The Sports Curmudgeon®

In business, they say that a company has to know its target demographic and then appeal to that group of people. Let’s not get too deeply entwined in the concept of “profiling” and “stereotyping” because those words have negative connotations, but recognize that these concepts are not exactly antithetical to “appealing to a target demographic”. In writing newspaper columns, I would also imagine that one should have an idea of the target demographic and “play to it”. And so, with that preconceived notion in mind, I did a double take when I read the first three sentences from Ed Hinton’s column on 23 February 2007 on the Orlando Sentinel’s website. Ed Hinton is their NASCAR columnist; he writes well; he certainly knows more about NASCAR than I do. I suspect his “target audience” would be people who follow NASCAR closely and carefully; therefore, imagine my surprise when I read the lead to his column on the website:

“William Faulkner’s slickest character, Flem Snopes, developed a fatal flaw as he rose to wealth and power. He lusted for respectability. And that was his downfall.”

Pardon me for having a stereotypical mental image of his target demographic, but somehow I don’t think that Flem Snopes – or his less than fully virtuous wife, Eula – are frequent topics of conversation or reference in the RV-community that comes together for NASCAR events. I even wonder if William Faulkner would be immediately associated with literature and not the theory of carburetion. In any case, the lead worked on me; I had to read the column to find out how this all tied together. So, I guess Ed Hinton really did get it right; he attracted someone from outside the target demographic and got him in under the tent…

Speaking of NASCAR and target audiences, they ran a race last weekend in California and did not come close to selling out the venue. The track seats 92,000; and when attendance figures were not immediately forthcoming, writers estimated that 70,000 – 75,000 people showed up. The spokesperson for California Speedway explained the disappointing turnout by saying that the race had to compete head-to-head with the Oscars. Think about that for a moment. People are going to go out to an event in Southern California; how many of them get into their car and ponder the choice of standing behind the ropes to watch celebrities get out of limos and walk on a red carpet or going to a NASCAR race? I don’t think that explains a 20,000 shortfall of fannies in seats.

Last year when Phil Mickelson led in one of the tournaments going into the final hole and then couldn’t hit the ball anywhere near the zip code of the green, commentators kept saying that he choked – again. Unless I saw a totally doctored video highlight, last weekend Tiger Woods lost a tournament because he missed a four-foot putt and the focus of the commentators and writers this week has been that it was an unfortunate circumstance for Woods because of “a ball mark in his line”. If Mickelson “chokes” when he loses, then that performance last weekend from Tiger Woods was worthy of a Heimlich maneuver.

While on the subject of golf, I’m sure you’ve read about Fuzzy Zoeller’s lawsuit based on something he claims is defamatory in his Wikipedia profile. Dwight Perry summed all of that stuff up perfectly in the Seattle Times:

“Fuzzy Zoeller is suing Miami’s Josef Silny & Associates, the Miami Herald reported, claiming that one of the company’s computers was the source of defamatory statements about Zoeller posted on the golfer’s Wikipedia biography.

Defense lawyers immediately moved to have any actionable untruths be ruled an unpayable lie.”

Former Senator George Mitchell’s wide ranging inquiry into steroid use in baseball continues. Remember the story of Diogenes? He’s the guy who kept roaming around shining a lantern into people’s eyes looking for a truly honest man. Somehow, I think Mitchell has as much chance of uncovering the truth about steroid use in baseball as Diogenes had in finding his “truly honest man”.

Mitchell has sent letters to various players and their lawyers asking them to provide medical records and to speak with him and his staff. If you are surprised to learn that none of the recipients of his letters have fallen all over themselves to accommodate his requests, then you would probably also believe that The Tooth Fairy and The Easter Bunny are involved in a sordid bestial affair. Gary Sheffield called the whole matter a witch-hunt. But the most ironic response came from Barry Bonds’ representative. Bonds cannot accept Mitchell’s invitation to cooperate with that investigation so long as Bonds is still at risk for a perjury charge from the Feds who are also looking into the matter. That means that Bonds is able to avoid lying to Mitchell because he may have lied to a grand jury in the past but no one knows yet whether or not what he said then can be proven to be a lie. Don’t even try to parse that last sentence; even my 12th grade English teacher – who went to Mount Holyoke and was “as one with grammar and syntax” – would have to go to the reference books.

It was a big story when Manny Ramirez reported late to spring training yet again this year. I don’t exactly know why because the sun came up in the east in Florida again this year and no one reported on that. I think Manny Ramirez lives in a time warp. Every other baseball player who was not involved in the World Series has been “at loose ends” since early October and they managed to figure out how to get done whatever it was they needed to get done in the four months or so that have transpired since early October. Ramirez never seems to get that right so he must live in a time warp. Maybe that explains the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle?

Finally, one more tidbit from Dwight Perry in the Seattle Times:

“Lewis Dartnell, the leader of a University College London study, has proclaimed that the surface of Mars is devoid of any possible life, SPACE.com reported.

“Or, in earthly terms, just think upper deck at a Marlins’ home game.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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The NFL’s free agency circus begins on 2 March. Actually, I wanted to have my list of the top free agents by position on the record about a week ago so no one might accuse me of poaching on the thoughts of others. The reason that didn’t happen is that I was looking at this year’s roster of free agents completely incorrectly. I wanted to find at least one and maybe two or three quality free agents at each position and tell you to track where they went and forget the rest. And therein was my problem; this is a year where quantity far outweighs quality among the players available. I couldn’t find quality at every position let alone depth of quality.

After I reached that conclusion, I set about scouring lists of free agents looking for players at each position who were “serviceable”. I figured that I could tell you where teams might be able to find a piece to the puzzle or something like that. I had made a bit of progress trying to think in that mode until I read something that makes me think that the NFL free agent market this year might be even crazier than the MLB free agent signings were last winter. Remember that pitchers with a career mark of .500 were getting $40M guaranteed contracts; well the Miami Dolphins may have just sent up a signal flare that the NFL signings will be similarly bizarre.

The Dolphins just re-signed DL, Vonnie Holiday, to a four-year contract worth $20M (reportedly). I have no quarrel with Vonnie Holiday; he is not one of the thuggish miscreants of the league. The “problem” is that he is a defensive lineman who is 32 years old and who is “solid” and “steady” in terms of his performance. If his contract is used as a yardstick, there are gonna be a lot of guys signing for $5M per year that will make you twitch as if just grabbed the hot wire while working on a light switch.

Anyhow, let me go position by position and give you a few players that might be interesting in terms of free agent signings. Oh, and don’t let anything I said here fool you into thinking that the Washington Redskins will not add at least three players to their roster whom they will hype as certified and bona fide Hall of Fame quality studs. That’s what Danny Boy and his PR trolls do all the time. The lack of great players here will not alter that behavior even a little bit.

Offensive Line:

There were some decent free agency candidates in this group until Andre Gurode signed a long-term deal with the Cowboys and rumors began circulating that both Kris Dielman and Eric Steinbach will re-sign with the Chargers and Bengals respectively.

