The Sports Curmudgeon

Just because it’s the day after Christmas doesn’t mean that I’m going to ignore the weekly feature of naming the five worst NFL teams from last weekend. That’s because there were some horrendous performances out there – and not just from the horrendous teams.

5. Cowboys: Here’s a team that could have locked up a division title against an opponent that has been weak stopping the run. Dallas likes to run but they were manhandled at the line of scrimmage gaining all of 83 yards on 19 carries. That looks reasonably good until you realize that 42 of those yards came on three QB scrambles. And they got stoned at the one yard-line on three successive carries. Oh by the way, and the Dallas defense gave up over 200 yards rushing to an Eagles’ team that doesn’t run the ball all that well. Bill Parcells said he would not enumerate the things that the Cowboys failed to do on Sunday because the reporters at his news conference would have had to send out for Chinese food before he was done. Horrible.

4. Redskins: They scored 31 points for the first time since they beat Jax back when it was still warm enough outside to brew up a glass of iced tea. But the defense gave up 579 yards and 37 points to the Rams. Sean Taylor watched so many people go by him that he should be called “The Hitchhiker”. Dreadful

3. Giants: They needed to win this game at home in order to stay squarely in the middle of the playoff race. They lost 30-7 but it wasn’t nearly that close. The Giants had 74 yards passing for the day and a total of 157 yards of offense. On third down, the Giants were 0 for 10; on fourth down, they were 0 for 1. Pathetic.

2. Vikings: They scored 7 points on Thursday and those came on an interception returned for a TD. The offense did not score against a Packers’ defense that aspires to rise to the level of mediocrity one of these days. Tavaris Jackson was the Vikes’ QB and he passed for a total of 50 yards; that sure was an improvement over Brad Johnson, right? Total offense was 127 yards. The Vikes had the ball 13 times and went “three-and-out” on 9 of those possessions. Abysmal.

1. Falcons: They could have been the #6 team in the NFC all by themselves with a win over Carolina. The Panthers haven’t been tearing it up recently and Chris Weinke was at QB once again. Weinke only threw the ball 7 times for 32 yards in the game, but the Falcons still found a way to lose 10-3. Once again Michael Vick was under 50% passing for all of 109 yards and 2 INTs. Quintessentially putrid.

Please note that the Oakland Raiders are not on my list this week even though they gave a horrid account of themselves at home against KC. Scott Ostler of the SF Chronicle now says that the Raiders have a “prevent offense”; that’s one that causes such contempt on the part of opposing coaches that they will go for it on fourth and long around mid-field because they do not fear a Raiders’ drive for a score.

Notice also that the Cleveland Browns are not on this list despite a passing attack that featured a total of 123 yards and 4 INTs. The Browns – like the Raiders and the Lions – are miserable so often that some of their dismal performances become run-of-the-mill. This was one of them. And, since the game was against the equally miserable Tampa Bay Bucs, I don’t want to give that game any more attention than it already got.

Now if you happen to be one of those folks out there who is tired of Terrell Owens and his antics, you can sit back and take some solace in the fact that Owens’ Cowboys lost to the Eagles twice this year. Once Donovan McNabb orchestrated the defeat; the next time Jeff Garcia led the Eagles to victory. I think that’s called karma…

Changing sports, the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania awarded a casino license to someone for the Pittsburgh area and it was not the applicant who had promised to use proceeds to build a new arena for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Immediately, rumors circulated that the team would be moving out of town. However, I looked at the Penguins’ attendance and they are drawing in excess of 15,000 for every game and more than 16,000 for most of them - - in an arena described as out-of-date and uninviting. Oh, and the team isn’t all that good either. So, if the fans are that supportive of the team, why would they think of moving? I’m not sure I understand the basis for those rumors.

Not that I’m trying to become eligible for the Cynics Hall of Fame or anything like that, but when Pete Rose found it necessary to announce that Mark McGwire should be in the Hall of Fame and that McGwire would get Rose’s vote if Rose had one, it made me wonder:

Which sportsbook was offering odds on McGwire getting in on the first ballot this year and how much did Pete get down on that proposition?

ESPN – actually I believe it was the parent company Disney in this case – has purchased the TV rights to Arena Football; and in addition, they now own a large percentage of the league itself. One report said that “The Mouse” owned 50% of the AFL, another said it was a “large minority interest”. Whatever. In any event, you can expect several things now:

There will be AFL highlights on SportsCenter rather frequently.

AFL games will be on ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN44 and every other one of the networks that need program filler once the poker craze dies down.

The commissioner of the AFL will become a name and a face you actually recognize – at the moment, I’m not 100% certain his mother knows he holds that job.

However, let’s hope that the marketing trolls at Disney don’t think that AFL content was the only thing that kept their stupid “Sports Phone” from going over the top and use this agreement as an excuse to bring that white elephant back to life.

Memo to ESPN: Break this in gently. Do not put on a two-hour lead-in program to AFL games with a bunch of talking heads analyzing the upcoming game between the Philadelphia Soul and the Grand Rapids Rampage and speaking in hushed tones about the playoff implications of this match-up.

Finally, NHL defenseman, Alexi Zhitnik, was recently traded from the NY Islanders to the Philly Flyers. That must have jarred the memory of Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun:

“Alexi Zhitnik, traded yesterday, was the subject of one of my favourite arena signs. It read:

Eat Zhit.”

But don’t get me wrong, I love sports…