More Super Bowl Silliness

It’s countdown week to the Super Bowl. That means there will be lots of silly stories and lots of arcane trivia thrown out there this week in amongst incessant “game analysis”. So, let me join the fray.

If you go to bodoglife.com, you can find this interesting proposition wager – among the multiple dozens of prop bets they offer:

    Whom will the MVP of the Super Bowl thank first?

      God 2-1
      Family 2-1
      Teammates 3-1
      Coach 4-1
      No one 6-1

Just a hunch here, but if Michael Strahan happens to win the award, he won’t be thanking his orthodontist…

It looks as if FOX will have a six-hour pre-game show next Sunday; and for some unfathomable reason, Ryan Seacrest will be the emcee for part of it. The actual kickoff for the game is supposed to be 6:17 EST. If you do not want to be well past the stage of “numb” and on your way to “catatonic” at kickoff time, I suggest you leave your TV off until about 5:30 EST. If you watched that entire bloc of programming and actually retained the info that came out of the TV box, you would probably know what brand of motor oil every player on each team prefers to use in his car. The human brain was not designed to retain that kind of nonsensical information.

During the regular season, football telecasts tend to be about the games. For the Super Bowl, the telecast is more about the commercial enterprise of the Super Bowl than it is about the game on the field. I submit that one piece of evidence for that assertion is the inordinate length of the halftime break just so they can stage a useless “extravaganza” to attract viewers who could care less about football. I’ve already said that I would not know Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers from Richard Petty and the Coronary Bypasses, but I have yet to hear anyone convince me that these folks have any greater linkage to NFL football than does Paul McCartney – - who had none whatsoever.

And one other thing about the halftime waste of time – - how pathetic does someone have to be to participate in the program as one of the mindless mouth-breathers who crowd around the makeshift stage and jump up and down as if this were the best moment in the history of mankind? I have this suspicion that these folks are hustled off the field after the performance, go in the bowels of the stadium, and change into uniforms because they are the ones who clean out the lavatories in the stadium and the luxury boxes. Why else would they do this? Was Up With People not hiring this year?

Here is a bit of pre-game analysis that you will probably not hear all week long or at any time during the interminable TV run-up to the game.

    This will be the first professional football game in Arizona where there will be two professional football teams on the field at the same time.

During this week of football excess, ESPN will stage multiple “head-to-head” debates among their stable of football analysts regarding who will win the game and what the “X-factors” will be. If I gave you 49.5 as the number for such debates, would you take OVER or UNDER? I would be inclined to the OVER.

If you have watched any football at all this season, you have to have seen the GEICO ads where they hire a celebrity to tell the woeful tale of a real customer who is not a celebrity. I happen to think the best one is Joan Rivers where she complains that she cannot feel her face and asks the “non-celebrity” if she is smiling. The interesting juxtaposition with that ad would be Tom Coughlin from the game in Green Bay a week ago. Do you think he can feel his face yet?

And speaking of that game in Green Bay and the “challenging” weather conditions, there was a comment made on ESPN Radio that seems to have slipped under the radar of the “People Spring-Loaded To Be Pissed-Off About Just About Everything” (PSLTBPOAJAE). Scott Van Pelt said to Mike Tirico – on Tirico’s daily program:

“We’re not talking about polar bears or Eskimos. We’re talking about human beings. And I don’t think anyone enjoys being in that kind of weather.”

It would not take my eleventh grade English teacher long to parse those sentences and arrive at the conclusion that Messr. Van Pelt had just declared that Eskimos are not human beings. Do I think that is some kind of ethnic slur that demands some kind of retribution? Hell, no! However, it is interesting to note that it seems to have slipped past the people who have assigned themselves the role of being society’s nerve endings when it comes to statements that might offend someone somewhere. I believe it was H.L. Mencken who said that a Puritan was someone who lived in fear that somewhere someone was having fun. Today’s PC worshipers seem to live in fear that somewhere someone might be offended.

Finally, two comments from sportswriters about Chicago Bulls’ hopeful, JamesOn Curry:

“Chicago Bulls guard JamesOn Curry, farmed out to the Development League’s Iowa Energy, was arrested in Boise, Idaho, and charged with urinating in public.

“And to think, they wanted him to work on his outside shot.” (Dwight Perry, Seattle Times)

“The Bulls recalled rookie JamesOn Curry, which apparently fills the void at public urination.” Steve Rosenbloom (Chicago Tribune)

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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