Assuming those last two guys stay put, the most intriguing name out there is Derrick Dockery of the Washington Redskins. Dockery was a hugely improved player last year in his fourth season in the league. I think the main reason for his improvement is that he lost somewhere between 30 and 50 lbs of fat and added about 20 lbs of muscle last winter. He’s only 27 years old and he might be worth a long-term deal somewhere. Unless of course the only reason he got into solid shape and played hard all year was based on his impending free agency… Here’s a case where a GM really does need to be able to read minds. Is Dockery the lynch-pin of an offensive line for the next several years or is he the next player to exhibit “fat wallet syndrome”?

Tight End:

Daniel Graham of the Patriots was a first round pick and seems to have plenty of physical skills. He can block; he can catch and he averaged 10 yards a catch or more in each of his five seasons in New England. He should be able to help wherever he signs.

After that, things drop off pretty quickly. Eric Johnson (SF) and Reggie Kelly (Cincy) are decent players but nothing more than that.

Wide Receiver:

I spent a LONG time looking for a top-shelf WR to feature here and I’m convinced that there really aren’t any. Even if the Eagles’ Donte Stallworth opts out of his contract – and that would probably make him the most talented WR on the market –, I don’t see any guys here that you’d say are mortal locks to be a team’s #1 guy in the passing game.

The two guys on the free agent list that might be worth signing as slot receivers or insurance policies are Bobby Engram (Seattle) or Drew Bennett (Tennessee). Basically, the list of available free agent wide receivers should be named Blazing Saddles in honor of cast member, Slim Pickens.

Running Back:

There are two guys on this list with “name recognition”. Ahman Green used to be a top running back in the league but he’s now 30 years old and has been injured for part or most of the past two years. If he gets a fat contract, the team will expect him to come in and be the feature back and I’m not sure that’s in the cards any more.

Dominic Rhodes filled in well when Edgerrin James was hurt in Indy a couple of years ago; he played well this year sharing the RB duties with Joseph Addai. The problem is that he’s never been “the guy” for a team for an entire season; and if he gets a big payday, that is what will be expected of him. It would be a gamble under any circumstances; and then there’s that recent incident where he got a DUI citation; I can’t see how that would increase his free agent value.

Hey, if a team wants to roll the dice on a free agent running back, think about Correll Buckhalter (Philly). He’s been in the league 6 years and has missed three full seasons with injuries. So, he’s got a lot of tread left on his tires, right? As I said, there’s quantity and not quality available this year.

Michael Turner (San Diego) showed some ability when he filled in for LaDanian Tomlinson periodically last season. Was that because he is a diamond in the rough or was that because LT had worn out the defense by the time Turner showed up? He’s a restricted free agent, so he’ll cost a team something in terms of a draft pick; but he’s worth a look.

Quarterback:

There are no great QBs on the list; let’s get that out of the way quickly. But there are five potentially interesting guys that GMs should think about. Jeff Garcia (Philly) proved last year that he could still play well in the right system and with a good OL in front of him. Surely, he’ll be looking for a starting job somewhere or else he’d be staying in Philly where the back-up has gotten a lot of work in the past few years and the rest of the team is good. Garcia is getting up there in years; he celebrated his 37th birthday last weekend; I wouldn’t have him as a foundation piece in a team’s “five-year plan”.

Matt Schaub (Atlanta) is a guy who has a lot of “buzz” around him but I’m not quite sure why. He’s big and he’s young and he hasn’t played all that much. He has thrown as many TDs as INTs and given the tender offer the Falcons gave him, I read it will cost a team a 1st and a 3rd draft pick to sign him. I wouldn’t do that.

Damon Huard (Chiefs) stepped in, played well, and won games when he was pressed into service last season. But before anyone gets carried away here, in the previous five seasons, Damon Huard found the field for just enough time to attempt the grand sum total of 1 – as in ONE – pass. It was incomplete. He’ll be 34 when he reports to training camp.

Jake Plummer is not a free agent in the sense that his contract is up and the Broncos have not re-signed him, but I can’t believe that Denver will keep him around. Mike Shannahan crossed the Rubicon last year when he pulled Plummer to start Jay Cutler. Jake Plummer is a career .500 QB as a starter who can be brilliant and who can be mind-numbingly bad all in the same month. He’ll be 33 years old this season and has amassed almost 30,000 yards passing; he has played in 143 games in his career and has thrown 161 TDs and 161 INTs. He is a conundrum.

And finally, there are rumors that the Houston Texans could make David Carr available. Remember, I said that there are no great QBs on my list, but Carr would be intriguing. I wonder what he might actually do with a competent OL in front of him; no one knows because he’s never had that.

Defensive Line:

I thought I had a category with some quality and some depth here - - until Dwight Freeney (Indy) and Cory Redding (Detroit) were designated as franchise players. Quite frankly – no, I am not channeling Stephen A. Smith here – there aren’t any defensive lineman left on the free agent market this year of major consequence. This is the year to be a defensive lineman coming out of college; I suspect there will be a lot of interest in those folks.

Linebacker:

Adalius Thomas (Baltimore) is the “best of breed” here. If you believe all the stuff in the papers, he’s looking to score a humongous payday; good for him if he gets it. He’ll be 30 when the season starts so it isn’t likely he will continue to get lots better year over year, but Thomas can play any linebacking position in any defense. I think he’ll add value wherever he goes.

Lance Briggs is a fine linebacker too, but the Bears have designated him as their franchise player. It would have been interesting to see which teams would have gone after him as opposed to Adalius Thomas.

London Fletcher-Baker (Buffalo) will be 32 when he reports to training camp and has been in the NFL for 9 years. In that time, he has never missed a game; that is impressive all by itself. He’s a solid player and – by all accounts – a solid citizen. If the free agent market goes nuts as I suspect it might, he’ll score a huge contract that he will have difficulty living up to.

Cato June (Indy) got a lot of visibility during the playoffs and Super Bowl last year. He’s a high energy and high-speed guy who “flies to the ball” in coachspeak. I think he’s undersized and fits in well with a defensive scheme that calls for small and fast linebackers. If he went to the “wrong team”, he could be a huge bust. I’d be very careful here.

Cornerback:

Nate Clements is a quality player; make no mistake about that. At first, I was sure that the Bills would designate him as their franchise player because All-Pro caliber cornerbacks who can cover AND defend against the run are very difficult to find. But they didn’t. Now, I’ve read some reports that say Clements’ agent is tossing around the idea of getting a $20M signing bonus for Clements. WOW! I don’t know if he’s worth that kind of money.

In Clements’ favor, there aren’t any other lights-out cornerbacks out there who are unrestricted free agents without a franchise tag on them. I guess Tory James (Cincy) is worth a look; he’s been a solid and dependable player for about 10 years now. So how much gas remains in his tank?

Deon Grant (Jax) can look spectacular one week and then disappear the next. When he’s at the top of his game, he’s very good; but if Clements signs for a $20M signing bonus, Grant might cost $15-18M and I would not take that kind of a chance with a guy who doesn’t always seem to bring his best game to the stadium with him.

