The Sports Curmudgeon

Last year at the suggestion of a reader, I tried to list the five worst performances by NFL teams on any given weekend. Given all the changes going on here in Curmudgeon Central this year, I had forgotten about that until last weekend and I want to bring it back for at least one encore appearance. In no particular order:

The Carolina Panthers generated less than 200 yards of offense and held the ball for only 20 minutes. That loss dropped their record at home this year to 0-5. The cumulative score in the five home losses is 136-54. The operative word here is “ugly”.

The Tennessee Titans managed only 10 first downs against a less-than-fearsome Cincy defense. The operative word here is “lethargic”

The Arizona Cardinals lost in OT because they could not get their field goal team on the field in time for a try and no one was sufficiently aware to call a time-out. The operative word here is “inept”.

The NY Giants gave up 4 sacks and 4 INTs (three of which went back for TDs) and blew a chance to take a commanding position in the NFC wild-card race. The operative word here is “pathetic”.

The NY Jets’ performance – when combined with the tryptophan in the Thanksgiving turkey – made it impossible to stay awake for the conclusion of their game with Dallas. The operative word here is “awful”.

Even my long-suffering wife, who cares less about NFL football on TV than she does about the plight of forest animals who suffer from dandruff, has noticed an emerging silliness in NFL broadcasting. It is now fashionable to say that teams need to learn how to win; even she has overheard the talking heads say it enough times that she has reacted to that nonsense. Even she realizes what bunch of hoo-hah that is. I read recently a line from an NHL coach that I will paraphrase here because I did not save it; this puts the “learn to win” business in perspective:

I figure that if we score one more goal than the other guys, we have a pretty good chance to win.

That’s it. That’s what a team needs to “learn” when it needs to “learn to win”. If a team comprised of 45 active players and myriad coaches cannot grasp that concept after about 100 milliseconds of thought, their total IQ would not qualify them to get a driver’s license.

The Chicago Bears and the NY Giants meet this weekend. Here is a Quick Quiz for all of you:

Which of the two starting QBs in this game – Rex Grossman or Eli Manning – has had more scorn heaped upon them by fans and local press in the past two years? [500 words or less…]

Yesterday, I referred to this year being named the International Year of the Dolphin by the United Nations and the plight of the Miami Dolphins. In his column in the Seattle Times yesterday, Dwight Perry noted another potential nexus between the Miami Dolphins and the United Nations. Great minds run in similar channels?

“Using stun guns is a form of torture, the U.N. Committee against Torture has declared.
But, as Taser apologists were quick to point out, it’s still a lot less painful than owning Dolphins season tickets.”

Raiders’ RB, Justin Fargas ran for 129 yards against the Chiefs last weekend; that is his third 100-yard game for the season. He has been with the Raiders since coming out of college in 03 and seems to have been hiding his candle under a bushel if I can go Biblical here for a moment. The Raiders have spent time and money going after free agent RBs – Lamont Jordan and Dominic Rhodes – to give themselves a semblance of a running game. Meanwhile, Fargas has been there on the bench all along. Now before Raider fans begin to think that the potential solution to their QB woes has been sitting on their bench all along for the past couple of years, let me say, slowly and in monosyllabic terms, that it has not…

If you ever wanted to get into the business of parsing the phrase “most valuable player” to infuse it with the meaning of “valuable to his team”, take a look at what happened to the Tampa Bay offense last weekend when Jeff Garcia had to sit out the first three quarters of that game. Putting this as politely as I can, when Garcia is out of the game or playing injured, the Bucs simply have no ability to move the football. In the second half of last weekend’s game, they gained a total of 15 yards on offense on five possessions.

Meanwhile in Denver, it seems as if the Broncos defense has taken a year’s leave of absence. When they gave the Bears 37 points last weekend, it was the 4th time this year the Broncos’ defense had surrendered 35+ in a game. Only one other team in the NFL has done that - - and that team is 0-11 at the moment.

The Green Bay/Dallas game on Thursday night will be the premiere game of the weekend. Since the beginning of the “Super Bowl Era”, neither the Packers nor the Cowboys have ever started a season with a 10-1 record and now they meet in a game where both are 10-1. I found these stats in the LA Times:

Packers started the 1966 season with a 9-2 record. They went on to win the first of the Super Bowl games at the end of that season.

Cowboys started three seasons (77, 92, 95) with 9-2 records. They went on to win the Super Bowl at the end of all three of those seasons.

The game at the other end of the football spectrum this weekend is the Jets/Dolphins game where the teams bring a combined 2-20 record to the field. This looks to be the Dolphins’ best shot at a win for the year; they are at home against a team that just isn’t all that good. So tell me, whom will the 1976 Tampa Bay Bucs be rooting for here:

Do they root for the Jets so that Miami still has a shot to go 0-16 and eclipse the ‘76 Bucs’ 0-14 record for futility?

Do they root for the Dolphins so that the ‘76 Bucs will continue to be remembered for anything at all?

You make the call.

Finally, here is a comment from Dennis Miller on his Sports Unfiltered show regarding the success of Boston sports teams recently:

‘’The Red Sox won the World Series, the Patriots are undefeated, the Celtics are in first place. The last time Boston got this cocky, King George sent troops over.'’

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…