbook’ for charity.

“So what’s the Favre recipe for, All-Pro Waffles?”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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An alert reader pointed out to me that Brooks Robinson is also in the HoF - - I should have remembered that - - and so there are indeed four “Robinsons” in the baseball HoF along with four “Williams”.

How did I remember Wilbert Robinson and forget Brooks Robinson? Those synapses work in mysterious ways…

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Just a few comments on some Olympics items lest they go to waste in the back of the refrigerator:

The so-called Redeem Team had games against Spain and Germany that some prognosticators said would be tough games. The US beat Spain by 37; they beat Germany by 49. The difference between this team and previous US Olympic Basketball teams made up of NBA players is that this one plays defense and they share the ball.

If you did not see Usain Bolt win the gold medal 100-meter dash, go find it and watch it. Not only does he break the existing world record by .03 seconds, but he does that while he “cruises” for the last 10-15 meters.

I swear I saw one of the track and field athletes in one of the heats with the Olympic Rings tattooed on his biceps. I do not know who it was; I came in as the heat was ongoing and caught a glimpse of it as the camera followed the runners down the stretch. Here is the question:

Did he have to pay the IOC a fee to get that tattoo? If not, isn’t that copyright infringement?

Let me put two items in juxtaposition here. First, women’s beach volleyball is on NBC a whole lot. Second, softball will not be included in future Olympic Games. Now, just suppose that Jenny Finch pitched in the same uniform that the women’s beach volleyball players wear. Do you think NBC might exert some influence on the IOC to keep softball in the Olympic Games? Just asking…

If you ever want to understand the concept of weight maintenance and the importance of balancing caloric intake with energy expenditures, look at Michael Phelps. In training, he eats 12,000 calories per day. If he were not in training and ate that much, he would look like Refrigerator Perry in less than a year.

A friend sent me a trivia question and told me not to use Google because it would be too easy to get the answer there. I did not use Google and came close to the answer. I will present it here and provide my wrong answer and the correct answer below:

In the baseball Hall of Fame, what surname has the most inductees and how many?

In the Dallas Cowboys’ training camp is an offensive tackle named Corey Lekkerkerker. Without looking, I will assert that he leads the NFL in the number of “Ks” in his surname…

Several years ago, Darrell Russell was killed in a car accident. You may recall Russell as a talented but troubled defensive tackle who ran afoul of the NFL substance abuse rules more than once and who had more than a couple of run-ins with the law. Russell’s estate is now suing the LA Transit authorities claiming that a bus was parked in a no parking zone and that bus was the instrument of Russell’s death. Here is a description of what happened from an article in 2005:

“Russell, 29, was a passenger in a car driven by former USC teammate Mike Bastianelli that went out of control about 6 a.m. and hit a curb, tree, newsstand, fire hydrant, light pole, another tree and an unoccupied transit bus…”

If this suit fails, maybe the estate can sue the fire hydrant manufacturer next?

I watched most of the Redskins/Jets exhibition game over the weekend. I have come to two conclusions from that game:

1. The reason the Jets traded for Brett Favre is because Kellen Clemens is several years away from becoming a mediocre starting QB in the NFL.

2. Vernon Gholston cannot play OLB. If the Jets do not move him inside or beef him up to play DE, they will rue the day they spent a high draft pick and a ton of guaranteed money on this guy – reported to be in the $20M range. As an OLB, Gholston might make fans think of other draft day disasters such as Tony Mandarich, Ryan Leaf and Akili Smith…

I read that Saints’ DT, Hollis Thomas, is out for eight weeks with a torn triceps. The Saints list Thomas at 6 feet tall and 335 lbs. If he is not going to be working out for eight weeks, he might return to practice weighing almost as much as the moon. [See reference to Michael Phelps above…]

Regarding the Cowboys/Broncos exhibition game, the Cowboys pass defense was riddled by Jay Cutler. I understand this is the exhibition season, but there were plenty of first-string defenders on the field when all this happened. The Cowboys were 13-3 last year and Coach Wade Phillips has told Cowboy fans that he has his ring finger ready this year. Folks, that will not happen with a pass defense that plays the way it did last weekend.

Time for the trivia question answer. I thought I had it nailed when I realized that there were three “Robinsons” in the Hall of Fame - - Frank, Jackie and Wilburt. I did not realize that there were also three “Browns” and three “Johnsons” in Cooperstown. So, I was wrong. The answer is there are four “Williams” in the Hall of Fame - - Billy, Ted, Dick and Joe. I forgot that Dick Williams was inducted just this year and must admit that Joe Williams rang no bells with me.