Safety:

I like Ken Hamlin (Seattle) more than anyone else on this list. Teams may worry about the head injury he received in a fight outside a Seattle club a couple of years ago, but it did not seem to affect him all that much last year. And he’s only 26 years old…

Kevin Kaesviharn has been in the league 6 years and will be 31 when the season starts. He’s a big hitter and he can cover receivers. Those are not two qualities that always go together. I’d worry about his age, but he’s definitely a capable player.

Michael Lewis (Philly) is a big hitter in the secondary but his “coverage skills” leave something to be desired. If you pair him with another safety who is good in coverage, he can be an asset; if his “partner” back there can’t cover either, he’ll be two letters short of an asset.

Special Teams:

Todd Sauerbrun (New England) is an intriguing case. He’s had a steroid suspension; he’s had some “interpersonal issues” in some locker rooms. He also has a powerful leg…

Josh Brown (Seattle) is one of the best clutch kickers in the NFL. I believe he won three games for Seattle last year in the waning seconds of games. He’d be worth looking at.

There will surely be euphoria among the fans of several teams by this time next week as the first wave of free agent signings will have crested and there is time for fans to work themselves into a state of hyperbole. Just remember that if all of the talk and all of the PR and all of the rosy scenarios of March actually led to Super Bowl victories, Danny Boy Snyder would already have at least 5 of those puppies on his mantelpiece. When you listen to fans and/or talking heads on TV next week, remember this: If they are speaking very quickly and are shaking with excitement, they are probably just behaving as William Shakespeare described in Macbeth Act V Scene V:

“It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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As I went grazing through the TV channels this weekend, it seemed as if every time I went to ESPN2 they were showing some Bassmaster fishing tournament. Look, I understand that ESPN2 has to have something on the air for 168 hours a week; I appreciate that they have not decided to rerun the 2003 World Series of Poker for the 3568th time; Lord knows I don’t need to see another presentation of The Junction Boys. But fishing tournaments are less compelling on TV than poker games or even bridge tournaments. I’m not sure, but I think I’d rather watch the World Series of Snoring.

Speaking of televised sports, NASCAR folks cannot be happy with the final TV numbers for the Daytona 500. Nationally, the ratings were down 10% this year from 2006 and last year’s numbers were down 10% from 2005. The conventional wisdom was that signing on with ESPN and getting “The Bristol Hype Machine” behind the Busch Series races and the Nextel Cup races later in the year would kick the ratings back toward peak levels. Ominously, the first Busch Series race of the year televised on ESPN – and promoted to death for at least the entire week before the race – saw ratings fall more than 25% from 2006 levels when the race was on TNT.

By the way, since some of those prima-donnas-in waiting at the NFL Combine can “choose not to run” or “choose not to throw”, would it be all right if I just “choose not to give a rat’s patootie”? Thanks, because I don’t.

Michael Irvin will not be back on ESPN next year. Here’s an investment tip for you. Buy stock in companies that sell hearing aid batteries. With Irvin off the air, people with hearing problems will have to keep their hearing aids turned on all the time and the batteries will be consumed faster. Sales should skyrocket.

ESPN did not say why Irvin would not be back because they have a policy of not commenting on personnel matters. [Aside: I wonder if they can get away with that in court if the Harold Reynolds suit goes to trial. Hmmm…] Some people think it was Irvin’s arrest about a year or so ago with drug paraphernalia in his car that led to his removal; others think it was Irvin’s comment about the “possible ancestry” of Tony Romo. I’ve always thought he had on-air limitations because his “analyses” was nothing more than apologia for miscreant players and his command of the King’s English was spotty at best. I have no idea what the insurmountable issue was in those contract negotiations, but I suspect it was an economic situation. ESPN signed Bill Parcells to do studio work; so to keep costs from going through the roof, they probably had trouble fitting Irvin into the budget. Greg Cote summed up this matter in the Miami Herald:

“Michael Irvin was dropped as an NFL analyst by ESPN. The network did not say the reason, but I would have thought a good enough one might have been “hideous wardrobe”. Most men cannot really look good wearing purple. And they include Michael.”

When Barry Bonds defiantly told reporters in spring training that they – and/or the Feds – were free to investigate him, the only thing I could think of was Senator Gary Hart during the Presidential primaries in 1988. Bonds was around for that fiasco; you’d think he’d remember…

In the aftermath of the reports of “Thugs Gone Wild” in Las Vegas on the occasion of the NBA All-Star Game, some folks are wondering if this means that Las Vegas cannot be seriously considered as the home of a franchise. David DuPree [USA Today] was a guest on Pardon the Interruption and said that if there were a franchise there, the league would have to come up with a “secret list” of players that were not allowed to play for that team under any circumstances. I find this line of thinking interesting simply because the NBA will hold next year’s All-Star Game in - - - New Orleans. In terms of the activities that seem to attract thugs, New Orleans has plenty of booze, hookers and general debauchery. And casino gambling may not be everywhere, but getting to a casino from New Orleans is not nearly as daunting as Thor Heyerdahl’s Kon Tiki trek. If all of that is so abhorrent to the NBA, why have they put two franchises in New Orleans?

According to reports, Scottie Pippen wants to make a comeback this year. This has a real chance to be the worst comeback since I ate that potato salad that had been sitting in the sun a bit too long at a family picnic. That was the occasion where I made friends with Sal Monella.

I got a note from a reader asking me what I thought about a woman in Texas who hoped to open a “Cheerleader Hall of Fame”. I thought he was kidding until I did a Google search; a woman in Texas thinks that’s a good idea and hopes to get this project moving and have a grand-opening by 2008. She is a former Dallas Cowboys’ cheerleader so she has “street-cred” in this area - - I guess. The Dallas Morning News quoted her saying, “Cheerleading means so much to major sports … the timing is ripe for a hall of fame.”

I am already on record that there are too many halls of fame as it is. I just don’t believe that there is a void in Western Civilization that needs filling with a Cheerleader Hall of Fame. They are looking for a place to put this thing; how about that permanent base that NASA wants to build at the south pole of the moon?

Finally, another note from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald that will give you a thumbnail sketch of the Miami Heat’s season thus far:

“It might be fair to say the Heat has had bad luck this season, considering Wade’s injury, Shaq missing most of the first half of the season, coach Pat Riley out several weeks after two surgeries, Jason Williams being hurt so much, two players suspended for being out of shape and another battling salmonella. You might be in trouble when your healthiest player is the one who underwent a kidney transplant.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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I know I said that I’d do a rundown of upcoming NFL free agents today, but I had “other business to attend to” yesterday and I’m still not ready. Free agency doesn’t start until 2 March, so I still have time to get that done next week. But I did notice an interesting NFL related story whilst browsing around the Internet yesterday related to Jim Sorgi. Come on now, you know that name; right, he’s the back-up QB for the Indy Colts; he’s the guy who wears a helmet on Sundays about as frequently as Paris Hilton says, “Not tonight, I have a headache.” Just prior to the Super Bowl, Sorgi said he was like the “Maytag repairman”; he was there if he was needed except nobody ever needed him. Recently, Sorgi signed a deal with Whirlpool - - the company that bought out Maytag - - and auditioned for the role of the reincarnated “Maytag repairman.”

