The Sports Curmudgeon

The Golf Goofs got one right! The LPGA faced a situation analogous to ones that had made the PGA and the USGA folks get their shorts in a knot, but the LPGA got it right. There is a 14-year-old girl, McKenzie Kline, who is a pretty good golfer; the problem is that Ms. Kline also has a serious heart condition which makes walking the golf course a burden for her. The LPGA decided that McKenzie Kline may play in LPGA events using a cart and using the cart to carry oxygen around the course for her. That was the right decision by the folks running the show. Equally impressively, none of the players on the LPGA Tour whined about a competitive advantage for Ms. Kline nor did any of the “elder stateswomen” of the LPGA moan about the integrity of the game or the sanctity of some passage in their rulebook.

Memo to Casey Martin: You made this possible. Good on you!

Since the main focus of these rants is sports, I don’t get to use much of the material that Donald Trump provides to folks who comment on inane things that happen in the rest of our society. However, it seems as if Mr. Trump may be inserting himself into the world of sports and if that happens, I will be happy to have him in this part of the world; he’ll provide grist for this mill. A while ago, Mr. Trump announced that he wants the USGA to stage the US Open at the new golf club he’s opening in New Jersey. Not surprisingly, the club is called Trump National Golf Club. Putting the Golf Goofs and “the Donald” in juxtaposition and just sitting back and observing what came out of that pairing would have to be one of the ten most fun things you could do with your clothes on.

I also read that Donald Trump is going to be involved in an upcoming Wrestlemania event. I don’t know the details of this because ‘rasslin is not something that has commanded my attention for about 30 years, but it seems as if Donald Trump and Vince McMahon will be competing against each other along with personal “representatives”. I don’t know if that means they will be in some kind of tag-team match with each other or if the representatives will be cornermen (or cornerwomen?) for a match between Trump and McMahon; but whatever it is, you know it will be done with class and grace and poise and aplomb. Nothing fits the description provided by those adjectives better than World Wrestling Entertainment exhibitions and Donald Trump productions…

About 25 years ago, the Washington Bullets – now the Washington Wizards – were having trouble drawing fans. They did promotions where there would be short concerts after some of their games and that added a few folks to the audience. Once, they even put on a short ‘rasslin program after the Bullets game as a way to bring more folks into the arena. Let’s just say that was a short-lived “partnership”. Now, maybe there is something similar brewing in Minnesota…

The Minnesota Timberwolves will have a “warm-up act” going for them in early March when they host the Utah Jazz. Prior to the NBA game, there will be a rock/paper/scissors tournament at the Target Center. And it won’t just be any bunch of guys from the local watering-hole participating; these will be members of an actual rock/paper/scissors league or association or whatever. Somehow, I can’t find any of the Las Vegas sportsbooks that are offering lines or prop bets on this event…

Speaking of Las Vegas and the sportsbooks, the oddsmakers had the San Diego Chargers as 9-2 favorites in the futures wagering to win the Super Bowl in 2008. The Colts were the second choice at 5-1, so it isn’t as if the Chargers were prohibitive favorites. Then came the loss of assistant coaches; then came the firing of Marty Schottenheimer; then came the announcement that Norv Turner would be the coach of the Chargers next year. As of this morning, I can find the odds on the Chargers winning the Super Bowl at 7-1 at one sportsbook and at 9-1 at another one. The oddsmakers don’t like the turmoil in San Diego…

Recently, I wondered what had happened to the St. Louis Cardinals starting rotation over the winter. I got an e-mail from a long-term reader suggesting that the Cardinals find out where Rick Ankiel is these days and check him out to see if he can find home plate once again. Given the promise that Ankiel showed at the beginning of his career, I’m sure the Cardinals have scouts or assistant coaches who know where Ankiel is and who will respond to any suggestion that he might have his control back. And given the status of the starting rotation at the moment, I believe they’d check him out on the basis of a fortune cookie at a restaurant suggesting he might be able to find home plate without the aid of radar…

I heard an interview with Rangers’ manager Ron Washington on sports radio on Sunday. Washington is predictably optimistic about his team at this point and thinks that there is a real possibility that the Rangers can be really good this year. You’d expect nothing less from a manager in February. However, when he was asked to talk about Hank Blalock, he said that as an opposing coach, he had noticed some things that Blalock needed to work on with regard to his defense and he would be working with Blalock to improve those things. Sounds good so far - - but then he said that the things Blalock needed to work on were his hands and his feet. Excuse me, but we’re talking about an infielder here and if he has defensive deficiencies in the way he uses his hands and his feet, can you tell me what he does right? There isn’t a lot of call for infielders to turn their back and catch a ball between their butt-cheeks…

In the spirit of full disclosure, I want to state unequivocally and with no reservations at all that I an NOT the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s child. I realize that I seem to be in the minority of American males when I make that statement, but I want it on the record.

Finally, here’s an item from Dwight Perry in the Seattle Times:

“Gonzaga has suspended basketball star Josh Heytvelt and redshirt Theo Davis after Cheney police say they caught them with illegal hallucinogens during a traffic stop.

“Mushrooms and marijuana – that could be one costly pick-and-roll.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…