August 31, 2007
Athletes Who Are More Celebrity Than Athlete?
Several weeks ago, I wrote that John Daly and Michele Wie were no longer competitive golfers but they were celebrities and that’s why anyone bothered to pay any attention to either one of them. Neither has been seriously competitive in a pro golf tournament for quite a while now; neither has a recent athletic résumé that commands any attention from sober sports fans; nevertheless they are in the headlines. As you might imagine, I got a lot of e-mail telling me that I was negative about Michele Wie because I was jealous that she was a better golfer than I could ever be. So let me address that point before proceeding here.
I do not play golf regularly; in fact, it has been about ten years since I actually played an entire round of golf. The best round I ever shot was more than 30 years ago when I shot 102; normally I would shoot somewhere in the 125-130 neighborhood. So, if I were prone to be jealous of people who were better golfers than I would ever be, I’d have to be jealous of about 50% of the people on the planet at the moment. And I’m not.
It just seems to me that these two golfers are now far more into the celebrity ambit than they are in the realm of competitive athletes. It’s sort of like Paris Hilton and the world of film actresses. Paris Hilton may be more famous and garner much more attention than most if not all film actresses in the world, but that doesn’t mean she can act. But recall that she did star in that one film that was widely viewed and acclaimed…
This situation got me to thinking about other people in the sports world whose fame is now based as much on celebrity status as it is on sporting achievement. And that thinking created this listing – one that will surely cause someone to tell me I’m jealous of so-and-so’s accomplishments because they dwarf anything I might ever do in the same competition. So before those folks hit the send button, let me say this:
I’m not jealous of anyone on this list.
I do not pretend that I could do as well as they have done or might continue to do in their sport.
Nevertheless, their sporting accomplishments pale in comparison to their “image” or their “celebrity status” and we need to recognize these folks for what they are now.
In no particular order, please consider:
Anna Kournikova: She has never won an open professional tennis tournament anywhere. Now she doesn’t even pretend to try to play tennis. I’m sure she could beat Bobby Riggs in a three-set match because Bobby Riggs is dead. Other than that…
Danica Patrick: Like Anna, she needs to actually win something in the sport she has chosen as her profession to be taken seriously as an athlete. At the moment, she is an attractive young woman competing in a sport where attractive young women are rare indeed. Other than that…
David Beckham: If he were really still at the peak of his game, would Real Madrid have let him go? And if he were really still at the peak of his game, would he have sought out MLS as his next milieu to showcase his skills? Recall that a British publication described the talent level of MLS prior to Beckham’s arrival here as that of a bunch of pub league teams. Someone – and I forget who so I can’t give proper credit here – described Beckham as the best player on crutches since Grant Hill.
Takeru Kobayashi/Joey Chestnut/Any Other “Competitive Eater”: Gluttony is not a sport; it’s one of the seven deadly sins. These people derive fame in a manner similar to the way sideshow freaks at the circus derived fame a hundred years ago. Their achievements are meaningless outside the hype and freak-show atmosphere of their competitions. When was the last time anyone you knew or anyone you invited over for dinner decided to eat 2 lbs of butter? Normal folks just don’t do things like that.
Roger Clemens: He is a sure-fire first ballot Hall of Fame inductee. He has had only one losing season in a career that began in 1984. Nevertheless, he is now most famous for dragging out his annual decision making as to whether or not he will choose to play one more season and then cherry-picking the team that will give him what he wants – which is not to have to pitch for an entire season. In the past two years, he is a combined 13-11, which is pretty mediocre; he threw only 113 innings last year and projects not to throw significantly more this year. Since the 2000 season, he has had exactly 2 complete games. At the moment, he is more famous for his deliberative moments in the off-season than he is for his pitching. He is the modern day baseball version of Hamlet.
Mike Shananan: He has been the strategist and the tactician in charge of the Denver Broncos for a long time now but ever since some guy named Elway retired, the Broncos haven’t exactly torn things up in the playoffs. And that was about a decade ago. Currently, he is in a division where his rival coaches are Lane Kiffen, Norv Turner and Herman Edwards. If he can’t out-duel those folks on the sidelines, maybe it really is time to pay attention to the man behind the curtain…
Billy Beane: He’s supposed to be smarter than everyone else in baseball and he’s supposed to be light years ahead of everyone in terms of putting together teams that can win. Except, they don’t. The glory years of the Oakland A’s are not those where he has been at the helm. But he did accomplish something that other GMs haven’t; he had a book written about him and his “system”.
So, whom might you nominate to be on this list? Does Brett Favre belong in the list for the same reason Roger Clemens is here? I left him off because he doesn’t seem to be angling for a way to play only half a season while doing his annual retirement/non-retirement dance. Is Michael Strahan auditioning for the role once Clemens and Favre actually choose to leave the scene? Does Joe Gibbs belong in this list for the same reason Mike Shanahan is here? How about Andy Roddick? Mike Tyson?
But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…
It might be a bit early to include Danica Patrick on that list. I’m going to assume that the wikipedia has correct information on this because I don’t follow it, but it would seem that she is improving and with a couple of 3rd places finishes this season so far she is at least staying competitive. Unlike Kournikova, she doesn’t look like she has peaked.
