The Sports Curmudgeon®

So I took the weekend off from moving and unpacking boxes to travel to Ann Arbor to see my grandson - - and since he’s only three weeks old and sleeps a lot, I got to see some football this weekend. So…

I am sick and tired of commentators complaining about some player getting suspended for an infraction of the rules on the basis that Bill Belichick did not get suspended for his violation of the rules. Particularly when you use Travis Henry as the basis for your argument that there is an asymmetry in the way punishments are handed out in the NFL, the reasoning is flawed. Let me explain. Travis Henry was “busted” for marijuana usage. For him to be suspended, that means it has to have been the fourth time he got caught violating the substance abuse policies of the league. It’s written into the CBA that long term suspensions like the kind Henry is facing happen only after the fourth time the player is caught. Note, I didn’t say it was the fourth time he violated the policy; I said it was the fourth time he was caught.

What Bill Belichick did was a violation of NFL rules; what Travis Henry did was a violation of the law – whether or not you happen to believe that marijuana laws are just and proper. So there isn’t a real good analogy there. And can someone tell me which other NFL rule one might violate that would get a player/coach/owner suspended for the first violation? Certainly, no player who violates an NFL rule on the field gets a suspension as a result of the flag that’s thrown. General Managers have actually traded the same draft choice twice and not gotten suspended (George Allen did that with the Redskins in the 1970s). And there is no rule precluding one team from stealing the signals of the opponent; the rule that was violated in the Patriots/Jets game was the use of technology to record the signals to aid in their “decoding”.

What I said at the time of the Pats/Jets incident was that the NFL would have to take away the victory that the Pats earned in that game if it meant to send a signal that this was a special rule that must never be violated again in the future. It didn’t; and so, the rule will be violated again. But if it is a Belichick coached team that gets caught the next time, look for Belichick to be treated as a “repeat offender”.

Just an aside, if the league had suspended Belichick, I suspect that the NFL would have turned into a tattle-tale league by now with the Commissioner’s office inundated with allegations and charges of skullduggery involving every NFL coach not named Lombardi, Halas or Walsh - - because they are dead. Because if the NFL had suspended Belichick, they would have opened up the door to suspend every coach for rules infractions that would give their team an edge. It would get ugly quickly.

It used to be that NFL teams had to dread a visit to Denver. The Broncos were a good team and then there was that “playing at altitude thing”. That is no longer the case. The Broncos are not a good team now. It may be premature to say they are on the brink of becoming a bottom-feeder in the league but they are definitely down into that “mediocre zone” and their momentum is downward and not upward. Denver is only 1-2 at home this year and that win came against the Raiders when a funky late time-out call made Sebastian Janikowski re-kick a long field goal to win the game. He hit the first one that did not count; he missed the second one that counted. In case you think this year’s record is a fluke, the Broncos are 2-6 in their last eight games in Denver…

How bad was the Broncos/Chargers game over the weekend? It was so bad that CBS dropped coverage of that game late in the 3rd quarter to show the SF/Baltimore game which was a punting festival. The only good news about getting to watch that game through to its conclusion was that I got to hear Ian Eagle call the game. I continue to be amazed that the folks at CBS keep him mired on low level games.\; he’s really good at play by play.

Here’s a Quick Quiz. Which team will be the first to win a game this year?

Miami Dolphins: Poor run defense; poor offense; first string QB out with a severe concussion.

St. Louis Rams: Poor offensive line leading to no run offense; first string QB out with rib injuries; no defense to speak of.

New Orleans Saints: No running game; no defense; no mojo.

A couple of weeks ago, I suggested that if you had a perverse dislike for the BCS, you should root for USC, LSU, Oklahoma and West Virginia to go undefeated and to pummel each and every opponent so that the BCS Championship Game would be shrouded in controversy involving at least two undefeated schools. The events of the last couple of weeks show that can’t possibly happen – only LSU remains undefeated. So now here is an even more perverse thing for you to wish for as you seek ways to skewer the BCS Selection Committee. Root for each champion of the PAC-10, Big 12, Big Ten, Big East, ACC and SEC all to end the season with one loss. And just for fun, have one or two of the champions of the “lesser conferences” end the season undefeated.

Here’s another perverse thought. Joe Torre should tell George Steinbrenner to take his job and shove it. Torre does not need to validate his credentials as a baseball manager by winning this series against Cleveland. George Steinbrenner always needs to validate what he believes to be his own importance when he issues the kind of ultimatum that he spewed forth over the weekend. Torre does not need the money; he could have another job on a major league bench quickly if he wanted one and he surely does not need the emotional grandstanding of George Steinbrenner over his shoulder.

