RIP – Lingerie Bowl

It’s official – - and the news is bad. So to speak, … The Lingerie Bowl will not happen this year. You will not have the opportunity to tune into scantily clad attractive women playing indoor football on a pay-per-view basis at halftime of the Super Bowl. Your choices would seem to be limited to watching the halftime excess put on by the NFL or you can go and stand in line to get rid of the first half’s liquid libations and make room for the consumption of the second half.

This makes two years in a row that the Lingerie Bowl has been touted and then canceled at the eleventh hour and fifty-ninth minute. The organizers say that they could not acquire a “proper venue” for the event and that is why it will not happen. Call me cynical, but that really does sound somewhat like, “…but I didn’t inhale.”

But never fear; there is a halftime viewing option for those of you who just cannot stomach the nonsensical Super Bowl halftime extravaganza. Animal Planet – that’s one of those channels on your cable system that you probably do not have on your “power rotation” – will have “Puppy Bowl” on during halftime using puppies as participants in something that is supposed to mimic football. Are you ready for this? Puppy Bowl will be in Hi-Def this year so that you will be able to see every fur ball and drop of drool generated by the participants. For those of you who really did want to see Lingerie Bowl, you can take solace in the fact that the puppies in Puppy Bowl will be even more scantily clad than the models would have been in the Lingerie Bowl; the puppies will wear only helmets…

The whole concept of Puppy Bowl makes me wonder:

    1. How come there isn’t a huge PETA protest over this exploitation of animals for the pure amusement of humankind?

    2. Will Michael Vick be tuning into this at halftime of the game thinking that this is what he should have been doing with dogs in his spare time?

    3. Is Patti Page still exchanging oxygen in the biosphere so that she can sing How Much Is That Doggie In The Window as the lead-in to this event?

By the way, despite what you have probably heard 50 times already from the talking heads on TV, a Patriots win will not be something that cannot be exceeded in future NFL times. Just as the NFL expanded its season from 14 to 16 games between the Dolphins’ perfect season in 1972 and the Pats’ perfect season this year, there could be another expansion of the NFL season in the future. There could also be an expansion of the playoff format eliminating first round byes in future years.

In addition, it is mathematically possible for a team under the current scheduling and the current system of playoff rules to play 20 games in the season and therefore win all 20 of them. That would surpass the Patriots’ accomplishment if they win on Sunday. It is so unlikely as to be virtually unrealistic; but the situation does obtain. By the way, it is also possible for a Super Bowl champion to finish out the season playing 20 games with a combined regular season record and playoff record of 8-12. Both extremes can happen. Before these possibilities are dismissed as impossible, please recall that every “unbreakable record” was thought to be unattainable until it happened…

Does anyone recall the stories from last spring and summer about how everyone in the Dallas Cowboys’ organization and team was so thrilled to be out from under the yoke of Bill Parcells and how difficult it was to work with and for him in Dallas? Parcells was portrayed as demanding and curt; the change to a Wade Phillips regime was welcomed because of its fundamental humanity and more casual approach to the business of football. That all sounded good at the time – particularly before up until Thanksgiving when the Cowboys were dominating all their opponents – but ask yourself this:

    If Bill Parcells was such a pain in the ass, why has he been able to get so many people from the Cowboys’ organization to come and work under him again in Miami?

With Parcells gone and with the folks he took with him, you have to wonder if there is anyone left in the Dallas organization who can/will tell Jerry Jones when he is off on a fool’s errand. Who can/will tell the emperor he is buck-naked? If there is no one around to do that, will that mean the re-signing of Quincy Carter is just around the corner? That is precisely the kind of thing that happened the last time Jerry Jones did not have anyone around to tug on his leash…

An arbitrator has ruled that Terrell Owens owes the Eagles another $769K – over and above the fines and suspensions that cost him income in Philly a couple of years ago – because of what the arbitrator characterized as his misbehaviors when he was with the Eagles. Owens says that he is disappointed with the NFLPA who represented him in this grievance adjudication because he thinks they did not represent his case very well. Whatever. Here is the statement by Owens that caught my eye:

“I’m not going to really worry about the money, money doesn’t really make me. I’m very fortunate to be where I am, and I’ll leave that in the past.”

Excuse me, but it was all about the money that got him away from the Ravens and to the Eagles when he forced his way out of SF and it was all about the money that got him signed in Dallas. Remember his goofy publicist who explained away his “suicide attempt” saying that T.O. had “26 million reasons to live”? By the way, the reason he isn’t “really worried” about paying this money is that the Cowboys owe him a $3M roster bonus rather soon and he will make another $4M for the upcoming season. It would take a lot more than a statement from T.O. or his horse-holder, Drew Rosenhaus, to convince me that the money is not important…

With regard to the game on Sunday, here is something to think about:

    The Patriots have had two weeks to study the field and to set up the camera angles and logistics for getting video information to the booth and to the sideline coaches. How can the Giants overcome that?

Finally, here is syndicated columnist, Norman Chad, with a view of the intersection of sports and politics:

“Has anybody had a better year in Congress than Massachusetts Sen. John F. Kerry? He worked tirelessly — tirelessly! — to get Major League Baseball to offer its Extra Innings television package to more homes. Then he worked tirelessly — tirelessly! — to get the Patriots-Giants game [on NFL Network] into more homes. Just think — if this guy were president, we’d be out of Iraq and we’d have more hockey on TV.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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