Tyson should have made this list. This man would box a cardboard cutout if it made him a buck. Not that making money is a bad thing, I’m all for it, but his trade is now more of a “look at how the mighty has fallen” rather than any real boxing skill. If anyone should make money off a fallen athlete it might as well be that athlete but it doesn’t remove them from being on the list.
Strahan is doing, well, something but I’m not sure if it’s a list qualifying answer. I don’t think his retirement gambit will be enough to push him into the celebrity status. I don’t see him getting a booth job because he doesn’t project that image that he is telling you something you don’t already know. If he doesn’t figure out how to extend the dance he is going to find the music has stopped long before he finished his moves.
Favre, this season, didn’t extend the dance and showed up to camp without playing the retirement card which should protect him from the list. His intention also didn’t seem to be to make the news which is another component of this. In comparison, I think Strahan was attempting to get some more news coverage out of this only to find out that most folks really don’t care much.
Maria Sharapova was among the best-known women’s tennis players even before she won any major tournaments.
Back when heavyweight boxing was completely dominated by African-Americans, just about any reasonably competitive white fighter would be way overhyped, e.g. Gerry Cooney, Tex Cobb, Tommy Morrison.
Real Madrid tried very hard to get Beckham to stay after he had signed with the Galaxy and began leading Real to the championship they did indeed win just last June in large part because of him.
As for MLS teams being pub league quality, that is one Brit’s opinion. That they have added coverage of MLS to their version of SportsCenter would indicate that the majority of Brits are ready to take the league seriously.
Recently the manager of England was stateside to watch several games and evaluate whether or not Beckham could play here and continue to play at a high level for England. He came away impressed with the quality of play, saying it was “Lower Premiership, high Championship (second league of five) level”. Beckham’s inclusion in England’s most recent game (and his influence on the game) would support the FACT that MLS is quickly increasing in quality, as would the naming of two recent MLS players as Captains of their squads in the Premiership.
You know what though? Personally I could care less what the Brits have to say about the league, or the cynical sports writers who continue to bash it (which oddly enough happens more often stateside than elsewhere). I have a blast going to DC United games and don’t waste a second of the fun worrying about those things. Beckham as saviour of soccer in America? HA! It doesn’t need saving. It is growing up just fine thank you.
If you put Mike Shanahan there, you must then include names like: Brian Billick…who did not exactly build that B-more team in 2000, he inherited it, defense and all…he came as ‘offensive genius’, but has had ‘offensive’ teams indeed. At least Shanahan put everything other than Elway on that team. As well, it wasn’t so much Elway’s departure as the swift decline of Terrell Davis that ended Denver’s reign. I still feel that, had the knee held up, he would still be playing.
JJC:
As of the time of my writing, Danica Patrick hadn’t won “squadoosh” in the major leagues of her sport. So that’s why I put her on this list now. Perhaps in the future, she’ll become “The Tiger Woods of Open Wheel Racing”; or not. But until she becomes a winner in her sport more than once every three or four years, she’s famous only for her “celebrity status” and not her sporting accomplishments.
Oh, and if Danica EVER decides to do a “Playboy Centerfold Spread” that will place her irrevocably in the “celebrity-not-athlete” category. That’s not to say that such a centerfold spread would be viewed negatively by a huge fraction of the male segment of the world’s population…
On the other hand, I have no problem whatsoever with putting Mike Tyson on this list.
If retired athletes could not count on a career in the booth because said athlete doesn’t appear to be telling you something you don’t know already, there would be few - if any - ex-jocks in the booth. Michael Strahan is part of what Howard Cosell decried 25 years ago as a “jockocrasy”.
Peter:
The history of the “great white hope” in boxing would put dozens of former boxers on this list - if the concept of “celebrity status” applied in their day. Think Jerry Quarry…
Chuck:
I don’t deny or challenge that Beckham is the most talented player in MLS. But I am sure that there are at least a dozen players in Europe or Latin America who might have come to MLS and claimed the same distinction about 6 months ago. Beckham is also a celebrity of the highest order and his wife is also a celebrity of a very high order. Now that it seems as if he won’t be able to play again for 6-8 weeks (depending on which report you happen to have read last), I wonder how MLS will market Beckham - - because it certainly shouldn’t be as an athletic presence on the pitch.
Russ:
I had not thought of Brian Billick for this list but you make a good point. If Mike Shanahan is on the list, then Brian Billick at least deserves an “Honorable Mention” here if he isn’t also on the list.
Curmudgeon: I think David Wells may well eat his way onto the list.
Also, Joe Flabeetz comes to mind. When did he last win anything?
Appalachian State should never make the list.
Rich:
David Wells is a good addition here; I had not thought of him.
But don’t go picking on Joe Flabeetz. He’s not a celebrity; he’s my model of “everyman”. He’s sort of like Charlie Brown’s hero, Joe Shlabotnik (sp?)
Indeed, after yesterday, Appalachian State will not appear on this kind of list for at least several decades…