It seems that the Chicago Bears and Lovie Smith have not been able to reach an agreement on a contract extension – and a pay raise for Smith who will remain the lowest paid head coach in the NFL. If reports are correct, Lane Kiffen in Oakland will make about 50% more than Smith next year. I know that the Bears are notorious for “controlling payroll costs”, but this is so out of line that it doesn’t make sense. I don’t pretend to know what the deal is here, but there have to be some other factors at work.

Brian Billick just got a contract extension and at least one report said he would make $5.5M a year. I like Billick as a coach and I certainly have no problem with him getting top dollar. Having said that, I’m not all that sure that the Ravens are going to excel next year even though they have maintained coaching continuity. The key players on the team have imminent appointments with Father Time; Steve McNair, Jonathon Ogden, Ray Lewis, Derrick Mason, Samari Rolle and Chris McAlister all have “tread wear”. I’m not saying the team is going to fall apart and get the overall first pick in the 2008 draft; but this is a team on the brink if a championship just as much as it is a team on the brink of 5-11. Oh, and now it appears as if Adelius Thomas will hit the free agent market without a franchise tag attached. The Ravens are good, but the foundation pieces for the team are beginning to show some wear.

I’m sure you’ve already heard more than necessary about Pacman Jones and the shooting in the Las Vegas strip club last weekend. Here’s an angle on the story I haven’t heard yet. Jones supposedly was part of a group who were there to “rain dollar bills” down on the stage; when the strippers were called to the stage to pick up the money, some of them evidently made a cash-grab and that wasn’t part of the script. It seems as if it was supposed to “rain money” and then the money was supposed to go back to the folks who made it rain. Now, can someone explain to this very un-hip and so 25-years-ago old man how that is supposed to square with the coveted image of “keeping it real”. That posse showed up with so much cash to throw around – except it was all for show and they wanted it back. Impressive…

Arena football starts next week; I guess that means that all the Arena league fantasy drafts will be held this weekend, right? What surprised me was the announcement that the Arena league will begin its 21st season next week; if you had put me on the spot and asked me how old Arena football was, I would have guessed 12-15 years at the most. I guess time flies - - even if you aren’t having fun.

I saw this note in a Greg Cote piece in the Miami Herald:

“The U.S. team beat the host Czech Republic to advance in Davis Cup play. Still trying to find anybody who cares about the Davis Cup. I don’t believe even Davis cares all that much.”

That is a perfect summary of the stature of tennis in the sporting cosmos in 2007. Without resorting to a Google search, how many of you know when the Davis Cup Finals will happen? How many rounds are there in the tournament? Was that U.S. victory early in the tournament or late in the tournament? What other teams are still in the running? Now, tell the truth; how many of you are willing to expend the energy to do a Google search now and find out the answer to even one of the questions above? The prosecution rests, Your Honor…

Another big piece of news in tennis is that Wimbledon will offer the same prizes to the men and the women this year. I am totally in favor of that but let us not get wound up in some kind of “equality argument” here because that’s not particularly relevant. The fact of the matter is that the women’s tournament is more interesting and draws more attention than the men’s tournament. Wimbledon is – at its core – a business proposition and there should be no question that the women deserve at least the same prize structure as the men. Since that balance may change in the future and it would be a subject of great emotion and bloviating any time the overseers at Wimbledon chose to change the prize formula, the best thing for them to do is to pay the men and the women equally.

Of the tennis Grand Slam events, three of them have equal prize structures for men and women now. Naturally, the French Open is the “different one”. The men’s champion in the French Open gets the same prize money as the women’s champion, but the rest of the men get a bigger pool of money than do the women in that tournament. How “French” is that?

I have to hand it to MLB; they have come up with a really transparent way to dip their hands into the fans’ pockets and are pushing it as an improvement for the players. Baseball caps will no longer be wool; now they will be a polyester blend, which supposedly will allow them to “breathe better” and will resist shrinkage when they get wet. That’s fine; I don’t care if they make baseball caps out of “non-obtainium”. Here’s the kicker though; if you want to buy one of the new caps, it’s going to cost you 10% more than the wool caps used to cost. And just wait, in about four or five years, they’ll come out with the wool caps as “retro versions” or “old-tyme authentic versions” and those babies will probably cost 50% more than the already inflated price for the polyester blend ones. You have to tip your cap to the MLB marketing folks for this one.

Finally, another line from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

“Cannot confirm but we hear that one of the Marlins’ planned promotions this coming season will be a weekly $10,000 giveaway. Small snag, though. So far, they have been unable to find any fans willing to give the club that much money.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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There’s a perfect storm brewing for sports fantasy players. The time is upon us for the NFL Combine, the NBA trading deadline and the start of NFL free agency. Oh yeah, the NHL trading deadline happens sometime soon too. Think of the possible changes these can make to one’s fantasy squads; imagine the head start you can have at your fantasy football draft if you know the vertical leap for a rookie offensive guard who will be blocking for your key running back next year. How will free agent signings work out for the players and the teams? There’s a lot of work to be done here… But, since the NBA trading deadline is today, that seems to be the happening that is getting the most attention at the moment; and lots of folks are expressing shock and amazement that Jason Kidd is still with the Nets.

There’s no denying that Kidd is a very good player and that he is one of those guys who tends to make the players around him look better than they actually are. But there are a few speed bumps on the highway for a team looking to add him to their roster. First of all, Jason Kidd is no kid anymore; he will be 34 years old in a month. Sure, he can still play; but his employer will owe him the balance of his $18M salary for this season and then another $41M over the next two seasons. That’s a whole lotta money. In addition, Kidd is in the very early stages of a divorce proceeding that looks as if it could be a beaut. Given only the first barrages fired by each side in the first set of court filings, this one could get nasty; and his estranged wife claims that he in the company of other teammates partied around and behaved in ways that led to the divorce action. That means the divorce could spread out in a locker room. This has to give a team thinking of acquiring Kidd a moment of pause.

In addition, the Nets obviously want to get something decent in return for a really good player. At the moment, the rumor is that the Lakers want to give them a package deal with Kwame Brown and/or Chris Mihm as the lead players from the Lakers in the deal. Yes, Brown and Mihm are big; yes, they are both young; that would sound like a good start to a deal - - except there is one problem. Neither Brown nor Mihm can play all that much. The shoulder injury suffered by Dwayne Wade last evening ought to vault the Miami Heat to the top of the “We’re Really Interested In Acquiring Jason Kidd” List. The problem is that the Heat don’t have a whole lot of talented players that the Nets might want as part of a rebuilding program. Jason Williams, Udonis Haslem and Michael Doleac would probably get close enough to match the salaries in terms of a trade, but if I’m the Nets, I don’t want any of the three all that much but would take Haslem as a throw-in on a trade to sweeten the deal.