Finally, the Minnesota Twins recently drafted a pitcher from Tulane named Shooter Hunt. Why isn’t this guy in the Olympics archery competition?

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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On more than a few occasions, I have wondered aloud why cities and countries go out of their way to host the Olympics. I guess there is some dimension of national pride involved; but unless the city/country doing the hosting is one in serious need of the infrastructure investment that hosting demands, there is no way that it makes economic sense.

Montreal hosted the 1976 Olympics. They just finished paying off the bonds that financed that event. It was not long after the games ended that the city and province had to dip into “general revenues” to service the debt.

Athens/Greece spent somewhere between $16 -19B to host the 2004 games at a time when the Greek economy needed to reduce its debt burden. The Athens games ran in the red.

Depending on how you do the accounting, the Chinese have spent between $42 – 80B on the 2008 games. [Do you count the cost of relocating a manufacturing plant from the Beijing area to a western area of the country as an “Olympic Expense” or part of the “General Economic Restructuring Plan”?] While that is certainly not a trivial sum, the economy of China is large enough to absorb that kind of spending even though the estimated cost for the games when they made their IOC bid was less than $5B.

London estimated that the games would cost them $8B. They are already at $19B and counting with four years to go until the games in 2012.

There is no way that the Olympics pay off those kinds of numbers so the only economically rational way to justify this is to say that the Games generate jobs and wealth during the building phase and that wealth creates more economic opportunity that will ultimately pay off the costs of the games. But when the numbers get to into the multiple tens of billions of dollars, it gets harder and harder to see how the marginal benefit of the construction work for the games can generate that kind of revenue for the governments.

But never fear, the entity that always makes money out of all this chaos is the IOC. For the Winter games in 06 (Torino) plus the Beijing games, the IOC pulled in somewhere in the range of $2.5B for itself and the projection for the 2010 Winter games (Vancouver) plus the 2012 Summer games (London) is that the IOC will take in $3.3-3.5B. That is a lot of money considering they do not have any major construction projects to fund.

Potential host cities spend millions – chump change compared to what the ultimate host city will have to spend – just to entertain the IOC members and hopefully to win their votes as to where to host the games. For the 2016 games, it is estimated that Chicago has a $50M budget devoted entirely to convincing the IOC to have the Olympics in Chicago in 2016. Say what?

I do not pretend to be an expert in macroeconomics, but this continues to amaze me because I have no idea how this makes economic sense…

Now that Brett Favre has reported to camp with the Jets and has practiced and now that Aaron Rodgers has played an exhibition game for Green Bay, I want to take a look at how the soap opera affected various people/entities over the past couple of months:

Brett Favre: Solidified his image as the biggest diva in the NFL today. He was one play away from the Super Bowl last year and now he goes to a team that was 4-12 last year and has the Patriots in its division. If that is the “great leap forward”, someone will have to explain it to me…

Aaron Rodgers: If whining were an Olympic event, he would definitely medal there. By the way, replacing an icon rarely works out well. Maybe Rodgers needs to phone up Phil Bengston to see how that plays out in Green Bay, Wisconsin…

The Packers: Kicked an icon and fan favorite out of town. They were 13-3 last year; if they are 3-13 this year the town residents will be marching on Packer headquarters with pitchforks and torches.

Ted Thompson: He made this move. If it doesn’t work, he will be out of work.

The Jets: They get a 39-year old QB who showed last year that he could still play at a very high level. However, by the time the Jets are contenders, Brett Favre may be more than halfway toward his eligibility date for the Hall of Fame. No 39-year old starting QB has made the playoffs since the merger of the NFL and the AFL.

The NFL: They now have as precedent that the Commissioner will try to mediate team/player disputes involving contracts/playing time/position on the roster. What genius in the NFL executive suite advised the Commish that was a good idea?

The Fans: Were assaulted and insulted by Brett Favre non-news stories for several months.

Study that list; when you find a “winner” on that list, let me know…

By the way, the Green Bay Packers had an iconic QB back in the 60s and early 70s too. When Bart Starr retired in 1971 – meaning he left the Packers and did not play for them any more – the only thing that happened to the franchise was that it went into a two-decade funk. They only got themselves out of that miasma when Favre arrived in Green Bay and made the roster…

Finally, here is a cogent observation by Dan Daly in the Washington Times:

“Did you see some of our Olympians - cyclists and triathletes - have been wearing black masks over their noses and mouths to ‘combat’ the poor air quality in Beijing? Unfortunately, when they removed their masks, people still didn’t know who they were.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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