Finally, the Stanford Institute for the Quantitative Study of Society found that increased Internet use among Americans causes Americans to spend less time on other kinds of activities. Can anyone explain to me how that could not be the case…

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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When OJ Simpson launched himself back above the fold in newspapers around the country regarding his recent arrest in Las Vegas followed by Michael Vick’s attempt to reach Olympic status in boneheadedness by testing positive for marijuana while awaiting sentencing from a judge reputed to be a hard-ass, I started to think about villains in the world of sports. And then I wondered who would be on the Mount Rushmore of Sports Villains on the assumption that one might be able to reduce the list to four people. And so, let me present you with my nominees for your consideration and your commentary…

OJ has to be on the list. Even though he has not been found guilty of any crime of any gravity, he was found guilty in a civil proceeding relative to the double murder of his wife and a friend of hers. Now he faces charges ranging all the way up to kidnapping. His claim is that he committed no crime because all he was doing was trying to get back what rightfully belonged to him. I’m not sure how that might justify “kidnapping” if indeed the prosecution can logically move that charge forward into a trial situation. If OJ makes the cut here, then we’ll face the same choice the US Post Office did when it issued the Elvis Presley stamp. Would they portray the young and fit Elvis or the old and fat Elvis?

Jayson Williams is sort of like OJ with regard to this list. He was accused of shooting a chauffeur in Williams’ home about 5 years ago and then trying to cover up what happened. He was not found guilty of murder charges, but he is still involved in legal maneuvering regarding a retrial on charges of reckless manslaughter and the attempted cover up of these criminal events.

Rae Carruth has to be on the list. He’s serving a 20-year sentence for arranging for his pregnant girlfriend to be shot and killed. Let’s agree that Carruth is not going to get any “Boyfriend of the Year” votes any time soon…

Ugueth Urbina belongs on this list too. He’s in jail in South America for about the next dozen years after being found guilty of attempted murder. Evidently, he attacked several farm workers on his land in Venezuela with a machete and then poured gasoline on them with the apparent attempt to immolate them. When he gets out, I would not suggest that you let him light the candles on your birthday cake.

Leonard Little probably belongs on this list somewhere. He once left a party in a huge state of inebriation, got into a car wreck and killed another driver. That’s bad enough but about five years later, he once again was stopped and charged with DWI. He beat the charge of drunken driving but was convicted for reckless driving in the matter. If I’m hitchhiking and Little offers me a ride, I think I’ll pass and wait for another opportunity to roll by…

Ty Cobb might belong on this list. I’m not alluding here to the stories of his rampant racism; while that certainly doesn’t play today, he was not all that far off the track for the times in which he lived. However, it was never part of the prevailing societal norms for a player to go into the stands to attack and beat up a disabled man because that fan was heckling the player all game long. Ty Cobb did just that. And that is pretty villainous…

This list could not possibly be complete without Mike Tyson’s name being on it. His interactions with the justice system in the United States are many and varied

Pete Rose bet on baseball and lied about it for more than a decade. Because so many folks vilify him for that, I felt compelled to put him on the list here even though I don’t think gambling and fudging on one’s income tax returns is nearly as horrific as events that take human life.

Art Schlichter is sort of like Pete Rose here. He too had a gambling problem that got way out of control. Schlichter spent several years in jail and was so into gambling that he reportedly convinced his public defender to smuggle a cell phone into the prison so Schlichter could make bets from his prison cell. This is not laudable behavior and neither are his alleged activities to defraud people of money so he would have funds to gamble with. But I’m not sure he’s a strong candidate on this list.

Michael Vick’s escapades with the dogfighting/gambling operation and his attempt to sneak a bottle with a secret compartment in it onto an aircraft and his recent positive marijuana test make him a mandatory inclusion on this list. The dogfighting enterprise was known as Bad Newz Kennels; the real bad news for Vick was that his friends and colleagues in that enterprise flipped on him such that he could not use his immense wealth to hire lawyers able to get him off or to plead him down to something ever so slightly worse than jaywalking.

I’ll end my nominee’s list here with someone whose offense is not nearly as awful from a societal point of view as others above but whose offense is simply disgusting. I’m of course referring to Najeh Davenport who sneaked into the dorm room of a young woman at a Florida university and defecated in her laundry basket. In a plea agreement, felony charges were dropped and Davenport did a bunch of community service hours. Interestingly, Davenport is now with the Steelers taking the place of the retired Jerome Bettis as the “big back”. Bettis was known as “The Bus”; Davenport is known as “The Dump Truck”. How apropos…

So, whom did I leave out here…?

And who ought to make the “Villains’ Final Four”?

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports………

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