The other trade that has been rumored for a long time is the one that gets Pau Gasol out of Memphis. He’s unhappy there; the team is losing money hand-over-fist and Gasol’s contract is for $12.3M this year and has four more years to go with a total of about $63M left on it. It would seem that the Grizzlies would be “motivated sellers” in the final hours leading to the trade deadline…

As I’ve been thinking about the NBA trade deadline, I began to realize another change that the NFL could make in order to make its product better. The NFL trading deadline is way too early (mid-October); teams haven’t played half their games yet and the possibility of trading is already gone. Why not move the trade deadline up until the weekend before Thanksgiving? That way a team that looks to have playoff hopes might cope with an injury or two - - assuming they were smart enough to save some cap room along the way to handle an acquisition. That may be the stumbling block in getting that change through the next set of CBA negotiations; the NFLPA tends not to like any system that rewards teams for “hoarding cap room”.

I have not finished my research on who are the potential free agents in the NFL this year so I’ll have to put off commentary on that until tomorrow. What I can say from the data I have so far, there’s not a lot of blue-chip players on the market this year without a franchise tag around their necks.

Another event that is just over the horizon that will generate scads of debate and howls of outrage is Selection Sunday for the NCAA basketball tournament. I read where the Selection Committee met back in early February to get an idea of what the individual members thought made sense at that point in the season. There are 10 people on the committee and the chairman is the Athletic Director at Princeton. I don’t care if he’s the smartest person on the entire Princeton campus; there’s no way he can put out a bracket of 65 teams that will make everyone happy with the outcome. It has been generally assumed that a team with 20 wins will always find its way into March Madness. However, the proliferation of the early season “exempted tournaments” now allows some teams to play hefty schedules prior to Selection Sunday; some teams could have as many as 35 games under their belt by then.

The “20-win mark” has been devalued to some extent because a team could have 20 wins and more than a dozen losses; so,now you have to look at the quality of the wins and the horror of the losses to get a better handle on who should be in the tournament and who should not. The selection process is an art and not a science; it always leads to controversy and to finger pointing and to conspiracy theories. In that sense, it is sort of like the BCS except for two very important differences:

1. The BCS makes its selections and then waits for about a month until it plays its games. That just gives people too much time to vent their spleen and work themselves into a frenzy. The Selection Committee makes its announcement on Sunday night; the play-in game is Tuesday; the tournament begins Thursday. The time span for spleen venting is about 90 hours. And most folks have to stop venting and get busy picking their brackets; so, the wailing dies down.

2. The outcome of the Selection Committee is a tournament where the teams decide the champion; every team has a theoretical shot at winning it all. The BCS process forbids that.

I wish good fortune to the Selection Committee. I know I won’t agree with every one of their selections or seedings, but I don’t think I’d really want their job…

Finally, with Bud Selig waffling on whether or not there will be some big celebration when Barry Bonds breaks the all-time home run record, Scott Ostler posed this rhetorical question in the San Francisco Chronicle:

“With 16 technical fouls [Rasheed Wallace] has a shot at his league record of 34. The big question: Will David Stern show up to honor ‘Sheed when he breaks the hallowed mark?”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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You know the feeling that makes you realize that you are coming down with a cold. It’s unmistakable. Well I have an analogous feeling at the moment that we are about to embark on another one of those “sports-soap-opera extravaganzas”. You know the kind I mean – something like “Will Brett Favre Retire Or Not?” I can feel the next one coming on and I just know it is really going to be trivial, insignificant, inconsequential and niggling. Of course, I’m referring to the impending fatherhood of Tom Brady. Can someone explain to me what the “news” value contained in this matter might be?

Star athlete fathers child out of wedlock… Hardly.

Movie/TV actress conceives child out of wedlock… No, that’s not it.

Star athlete fathers child with beautiful actress and then moves on to boink a supermodel… I think that’s happened before.

Folks, it’s time to move on; there’s nothing going on here that we haven’t encountered many times before. It’s not important; it’s not even interesting. I take that back; there is one interesting thing here. In the inventory of “previously run TV commercials”, there is one grouping of ads that won’t be pulled off the shelf for a reprise any time soon. Remember the ads with Tom Brady and the Pats’ offensive linemen for Visa Cards where Brady has his five layers of protection around him? Well, if he had actually used even one layer of protection, this whole story would not be happening. I think those ads are not to see the light of day again.

This does provide Brady with a chance to do some public service spots that can be used in sex-ed classes. He can try to remind folks to:

Just Wrap That Rascal…

Since Tom Brady reminds me of the NFL, allow me a rhetorical question here related to NFL braintrusts. For the last six months, Ron Rivera was a hot property in terms of becoming a head coach in the NFL. He interviewed for several positions from his job as defensive coordinator for the Bears. OK, he didn’t get any of them; that’s not all that unusual. But can someone tell me how the best job he can find now is a demotion to linebackers coach for the Chargers? Did he soil himself during those interviews?

Since I was speaking about events with no real news content, the detailed tracking of the weekend orgy that is the NBA All Star Game has run its course in terms of value as a news event. We had hosted parties; check. We had excessive demonstrations of wealth; check. We had the same list of celebrities in attendance doing the same things; check. We had the stupid and tired dunk contest; check. And then we had an insipid basketball game where there were more dunks than there were in the dunk contest; check.

I didn’t know that Moses and the Israelites were connected with the NBA, but every time I saw a player drive with the ball in the All-Star Game the defensive team parted like the Red Sea just so the guy with the ball could get his dunk. The East team committed a total of seven fouls for the entire game; that should give you a hint about how much defensive effort they put out. So, where’s the news?

The return of Pat Riley to the bench for the Miami Heat has caused a minor disturbance in The Force. In case you haven’t kept up with the inane orts associated with this matter, allow me to give you the CliffsNotes version courtesy of Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

“Pat Riley reclaimed the coaching reins from assistant Ron Rothstein as a hot Miami was finally back up to .500. Riley wore a thin new beard at the announcement. Actually, Rothstein grew the beard, then Riley took it from him. To make room for Riley’s return, the Heat announced Rothstein was stepping down to spend more time with Stan Van Gundy’s family.”

After all that trivial news, here’s something that is actually relevant to sports in the US. The Wall Street Journal had an item on its website last week about luxury suites in some stadia/arenas being removed because they aren’t selling out anymore. This is most prevalent in baseball venues where suites are being turned into larger “luxury lounge areas” that people can use for parties or group gatherings. It’s a way to have an upscale option for group sales at the ballpark and clearly it is better to take in revenue from that space than it is to have the space stay dark - - even if the luxury lounges are less pricey than the suites and even if the luxury suites don’t sell out every game. I don’t think the Nobel Committee will be knocking on my door to award me the prize for realizing that some revenues are better than no revenues… This phenomenon is not limited to baseball; the Target Center in Minneapolis/St. Paul is doing something similar for Timberwolves games.

Is this an indication that the elastic limits of premium seating for sporting events have been reached? If so, that should be a real cautionary tale for teams and cities as they plan to build new venues or embark on renovations to old venues that will cost hundreds of millions of dollars. Or is this merely a blip on the sporting radarscope? I don’t know but it is worth watching.

