The Sports Curmudgeon

The most dangerous time of the year is upon NFL football fans. The NFL Scouting Combine looms. Your favorite team just might fall in love with a “workout wonder” who does all kinds of speed and strength drills very well - - but he will not be able to play football all that well. Do the names Mike Mamula and Adam Archuletta ring any bells? Or, your favorite team might pore over the test scores and the psychological profile of an athlete and determine that he is going to fit right in to your team’s clubhouse and community - - just like Michael Vick did or Ryan Leaf did. As they used to say at the shift briefing on Hill Street Blues, “Be careful out there.”

The folks who run the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference (MAAC) have an interesting situation on their hands. Siena is part of that conference and after a recent loss, the wife of the Siena coach arrived in the press debriefing room ahead of her husband. Reportedly, she said:

“Here’s your headline: We got hosed! [Name deleted] is a horrendous official.”

Later, with her husband taking questions from the press, she made other candid and less than flattering remarks about the officiating that night such that her husband had to ask her to stifle herself – ever so politely of course. So, what might the MAAC gurus do? If the coach had said those things, disciplinary action would be a certainty; but how does a conference sanction a coach’s wife? Or, do they let this ride and create a large loophole in the rules of decorum that maintain order and balance among coaches and officials?

The NY Knicks lost a game to the Sixers a couple of days ago by 40 points. They were behind by 36 at halftime and somnambulated through the game. The Knicks are a bad team; there isn’t much question about that but the Sixers should not be able to beat any pro team by 40 points unless every player on the losing squad has to track an IV bag on a pole around with them. The Sixers scored 36 points on fast breaks in that game.

Isiah Thomas reportedly tried to make several deals before the trading deadline. None of them reached fruition; so this is the Knicks team that will limp its way to the end of the season. Reportedly, Thomas wanted to acquire Vince Carter from the Nets. I do not know how anyone might think that Vince Carter is the guy to go after to cure the condition that your team plays nonchalantly. Oh, did I mention that the 40-point loss to the Sixers is not the Knicks’ worst loss this season?

Part of that rumored trade with the Nets that never happened would have sent Eddy Curry to the Miami Heat. I presume that Curry is smart enough to realize that the Knicks stink, but he has to feel just a bit better than he will not be parachuted into Miami and the shadow of Shaquille O’Neal - - even the shadow of the late-in-the-career, often-injured, part-time Shaquille O’Neal.

Until now, I never understood the English idiom “to get out of somewhere in the nick of time”. Now I get it. Larry Brown escaped New York and the Madison Square Garden clown show in the “Knicks of time”. That says it all…

Someone paid $16M for a racehorse named The Green Monkey two years ago. That is not a typo… The Green Monkey is now four years old and is being retired to stud. Even if you follow horseracing closely, you may not be familiar with the racing achievements of this noble steed - - because there really aren’t any. The Green Monkey started a total of three races in his three-year-old “campaign”. He finished third in one of them and fourth in the other two. His earnings on the track totaled $10,240. At that rate of earning, he would have to race for 1562 years just to earn back his purchase price. Not likely…

The owner of the breeding farm where The Green Monkey will service mares says that the horse “thinks he’s a champion.” No one ever said horses were high on the intelligence scale for quadrupeds but you do have to question the mental processes of someone who admits that he can read a horse’s mind. So, if you owned a mare that you wanted to breed, would you pay actual money to have The Green Monkey “do his thing” with her under the care and supervision of a hominid who can read The Green Monkey’s mind? Just asking…

Dwight Perry had this line in the Seattle Times regarding the future for The Green Monkey:

“The steed’s owners plan to put him out to stud and resist the urge to rename him Carl Pavano.”

It was not all that long ago when Britney Spears’ family and friends did an intervention and got her to a hospital for care because of what was described as her “fragile mental state.” There were reports that Ms. Spears had not slept for several days and was disoriented. If the doctors can get keep her stable and in a regular sleep cycle for the next couple of months, help will be on the way. The WNBA season starts on 17 May and Ms. Spears can get herself a variety of season ticket packages such that she will see games every night. That will get her the rest she needs…

Whatever happened to Floyd Landis, Steve Bartman and Sam Bowie? It’s enough to make you believe in alien abductions…

Finally, here is another observation from Dwight Perry in the Seattle Times:

“Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder was cited for careless driving and leaving an accident scene after he smashed his pickup truck into a tree alongside Florida’s Turnpike and abandoned it, the Palm Beach Post reported, leaving local fans stunned that a defender on a team that finished 1-15 finally hit something.

“He faces a maximum sentence of 60 days in jail and another year with the Dolphins.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…