Finally, here’s a comment from Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle about Barry Bonds’ contract with the Giants:

“Bonds’ delay in signing his contract was believed to be due to the Groucho Marx Clause. Bonds wasn’t sure he wanted to be a member of a team that would pay $15.8M for a key player with so many question marks.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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The Golf Goofs got one right! The LPGA faced a situation analogous to ones that had made the PGA and the USGA folks get their shorts in a knot, but the LPGA got it right. There is a 14-year-old girl, McKenzie Kline, who is a pretty good golfer; the problem is that Ms. Kline also has a serious heart condition which makes walking the golf course a burden for her. The LPGA decided that McKenzie Kline may play in LPGA events using a cart and using the cart to carry oxygen around the course for her. That was the right decision by the folks running the show. Equally impressively, none of the players on the LPGA Tour whined about a competitive advantage for Ms. Kline nor did any of the “elder stateswomen” of the LPGA moan about the integrity of the game or the sanctity of some passage in their rulebook.

Memo to Casey Martin: You made this possible. Good on you!

Since the main focus of these rants is sports, I don’t get to use much of the material that Donald Trump provides to folks who comment on inane things that happen in the rest of our society. However, it seems as if Mr. Trump may be inserting himself into the world of sports and if that happens, I will be happy to have him in this part of the world; he’ll provide grist for this mill. A while ago, Mr. Trump announced that he wants the USGA to stage the US Open at the new golf club he’s opening in New Jersey. Not surprisingly, the club is called Trump National Golf Club. Putting the Golf Goofs and “the Donald” in juxtaposition and just sitting back and observing what came out of that pairing would have to be one of the ten most fun things you could do with your clothes on.

I also read that Donald Trump is going to be involved in an upcoming Wrestlemania event. I don’t know the details of this because ‘rasslin is not something that has commanded my attention for about 30 years, but it seems as if Donald Trump and Vince McMahon will be competing against each other along with personal “representatives”. I don’t know if that means they will be in some kind of tag-team match with each other or if the representatives will be cornermen (or cornerwomen?) for a match between Trump and McMahon; but whatever it is, you know it will be done with class and grace and poise and aplomb. Nothing fits the description provided by those adjectives better than World Wrestling Entertainment exhibitions and Donald Trump productions…

About 25 years ago, the Washington Bullets – now the Washington Wizards – were having trouble drawing fans. They did promotions where there would be short concerts after some of their games and that added a few folks to the audience. Once, they even put on a short ‘rasslin program after the Bullets game as a way to bring more folks into the arena. Let’s just say that was a short-lived “partnership”. Now, maybe there is something similar brewing in Minnesota…

The Minnesota Timberwolves will have a “warm-up act” going for them in early March when they host the Utah Jazz. Prior to the NBA game, there will be a rock/paper/scissors tournament at the Target Center. And it won’t just be any bunch of guys from the local watering-hole participating; these will be members of an actual rock/paper/scissors league or association or whatever. Somehow, I can’t find any of the Las Vegas sportsbooks that are offering lines or prop bets on this event…

Speaking of Las Vegas and the sportsbooks, the oddsmakers had the San Diego Chargers as 9-2 favorites in the futures wagering to win the Super Bowl in 2008. The Colts were the second choice at 5-1, so it isn’t as if the Chargers were prohibitive favorites. Then came the loss of assistant coaches; then came the firing of Marty Schottenheimer; then came the announcement that Norv Turner would be the coach of the Chargers next year. As of this morning, I can find the odds on the Chargers winning the Super Bowl at 7-1 at one sportsbook and at 9-1 at another one. The oddsmakers don’t like the turmoil in San Diego…

Recently, I wondered what had happened to the St. Louis Cardinals starting rotation over the winter. I got an e-mail from a long-term reader suggesting that the Cardinals find out where Rick Ankiel is these days and check him out to see if he can find home plate once again. Given the promise that Ankiel showed at the beginning of his career, I’m sure the Cardinals have scouts or assistant coaches who know where Ankiel is and who will respond to any suggestion that he might have his control back. And given the status of the starting rotation at the moment, I believe they’d check him out on the basis of a fortune cookie at a restaurant suggesting he might be able to find home plate without the aid of radar…

I heard an interview with Rangers’ manager Ron Washington on sports radio on Sunday. Washington is predictably optimistic about his team at this point and thinks that there is a real possibility that the Rangers can be really good this year. You’d expect nothing less from a manager in February. However, when he was asked to talk about Hank Blalock, he said that as an opposing coach, he had noticed some things that Blalock needed to work on with regard to his defense and he would be working with Blalock to improve those things. Sounds good so far - - but then he said that the things Blalock needed to work on were his hands and his feet. Excuse me, but we’re talking about an infielder here and if he has defensive deficiencies in the way he uses his hands and his feet, can you tell me what he does right? There isn’t a lot of call for infielders to turn their back and catch a ball between their butt-cheeks…

In the spirit of full disclosure, I want to state unequivocally and with no reservations at all that I an NOT the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s child. I realize that I seem to be in the minority of American males when I make that statement, but I want it on the record.

Finally, here’s an item from Dwight Perry in the Seattle Times:

“Gonzaga has suspended basketball star Josh Heytvelt and redshirt Theo Davis after Cheney police say they caught them with illegal hallucinogens during a traffic stop.

“Mushrooms and marijuana – that could be one costly pick-and-roll.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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The biggest sports events of the weekend were the NBA All Star Game and the Daytona 500. I’m not overly fond of either event but it beats a weekend where the two top choices might be figure skating and bowling. Nevertheless, there were sideshows at each event that need commentary.

You have to have heard about Tim Hardaway’s homophobic remarks and the reactions to those remarks. As usual, I have a different view than most commentators. First of all, I am clearly not one of the David Stern acolytes – one who thinks that everything he says and does springs from a font of genius. So, let me say something here without qualification; David Stern did exactly the right thing in cutting all ties to Tim Hardaway with regard to promotional duties and representational duties for the All Star Game. The NBA did not need to be in the midst of that maelstrom and David Stern acted quickly and decisively to prevent that; he deserves credit and praise for his actions.

I have some problems, however, with some of the commentary and analysis regarding Tim Hardaway. One vector for the commentary is that Hardaway apologized for what he said but didn’t apologize for holding the homophobic thoughts/feelings in the first place. Well, hold on there just a minute, Hoss. Tim Hardaway said something that was “insensitive” at the very best and was more probably “odious”. And he has paid a price – in terms of his banishment by the NBA and likely, in terms of future radio/TV gigs – for saying what he did. But that’s light-years different for demanding that he apologize for what he thinks.

To suggest that anyone apologize for what they think is tantamount to telling them they need to change those thoughts. The only logical inference is that the individual(s) making the suggestion hold superior thoughts and that there is a hierarchy of thoughts. If one has any fondness at all for the freedoms that exist in American society, one should recoil in horror at anything that resembles the “thought police”. Tim Hardaway harbors thoughts about homosexuals that are different from my thoughts on homosexuals and are different from the thoughts of many of the media commentators on homosexuals. But Tim Hardaway need not apologize to me, to the media or to homosexuals for holding those thoughts. He only needs to apologize when he speaks those thoughts and offends others or acts upon those thoughts.

On the other side of the coin, some bloggers have decried Hardaway’s banishment by the NBA wondering rhetorically whatever happened to free speech. I’m not a lawyer; I don’t play one on TV; I didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. Nevertheless, let me say without fear that the entirety of these next statements is wrong:

The First Amendment protects against the Congress or the State Legislatures passing laws to restrict free speech.

The First Amendment does not render all libel and slander actions moot; “free speech” may indeed have huge costs associated with it.

Jay Leno had a good line on the whole matter of gay players in the NBA:

“I think it’s good for the NBA. Every gay player cuts the number of illegitimate children by five.”

Remember, I said something very praiseworthy about David Stern above. So, I’m not totally bashing him here. However, it does seem that he needs to find some ways to balance the NBA punishment platform. If you say bad things about homosexuals, you get banned from association with the NBA. But if you beat your wife or do cocaine or get into a fight with the fans at a game, you get a slap on the wrist. Let me be clear; the way to balance the NBA punishment platform is not to have Tim Hardaway serve a two week suspension and then come back to be in charge of NBA promotions in San Francisco; the way to balance things is to come up with some stiffer punishments for other antisocial acts perpetrated by folks associated with the league.

The uproar last week surrounding the Daytona 500 had to do with crew chief suspensions when NASCAR determined that some cars had “cheated” during qualifying. That led hundreds of commentators and callers to sports radio shows to drag out the old bromide, “If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’.” I have only one comment about the seemingly universal acceptance of that line with regard to NASCAR:

Do you find it interesting that NASCAR’s greatest popularity and its roots are in exactly the same part of the country where SEC football is dominant?

But the latest “cheating” scandal and the latest “NASCAR crackdown” isn’t really interesting simply because it’s going to happen again and we’ll go through the same moralizing and hand wringing again. Here’s what’s more interesting. A few years ago, NASCAR was on a growth spurt that carried it up beyond the NHL in popularity and equal to if not ahead of the NBA in the US sporting firmament. That growth spurt has stopped. [Please note, I did NOT say that NASCAR hit a speed bump because that would be cheesy.]

In 2006, TV audiences for NASCAR declined more than 5% even though the Daytona 500 last year was the most-watched auto race in TV history. More telling is that less than half of the NASCAR races in 2006 were sold out. There will be an interesting situation to keep an eye on this year. ESPN has the rights to telecast all of the Busch Series races and it will also telecast the final 17 Nextel Cup races. I’m sure that no sports fan would be surprised to read that ESPN is more than dogged in promoting those sports it has on the air. So, NASCAR will get lots more promotion and more time on SportsCenter this year than it had in the past couple of years. Therefore, it will be interesting to note if this sells more tickets to live events and results in more folks tuning in to see the races on TV compared to 2006. If it does not, we may be able to conclude that NASCAR has peaked in terms of its popularity and stature.

Finally, here’s another example of punishment for saying something inappropriate but not for holding the thought in the first place from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

“The Big 12 publicly reprimanded Texas Tech coach Bobby Knight for calling the officiating ‘horrendous’ after a loss. A contrite Knight apologized saying he always has been a big supporter of the blind and noting the [bleep]ing refs probably didn’t blow those calls intentionally.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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On September 8 2006, I did a Topical Rant regarding the situation involving two reporters for the San Francisco Chronicle who faced prison time because they would not reveal the name of the person who leaked grand jury testimony to them. At the time, I said I did not want these reporters to languish in jail but I did not favor a Federal Shield Law to protect journalists from any kind of accountability, as was the common call of that day. And most of all, I decried the inability of the Federal investigators/prosecutors to discover the “leaker” on their own. Well, now it appears as if they have done just that.

A Colorado attorney, Troy Ellerman, has admitted that he made the testimony available to the reporters and allowed them to take verbatim notes from the testimony. Ellerman represented one of the officers of BALCO and it seems as if the leaking of this testimony was a ploy to derail the prosecution of his client. I’ll leave it to the lawyers to explain how that was the logical consequence of his actions but that seems to be the accepted motivation here. According to the plea agreement, Ellerman would spend 2 years in prison and face a fine up to $250K – although the judge in the case has the option to send him to prison for up to 15 years. And he faces disbarment, which isn’t all that surprising even to this layman.

I think there are two interesting items here:

Even with a two year sentence, Ellerman will spend more time in jail than any of the folks I called the “BALCO Bad Guys” last September. I believe the longest sentence handed out so far in this entire matter is 4 months in a “Club Fed” jail.

The prosecutors/investigators solved this mystery on their own; good for them; that’s what the citizenry pays them to do. It would be inappropriate for anyone to use that fact as a justification for a Federal Shield Law on the basis that testimony from these two journalists was unnecessary to solve this particular case.

Since the BALCO matter has a huge connection to baseball, it’s ironic that this break in the case comes just as pitchers and catchers are reporting to spring training camps. It’s that time of year when fans can fantasize about the upcoming achievements of their favorite baseball teams. Of course, for some fans, fantasy may simply mean a .500 season since those are not all that common in cities such as Pittsburgh or Kansas City; in other cases, it may mean a playoff berth; in Chicago, the fantasy may mean three full months without an injury to Kerry Wood. Ooops, looks like that last fantasy is in trouble already. According to an AP report, Kerry Wood slipped and fell getting out of a hot tub in his home and fell on “his stomach and chest”; as a result, he will not throw from a mound “for a few days”.

In Al Capp’s classic comic strip, L’il Abner, there was a character named Joe Btfsplk. He walked around with a rain cloud perpetually over his head; anything that could go wrong for him – and those around him – always did; he was the world’s worst jinx; he wasn’t even lucky enough to have any vowels in his name. Folks, we are getting mighty close to the day when Kerry Wood will be identified as the embodiment of Joe Btfsplk.

It’s interesting that baseball teams have pitchers and catchers report to spring training before everyone else because pitching is critical to success in baseball. And so, as I look at the upper echelon teams from last season and their pitching, I see some strange things:

The Yankees pitching seems to get older and older with every staff they put together. Yes, I know Roger Clemens can still pitch, but when he was a rookie, were the Red Sox playing in Fenway yet or was their home still Jurassic Park?

What happened to the pitching staff in St. Louis? Chris Carpenter is still there at the top of the rotation; but after that, there’s Kip Wells, Anthony Reyes and perhaps Braden Looper. Excuse me; Braden Looper is potentially in the starting rotation for the defending World Series Champions?

The Twins lost Brad Radke to retirement and Francisco Liriano is still recuperating from elbow surgery. As in St. Louis, there’s lots of quality at the top of the rotation with Johan Santana, but after that, you’re talking about the rest of the rotation including Carlos Silva, Boof Bonser and Sidney Ponson. Wow! The good news in Minnesota is that Liriano will report to spring training with the pitchers and the catchers even if he is a long way from being able to pitch again; he’s going to be with the team and not off somewhere on his own waiting to rejoin the club when he thinks that’s a worthwhile journey to make.

Let me give you an example of how valuable a commodity pitching is in modern baseball. According to loads of reports, the Boston Red Sox had the chance to trade for Todd Helton. In nine full seasons, the worst Helton has ever hit was last year when he “only” hit .302; he’s a career .333 hitter; he’s a quality player. The trade supposedly fell through because the Red Sox would not part with either of their two prize pitching prospects, Manny Delcarmen and Craig Hansen. If these two pitchers become the anchors of the Red Sox pitching staff for several years, this will be one of those trades that the Sox will be glad they didn’t make. But if they turn out to be the latter day Kerry Wood and Mark Prior …

Finally a note about pitching from Greg Cote in the Miami Herald:

“With spring training but a month away, the Marlins moved to shore their bullpen by signing veteran reliever Felix Rodriguez, who last year with Washington allowed 25 runs in 29 innings. It’s in keeping with the club’s 2007 marketing slogan: Never a Dull Ninth Inning.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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I have to make a couple of more comments about the Marty Schottenheimer firing in San Diego. The Spanos family owns the Chargers and the fact that Marty Schottenheimer did not get along with GM AJ Smith was not unknown to the owners. Until this week, they did nothing more to resolve this matter than what feckless parents do with squabbling children; they told the squabblers to “get along or else…” That’s certainly not top-shelf leadership but that situation is made all the worse by history.

Back in the mid-1990s, Chargers’ coach Bobby Ross and Chargers’ GM Bobby Beathard couldn’t get along. The Spanos family told these two combatants to “get along or else”; that didn’t work either and in the mid-90s, Bobby Ross was shown the door as Chargers’ coach. Ross had gone 50-36 with the Chargers and had a Super Bowl appearance to show for his tenure there – even if that was a gift handed to the team due to the scheduling quirks of the NFL at that time. Nonetheless, Ross was out and in the time between Ross’ departure and Schottenheimer’s arrival the Chargers went 23-57. Look closely at that record; the Chargers averaged less than 5 wins a season after Ross was shown the door.

Recall that Marty Schottenheimer’s Chargers were 35-13 over the past three seasons; that averages damned close to 12-4 each year. And he just got fired after winning 14 games in 2006. According to an e-mail from a reader, the last pro football coach to win 14 games in a season and get fired was Guy Chamberlain with the Frankford Yellow Jackets in the 1920s. I’ll take that as a fact because it’s more work than it’s worth to verify it. Nonetheless, it should be a sobering thought for the owners of the San Diego Chargers…

I really want everyone here to recall the entirety of this situation when next we hear about an NFL coach who spends 18 hours a week in his office sleeping on the couch and setting his alarm clock for 3:44 AM just to be sure he has everything covered and under control. Naturally, he does all of this because “winning is everything…”. Excuse me Mr. Maniacal Coach, but a 14-2 record just got one of your coaching brethren fired… So, tell me again why you’re sleeping in your office 100 nights a year instead of in the same bed with your wife?

Let me stay with NFL coaches for just a moment longer. Lions’ defensive line coach, Joe Cullen seems t have resolved his legal issues this week. You may recall that Cullen was cited for a DUI several months back and then was cited for driving while nude – but without any alcohol impairment – just a week after the DUI citation. He was sentenced to two years probation and will be required to attend AA meetings twice a week as a condition of that probation. I didn’t realize that Alcoholics Anonymous also had a treatment program for people who felt compelled to drive naked through the Wendy’s drive-thru lanes when they didn’t have a buzz on - - or much else of anything on for that matter. See what you can learn from reading the sports pages…

Hey, the NBA All-Star Game with all of its attendant festivities is about to happen in Las Vegas. When Joe Johnson left the Phoenix Suns to sign with the Atlanta Hawks a couple of years ago, he said that he had heard lots of stories about players not wanting to play in Atlanta; but he was going there to be “part of something special”. Here’s what’s “special” about playing in Atlanta. Johnson did not get voted to the All Star Game despite averaging more than 25 points per game in the pathetic Eastern Conference. Earlier this week, David Stern did name him to play in the game as a replacement for Jason Kidd who will not participate.

Memo to Joe Johnson: That’s why players did not want to sign with and play in Atlanta. Got the picture?

In another NBA related story, Sixers’ center, Steven Hunter, is a Chicago native and a Chicago Bears’ fan. After the Bears’ loss to Indy in the Super Bowl, Hunter said he would never again wear his Rex Grossman Bears’ jersey and that the Bears should have gone with Brian Griese in the second half of that game. Hunter then went on to put Rex Grossman and Steve Bartman in the same sentence and to say both should be forgotten in the annals of Chicago sports. Obviously, everyone is entitled to their opinion and fans are allowed to use hyperbole to express their unhappiness with a loss for their teams. However, we shouldn’t lose sight of a critically important item here:

Rex Grossman won’t be tempted to buy a Steven Hunter jersey any time in the foreseeable future - - nor will anyone else outside the Steven Hunter nuclear family. But Hunter found a reason to possess a Rex Grossman jersey because Grossman was in fact the QB for a team in the Super Bowl.

There is a rumor making the rounds that the Memphis Grizzlies will be moving to Las Vegas and that this announcement will be made proximal to the All Star game in Vegas this weekend. Obviously, I have no inside information on this matter but Las Vegas would certainly be a better location for the Grizzlies than Memphis. As I tried to remind everyone when the Grizzlies moved to Memphis from Vancouver, the ABA Memphis team was named the TAMS; that was not a team named after a Scottish piece of headgear; TAMS stood for Tennessee, Arkansas & Mississippi. They knew even back in the ABA days that the region would not/could not support a pro team unless the whole region bought into the team and the concept. It didn’t buy in during the time of the ABA; the TAMS lasted all of two seasons. And the Grizzlies haven’t lasted all that much longer in that area as an NBA franchise; I believe the Grizzlies moved there in the 2001/02 season.

Conventional wisdom has it that an NBA team with one transcendent player can be really good and a “tough out” in a playoff atmosphere, but that it takes two great players to make a championship team on a regular basis. History says that aphorism is more true than false. So what should one make of the hype and the accolades thrown upon the Denver Nuggets when they acquired Allen Iverson to play alongside Carmelo Anthony? Yes, I know that they haven’t been together all that long and that it takes time for great players to get used to playing with one another, Nevertheless, the Nuggets were 24-20 when Iverson and Anthony were able to join forces on the court for the Nuggets. As of this morning the Nuggets are 26-25. You do the math…

Oh and here’s another interesting stat from Jim Armstrong in the Denver Post. The Nuggets have scored less than 100 points 16 times this season. As of this morning, they are 0-16 in those games. In the NBA, offensive firepower is part of a winning team, but you also have to be able to play defense just a bit too. The Nuggets seem unable to do that and the addition of Allen Iverson to the roster is not likely to make their defense all that much better…

Finally, here’s a line from Peter Vecsey in the NY Post regarding the depths to which the storied Boston Celtics’ franchise has fallen:

“Ted Kennedy has a better chance of living in the White House than the Celtics have of visiting it.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…

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